Vawa pending, mentally ill /abusive husband, dont know what to do - help!

[redflower7 0]

Hi,

My lawyer changed our marriage application in March to a Vawa application. She said back then it will take around 18 months for it to be approved. I am still with my husband as I have no money at all and I am dependant on him. We are broke as he was 4 months sick with a torn ligament. And i have no family, relatives or friends.

He is mentally ill, rapid cycling bipolar and since 7 days takes two medications which made him more aggressive. I lost a lot of weight and I’m also depressed and anxious. He can be very nice when normal but his moods change every 2 days and when he is manic he is emotionally and physically abusive and blaming and accusing. It’s terrible. I have a work permit but I feel unable to work with him being at home as I’m already emotionally so much down. He is so unpredictable and changing all the time!

I wanted to apply for public benefits and went to a Violence Center they told me that I cannot apply for cash assistance or benefits or even get counselling unless I had called the police on him at least once. I said I have photos and psychologist report to prove the abuse but they said I cannot get any benefits unless I call the police. I do not want to call the police on a mentally ill man and have him in jail. In Florida they take that very seriously and I don’t want him to have that forever in his records. I don’t have any family and friends and we are broke and I have nowhere to go. Sometimes I feel like calling the police but if they put him in prison how do I pay the rent, 1300 dollars, for the next month?? Like I said I have no family.

The other big problem is I have a big problem with an infected tooth which needs to be extracted and a bridge placed it would be 5000 dollar the dentist said, there are also 10 cavities which have to be done, the dentist said my teeths condition is very bad. My lawyer got me an advance parole so I can travel to Europe and get my teeth done. My husband would pay me the flight but he is very nasty in general and I’m worried that if I’m not able to get back in that I will be stuck in Germany. My lawyer told me today that advance parole is no guarantee to be allowed back in and if I would not then my VAWA (she thinks it’s a 90% chance to get approved) will still get through but as I cannot attend my interview over here anymore my greencard will be denied. She said I can then apply for a green card in Europe once my VAWA is approved. I don’t know if it’s true but she told me that even if I get stuck in Germany once the VAWA is approved I will definitely get my greencard. Is this true?

I don’t know what to do now? He will come back from his kids in 2 days and I’m terrified as he is so much worse since taking the medication, today he was screaming on the phone because I changed my mind about Germany. He called me bad names and blamed me for his sickness. He said if I don’t find a job here in 2 weeks he will not support me anymore. I am underweight, size 0, depressed, have anxiety and with him at home I do not feel I can take a full time job on top of that. But he does not understand this and said that even woman in bad circumstances must still work so he is very angry.

So in my circumstances would it be more advisable to go to Germany with the advance parole and get my teeth fixed or stay here, force myself to work with a very mentally ill husband at home, and wait for the VAWA approval and greencard? I cannot say to him I’m leaving you as I have not got a penny to rent my own place? I cannot call the police next time he hits me as they will take him away and then I cannot pay next month’s rent?

What would you advise? Is there something I don’t know about what I could do?

[Caryh 5,206]

I'd advise going home. Forget about the VAWA application, forget about the green card. Get out of that situation, get back home where you have family support and can get your teeth fixed. Does it mean so much to you to be in the USA that you'd risk death for it?

[SingleDad2usc 71]

I have no immigration advice; but I read carefully, and you seem unaware of one possibility. Mental Hygiene. He won't be put in jail, he'll be under the Jurisdiction of Mental Health court for a certain period of time, maybe one year. You'll have a protective order. He'll have to comply with all court mandates, and then he may have his case sealed. He subsequently may not have a criminal record. At no point in the process, will he enter jail or lose ability to work.

You should consult with District Attorney's office to see whether this route exists for you. Good luck

[redflower7 0]

I have no immigration advice; but I read carefully, and you seem unaware of one possibility. Mental Hygiene. He won't be put in jail, he'll be under the Jurisdiction of Mental Health court for a certain period of time, maybe one year. You'll have a protective order. He'll have to comply with all court mandates, and then he may have his case sealed. He subsequently may not have a criminal record. At no point in the process, will he enter jail or lose ability to work.

You should consult with District Attorney's office to see whether this route exists for you. Good luck

But if i talk with attorneys office i have to pay for it dont i? Also if they take him away i have no monet saved up and cannot pay my rent?

[SingleDad2usc 71]

I recommend you re-read my post word for word. I was in your shoes once and did exactly as described. The only possible downside is that outpatient treatment will not change him - but hope dies last

[aaron2020 11,651]

Without calling the police, you have no proof of the abuse or your attempts to get help to escape that abuse.

You either quit and go home or you file a VAWA claim with good proof. Your words alone proves nothing. You need documents from the police detailing the abuse.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

You have already asked this question and received MANY answers. Reposting doesn't change anything.

[Darnell 8,478]

But if i talk with attorneys office i have to pay for it dont i? Also if they take him away i have no monet saved up and cannot pay my rent?

The district attorney works for the state, is not a private lawyer, so no, you not pay to talk with the district attorney.

[redflower7 0]

Without calling the police, you have no proof of the abuse or your attempts to get help to escape that abuse.

You either quit and go home or you file a VAWA claim with good proof. Your words alone proves nothing. You need documents from the police detailing the abuse.

My lawyer already filed for VAWA in March this year. And i cannot leave without waiting for the VAWA to go through and my greencard.

[redflower7 0]

I recommend you re-read my post word for word. I was in your shoes once and did exactly as described. The only possible downside is that outpatient treatment will not change him - but hope dies last

I did re read it word for word. So you did the same with your spouse? Does that mean he has to stay away from me for 1 year and they will watch over him and force him to take medication? And the hope you mean is that he may get stable this way?

How did you pay your bills when your spouse was gone? Like i said i have no money saved up, no family, and im completely financially dependant on him.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

You've filed VAWA but you can't stand the thought of him being ordered to stay away from you? And you count on his financial support?

There is a lot of assistance you're eligible for with Prima Facie. As a matter of fact, I just stumbled on information how DV survivor may be eligible for some assistance even without Prima Facie

[redflower7 0]

You've filed VAWA but you can't stand the thought of him being ordered to stay away from you? And you count on his financial support?

There is a lot of assistance you're eligible for with Prima Facie. As a matter of fact, I just stumbled on information how DV survivor may be eligible for some assistance even without Prima Facie

I have the prima facie. I went to a domestic violencee center and they told me that the only thing i can apply for is food stamps maximum 200 dollars. That wouldnt even be enough. They said only if i call the police one time only then i get more assistance. If i never called the police, even with the evidence of my VAWA case and photos i would not get support. So i asked what supprt but they could not say what that is and if i can pay my rent then for sure. So i am scared that if i call the police or mental health authorities that noone will help me with my bills when they take him away. I have nobody in this country i can stay with and noone overseas who can give me financial support. I dont want to end up on the street. Please tell me what support i could get after i call the police. I tried to find that information all over the interent. I need to be sure first before i call the police. I know he will hit me again when he comes back tomorrow as he is totally manic since he is on the medication he doesnt get normal anymore. He refuses to go back to the psychiatrist to adjust the medication. I am so scared of tomorrow. Also because his thinking now completely changed he sees me as the root of all our problems and is mad with me.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

They probably meant you'd be eligible for DV shelter

[redflower7 0]

If i call the police like you said and i get him away like that and maybe he becomes stable like this. Is there any cash assistance of paying my rent?

[redflower7 0]

They probably meant you'd be eligible for DV shelter

Is the mental hygiene the same as baker acting???