The SteveAndTiff Identity

[SAT 9,609]

This sounds chauvinistic......

Last night we were arguing......

She said that keeping with traditions, she's supposed to take care of her parents.......

I said, ok fine. What happened to the part where you're supposed to obey your husband then?

Ad her parents I don't mind. I even wanted to pay for her dads 50 thousand dollar accord (a Honda accord cost 50k usd in Malaysia)

But does tiff have to deprive her daughter because her sis wants to live in luxury?)

She's out of her effing mind.

[Caryh 5,206]

Not old fashioned ideas. More like leech mentality, sponge off other people's hard work.

Where to draw the line, enough is enough?

And are you petitioning for more of Tiff's family members to come over to US?

There's plenty of leech mentality all over the world. In Asia they came really do it good, using the family ties and family helping family guilt trip. The family helping family is great when everyone is pulling together, but get one leech in there and it really screws things up.

[SAT 9,609]

Not old fashioned ideas. More like leech mentality, sponge off other people's hard work.

Where to draw the line, enough is enough?

And are you petitioning for more of Tiff's family members to come over to US?

Yep......

Her 3 siblings.....

Like I said. All I want is gratitude. And I'm not feeling any.....

[Caryh 5,206]

This sounds chauvinistic......

Last night we were arguing......

She said that keeping with traditions, she's supposed to take care of her parents.......

I said, ok fine. What happened to the part where you're supposed to obey your husband then?

Ad her parents I don't mind. I even wanted to pay for her dads 50 thousand dollar accord (a Honda accord cost 50k usd in Malaysia)

But does tiff have to deprive her daughter because her sis wants to live in luxury?)

She's out of her effing mind.

What does she want to do for her sister now? Replace everything she lost in the robbery?

[SAT 9,609]

And my BIL said.....why go to the USA, I've got it pretty good........

First of all.......this is a Chinese family living in Malaysia........

[Novembro 1,763]

This sounds chauvinistic......

Last night we were arguing......

She said that keeping with traditions, she's supposed to take care of her parents.......

I said, ok fine. What happened to the part where you're supposed to obey your husband then?

Ad her parents I don't mind. I even wanted to pay for her dads 50 thousand dollar accord (a Honda accord cost 50k usd in Malaysia)

But does tiff have to deprive her daughter because her sis wants to live in luxury?)

She's out of her effing mind.

That's not cool. Have you said all that to her? About depriving your daughter, missing the gratitude, etc? I'm sure you have.

I would be entertaining thoughts about putting a lock on the back account.

[SAT 9,609]

What does she want to do for her sister now? Replace everything she lost in the robbery?

No, it's just that everything got brought up when we were arguing over disciplining our daughter. And I said, no way in hell my daughter is going to end up like that savage kid. And she started again on how I don't like her family. Which isn't true. I love my in laws. And she once again, blindly defends that kid and the whole family.

And she called me cheap and selfish. So I brought up her sis in the basement......

[Caryh 5,206]

And my BIL said.....why go to the USA, I've got it pretty good........

First of all.......this is a Chinese family living in Malaysia........

This is the hard working BIL?

I understand the gratitude part. My wife's mother and sister is always super grateful for what we do. She's also always very concerned that my wife isn't sending money behind my back. We really don't send that much, but it goes a long way there. They were kind of struggling for a bit when my wife was no longer there to pitch in. With a just little help, we don't need to worry too much about them. The BIL should also be pitching in to help mama in her retirement to, but he's got problems with a greedy spouse that likes to live beyond their means while she does nothing.

[SAT 9,609]

That's not cool. Have you said all that to her? About depriving your daughter, missing the gratitude, etc? I'm sure you have.

I would be entertaining thoughts about putting a lock on the back account.

Money is not the issue here. I make a good living. And I put a lot away for tiff and the kid. I told her that. But she doesn't understand paper. Portfolios, insurances, equities, real estate, 401s, IRAs etc.....

I told her that I know I will die before her. And I wanted to make sure that she won't be suckered out of her money (and my daughters).......

[Jacque67 7,328]

Wow! Why don't you have a heart to heart talk with her father and explain the situation from your position to her. Is there a big age difference? Maybe she is a bit immature?

[Novembro 1,763]

Money is not the issue here. I make a good living. And I put a lot away for tiff and the kid. I told her that. But she doesn't understand paper. Portfolios, insurances, equities, real estate, 401s, IRAs etc.....

I told her that I know I will die before her. And I wanted to make sure that she won't be suckered out of her money (and my daughters).......

How old is daughter, btw?

[SAT 9,609]

This is the hard working BIL?

I understand the gratitude part. My wife's mother and sister is always super grateful for what we do. She's also always very concerned that my wife isn't sending money behind my back. We really don't send that much, but it goes a long way there. They were kind of struggling for a bit when my wife was no longer there to pitch in. With a just little help, we don't need to worry too much about them. The BIL should also be pitching in to help mama in her retirement to, but he's got problems with a greedy spouse that likes to live beyond their means while she does nothing.

My BIL just graduated a useless college with a useless degree. Nice kid. But thinks he's seen it all. And think life in Malaysia beats all.....

My in laws are grateful and humble.

It's tiff. She's not grateful. Calls me cheap and selfish. So I asked her, what do you want me to do? Why don't I give my house to the SIL, and give the other house to the other SIL. And me, tiff and daughter will go rent an apartment....would that make you effin happy?

[Caryh 5,206]

No, it's just that everything got brought up when we were arguing over disciplining our daughter. And I said, no way in hell my daughter is going to end up like that savage kid. And she started again on how I don't like her family. Which isn't true. I love my in laws. And she once again, blindly defends that kid and the whole family.

And she called me cheap and selfish. So I brought up her sis in the basement......

Ah now I see where this came from this time. I have a niece and god child in the Philippines, who at one point seemed like a completely spoiled brat. I was thinking one time, why don't they discipline that kid. But it wasn't my place to say it, as its not my kid. I don't know how they turned that kid around, but she's the sweetest thing now. She's still rather spoiled, but very sweet and caring. And extremely smart as it turns out to. I think it was just the terrible two and threes she was going through at the time, and Filipinos seem more tolerant of that behavior than we seem to in the USA.

One thing to remember, is Tiff is a woman, and no doubt afraid you won't love her family and leave them all out to hang. When an emotional person gets angry, they project their fears out as their belief of how the other person thinks. My wife does the same thing all the time when she's upset. I'm slowly learning to deal with it. Which is basically to tell her, no you're just afraid of that, but its not what I think or feel. Which kind of short circuits their whole projection of fears. You've acknowledged their fear, without getting defensive and escalating it.

[Jacque67 7,328]

Maybe you should move out for a while and make her realize how much she depends on you. Don't pay the bills etc so that she has to pay them and realize the value of money.

[SAT 9,609]

Wow! Why don't you have a heart to heart talk with her father and explain the situation from your position to her. Is there a big age difference? Maybe she is a bit immature?

We went thru this before earlier in the year. When her sis got married, got handed a luxury home, and wanted to borrow 15k from tiff to renovate....

15 years difference. She looks young, I look young....

Now I know the age gap is greater than her sis and her BIL in the basement. But the difference is. I can provide. I met tiff when she was 18. I took forever to marry her because of the age difference......