The SteveAndTiff Identity

[Jacque67 7,328]

I do want it to work. We went thru a lot in 12 years....

It will work. You seem super tense at the moment . Believe.

[SAT 9,609]

All of you guys had some good inputs in this conversation so far.....

It will work. You seem super tense at the moment . Believe.

I am super tense......

[Caryh 5,206]

I do want it to work. We went thru a lot in 12 years....

You got the advantage of finding your spouse here in the USA. But its also the disadvantage of not seeing her culture first hand and coming up with a plan on how to deal with some of the inevitably issues that were bound to come up. Well heck even a lot of the guys I know who married Filipinas didn't spend enough time there to understand what's what, but hopefully you'll get my point.

She doesn't think like you or any other American. She thinks like a Chinese Malay. Get into her head, get into her culture, and you'll start to see where she's coming from. If you can get there, its going to help as long as you let your head think first and not just react. Not an easy thing to do at times. But she's not going to react like an American or think like one either no matter how long she lives here. There are ways of accomplishing what you no doubt want, but it's going to have to happen in a direction that is understandable with how she thinks.

I have to say, whenever I see this separated money, I see a situation that is going to be trouble at some point. When you do that there's no need to communicate plans and goals, and then one day you discover you're going in different directions, or at least think you are. I know it seems easier, but easy is not always the best way. But that's definitely personal opinion and preference.

Edited July 29, 2013 by Caryh

[Jacque67 7,328]

All of you guys had some good inputs in this conversation so far.....

I am super tense......

Yeah, that will make Tiff prickly and also have an effect on your daughter. You seemed over-focused on her swimming lesson, hence her abnormal behavior. Does the real problem lie at your work place I wonder?

Ps you are definitely Pisces or Scorpio.

[SAT 9,609]

My work is stressful for sure. That's why I take a lot of time off.

I'm a Taurus! Ms French-astrology.....

Professor, if there's one thing that I've learned in my life, it's every time when I think I know a lot, I realize how little I know.

So even after 12 years, I still see what you mean.....

[Asia 2,499]

Steve, I don't have any advice for you, but I see Cary and other members helped you go through this problem...

BIG hugs to you and Tiff.

[SAT 9,609]

Thanks Asia....

Frenchy I am very focused on my daughters swimming.

All of you are right about a lot of things.....

[Asia 2,499]

Does she enjoy swimming and all?

[Caryh 5,206]

My work is stressful for sure. That's why I take a lot of time off.

I'm a Taurus! Ms French-astrology.....

Professor, if there's one thing that I've learned in my life, it's every time when I think I know a lot, I realize how little I know.

So even after 12 years, I still see what you mean.....

Ain't that the truth. I'm constantly challenging myself to see new things in different ways. What I've learned more than anything, is most people are full of shite.

[oohpartiv 484]

Steve, I'm so sorry to see you're having problems with Tiff again! It seems to be a really deep seeded problem if it's gone on for so long. Family issues are difficult, especially between different cultures, so there's really no easy way to solve the problem. I wish I had something worthwhile to say, aside from my sympathy. I get into little spats with hubby about stuff like this sometimes, especially since now MIL seems to think we're going to be sending her luxury clothes and electronics now that we're living here. She suddenly wants an iPhone, and a blu-ray player, etc etc... She can keep right on dreaming.

Have you considered counseling, maybe? I know it might seem like a dumb idea, but sometimes being able to voice your feelings to your spouse with a neutral third party present to be a mediator is pretty helpful, so that it doesn't disintegrate into an argument.

And CaryH, don't worry, people here on VJ think I'm a man all the time, for some reason. You're not alone!

Oh, and Darnell I hope you feel better soon!

[Caryh 5,206]

Thanks Asia....

Frenchy I am very focused on my daughters swimming.

All of you are right about a lot of things.....

And likely wrong about a lot to. But the different perspectives just might help you get through it.

I learned how to swim when my father threw me out of a boat. Which I think explains why he won't get anywhere near water with me now.

[Caryh 5,206]

Steve, I'm so sorry to see you're having problems with Tiff again! It seems to be a really deep seeded problem if it's gone on for so long. Family issues are difficult, especially between different cultures, so there's really no easy way to solve the problem. I wish I had something worthwhile to say, aside from my sympathy. I get into little spats with hubby about stuff like this sometimes, especially since now MIL seems to think we're going to be sending her luxury clothes and electronics now that we're living here. She suddenly wants an iPhone, and a blu-ray player, etc etc... She can keep right on dreaming.

Have you considered counseling, maybe? I know it might seem like a dumb idea, but sometimes being able to voice your feelings to your spouse with a neutral third party present to be a mediator is pretty helpful, so that it doesn't disintegrate into an argument.

And CaryH, don't worry, people here on VJ think I'm a man all the time, for some reason. You're not alone!

Oh, and Darnell I hope you feel better soon!

Did I refer to you with a male pronoun? I blame my wife and her mixing up he/she and him/her all the time. Now I catch even myself doing it.

My wife would love to outfit her family back home in top end electronics. She even left her Galaxy 3 cell and notebook computer for her sister. Although she did ask me if was ok first, since I bought them for her. Then after that her brother started hinting about wanting a laptop! It ain't never gonna happen though, particularly when his wife kicks the other kids in the family out of the house when they want to use the desktop computer I gave them already. My BIL's wife is not high on my list of favorite people, I think she rates just below spiders and vipers. My nickname for her is stonefish.

Where's Darnell been? I thought he was going to check in with the mobile app?

[SAT 9,609]

She likes swimming. And is fast like a baby seal.....but this last class, refused to jump, and refused to go underwater......

I'm a pretty good swimmer, and would like for her to be the same...

[SAT 9,609]

The old man hates mobile devices. He said he still uses a star-tac

Trivia question.....no googling.......

It was in the 70s that Motorola built the first cell phone network. Known as TAC, aka 1g.....

What is TAC?

[hikergirl 277]

I have been cleaning the dirty tile grout in the floors of this place for days.

Finally have a system that gets them clean with a minimum of work.

Squeeze Soft Scrub Gel w/Bleach on a patch of tile. Let it sit for 15 min. Go over it with a tooth brush. Wash the grout and tile with a bigger brush. Wipe it all off with a microfibre cloth. Rinse the cloth and re-wipe.

Reapply the Soft Scrub and go work on a different patch elsewhere while that one is soaking.

I think you guys should buy shares in Soft Scrub. This place has 1000 sq ft of tile floors and the grout is disgusting.