I-129F - true test of our relationship

[kitthekat 1,317]

Forgive me for being self-indulgent, but I'm feeling kind of crappy because today is the day we should have submitted our I-129F forms but ended up getting into a fight instead.

He's the petitioner and I'm the beneficiary. Sometimes it feels like I'm the petitioner because if I left it up to him to fill in the forms and submit them with all the necessary information, I just know it would never get done. The number of times I've linked him to the K1 guide page, I don't think he's ever clicked on it (even though he proposed the idea initially). He gets frustrated when he forgets things and has to go out again to get them done, or timezones interfere and it's days before we have time to discuss the forms. Of course, I love him - all of him, the good things, the bad things - but sometimes it feels like I'm in this alone. :\ And, I know this is a terrible rabbit hole to go down, but if I'm going to be uprooting myself from family and job (hey, I'd LOVE it if he was willing/able to move to Singapore), the least he could do is take care of the forms especially this early on in the process.

Silly fight, really. Trying to be positive and remember that it's likely a "male" thing (or at least my friends tell me) that causes him to balk at binder clips, filing and organisation. Also, I do understand this is a stressful process and likely to be the true test of our relationship. And to think we're only beginning!

Hoping we can make up over Skype tonight and send in those forms tomorrow. *fingers crossed* Anyone else run into silly troubles like these during the filing process?

[Jacque67 7,328]

Too bad. Yep, many males procrastinate forcing their female partners to turn into nags.

Good luck. I am sure things will work out.

[kitthekat 1,317]

Too bad. Yep, many males procrastinate forcing their female partners to turn into nags.

Good luck. I am sure things will work out.

Guilty of nagging, definitely. But all is good now. Seeing each other this morning (his time)/evening (my time), even on crappy grainy video, reminded us why we're even putting ourselves through this.

Most of the forms are in order now, just a couple more print-outs and signatures needed and we should be sending them off in about 10 hours!

[Protocol417 161]

I'm the petitioner and I was super-freak-out organized while completing the I129F packet. "My" part is done now, and we're awaiting our NOA2, reading up on the next step ("his" part) and getting ready... and I'm lost. I don't know why, but I just can't wrap my head around it.

I feel really bad because a) I don't want to just leave him on his own for the next part - I want to be able to help, b) I'm terrified that if I don't help him he's going to screw it up, and c) I feel guilty that I'm not having more faith in his ability to do it on his own!

It is difficult. I think because of the distance, because we're not there to see our SO's working on their parts, we do tend to "nag" more just to make sure things are getting done. Nagging doesn't help the stress, of course, but whatcha gonna do?

[kitthekat 1,317]

I'm the petitioner and I was super-freak-out organized while completing the I129F packet. "My" part is done now, and we're awaiting our NOA2, reading up on the next step ("his" part) and getting ready... and I'm lost. I don't know why, but I just can't wrap my head around it.

I feel really bad because a) I don't want to just leave him on his own for the next part - I want to be able to help, b) I'm terrified that if I don't help him he's going to screw it up, and c) I feel guilty that I'm not having more faith in his ability to do it on his own!

It is difficult. I think because of the distance, because we're not there to see our SO's working on their parts, we do tend to "nag" more just to make sure things are getting done. Nagging doesn't help the stress, of course, but whatcha gonna do?

Aw, I think the post-NOA2 part of the process is generally harder to 'visualise', maybe because the practices and requirements for each embassy differs so much. Good luck for your NOA2, I hope it comes soon!

We just sent our forms out today - it's a nice feeling knowing it's gonna be a few months yet till we have to worry about forms again.

[dwinge 34]

Beneficiary here.. I found that the post-NOA2 was much easier than pre-NOA2, simply because we finally have an idea what's going to happen next, and are in control of the timeline now. On our end, we're aiming to just prepare for the interview the best we can.. We've practiced with the sample interview questions, and frequently do "20 questions" as part of our entertainment anyway =p Also, fewer forms to worry about after NOA2!

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I was the Beneficiary.

And I prepared the whole I-129F package when I was in US visiting, he signed the forms and mailed it.

For my AOS & ROC, I was also the one preparing all the packages and he signed the forms only. Hopefully he knows what he is signing for

My spouse just doesn't like to do paperwork, or read the immigration guides.

I am the more organized and very particular about paperwork.

Of course, it concerns about my immigration / legal status in US, thus I have to take charge, rather than waiting for my spouse to act.

[Caryh 5,206]

I'm the petitioner. I did all the pre NOA1 paperwork and then responded to the RFE. Normally I'm really good at handling details, but the immigration process really seemed to break my brain. I'd start stressing out whenever I worked on it. Its like worry of making a mistake would make me so muddled, I'd make mistakes! When we got the RFE, I really went to work. I spent a little time each day researching each thing and gathering what I needed. I outlined everything, I overloaded them with evidence. During this period my now wife, was freaking out. Repeatedly asking if I was done yet, when I would send it, what was I sending, are you sure thats right, etc... Of course this was more stress, creating more worry and a muddled mind, but I just replied I'm being very careful and doing a very complete job, don't worry about it.

Now the RFE was really vague, they just copy and pasted the rule requirement of what had to be proved without saying why what I provided was not good enough. After talking with customer support, they also mentioned that it is possible they lost parts of what I had sent. There advice was to send everything I had sent before plus more. One item they wanted was the intent to marry letters, which I know with certainty were in the package. After getting it all put together, I think I took two or three weeks, I sent in a package bigger than the entire original petition was. Turns out it made my now wife's interview process be a cake walk. They didn't ask her for anything beyond the latest financial information.

I don't know how many fights we got in through this process, we were both stressed out so much. I kind of resented having everything about me being scrutinized by just anybody. This included my data being provided to an organization in her country that needs to give her permission to leave called the CFO. I mean with the data they wanted to review, they could literally steal my identity. I had to tell her, do not give them originals, and with copies make sure certain information is blacked out if they want to keep a copy. It all worked out in the end. She got a better understanding of identity theft too, which is good for anyone in the USA to know.

Even though we got into numerous disagreements, we worked through them, and learned a lot more about each other. We had already known each other for 8 years, but its a different thing when you're suddenly under stress. It was the beginning of a learning process that has continued once we were together and married. There are still times we get stressed and react poorly. Her in her way, and me in mine, its just going to happen. Learning to know when each is going through that, learning to reduce you own negative reactions, and accept the other's is a good thing. Its not fun, but its something every couple goes through if they stay together. Of course there was a lot more learning to do once we were finally married, but we work well together all in all. We appreciate each person's strengths, and pick up for the other in their weak areas. Take what you're going through as a learning process that can serve you down the road in your marriage.

[kitthekat 1,317]

Beneficiary here.. I found that the post-NOA2 was much easier than pre-NOA2, simply because we finally have an idea what's going to happen next, and are in control of the timeline now. On our end, we're aiming to just prepare for the interview the best we can.. We've practiced with the sample interview questions, and frequently do "20 questions" as part of our entertainment anyway =p Also, fewer forms to worry about after NOA2!

20 questions is a great suggestion - now I have something new I can nag over. Best of luck for your interview, and your timeline looks great!

I was the Beneficiary.

And I prepared the whole I-129F package when I was in US visiting, he signed the forms and mailed it.

For my AOS & ROC, I was also the one preparing all the packages and he signed the forms only. Hopefully he knows what he is signing for

My spouse just doesn't like to do paperwork, or read the immigration guides.

I am the more organized and very particular about paperwork.

Of course, it concerns about my immigration / legal status in US, thus I have to take charge, rather than waiting for my spouse to act.

Same dynamics in our relationship, I'm the organised one and he can never find a matching pair of socks. As an aside, it's really nice to see others from Singapore here.

Even though we got into numerous disagreements, we worked through them, and learned a lot more about each other. We had already known each other for 8 years, but its a different thing when you're suddenly under stress. It was the beginning of a learning process that has continued once we were together and married. There are still times we get stressed and react poorly. Her in her way, and me in mine, its just going to happen. Learning to know when each is going through that, learning to reduce you own negative reactions, and accept the other's is a good thing. Its not fun, but its something every couple goes through if they stay together. Of course there was a lot more learning to do once we were finally married, but we work well together all in all. We appreciate each person's strengths, and pick up for the other in their weak areas. Take what you're going through as a learning process that can serve you down the road in your marriage.

That's great advice and I'm gonna try my best to put a positive spin on the little disagreements we get into throughout this whole process. It can only make our relationship stronger...right?

[Tanya and Barry 59]

Too bad. Yep, many males procrastinate forcing their female partners to turn into nags.

Good luck. I am sure things will work out.

Guilty....(sometimes)

[Caryh 5,206]

Too bad. Yep, many males procrastinate forcing their female partners to turn into nags.

I'll answer that later.

[Operator 1,927]

This sounds vaguely familiar.

[Caryh 5,206]

That's great advice and I'm gonna try my best to put a positive spin on the little disagreements we get into throughout this whole process. It can only make our relationship stronger...right?

It will if you learn to hear each other and disagree fairly. As you're not always going to be in agreement, but understanding where they're coming from is a good thing when you don't agree on something.

[Protocol417 161]

We just sent our forms out today - it's a nice feeling knowing it's gonna be a few months yet till we have to worry about forms again.

You have a much better outlook than I did (and still do, to be honest). My first thought was "thank god that's over!" That lasted, ooooh, about five seconds. Once it was out of my hands, I realized how much I don't like not being in control Then it was "now starts the long wait", followed by "oh, sh*t, what if we get an RFE?!?"

Stay right where you are. It's a good place

[dwinge 34]

20 questions is a great suggestion - now I have something new I can nag over. Best of luck for your interview, and your timeline looks great!

Thank you! I think the waiting times have dropped for some of the processing centers.. Things do get a lot quicker when they get to Singapore though! =p