When does home sickness kick in?

[slowlyman 118]

I suppose it's not an exact science, but when should I expect her to start getting homesick, and what can I do about it?

[Karee 4,190]

I suppose it's not an exact science, but when should I expect her to start getting homesick, and what can I do about it?

My wife never seemed to get homesick. At least she didn't say anything to me about it. I keep telling her we're going back to Thailand permanently at some point. I get the feeling she'd rather stay in the U.S.

[Netsikai 20]

If she is not showing signs of homesick then it is a good sign she is adjusting....though adjustments take time ..

.love her, respect her, be kind to her, be very patient and understnading, provide and support her interests and definitely spend time with her then she would not be homesick.

..thats what I am hoping for with my fiancé soon.

[NikLR 13,220]

She may get depressed and however she shows symptoms for that (everyone is different but most people are sad, tired, easily irritated, down on themselves and their situation.) Have you ever been away from home for a long time? Where you don't have family or friends to help you? You just want to go home and be around people that love you. That's homesickness. You want familiar foods, smells, sights and sounds. Where you feel like you belong.

The best thing to do is to help her keep busy, spend time together, help her adjust by finding new friends and things you can do together. Try new things, but also make sure she can do some of the old stuff she likes to do so find a place where she can find foods she likes and little things for the house that feel like home. If she has certain social etiquette rules it helps to have those enforced in the house. Make sure she can be independent as well so do the AOS right away, plan trips for you both to go home if she wants for vacactions, but it helps when people have a job or volunteer so they're getting out of the house and around people.

[Karee 4,190]

She may get depressed and however she shows symptoms for that (everyone is different but most people are sad, tired, easily irritated, down on themselves and their situation.) Have you ever been away from home for a long time? Where you don't have family or friends to help you? You just want to go home and be around people that love you. That's homesickness. You want familiar foods, smells, sights and sounds. Where you feel like you belong.

The best thing to do is to help her keep busy, spend time together, help her adjust by finding new friends and things you can do together. Try new things, but also make sure she can do some of the old stuff she likes to do so find a place where she can find foods she likes and little things for the house that feel like home. If she has certain social etiquette rules it helps to have those enforced in the house. Make sure she can be independent as well so do the AOS right away, plan trips for you both to go home if she wants for vacactions, but it helps when people have a job or volunteer so they're getting out of the house and around people.

I 100% agree about the AOS. She's basically in limbo right now until that she gets her green card.

[HK12 273]

I personally have luckily been homesick only very few times since I arrived here about half a year ago. Homesickness, if it does occur, comes at random times for me - like my grandma's 87th birthday or when my husband played an old video of my family back home to me (I had to ask him to switch it off because I was just in tears).

Try to keep your fiancée busy, show her around, be understanding that she may be missing her home country and her family, and support her as much as you can. Maybe get her a good telephone plan or a Skype connection, so she can keep in touch with her family and friends. I also agree with the previous posters about sending off the AOS as soon as possible. While waiting for my EAD and AP, I was not allowed to drive or work and it got pretty lonely and boring being stuck at home all day.

[Andy and Pui 16]

I think everybody is different when home sickness kicks in. I think one of the best things to do is get her invovled in something. It could be free ESL classes offered by the school district in your area, ESL classes at a local community college or university, volunteering some place, when she is able to work maybe have get a part time job to get out of the house a few days a week, or if you are able to bring her to work for a few hours try that. I think a lot of it is tied up in being stuck in the house all day and not able to do anything. I think the free ESL classes offered by your local school district she might be able to possibly join a summer class or otherwise what unitl the normal school starts backup in the fall and she should be able to join. Even if it is something she in not interested in doing or completely understand English it gives her a chance to get out of the house for a few hours and a chance to meet new friends. Does she have any hobbies? Encourge her to start some hobbies here that she likes. Pui had learned crochet and knitting back in Thailand and did a LOT of that the first year she was here. Now that it is summer and nice outside make plans to get outside and go for walk around your neiborhood drive to a park and walk around there.

[Juan & Nan 12]

Nan started to get homesick about 2 month after she arrived. But she got through it and started to adjust about a month after that.

[gvt 0]

Find the closest Thai Buddhist Temple even if it is a few hours away. It is a great opportunity to meet other Thais and make friends, volunteer, celebrate Thai festivals, etc. The more Thai friends she has here then easier it will be and the happier she will be and the less home sick she will be. They will have a lot in common off the bat and the Thais here can help her adjust. Connecting with the Thai expat community on Facebook is helpful too.

Cheap phone calls like Voipdiscount, Skype, is a great way to keep in touch with home. And an occasional trips back to Thailand also help (find Frequent flyer promotions to rack up miles). Most Thai's I know in the USA go back once a year or once every two years. Some don't want to ever go back as their life is here now and some have their mother's living here on Greencards.

That said, what my wife has noticed is that Thais, both men and women, who haven't traveled much outside their home towns tend to get the most home sick. Those that have traveled or even lived in different parts of Thailand adjust quicker.

[pamshusband 1]

Excellent topic. My wife will be coming (hopefully) in the next 1-2 months to California to live with me. Very worried about culture shock and homesickness for her. There is a Thai buddhist temple about 3 blocks from my home. I've heard positive and negative things about thai expat communities in the USA and would love to hear some of your experiences. Hoping she can take ESL at the local university and meet some people that way. Also, San Francisco is pretty good mass transit wise. I rarely if ever drive my car here. My wife is adventurous and I think would really love to explore this great, and reasonably safe, city. There's a bus stop literally in front of my home and a muni train line one block away. Between those two, she can get just about anywhere in the city without a car. Planning trips with her every weekend for the first few months so she can see and (hopefully) appreciate this great state. Easy to drive to places like Yosemite, Napa Valley, Lake Tahoe, Big Sur, or take quick flights to LA and San Diego if she wants to see Hollywood, southern California beaches etc.

We will be bringing her daughter within the year. I'm hoping the ESL classes will give her exposure to the University culture here so she can decide if she wants to go back to school again, work, or stay at home and take care of kids. I'm supportive of whatever she decides, even if it means we have to move to Thailand. Family is number 1 for her so having her daughter and potentially her mom here with us will help.

I'll do my best to remember to post our experiences when she's here.

Edited July 22, 2013 by pamshusband

[slowlyman 118]

We are in the third week, and Jin is in the thick of the homesickness now. I can see she is struggling, but not a lot I can do for her. She is sleeping a LOT. Calling & Skyping everyday. She has read and re-read Thailand fever. She watches Thai movies whenever she has a free moment.

I've been realizing how dramatically different life is here. In Thailand she was never alone. Thais do everything as a group. Eat, sleep, play, work. Now for the most part she just has me. When I'm at work she is alone. my home is too far out for bus service, and peddle biking.

Hopefully things will settle down for her soon.

On the positive side, the house is spotless.

[khwaidee1 196]

Hopefully this will pass. We had a tough first month, similar to what you are going through. As soon as we went to temple and she met some Thai friends things got better. The winter in California didn't help much either. My wife's been here 11 months now and she is doing very well. We have been back twice. She misses the group aspect as well, her father, brothers, and sisters all lived with in a few minutes of our house there and everything was a communal decision/gathering. Her little farm has helped a lot. She didn't pass her first driving test so that bummed her out a lot but she's practicing and will give another go soon. There have been a few bumps along the road but it seems to get better as time goes by...... I don't where you guys are from but, there is a Thai language newspaper put out in So Cal that comes out every Friday. Good source of info and what's going, temples, celebrations, jobs etc.. It's published by the Siam Press I believe. Good luck!

[slowlyman 118]

Hopefully this will pass. We had a tough first month, similar to what you are going through. As soon as we went to temple and she met some Thai friends things got better. The winter in California didn't help much either. My wife's been here 11 months now and she is doing very well. We have been back twice. She misses the group aspect as well, her father, brothers, and sisters all lived with in a few minutes of our house there and everything was a communal decision/gathering. Her little farm has helped a lot. She didn't pass her first driving test so that bummed her out a lot but she's practicing and will give another go soon. There have been a few bumps along the road but it seems to get better as time goes by...... I don't where you guys are from but, there is a Thai language newspaper put out in So Cal that comes out every Friday. Good source of info and what's going, temples, celebrations, jobs etc.. It's published by the Siam Press I believe. Good luck!

What was it about the Cali winter that created problems. I can;t imagine it gets very cold over there. Although, the temp dropped to about 60 a couple nights ago. She slept in long johns, sweater, and stocking cap and she made me hook up the electric blanket. She is sooo clueless what lies ahead for her come January.

[Darnell 8,478]

When does home sickness kick in?

After she re-arranges the kitchen ,

and learns

that none of the gear,

and none of the spices

that she's used to,

not exist in your kitchen.

or

When does home sickness kick in?

When she learns there's no Thai Buddhist Temple in the area

or

When does home sickness kick in?

After she goes shopping for underbritches the first time,

and realizes no one sells anything in her size,

fully realizing (now) that she should have spent the monies you sent her, in Thailand,

for the right-size underbritches.

We are in the third week, and Jin is in the thick of the homesickness now. I can see she is struggling, but not a lot I can do for her. She is sleeping a LOT. Calling & Skyping everyday. She has read and re-read Thailand fever. She watches Thai movies whenever she has a free moment.

I've been realizing how dramatically different life is here. In Thailand she was never alone. Thais do everything as a group. Eat, sleep, play, work. Now for the most part she just has me. When I'm at work she is alone. my home is too far out for bus service, and peddle biking.

Hopefully things will settle down for her soon.

On the positive side, the house is spotless.

Oh. in your prior topic, what bits did you implement, that were listed there?

[khwaidee1 196]

What was it about the Cali winter that created problems. I can;t imagine it gets very cold over there. Although, the temp dropped to about 60 a couple nights ago. She slept in long johns, sweater, and stocking cap and she made me hook up the electric blanket. She is sooo clueless what lies ahead for her come January.

I was being facetious but, it was true for her. We live near the beach so it never gets really cold, maybe some nights in the 50s but, it was cold for her. It gave her reason to go shopping but with daylight savings time and being cold in the morning it didn't help. It was not something to make fun of, she spent 36 years in hot and humid Thailand so it was a transition. That being said, she loves the summer DST and we've have had a nice summer so far. Still hard to go the beach for very long.... she doesn't want to be brown!! LOL!!