seperated again?

[nijusjaanu 0]

hey

memphis sucks. i just want to say that at the beginning

i know that many families have to do this .... my parents in law did it for 4 years (and perhaps once before that). my grandparents did it for about a year or so (maybe less). i think nizzar and i are on the verge of it ourselves: one stays where they are, the other (through lack of being able to find a good job where they are) goes to a different city to send for the other when the time is right.

the job market here in memphis is embarrassing. my job contract is going to run out in may (though i might possobly be able to squeeze a bit more out of it). nizzar got a part time retail job for 3 weeks before they fired him (though why, i'm not sure. he was doing better than anyone else) and hasn't been able to find anything else (mainly because if he did, most of the jobs he can't get transportation to) .... (so yeah, memphis sucks.)

i know that it can work, but i hate the idea of being apart again (even if it is only for 4 months like we know it will be for us ... we can't afford to break the appartment lease). (our neighbors probably thought we were having a huge fight this morning because i threw quite a teary, snotty fit about it)

any words of advice (things we might not have thought of yet) or comfort? it's got me feeling a little bitter.

[TracyTN 237]

As a Tennessean, I can say without bias that Memphis DOES suck (and that's saying nothing about what it sounds like the job market is). Where are you looking at going for work? Do you maybe have relatives or friends there that you could stay with (so you didn't have to be separated but also don't have to pay rent in two places)?

[nijusjaanu 0]

As a Tennessean, I can say without bias that Memphis DOES suck (and that's saying nothing about what it sounds like the job market is). Where are you looking at going for work? Do you maybe have relatives or friends there that you could stay with (so you didn't have to be separated but also don't have to pay rent in two places)?

i've thought of the living with family thing ... but i think if we stayed with my parents we would all mutually kill each other. (my relationship with them is not the healthiest)

i live in the downtown/midtown area and am currently working downtown (not even driving to work ... i take the trolley). i have lots of connections with retail work, but that was really only supporting me while i lived with my parents.

we still haven't given up all hope of being able to stay together here until we can move together (to philadelphia ... we thought memphis sucked long before this little thing came up), but the odds are pretty grim.

that being said - nizzar can easily work downtown (with all the abandoned buildings), and i can go anywhere in the city (i drive - he doesn't).

so that's where we are. can't break the lease and can't find work

p.s. (edit) i like you a lot for agreeing with me about the city!

pfft. i keep thinking about stuff!! what about the lifting of conditions?? he's got a 2 year greencard ... if we are apart for 4 months, will that not reflect badly on us? will it look like he's abandoning me? jeez.

Edited March 3, 2006 by nijusjaanu

[TracyTN 237]

As a Tennessean, I can say without bias that Memphis DOES suck (and that's saying nothing about what it sounds like the job market is). Where are you looking at going for work? Do you maybe have relatives or friends there that you could stay with (so you didn't have to be separated but also don't have to pay rent in two places)?

i've thought of the living with family thing ... but i think if we stayed with my parents we would all mutually kill each other. (my relationship with them is not the healthiest)

i live in the downtown/midtown area and am currently working downtown (not even driving to work ... i take the trolley). i have lots of connections with retail work, but that was really only supporting me while i lived with my parents.

we still haven't given up all hope of being able to stay together here until we can move together (to philadelphia ... we thought memphis sucked long before this little thing came up), but the odds are pretty grim.

that being said - nizzar can easily work downtown (with all the abandoned buildings), and i can go anywhere in the city (i drive - he doesn't).

so that's where we are. can't break the lease and can't find work

p.s. (edit) i like you a lot for agreeing with me about the city!

pfft. i keep thinking about stuff!! what about the lifting of conditions?? he's got a 2 year greencard ... if we are apart for 4 months, will that not reflect badly on us? will it look like he's abandoning me? jeez.

Ok that part about your parents was funny.

Do you have a job lined up in Philly? I don't know anything about Philly but surely it is better then Memphii. *shudder* (Yes, I purposefully called it Memphii.) Is the cost of living much higher up there, though? I would think that it would be, but I'd still prefer it to where you are now. (Man I'm mean!!)

I'm afraid I can't comment on the lifting of conditions thing. I'm sure a wise VJer will be able to though.

[nijusjaanu 0]

As a Tennessean, I can say without bias that Memphis DOES suck (and that's saying nothing about what it sounds like the job market is). Where are you looking at going for work? Do you maybe have relatives or friends there that you could stay with (so you didn't have to be separated but also don't have to pay rent in two places)?

i've thought of the living with family thing ... but i think if we stayed with my parents we would all mutually kill each other. (my relationship with them is not the healthiest)

i live in the downtown/midtown area and am currently working downtown (not even driving to work ... i take the trolley). i have lots of connections with retail work, but that was really only supporting me while i lived with my parents.

we still haven't given up all hope of being able to stay together here until we can move together (to philadelphia ... we thought memphis sucked long before this little thing came up), but the odds are pretty grim.

that being said - nizzar can easily work downtown (with all the abandoned buildings), and i can go anywhere in the city (i drive - he doesn't).

so that's where we are. can't break the lease and can't find work

p.s. (edit) i like you a lot for agreeing with me about the city!

pfft. i keep thinking about stuff!! what about the lifting of conditions?? he's got a 2 year greencard ... if we are apart for 4 months, will that not reflect badly on us? will it look like he's abandoning me? jeez.

Ok that part about your parents was funny.

Do you have a job lined up in Philly? I don't know anything about Philly but surely it is better then Memphii. *shudder* (Yes, I purposefully called it Memphii.) Is the cost of living much higher up there, though? I would think that it would be, but I'd still prefer it to where you are now. (Man I'm mean!!)

I'm afraid I can't comment on the lifting of conditions thing. I'm sure a wise VJer will be able to though.

i don't have a job lined up in philly yet ... but my choices up there (for both of us) are looking very good. the cost of living is a little higher, but not too bad ... about 25% more or so. but i'd be able to get rid of my deathtrap of a car and rid the subway and busses (which is GREATLY what i preffer! ... the trolleys here i want to shoot most of the time.... perhaps that's why there's so much crime here: people like me getting frustrated!)

..... and a lot of people i know call this city "memphrica" .....

[britbird 4]

being separated for work does suck.

My husband goes away for 6 months at a time - usually to war zones (he's a contractor). It sucks horribly because there is no way we can visit each other during the time we are apart...

If you can avoid it i would avoid it...

[nijusjaanu 0]

being separated for work does suck.

My husband goes away for 6 months at a time - usually to war zones (he's a contractor). It sucks horribly because there is no way we can visit each other during the time we are apart...

If you can avoid it i would avoid it...

we're doing what we can to stay together. he's still shooting his resume all over the city, hoping and praying for the best. but, the good thing about having gone through immigration is that i know how to deal with seperation if it does, indeed, happen. it sucks, but we can do it

he's already told me that we would be able to visit each other once a month unil i could move up there .....

britbird, i'm really sorry to hear that your husband is gone so much .... war zones are scary i know you're worried a lot

Edited March 4, 2006 by nijusjaanu

[mollyandstephen 0]

Have you thought through the option of moving together and just continuing to pay rent at your apartment in Memphis if you need to? I would think that if your husband is not working now but was able to secure employment in Philly, that his income would more than pay the rent for the Memphis apartment and not make your financial situation any more difficult than it is now. Unless you have a friend or family member in Philly that you can stay with, you'll be paying rent for two places anyway, right? I would think that it would be easier to handle paying rent in two places if both of you are working and it's always best to be together. Another option, of course, is to try to find someone that can take over your lease (if your landlord will allow that). One thing to keep in mind is that it is illegal for your landlord to continue to collect rent from you and from a new renter if he rents the place out after you move. So maybe you would get lucky and he would be able to find someone to rent your apartment to before your lease is actually over and then you would be released from your responsibility to pay the rent.

My husband and I are moving to Seattle from Phoenix before our lease is up here. My husband's job opportunities are better there in his field. We figured it would be more beneficial to pay rent in two places and have my husband working--his income will more than pay the rent for our apt in AZ. And there is NO WAY that I will agree to living separately from my husband again---not if I have any say in the matter. The immigration dept kept us apart long enough.

Good luck with finding a solution. I hope it turns out well. BTW, I'm not sure but I would think that if you are only separated for four months and could document that your husband had gone to Philly to work while you stayed and finished out your lease, I wouldn't think that USCIS would have a problem with that. It's only four months out of the two years. And a lot of couples in America find themselves living apart due to work/housing issues. They should understand that.

Molly