We failed, so will divorce in the middle of ROC

[Done--Really 331]

Sometimes life is full of surprises, and this is certainly one of them. We were less than 30 days away form filing the I-751, and my wife wants a divorce. No, I don't believe that she gamed the system just to get a green card, and yes, the decision is final, so I need some help about how to fill out the I-751. Let me go through question by question:

1) What name do we use in question 1 ?? She will revert to her maiden name after the divorce, but the divorce will still be pending when we file, so married name or her prior name.

2) Ditto for question 2. If we use her maiden name in question 1, then her married name will become her prior name once the divorce is final.

3) In question 11 which asks for marital status, do we use married or divorced since everything will be pending.

4) In the waiver section, do we use the divorce choice even though the form says the marriage has already been terminated, when in fact it will still be pending at the time we file.

5) Do I include my information in the relationship section--I would think not since it will no longer be a joint filing.

6) Ditto that I would not sign the form

Thanks in advance--I know I have helped countless couples with other issues when I was the expert, and now I need your expertise to get through this sad, and final step.

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

Sorry, I don't have the answers to your questions, but a question does come to mind... Why the F are helping her remove conditions when she wants a divorce?

Let her fill out her own form. I would tell her "Pura Vida and Buena Suerte".

Edited July 2, 2013 by Eric-Pris

[lost_at_sea 995]

Sorry, I don't have the answers to your questions, but a question does come to mind... Why the F are helping her remove conditions when she wants a divorce?

Let her fill out her own form. I would tell her "Pura Vida and Buena Suerte".

Not all divorces have to end in hatred towards your soon-to-be-ex partner. I hope the OP is on good terms, which is why he is trying to help.

1 & 2 I'd guess you keep the name she's legally using. She won't have any documents to prove she's gone back yet (or in time, likely).

3 and beyond. I think you need to put "Married" as that is indeed you legal status at the moment and likely to be until the petition is ended. Does it let you put separated? That's a legal state to be in in some states.

I'm sorry for your situation. I assume the divorce proceedings have not yet begun, I wonder if it's worth putting them on hold until this round of paperwork is complete. Working through it while "pending" seems somewhat stressful and is causing you to not be sure what to put in all the boxes.

[Dave&Roza 748]

Sometimes life is full of surprises, and this is certainly one of them. We were less than 30 days away form filing the I-751, and my wife wants a divorce. No, I don't believe that she gamed the system just to get a green card, and yes, the decision is final, so I need some help about how to fill out the I-751. Let me go through question by question:

1) What name do we use in question 1 ?? She will revert to her maiden name after the divorce, but the divorce will still be pending when we file, so married name or her prior name.

2) Ditto for question 2. If we use her maiden name in question 1, then her married name will become her prior name once the divorce is final.

3) In question 11 which asks for marital status, do we use married or divorced since everything will be pending.

4) In the waiver section, do we use the divorce choice even though the form says the marriage has already been terminated, when in fact it will still be pending at the time we file.

5) Do I include my information in the relationship section--I would think not since it will no longer be a joint filing.

6) Ditto that I would not sign the form

Thanks in advance--I know I have helped countless couples with other issues when I was the expert, and now I need your expertise to get through this sad, and final step.

You have two options which are 1) remained married long enough to complete the ROC, or 2) she files the joint filing waiver and will have to wait for the final divorce decree before the ROC is finalized. If she wants option 1 then the name will need to be what is already on the 2 year GC. Option 2 she can use her maiden name as the divorce will be final when they approve her ROC. Option 1 also as the waiting for the ROC to be approved before filing for divorce. Option 2 is cleaner for you.

Good luck,

Dave

[Audy_Rob 26]

You have two options which are 1) remained married long enough to complete the ROC, or 2) she files the joint filing waiver and will have to wait for the final divorce decree before the ROC is finalized. If she wants option 1 then the name will need to be what is already on the 2 year GC. Option 2 she can use her maiden name as the divorce will be final when they approve her ROC. Option 1 also as the waiting for the ROC to be approved before filing for divorce. Option 2 is cleaner for you.

Actually, this probably isn't the best answer especially in keeping in line with the spirit of Visa Journey. You must never recommend following a path that will mislead the government. Nor must you ever mis-represent material facts nor suggest anyone else do so. Option 1 is not an option as you are deliberately misleading in the process and should not even be suggested here.

Good luck.

Edited July 4, 2013 by Audy_Rob

[AnotherLostSoul 167]

Why you would pay a revenge immediately? Sometimes, two people just simply realize that their life together is not a cake with whipped cream on top. It doesn't always end up bad because one is cheating over the other. And hence, he is being normal, and humane to work things out for her to remain here. Hate is not the answer....

Sorry, I don't have the answers to your questions, but a question does come to mind... Why the F are helping her remove conditions when she wants a divorce?

Let her fill out her own form. I would tell her "Pura Vida and Buena Suerte".

[Rushton50 10]

Why you would pay a revenge immediately? Sometimes, two people just simply realize that their life together is not a cake with whipped cream on top. It doesn't always end up bad because one is cheating over the other. And hence, he is being normal, and humane to work things out for her to remain here. Hate is not the answer....

I agree revenge or hate is not the answer, but to add to anotherlostsouls, post!

Look at it this way as all of us will understand, we spent months and weeks apart from the ones we love so much, we yearned to touch and hold each other before our day was over and the same when our days began.

The agreement for one of us to move country was not an easy one, but one of us had to and give up much in order to do so!

In my case, I gave up a great job and money, being with friends that took me a lifetime to make, changed a lifestyle and culture so in other words I gave up my life and my home country and put everything; Financially, physically and emotionally into my marriage that I have faith, trust and respect in!

Our decision was based on the fact that my wife has a large family, we could have a better lifestyle and her kids, grown up and starting families of their own; She didnt want to miss out on that!

No one knows how that path will unfold and unfortunately things can take a turn for the worse as we are only allowed to spend a certain amount of time in each others country and the visa process also takes its toll!

It may be the case that they have the burden of guilt, knowing that the other has to try and make a new life here and I will be totally honest, its not easy, I have made a couple of friends, but no one I could turn to in the event something like this happened to me! God forbid it should ever happen!

In cases like this we can only comfort the other based on what we read and offer suggestions based on what we have read in the past, we are not counselors or the I/O that has the final say and to be honest, I dont think I could be the final person who determines the fate of someones life!

[AnotherLostSoul 167]

Hey Rushton50:

I absolutely agree with you, and I see your point. And honestly, although of shorter route, but people who are going through AOS also had to go through this great decision of giving up everything in their home country, of isolating their future kids from their loved ones (visits just don't do the same as growing up with the loved ones around you, I believe) but love is love. As the OP seems to have formulated his words, he truly still loves his wife. And whether the wife was fishing for GC, or not, we're not here to judge on that. Sometimes, simply, a relationship does not work out. Maybe this lady who he is helping with the ROC is in the same shoe. Maybe, she, herself, has realized that the relationship is not working. Not protecting her, cheating on her husband, and get pregnant with another man is very very bad, but who knows....maybe she didn't know how to deal with the relationship she saw falling apart too. And I still feel hate is not a solution, and just the husband now break out on a lash and pay revenge, and report USCIS/ICE, and whatnot is just too toxic. There are ton of injustices in this life, but we should not build up hate just because we didn't have any easy time. Obama is legalizing all illegals...that is not fair, I believe. Others are, like you say, wait for decades either through work, or far relative, or through their marriage to get their residence status adjusted/established. But still, we should not hate Obama, or all the illegals...life is not a just place to live in, but we should make it a bit more fun, and I believe not thinking negatively, or be full of hate is one way. Anyway, long story short, everybody carries a big stone along, one way or the other, and should make their journey a happy one regardless....good luck!

I agree revenge or hate is not the answer, but to add to anotherlostsouls, post!

Look at it this way as all of us will understand, we spent months and weeks apart from the ones we love so much, we yearned to touch and hold each other before our day was over and the same when our days began.

The agreement for one of us to move country was not an easy one, but one of us had to and give up much in order to do so!

In my case, I gave up a great job and money, being with friends that took me a lifetime to make, changed a lifestyle and culture so in other words I gave up my life and my home country and put everything; Financially, physically and emotionally into my marriage that I have faith, trust and respect in!

Our decision was based on the fact that my wife has a large family, we could have a better lifestyle and her kids, grown up and starting families of their own; She didnt want to miss out on that!

No one knows how that path will unfold and unfortunately things can take a turn for the worse as we are only allowed to spend a certain amount of time in each others country and the visa process also takes its toll!

It may be the case that they have the burden of guilt, knowing that the other has to try and make a new life here and I will be totally honest, its not easy, I have made a couple of friends, but no one I could turn to in the event something like this happened to me! God forbid it should ever happen!

In cases like this we can only comfort the other based on what we read and offer suggestions based on what we have read in the past, we are not counselors or the I/O that has the final say and to be honest, I dont think I could be the final person who determines the fate of someones life!

[Done--Really 331]

Thanks guys.

We'll see how this unfolds. My wife is a dentist but because of the laws in the individual states, it is impossible for her to work as a dentist here without going back to school for two years, and amass well over $100,000 in debt. And yes, she not only gave up all the normal things to move t the US, she also gave up her thriving dental practice, knowing that she would never be a dentist again--at least not here in NJ.

We have about 3 1/2 months to decide what to do, and no, we won't lie on the 751 just to get a green card--we are both far too ethical to do that. We do have some possibilities in three states--MN, MA, FL where she can be a dentist and/or hygienist without going back to school, and that would completely upset my business, so we have big choices to make in a short time.

As to the implications about affairs, pregnant, or other cheating ways--never !! We are just suffering under the stress of her not being able to start up a dental practice here--we both knew that coming in, and the stress is simply much worse than we ever anticipated.

And do love that girl !!!

[Rushton50 10]

Its hard for you both and do understand that as the beneficiary I also wanted to start up my own business and not work for a slave driving business, which I have found the majority are!

It does take a toll on the relationship, but "Love will out- conquer all" as they say.

I wish you both luck

Thanks guys.

We'll see how this unfolds. My wife is a dentist but because of the laws in the individual states, it is impossible for her to work as a dentist here without going back to school for two years, and amass well over $100,000 in debt. And yes, she not only gave up all the normal things to move t the US, she also gave up her thriving dental practice, knowing that she would never be a dentist again--at least not here in NJ.

We have about 3 1/2 months to decide what to do, and no, we won't lie on the 751 just to get a green card--we are both far too ethical to do that. We do have some possibilities in three states--MN, MA, FL where she can be a dentist and/or hygienist without going back to school, and that would completely upset my business, so we have big choices to make in a short time.

As to the implications about affairs, pregnant, or other cheating ways--never !! We are just suffering under the stress of her not being able to start up a dental practice here--we both knew that coming in, and the stress is simply much worse than we ever anticipated.

And do love that girl !!!

[Dave&Roza 748]

Actually, this probably isn't the best answer especially in keeping in line with the spirit of Visa Journey. You must never recommend following a path that will mislead the government. Nor must you ever mis-represent material facts nor suggest anyone else do so. Option 1 is not an option as you are deliberately misleading in the process and should not even be suggested here.

Good luck.

I said to remain married long enough to complete the ROC. I never said what to do during or after that. My hope is that during the time spent doing the ROC she will change her mind and remain in the US WITH her husband and not get divorced. Please do not read too much into what someone posts. My wife and I almost never made it to our first wedding anniversary. The only difference was that she would return to Kazakhstan and not remain in the US. It took time for her to adjust and she is still adjusting and we are coming up on the three year mark. This journey is hard on both parties and if you throw in lack of job, changes in culture, family pressures, etc, it is even harder. One problem I see in today's society is that we are too quick to decide that if it is not working just quit. Why not give it some time to see if the issues can be worked out? So if the OP remains married, files for ROC and complete that before deciding what to do next, it will give them both time to see if their issues can be worked out. I understand her frustration and maybe, just maybe a little more time will save this marriage.

I applaud the OP in that he does not want to kick her to the curb or send her back home. Too many times here on VJ we hear about someone's marriage not working out and the USC wants to have the immigrant spouse sent back home like they are a piece of meat.

Dave

Edited July 5, 2013 by Dave&Roza

[VanessaTony 3,567]

As you are going to file for divorce, the my answers are based on her filing for a divorce waiver. Also, SHE is filing the forms, not you. This is her process. Not yours.

1. SHE uses her maiden name if that is the name she wants on her 10 year GC. The divorce decree will serve as proof of name change

2. see 1.

3. Divorced. She won't be able to have her GC approved until the divorce is final.

4. Divorced. She will receive and RFE for the decree if your divorce isn't final in time.

5. No.

6. No you do not sign it.

She does not need to file ROC immediately when the 90 day window opens. This gives you both time to finalise the divorce so that she can file with the decree. if she doesn't have the decree in time, she needs to file before her GC expires, and she will be RFE'd for the decree and given 86 days to respond.

If you are choosing to help her, it would be beneficial to finalise the divorce asap to make the road the smoothest. You could also provide a letter attesting to the validity of the marriage but things just fell apart.

[AnotherLostSoul 167]

Dave:

You are very wise, and understandable, and I do appreciate your reply even though I'm luckily not the one having this issue. But your post, I believe, is definitely that one should consider. You are very very right. I, for one, thank you for posting this wise information! Good luck to you and your wife!

I said to remain married long enough to complete the ROC. I never said what to do during or after that. My hope is that during the time spent doing the ROC she will change her mind and remain in the US WITH her husband and not get divorced. Please do not read too much into what someone posts. My wife and I almost never made it to our first wedding anniversary. The only difference was that she would return to Kazakhstan and not remain in the US. It took time for her to adjust and she is still adjusting and we are coming up on the three year mark. This journey is hard on both parties and if you throw in lack of job, changes in culture, family pressures, etc, it is even harder. One problem I see in today's society is that we are too quick to decide that if it is not working just quit. Why not give it some time to see if the issues can be worked out? So if the OP remains married, files for ROC and complete that before deciding what to do next, it will give them both time to see if their issues can be worked out. I understand her frustration and maybe, just maybe a little more time will save this marriage.

I applaud the OP in that he does not want to kick her to the curb or send her back home. Too many times here on VJ we hear about someone's marriage not working out and the USC wants to have the immigrant spouse sent back home like they are a piece of meat.

Dave