Withdrawal of I-864 form

[Caryh 5,206]

You are right, she would have found another way to leave if that's what she really wanted.

Although there wasn't any evidence of assault, or even abuse for that matter, the cops really couldn't do anything but take her to the shelter. I have heard from Nancy since she went to the shelter, and she basically told me she is receiving phscological therapy for what happened. I never knew that our little fight would cause her to need therapy. I just don't understand it.

From the other things you've said and particularly this one, it sounds to me like you were just a ticket for a green card. Your little fight is exactly what she needed to claim the need for therapy to justify the VAWA claim.

I feel really sorry for you. Protect yourself and end this would be my advice. Count yourself lucky she wasn't a better actress with the cops. I'm not sure what you yelled about or how the fight started. Could be you were even pushed into an argument you didn't even want to be in so a VAWA case could be made. Could be you were just being an azz, I wasn't there. But her actions certainly sounds like someone who was coached from the beginning and awaiting the chance. Might be not grabbing her or hitting her left her confused about calling the police and thats why she needed to call and talk with the coach, ah I mean sister. Only you can judge the real situation you've found yourself in, but from how you portray it, be glad you're not also on the hook for the I-864 since you can still withdraw it.

[aws&ndd 103]

I think you should take steps to protect yourself from further accusation.

What steps should I take? Aside from the advice already given, is there anything else I need to do to protect myself?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

You are right, she would have found another way to leave if that's what she really wanted.

Although there wasn't any evidence of assault, or even abuse for that matter, the cops really couldn't do anything but take her to the shelter. I have heard from Nancy since she went to the shelter, and she basically told me she is receiving phscological therapy for what happened. I never knew that our little fight would cause her to need therapy. I just don't understand it.

DO NOT contact her. DO NOT answer her calls. DO NOT text her. Keep all messages she sends you. Keep all voicemail (including from her family). Do not contact her in any way. She could try and claim harassment if you do.

As hard as it is, you need to cut ALL contact. This includes with her family. I suggest for the collection of her possessions that you email her sister before you cut contact, (and keep the email) and advise her that when she is ready to collect her clothing etc that she can contact your attorney so that it can be arranged. As much as it sucks, get a divorce attorney involved NOW so that any correspondence is conducted through them. I cannot stress enough how you need to protect yourself. This can get ugly quickly (it's already ugly but it CAN get much worse).

What steps should I take? Aside from the advice already given, is there anything else I need to do to protect myself?

Contact an attorney. Depending on the laws in your state you may not be legally allowed to lock her out of the house (it is the marital home), so you need to know ASAP what your options are there. Yes she went to a shelter but she could try some game about how you kicked her out/locked her out or something. Get attorney's involved now. All communication should be through them from now on.

Edited June 24, 2013 by VanessaTony

[Caryh 5,206]

What steps should I take? Aside from the advice already given, is there anything else I need to do to protect myself?

Pull I-864 - check

Change the locks - check

Check courts for pending TRO or Permanent Restraining Order ?

Never be together alone?

Don't call her, incase she's using the call records to claim continued verbal threats?

Good divorce lawyer?

Pack her things so she can pick them up with police escort?

Basically keep all further contact with her through legal channels. Don't accept her calls or visits and don't make any to her.

[Pinkrlion 2,724]

You are right, she would have found another way to leave if that's what she really wanted.

Although there wasn't any evidence of assault, or even abuse for that matter, the cops really couldn't do anything but take her to the shelter. I have heard from Nancy since she went to the shelter, and she basically told me she is receiving phscological therapy for what happened. I never knew that our little fight would cause her to need therapy. I just don't understand it.

Her sister is telling her what to do to file VAWA.

[himher 634]

Divorce does not stop your obligations of sponsorship.

The obligation of sponsorship STARTS at I485 approval. The affidavit of support can be pulled at any time before AOS approval after which the immigrant is on her own to decide what to do.

[livindadream 156]

I got married to someone who came to the states on our K-1 visa. We married when he arrived and two months later he met a Nigerian lawyer/pastor and before I knew it, he had surrounded himself with his secret Nigerian community who I never got to meet and by the months end he was gone. He just forged up an argument one day and left...he marched down to a shelter and proudly went into the pastors church asking for handouts and everything, meanwhile he had a wife (me) crying and begging for him to come home. I'm sure they somehow formed up written statements saying all kinds of lies about me and since I am not allowed to speak to them about anything, I had no say at all. when he first left, I had gone to USCIS where I lived and told them what had happened. She told me to write a statement about it all. So I sat in the office and wrote a three page letter about how he left for no reason and that I suspected that he frauded me to get to the US. I asked them what else do I need to do and she said "nothing we will put this in his file"........well guess what?? Obviously the letter did nothing, cuz he was able to stay in the US and im sure the only way he got to do it was with the VAWA bullcrap. So go thru the necessary steps with withdrawing the affidavit of support but in the end that's about all you can do. The system does not always work in the REAL victims favor...sad but true.

[himher 634]

All the advice given earlier is correct. Since she chose the rules of the game then it is up to you to do what is necessary to protect yourself from false accusations of abuse. Do not call her for any reason, as repeated calls can be interpreted as harassment. Do not make arrangements to be alone with her. If she wishes to pick up her things then YOU (not her) call an officer in for standby and do not open the door or make contact with her until the officer is there. Do not accept her calls. Do not let her talk you into taking her back as this will happen again as soon as the AOS petition is approved.

Withdraw your affidavit of support in writing and in person. In writing express your concerns about false VAWA claim and identify your wife's sister by name as helping her do it. Once your affidavit is withdrawn, your responsibility is ended and you can go about your life.

You probably need to go ahead and file for divorce as she voluntarily left the home. She only needs to be out of the house for (1) day for you to be officially separated (OOPS on HER part) and since she not you left the home have your attorney include in the petition that she abandoned the home.

Tough break - nod of sympathy for you in this. You are LUCKY you got the officer you did. A lot of them would have just hauled you off on her word.

[Texas22 50]

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. I sincerely hope that

everything works out for you in the end. Just know that my thoughts are with you through this

very difficult time.

[NikLR 13,231]

The only other thing I can suggest is that if she is allowed back into the house, because it is the marital home, then you do not remain there. Changing the locks CAN backfire on you as it is a marital home so consult an attorney before doing so. I personally would leave until such a time as you know you're allowed to change the locks. Take any hard drives you have, any personal information, your passports, checks, etc... Any an all proof that you had a successful marriage up to this point. Get the police statement as well to show the officer didn't feel any of the police action was necessary. Withdraw the I-864 and start divorce proceedings.

Normal people don't call the police and go to a shelter just because they had an argument with their spouse. That's something you do if your life is in danger. People are crazy.

[DearJohn 28]

Thanks so much for the advice. This has just been really hard to deal with, and I still keep thinking its all my fault.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Right now I feel ashamed that she's colombian like I am. She shouldn't done that to you. It's not fair. I wish you the best.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

There was never any red flags with our case. I keep thinking its my fault because if we never had our little fight, then maybe she never would have left.

I am a government investigator and my position is funded in part by VAWA. She might have come just to get her green card and her sister might be advising her to call the Police, etc... Only problem here is if that was the case and if they were as smart as everyone assumes would she/they not have waited until the process is complete? This would be premature on their part. (I say their because we are assuming that the sister in coaching/helping her?) Is it possible that she just got really scared because you raised your voice at her? Is it possible that she just felt frightened? Or has it been a scheme all along? I would agree you should not be alone with her if she is in fact building a case for a U-Visa. But it seems like no one here has addressed the possibility that she just gor really frightened. I hope that is the case and I hope the two of you can get back together and work it out but as everone has warned: BEWARE. I would suggest getting a complete copy of the Police Report before proceeding to see exactly what she reported to Police. If you are innocent you likely have nothing to fear. The Police did not arrest you so she likely did not report that you physically assaulted her in any way. Good luck and God Speed.

I hope everyone else is wrong. I hope she comes around and the two of you spend the rest of your lives together in matrimonial bliss...

Aloha Ke Akua

[aws&ndd 103]

I am a government investigator and my position is funded in part by VAWA. She might have come just to get her green card and her sister might be advising her to call the Police, etc... Only problem here is if that was the case and if they were as smart as everyone assumes would she/they not have waited until the process is complete? This would be premature on their part. (I say their because we are assuming that the sister in coaching/helping her?) Is it possible that she just got really scared because you raised your voice at her? Is it possible that she just felt frightened? Or has it been a scheme all along? I would agree you should not be alone with her if she is in fact building a case for a U-Visa. But it seems like no one here has addressed the possibility that she just gor really frightened. I hope that is the case and I hope the two of you can get back together and work it out but as everone has warned: BEWARE. I would suggest getting a complete copy of the Police Report before proceeding to see exactly what she reported to Police. If you are innocent you likely have nothing to fear. The Police did not arrest you so she likely did not report that you physically assaulted her in any way. Good luck and God Speed.

I hope everyone else is wrong. I hope she comes around and the two of you spend the rest of your lives together in matrimonial bliss...

Aloha Ke Akua

I'm getting a copy of the police report, should have it within a couple days as they are mailing it to me. I really hope its just a simple case like you said where she just got really frightened, but honestly and as stupid as it sounds, I just want to wake up from this nightmare and have things back the way they were.

[Artisan 138]

Her sister is telling her what to do to file VAWA.

It won't be just her sister involved. As soon as she is in the shelter there will be social workers and consultants made available to help her process the VAWA claim. It is likely there has already been a TRO filed on her behalf. The system is set up to provide the benefit of the doubt on the part of the victim. The advice the OP has been given is solid. It's vital he avoid any and all unsupervised contact with his wife. The damage is likely done though and she'll probably get her green card regardless of his actions.

The OP should count himself lucky that his state does not have similar laws as Ohio. Here, when officers answer a domestic dispute, they must as a matter of policy place the aggressor under arrest or have documented the reason as to their failure to make an arrest. It makes VAWA cases here even easier for the victim.

[Ayman___ 92]

Wishing you luck.....so sorry to hear this you got such great advice ...I'm praying for you