Once your fiance arrives...

[NoeliayRonny 9]

All of your advice on adjustment has really help me, start to think of the realities of this process. So very very helpful.

[Sarah.Simard26 0]

I agree with what everyone is saying. I don't believe a lot of people fully understand how life changing it is when living with your partner from a few days to everyday. I myself have been very fortunate to experience this. My fiancé is from India but is residing in New Zealand right now and I had the opportunity to live with him there for two years. We have been able to see what each other's living habits were/are like and luckily for us, it works. It is VERY different but it really helps if your able to spend a good amount of time with your partner before making such a big decision. I wasn't even engaged when I was living with him and I'm glad it turned out that was so we could really get to know each other first. Another factor is the individual as mentioned previously. I apologize if I sound like I'm boasting but my fiancé can speak multiple languages, drive (I taught him), has two degrees and is very blessed. Even with this, its still a lot of work. I worry all the time he won't be able to adjust to the states because the American culture is so different compared to his. You just have to do your best and support each other no matter what! I want to wish everyone the best of luck through the difficult waiting process. I have been waiting over a year just for New Zealand to grant an indefinite permanent residence status to him so he can start the fiancé visa to come here.(ugghh) I know it'll be worth it in the end. He is my whole world.

Sorry if I made no sense! Hahaha!

[Bankerbox69 5]

I'm starting to feel this way. Wondering will we have the same bond we had ,Whn I was coming for visits

[BabyFaceWife 11]

I think it also makes a big difference where in the US you live. If your fiancée comes to a city that has a large population of people from his/her country it's a little easier to meet people, find foods you are comfortable eating, find products you are used to using.....it's a little less stressful if you at least have some of the familiar things you love around you!

It is different and it's not easy and it requires a lot of communication and a lot of patience from both sides. But it's worth it if you're doing it for the right reasons!

[rlogan 2,036]

When my K-1 got here I discovered she was from a foreign country! They actually have a different language and culture, which I discovered shortly after she arrived...

That's what many of these discussions sound like to us. We couldn't disagree more with the framing that the "real work" begins when the fiancé finally gets here and that there is going to be all this culture shock and depression. For us that is totally backwards. We were thrilled the waiting was over and we could get back to living together like we started.

That's the way it can be when you meet them in person and actually establish a long term relationship first instead of immigrating them and then getting to know one another. She did not work, but we did have our first child ten months after she immigrated. If it had not worked out that way she would have finished her accounting degree so there would have been no idle time to cause depression either way.

If you have sufficient communication, planning, and choose the right person then when they get here it can be a fairy tale. A XXX rated one, but that's even better.

Edited January 16, 2014 by rlogan

[Jon York 156]

you learn so much more about a person when you live with them. There certain things I anticipated like homesickness, financial stress, & needing to learn English. I definitely underestimated how much teaching I'd need to do - especially in the kitchen. Stuff you assume everyone knows like don't put foil in the microwave & you don't cram an entire hot dog into a toaster & then go after it with a knife while it's still plugged in! lol & cultural differences - ay-yi-yi!

our circumstances are tougher than most. we go from seeing each other every few months & talking on the phone or IM'ing to being with your partner 24/7, also its a lot different having them in your daily life & routine. what i imagined is very different from my reality. there have been some very difficult moments but I am glad we are together. I agree with MrTee, communication is everything!

Haha! That's funny about the toaster! I realized a while back that there are a lot of things going on in my kitchen that a third-world fiance is not going to know about! I'm kind of looking forward to seeing what the first "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!" moment is going to be!

But I think it's very interesting what you said - about being together 24/7. I've thought about that. In a way I feel like it will be very natural and easy. But on the other hand, I've never lived with anyone 24/7 before and sometimes I kind of freak out thinking about it. Like this person is going to be here ALWAYS!! Like she's not leaving in a few days! I wonder if I'll feel that way once she gets here. I don't think I will. But, it's interesting to think about.

[S-C 21]

I don't have any concerns about being around my fiancee (soon to be wife ) all the time. I'm from Australia, and I'm currently living in the UK. I don't have an issue with moving to a new country. The change in weather wasn't a big issue as I was expecting the weather in the UK to be significantly different to Australia (I am from Brisbane, where it is hot, humid and sunny 90% of the time).

Similarly, moving to Mississippi from the UK won't be a problem from a cultural or climate perspective for me. The coast of Mississippi has an extremely similar climate to Brisbane, and the cultural differences between Australia and the US are so small it isn't even worth mentioning.

But most importantly, the thought of always having Chelsea around and being able to do the mundane everyday things together (like go grocery shopping, cook dinner together, talk about our day while actually being in the same room) is what I am looking forward to the most. It is those things that I miss whenever I have to come back to the UK, or Chels has to fly home. That is what I want.

I also think it is important to be prepared mentally for the first few months when I am really not going to be able to do much, as I want be able to work and really have no need for more study. But I will volunteer and have hobbies so that I am occupied. Preparation and realistic expectations are key, and making sure you communicate with each other is the foundation of that.