K1 immigrant Rights (Out of Status)

[baron555 934]

Maybe a change in venues will yield better results.

[KayDeeCee 4,893]

~ Moved from K-1 Process to General Immigration-Related Discussion- topic about immigrant rights and not the K-1 Process ~

[d3adc0d3 186]

Any crime that would make him inadmissible if he were applying for a visa would ALSO make him deportable. Simple assault is not classified as a crime involving moral turpitude, and he would not be deported for it. Assault with intent to kill, commit rape, commit robbery, commit serious bodily harm, or with a dangerous or deadly weapon IS classified as a crime involving moral turpitude, and he COULD be deported if convicted.

Unfortunately, people frequently get convicted in court not on the basis of what actually happened, but rather on the basis of what someone else said.

I don't doubt that he'll man up and defend you if he's put in that position, but it would be best if you could avoid situations where he might be put in that position. If you go places where people are going to be drinking then go in a group with other friends. You're less likely to be harassed if you're with a group of friends, and he's less likely to end up in a fight if he's not the only person in the group who can defend you. I know it might not seem fair that you should have to change your behavior like that, but the reality is that he will want to keep his record squeeky clean in order to keep things smooth with immigration authorities, and you have an obligation to help him with that.

Thank you, this was VERY informative.

I feel the need to emphasis that I have no intention of putting him in the position of protecting me. I do not want him to get in a fight, gods know who's packing heat these days and I would be lost without him. I rarely go out, I'm not the most social being on the planet, and I rarely go out alone on top of that, because of the fact that I'm small and have been assaulted in the past. I don't particularly care for conflict, so this isn't something I seek out. I also highly doubt we'll be spending much time out of the house once he's here. *giggity* ... all joking aside, I work a lot and we'll be working on getting life set up to move to a nicer area within the next year, saving & scrimping to buy a home, so likely we'll be homebodies for a while. However, I do live in a rather trashy neighborhood -- "single" (although I'm not technically single) mom and I'm renting a house for 1/3 of what I would normally pay because I know the owners personally.

I don't know why it happens -- my friends think I come off as an easy target because I'm small framed and look rather innocent (curse my doll face). I can't hear very well (and hearing aids don't do squat for someone who's deaf only in one ear -- I've tried them), so when I'm in a crowd I have no idea if someone behind me is making lewd comments -- I can't hear them over the 20+ people talking around me, I have no audio depth perception and everything comes off at the same volume. I also tend to be oblivious when someone's "checking me out" or eyeballing me in general, unless I'm consciously looking for it (or more accurately someone pointed it out to me).

We simply wanted to know what would happen if for any reason he would be forced to protect me.

[d3adc0d3 186]

You seem proud of it though... saying "don't mess with me."

Sorry if you were offended.

Proud? No. Scared, pissed off, bewildered & hurt, yes.

I cracked a joke to lighten the "tone" of the post because... well... scared people often do that so they seem less scared.

I was there with my children for Pete's sake. This was a family event... they had a "kids zone" with activities and such. I didn't expect to be put in that kind of situation. It's disturbing, and infuriating. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke... I don't even go out much (and this would be one of the reasons why). I just wanted to watch the fireworks with my family, and watch the kids have fun at the arts & crafts tent. I didn't want anything to do with anyone else there. I was walking back from the ice cream vendor as my children ran ahead to go see their grandmother when I was grabbed. I was wearing jeans and a tank top, I didn't "instigate", I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't even make eye contact.

I also didn't come here to post my story for anyone to judge me, my actions, or some vague social preconception of how I should act to be parroted back to me. I simply wanted an answer, and I provided the back story so it would make sense. This doesn't happen "all the time" it has happened occasionally enough to be a concern that it MAY happen again. I simply have bad luck, and bad timing. I understand that I should avoid these situations, and I appreciate the sentiment -- I do have common sense, and I do my best to avoid potentially dangerous situations. I am slightly shocked that it was assumed that I somehow instigated, or brought it upon myself. That whole "she was asking for it" subliminal message that has been pounded into our brains from society just outrages me, I'm less offended by you, so much as by the concept that society still places the responsibility of someone sexually assaulting another person on the victim, and it's so ingrained in people these days that they automatically assume a victim "was asking for it" somehow.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Since you want to talk about it, I in no way suggested you were to blame. You are placing your hurt at society on me and repeating yourself in numerous posts, and I am not among the number of people who would ever suggest you were to blame. And I did not do so. So if you want to rant about something unrelated to me, go ahead.

I do think women and all people should try to act as smart as possible, and I don't think it's wrong to somehow assess the situation and try to figure out what could be done better. That is very different from blame. No matter how the victim acted they did not deserve to be victimized. I never said they were asking for it or any other BS you put in my mouth.

My friend one time was talking to a creepy guy at a party and even though he was creepy, somehow she went outside with him to some shed, they talked, somehow he got her to lay down, and before she knew it she was pinned to the floor on her back. Luckily she managed to get away before she was raped. But in recounting this story, I noticed a whole bunch of things that she could have done differently. I asked her why she went outside with him, and while there, why did she lay down?? She had no answer. I said you should never lay down with a weird guy, and she asked me "How do you know these things?" Well, they are obvious to me.

My friend was not to blame for anything that happened; all the fault is on the creeper. But instead of crying about rights, my friend and all people can do their best to stay safe. And sometimes that is assessing our action and trying to act in the most aware and safe way.

Did you know that pedophiles choose their victims by knowing the ones who won't tell anyone? It is wrong to teach children about it and tell them to tell on people and to provide a safe space for doing so? That sort of thing might not prevent crime, but at least it might help it from being repeated to the same victim.

So if I got harassed everywhere I went, I would sit down and try to figure out what I could do to prevent it, for my own enjoyment and safety. That's not the same as blaming the victim.

I am sorry if I opened old wounds for you and caused you to have this argument with me, when I am not among the people you are addressing.

[d3adc0d3 186]

Since you want to talk about it, I in no way suggested you were to blame. You are placing your hurt at society on me and repeating yourself in numerous posts, and I am not among the number of people who would ever suggest you were to blame. And I did not do so. So if you want to rant about something unrelated to me, go ahead.

Perhaps you didn't intend to imply so, and I addressed that you may not have intended it, but asking me if I could've walked away or somehow avoided it, does place the responsibility and "blame", to some extent, in my lap. Then proceeding to tell me that I sounded "Proud" for fighting them off, doesn't exactly come off as the most passive of comments regarding the post.

Also asking me if I can "avoid" said situations doesn't really address my concerns... of course I'd avoid them if I could... I'm not a glutton for punishment.

I do think women and all people should try to act as smart as possible, and I don't think it's wrong to somehow assess the situation and try to figure out what could be done better. That is very different from blame. No matter how the victim acted they did not deserve to be victimized. I never said they were asking for it or any other BS you put in my mouth.

I do think all people, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, cultural background, or otherwise should act as smart as possible. I agree with that.

I do not feel I had put BS in your mouth; I stated my opinion on a mentality I felt was exhibited by multiple posts, of yours and others, questioning the situation I was in (and many other people I'm sure) and how it could've been handled differently. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear when stating thus, I felt I was -- but text is hardly a clear means for communicating tone, which is also why I addressed in one of my posts to you, that you may not have intended your message in the manner I received it.

My friend one time was talking to a creepy guy at a party and even though he was creepy, somehow she went outside with him to some shed, they talked, somehow he got her to lay down, and before she knew it she was pinned to the floor on her back. Luckily she managed to get away before she was raped. But in recounting this story, I noticed a whole bunch of things that she could have done differently. I asked her why she went outside with him, and while there, why did she lay down?? She had no answer. I said you should never lay down with a weird guy, and she asked me "How do you know these things?" Well, they are obvious to me.

My friend was not to blame for anything that happened; all the fault is on the creeper. But instead of crying about rights, my friend and all people can do their best to stay safe. And sometimes that is assessing our action and trying to act in the most aware and safe way.

That's extremely sad, unfortunate, and disturbing. I hope that man was brought to justice. I understand your logic and your sentiment -- the best offense is a good defense. I truly understand that and appreciate it. I was mostly trying to emphasis that in most of the situations where I have been manhandled in the past, I really didn't put myself in a terribly compromising position. A couple of times I could've been less mouthy and feisty, I'll admit that fully -- but I wasn't anywhere alone with someone I don't know. I make sure I don't go places alone where there's alcohol or an event (the grocery store and back doesn't count), I make sure that I always have a cell phone on me, I make sure to not go off alone with someone I don't know or don't trust, I make sure to not accept open drinks from anyone that isn't family, etc etc.

Did you know that pedophiles choose their victims by knowing the ones who won't tell anyone? It is wrong to teach children about it and tell them to tell on people and to provide a safe space for doing so? That sort of thing might not prevent crime, but at least it might help it from being repeated to the same victim.

I am aware of how a sexual predator chooses their victim, I tend to look like an easy target -- I'm small, young & innocent looking, quiet, not very social, etc. I would fit the text-book case of the quiet nerdy girl. My friends believe that's why I tend to get singled out.

So if I got harassed everywhere I went, I would sit down and try to figure out what I could do to prevent it, for my own enjoyment and safety. That's not the same as blaming the victim.

I am sorry if I opened old wounds for you and caused you to have this argument with me, when I am not among the people you are addressing.

I have actually had debates with friends and family about why I seem to be a magnet for it -- many of us don't really know. I'm not a very friendly person and I am rather abrasive to people I don't know. I'm not very loud or particularly obnoxious but I have no problems telling someone off. I make precautions to avoid going to events alone, and I also do my best to make sure I have an "escape route" -- which is likely why nothing too serious came of it other than some scrapes and bruises.

It is not that you opened any old wounds -- in fact I didn't expect a response like the one I received, and my apologies if I misunderstood how you meant things, I felt it came across that way which shocked and offended me -- not you but the mentality and concept I perceived in and by itself. I also don't felt that this was an argument, if anything it was a bit of a debate. I'm not angry with you or upset -- I'm more perturbed because I was rather unseated by what I read and the perceived tone of the responses.

I do want to correct something I posted... my fiance corrected me on this, it was not 6 months ago... it was more like 18 months ago that I had that incident at the concert, I was in Argentina with him almost exactly 1 year after that incident, so I had the time frame off in my head.

[Shiobhan 235]

Could be your size are you petite?...have a passive poster at times?

there are drunks who go out looking for trouble & those they think

is an easy target..if U have to defend yourself everytime...pity you did

not kick out his nutz....as to your husband try to not have him intervene

unless he just have to, even with a GC those culprits put on a 3 piece

suit go to court with a well paid lawyer and mostly win as a USC.

Who remembered the kid in Texas on a Soccer team at school nose bloodied

by another player , a yr later its alleged he stuck his foot out causing

the boy harm when he fell, that kid was deported to Mexico 17.5 yrs old.

Darnell I like your idea to deal with the matter.

[d3adc0d3 186]

Could be your size are you petite?...have a passive poster at times?

there are drunks who go out looking for trouble & those they think

is an easy target..if U have to defend yourself everytime...pity you did

not kick out his nutz....as to your husband try to not have him intervene

unless he just have to, even with a GC those culprits put on a 3 piece

suit go to court with a well paid lawyer and mostly win as a USC.

Who remembered the kid in Texas on a Soccer team at school nose bloodied

by another player , a yr later its alleged he stuck his foot out causing

the boy harm when he fell, that kid was deported to Mexico 17.5 yrs old.

Darnell I like your idea to deal with the matter.

I'm very petite. I'm not short -- I'm about 5'6" but my frame is very small (I weigh about 115lbs and I'm a size 3 jeans) and I'm almost fragile looking. I also have a "doll face", which makes me look young and "innocent" -- which I hated for the longest time, and sometimes still do.

I plan on staying in the house and avoiding events as much as possible while he's here. That shouldn't be too hard considering it'll be around the holidays that we will be able to get him here and it'll be cold as hell in upstate NY... but we know that the AoS will take forever to process, so it's not too unlikely that he won't yet have a GC by the time the warm weather hits and we'll be going out again.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I can't hear very well (and hearing aids don't do squat for someone who's deaf only in one ear -- I've tried them), so when I'm in a crowd I have no idea if someone behind me is making lewd comments -- I can't hear them over the 20+ people talking around me, I have no audio depth perception and everything comes off at the same volume. I also tend to be oblivious when someone's "checking me out" or eyeballing me in general, unless I'm consciously looking for it (or more accurately someone pointed it out to me).

Have you looked into getting a cochlear implant? It won't restore normal hearing, but it will give you the ability to detect sounds and even understand speech on the affected side of your head. A cochlear implant should work as long as your auditory nerve isn't damaged.

[d3adc0d3 186]

Have you looked into getting a cochlear implant? It won't restore normal hearing, but it will give you the ability to detect sounds and even understand speech on the affected side of your head. A cochlear implant should work as long as your auditory nerve isn't damaged.

I have loss of hearing because of scarring on my eardrum from really bad ear infections and such as a child. I'm not stone deaf on my right side -- I can hear bass voices, everything sounds like I'm underwater and the people are talking above water in that ear. I just don't have audio depth perception and the tinnitus I'll get regularly will pretty much block out any sounds if it acts up.

I'll look into it, I haven't been to the ear doctor in years, last time I went they didn't think there was anything that could be done and I got a "at least you can kinda hear out of that side". Could've just been a crappy doctor though.