Struggling at work and withdrawing.

[lynndy38 64]

Hi guys,

I am lucky enough to have had a job open to me as soon as I arrived as my husband owns his business.

My problem is I have turned into a nervous wreck whilst I'm there, mainly due to the fact I hate when I am faced with the blank stare after Ive spoken and people haven't understood me. I live in a small, very southern town and some of the locals really seem a bit scared of me (and I of them!!!) There's been a few times Ive answered the phone and had it put down on me,I'm presuming they hear my English accent and think they have the wrong number. I hate to think Im losing my husband new patients and freaking people out. There's a Hispanic community here too, we then have an even more uncomfortable mixture of people not understanding each other.

I have now withdrawn and am tending to only go into the office when I know other people won't be there......weekends and the day off midweek that we have.

It's awful not feeling comfortable in the environment that I live in, my husband has been amazing but I know he's getting frustrated with me.

I feel a total failure right now. Did anyone else have trouble settling in?

[Confusedtinybird 41]

Don't worry I've lived in a few places in the USA but was born in the South. I think Southen people are very friendly. They will like your accent, and will most likely ask you to talk or say differnt words. lol And everyone really does have their own accent anyway your is just English!

[canadian_wife 1,822]

I had the same feeling. I teach in a small southern town and people don't understand me and I even had parents tell me "What? Why can't you speak American"

I learned that it is not my problem, it is theirs. You just need to be patient and don't change yourself to fit into their mold.

Good luck

[cujodu 15]

I've lived in Argentina for over 4 years and even though my Spanish is pretty good, especially the pronunciation, there are always people who just kind of go slackjawed when they hear me talk and it's as if don't understand anything. I think you find those people everywhere in the world. BUT, the vast majority of people are not like this and will go out of their way to understand you. That is a quality I see especially in the US where we do have a great mix of people from all over the world. I remember as a child the first time I heard someone with a thick southern accent speaking in the USA and I just stared at her with amazement. Maybe it's that. So, what you should do is probably the opposite and spend more time around the "locals" so they become accustomed to your style of speaking. Come on, they've heard british people before, they own televisions. So it's not that they can't understand you. It's just that for now, you're new, and everyone is adjusting, but given the opportunity, you and they will all get there fast I'm sure!!

[JohnR! 5,495]

Hi guys,

I am lucky enough to have had a job open to me as soon as I arrived as my husband owns his business.

My problem is I have turned into a nervous wreck whilst I'm there, mainly due to the fact I hate when I am faced with the blank stare after Ive spoken and people haven't understood me. I live in a small, very southern town and some of the locals really seem a bit scared of me (and I of them!!!) There's been a few times Ive answered the phone and had it put down on me,I'm presuming they hear my English accent and think they have the wrong number. I hate to think Im losing my husband new patients and freaking people out. There's a Hispanic community here too, we then have an even more uncomfortable mixture of people not understanding each other.

I have now withdrawn and am tending to only go into the office when I know other people won't be there......weekends and the day off midweek that we have.

It's awful not feeling comfortable in the environment that I live in, my husband has been amazing but I know he's getting frustrated with me.

I feel a total failure right now. Did anyone else have trouble settling in?

Lynn, I had the same issue when I lived in Britain - many people stared at me as though I were from another planet, speaking a language they could not understand.

I found out that in some cases that was true for their command of the English language was poor at best, which added to my lexicon and accent made me virtually an alien, in their eyes.

If you live in small southern town chances are that you are dealing with poorly educated people, who deal in a limited vocabulary. If you are from the MIdlands, or Mancunian/Geordie chances are people in the south will have issues understanding your choice lexicon and accent as well. Remember that when you answer the phone or speak to someone else face to face, and consider slowing down a little. Remember that for us Americans, the British speak in a clipped manner so slowing down may help. Also if you chop your words as some Brits do, slowing down will help you add those missing syllables... In summary, just try and 'talk the talk'... If you give a little, chances are people will respond in kind...

In the end don't worry too much. You will do just fine!! Welcome and good luck!!

[Confusedtinybird 41]

Hi guys,

I am lucky enough to have had a job open to me as soon as I arrived as my husband owns his business.

My problem is I have turned into a nervous wreck whilst I'm there, mainly due to the fact I hate when I am faced with the blank stare after Ive spoken and people haven't understood me. I live in a small, very southern town and some of the locals really seem a bit scared of me (and I of them!!!) There's been a few times Ive answered the phone and had it put down on me,I'm presuming they hear my English accent and think they have the wrong number. I hate to think Im losing my husband new patients and freaking people out. There's a Hispanic community here too, we then have an even more uncomfortable mixture of people not understanding each other.

I have now withdrawn and am tending to only go into the office when I know other people won't be there......weekends and the day off midweek that we have.

It's awful not feeling comfortable in the environment that I live in, my husband has been amazing but I know he's getting frustrated with me.

I feel a total failure right now. Did anyone else have trouble settling in?

I just thought do you say the name of the business when you answer the phone? Or do you just say hi: "my name is"

Maybe if you said the name of the business that would help with the number of hang ups.

[scienceworks 64]

I am a USC of Indian origin. My schooling in India was in English and we spoke English pretty much. I have been in US for 10+ years, and have been a TA in the university and interact a lot with native population. I speak English fluently and clearly for the other person to understand ( no, I don't have a thick Indian accent or the stereotypical accent). Yet, many times people seeing the brown skin will assume that I don't speak English and won't pay attention the first time and ask me to repeat. My response would be to speak one word at a time in the slowest possible pace to return the favor.

[Rushton50 10]

Hi Lynndy... I am going out on a limb here and my wife agrees with me on this!

I lived in Yorkshire for over 30 years and whilst not born n bread in Yorkshire I had a twang as they say so it is hard for some to comprehend me as from England, Im either Scottish or Irish, mainly Irish to many as I have auburn hair and thus being stereotyped.

I too get the blank stare or them saying what did you say or just amazed that they are speaking to someone from England.

It will pass, I joke with them when they dont understand me and no disrespect to the American people, but many are uneducated and or ignorant to the English language. We, as nations have our own way of saying certain words, we are lazy with our "R's" sometimes and the Americans are lazy with their "T's" it is what it is and always has been.

Small town Americans have never been out of the country to experience what a select few have and only know Brits to live in fog and go to work on a double Decker red bus wearing a bowler hat and carrying an umbrella! And London spans the length and width of the whole country and if they know someone they immediately ask if you know them as many think the GB is a very tiny island. All this from watching TV.

This frustrated me more in knowing that their language is the same as ours and yet do not understand! Some of the time anyway!

The telephone hang ups will get fewer once they know.

I think you need to sit down and discuss this with your hubby, he should not be frustrated with you, he knows this is all new to you and it is you that should be frustrated, withdrawing and keeping out the way will not help you in acclimatizing to your surroundings, Take the bull by the horns....If they dont understand you, thats because they are hearing words spoken different, you are speaking the same language after all. Its as much of a culture shock for them as it is for you!

As the days and weeks go on, people adapt to you and you will both learn from each other...Its happening to me daily!

Chin up!

Hi guys,

I am lucky enough to have had a job open to me as soon as I arrived as my husband owns his business.

My problem is I have turned into a nervous wreck whilst I'm there, mainly due to the fact I hate when I am faced with the blank stare after Ive spoken and people haven't understood me. I live in a small, very southern town and some of the locals really seem a bit scared of me (and I of them!!!) There's been a few times Ive answered the phone and had it put down on me,I'm presuming they hear my English accent and think they have the wrong number. I hate to think Im losing my husband new patients and freaking people out. There's a Hispanic community here too, we then have an even more uncomfortable mixture of people not understanding each other.

I have now withdrawn and am tending to only go into the office when I know other people won't be there......weekends and the day off midweek that we have.

It's awful not feeling comfortable in the environment that I live in, my husband has been amazing but I know he's getting frustrated with me.

I feel a total failure right now. Did anyone else have trouble settling in?

[Rushton50 10]

Hi Lynndy... I am going out on a limb here and my wife agrees with me on this!

I lived in Yorkshire for over 30 years and whilst not born n bread in Yorkshire I had a twang as they say so it is hard for some to comprehend me as from England, Im either Scottish or Irish, mainly Irish to many as I have auburn hair and thus being stereotyped.

I too get the blank stare or them saying what did you say or just amazed that they are speaking to someone from England.

It will pass, I joke with them when they dont understand me and no disrespect to the American people, but many are uneducated and or ignorant to the English language. We, as nations have our own way of saying certain words, we are lazy with our "R's" sometimes and the Americans are lazy with their "T's" it is what it is and always has been.

Small town Americans have never been out of the country to experience what a select few have and only know Brits to live in fog and go to work on a double Decker red bus wearing a bowler hat and carrying an umbrella! And London spans the length and width of the whole country and if they know someone they immediately ask if you know them as many think the GB is a very tiny island. All this from watching TV.

This frustrated me more in knowing that their language is the same as ours and yet do not understand! Some of the time anyway!

The telephone hang ups will get fewer once they know.

I think you need to sit down and discuss this with your hubby, he should not be frustrated with you, he knows this is all new to you and it is you that should be frustrated, withdrawing and keeping out the way will not help you in acclimatizing to your surroundings, Take the bull by the horns....If they dont understand you, thats because they are hearing words spoken different, you are speaking the same language after all. Its as much of a culture shock for them as it is for you!

As the days and weeks go on, people adapt to you and you will both learn from each other...Its happening to me daily!

Chin up!

Hi guys,

I am lucky enough to have had a job open to me as soon as I arrived as my husband owns his business.

My problem is I have turned into a nervous wreck whilst I'm there, mainly due to the fact I hate when I am faced with the blank stare after Ive spoken and people haven't understood me. I live in a small, very southern town and some of the locals really seem a bit scared of me (and I of them!!!) There's been a few times Ive answered the phone and had it put down on me,I'm presuming they hear my English accent and think they have the wrong number. I hate to think Im losing my husband new patients and freaking people out. There's a Hispanic community here too, we then have an even more uncomfortable mixture of people not understanding each other.

I have now withdrawn and am tending to only go into the office when I know other people won't be there......weekends and the day off midweek that we have.

It's awful not feeling comfortable in the environment that I live in, my husband has been amazing but I know he's getting frustrated with me.

I feel a total failure right now. Did anyone else have trouble settling in?

[cujodu 15]

It will pass, I joke with them when they dont understand me and no disrespect to the American people, but many are uneducated and or ignorant to the English language.

Small town Americans have never been out of the country to experience what a select few have and only know Brits to live in fog and go to work on a double Decker red bus wearing a bowler hat and carrying an umbrella! And London spans the length and width of the whole country and if they know someone they immediately ask if you know them as many think the GB is a very tiny island. All this from watching TV.

Fighting stereotypes with stereotypes!

[lynndy38 64]

Thank you for the replies guys......maybe I'm being too over sensitive.

I guess it is just as interesting for the locals to hear an English accent as it is for me to hear a Southern one. Many of the folk around here have never even left the county we're in let alone the USA, I just thought we'd all understand each other alot better.

Its just that awkwardness I feel when I see in their face they haven't understood a word of what Ive said.

I too am from Yorkshire, but the town I come from has a dialect all of it's own. (Hull........or 'ULL' as we say!!!)

I'm maybe going to have to pronunciate more.

I do answer the phone using the name of the business, but after I've introduced myself and said "Can I help you?" the caller has often gone!!!!!

I guess its going to be about me feeling uncomfortable for a while.

I have thought about taking in a small map of the UK to show there are more cities etc than London......usually when folk ask I say I live 260 miles from London.

I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb right now and I don't enjoy that........LOVE being with my husband though and so far nobody has been rude, just a bit confused by me!!!!

Edited July 18, 2013 by lynndy38

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I don't think people will appreciate a geography lesson It will just make them feel stupid.

Yorkshire accent is a bit hard to hear, especially for someone who has never left their little county.

All good points above, and don't take it personally. You might develop a disarming phrase and make a joke of it to diffuse the situation, something like, "I know it's hard to understand me but I swear I'm speaking English!" *Big grin* (work on that, don't use mine, but something like that might work, mine needs some pizazz).

If you are really avoiding interaction with people at all cost, maybe look into some counseling. Any transition is difficult and it might help to have an unfailing listener to talk with.

Good luck!

[Lisa-O 8]

Hi guys,

I am lucky enough to have had a job open to me as soon as I arrived as my husband owns his business.

My problem is I have turned into a nervous wreck whilst I'm there, mainly due to the fact I hate when I am faced with the blank stare after Ive spoken and people haven't understood me. I live in a small, very southern town and some of the locals really seem a bit scared of me (and I of them!!!) There's been a few times Ive answered the phone and had it put down on me,I'm presuming they hear my English accent and think they have the wrong number. I hate to think Im losing my husband new patients and freaking people out. There's a Hispanic community here too, we then have an even more uncomfortable mixture of people not understanding each other.

I have now withdrawn and am tending to only go into the office when I know other people won't be there......weekends and the day off midweek that we have.

It's awful not feeling comfortable in the environment that I live in, my husband has been amazing but I know he's getting frustrated with me.

I feel a total failure right now. Did anyone else have trouble settling in?

Hi, I feel exactly the same way, I'm from the North East of England (strong accent) and have found that if I don't have to go anywhere I won't...it's really frustrating me because I know it's silly. The majority of people are sweet, but I really hate the blank looks I get too. When I have my GC I hope to start my own business, but I'm worried my accent may hinder, my husband says that everyone loves it, but I definitely feel like an outsider. Slowly settling in, but I miss home terribly :'(

How long have you been in the US...I've been here since March!

Take care, Lisa

[perfect 39]

I come from Norfolk, England (and always refer to it as about 120 North of London because Americans have no other point of reference!!) - they also think that everyone from England must know the people they know in England!!

My accent is very neutral but still I get the blank looks and requests to repeat myself. I have found Americans respond best to short sentences (their sentence structure is different from ours). They also don't use the same words or don't use the same words the same way so using typical English words sometimes causes confusion. I laugh it off now and just say - that mush be an "Englishism" and they think it's quaint.

I also found that most English people of our experience were taught how to answer a phone professionally (unlike most Americans I have met - sorry!) and people have actually thought my voice was an answering machine and hang up because I answer "thank for your calling "company name" - my name is "x" - how can I help" - which is hilarious!

FYI - I live in California which is a melting pot of cultures and languages and it's still tough!!

Learn to laugh and have fun with it - even in front of other people - it will put them at ease and hopefully help them help you settle in...

[Vitaliy_and_Katya 3]

If you weren't British I would say go to accent reduction classes, but you speak perfect English as it is

If I were you, I would go socialize with people and let them get to know me better. Since that's a small town you live in, most likely it will not take that much time for the locals to get to know who you are (especially if you work with the doctor) and get accustomed to you. Try to smile and be friendly with everyone.

Many people in America indeed didn't travel that far to learn to understand British English and it might be hard for them but as far as I know Southern people are very friendly and open.

You are lucky to have your husband supporting you. Enjoy your life together and try to make the best out of it. It will not always be easy, but it's worth it. You have waited through all the visa process, this should be like cracking peanuts for you

Good luck!