Fiance betrays me

[Caladan 19]

Indeed. I didn't say it was impossible, just uncommon. Meaning that it is, well, not common.

[garya505 2]

If I had found out on my own, yeah I would be suspicious that she had done more. But I really believe it's the truth. I still find it difficult to believe she told me over the phone. I am 7,000 miles away. I would never have found out. That's the way she is and that's why I believe her. But yeah, bringing her here with all the American men here would be risky IMO. I am much more concerned with the future than the past.

Mike

So sorry to hear what has happened. You must let her go, I know it's alot easier said than done. If you decide to bring her here what will your family and friends think of her after knowing what she has done - will they respect her or will they always think of her as "thats the girl that cheated on him while he invested alot of time, money, feelings, etc.)". Although she told you it was only 15 minutes of "making out" how do you know for sure - you will never know and the images of her in your mind with this other person will slowly torture you. Will you trust her if you bring her here, what will happen when you go to work and she is at home all day, will she go see another "american man".

Good luck in whatever decision you decide to do.

Mike, I think your instincts are right. Maybe it's her age or she just has poor judgement, but in either case she obviously is not committed to you or she never would have even thought of doing that!

There are plenty of honest and sincere women out there looking for a good husband. If you PM me I can introduce you to some of my fiancee's cousins or friends who won't do you like that.

[mybackpages 0]

There are plenty of honest and sincere women out there looking for a good husband. If you PM me I can introduce you to some of my fiancee's cousins or friends who won't do you like that.

[KarenCee 3]

My fiancee has a 27-year-old cousin in California who is married to a 63-year-old guy, and they have a 6-month-old baby.

That's great. There are lots of couples where this kind of age difference doesn't matter. There are just as many where it DOES matter. Which is why they're not couples anymore.

I am 14 years older than my husband. It is working extremely well for us.

Edited November 27, 2006 by KarenCee

[mrc 0]

If I had found out on my own, yeah I would be suspicious that she had done more. But I really believe it's the truth. I still find it difficult to believe she told me over the phone. I am 7,000 miles away. I would never have found out. That's the way she is and that's why I believe her. But yeah, bringing her here with all the American men here would be risky IMO. I am much more concerned with the future than the past.

Mike

So sorry to hear what has happened. You must let her go, I know it's alot easier said than done. If you decide to bring her here what will your family and friends think of her after knowing what she has done - will they respect her or will they always think of her as "thats the girl that cheated on him while he invested alot of time, money, feelings, etc.)". Although she told you it was only 15 minutes of "making out" how do you know for sure - you will never know and the images of her in your mind with this other person will slowly torture you. Will you trust her if you bring her here, what will happen when you go to work and she is at home all day, will she go see another "american man".

Good luck in whatever decision you decide to do.

Mike, I think your instincts are right. Maybe it's her age or she just has poor judgement, but in either case she obviously is not committed to you or she never would have even thought of doing that!

There are plenty of honest and sincere women out there looking for a good husband. If you PM me I can introduce you to some of my fiancee's cousins or friends who won't do you like that.

ha ha...gary, you reminded me of this little old Filipina lady I met the other day. I was talking to her about Filipino grocery stores in the area and about Susie and she asked if any of my friends would be interested in meeting her niece. I had only met her ten minutes earlier.

[mawilson 2,133]

So she kissed a guy. Big deal. The girl has needs and you're not there for her, are you?

[garya505 2]

If I had found out on my own, yeah I would be suspicious that she had done more. But I really believe it's the truth. I still find it difficult to believe she told me over the phone. I am 7,000 miles away. I would never have found out. That's the way she is and that's why I believe her. But yeah, bringing her here with all the American men here would be risky IMO. I am much more concerned with the future than the past.

Mike

So sorry to hear what has happened. You must let her go, I know it's alot easier said than done. If you decide to bring her here what will your family and friends think of her after knowing what she has done - will they respect her or will they always think of her as "thats the girl that cheated on him while he invested alot of time, money, feelings, etc.)". Although she told you it was only 15 minutes of "making out" how do you know for sure - you will never know and the images of her in your mind with this other person will slowly torture you. Will you trust her if you bring her here, what will happen when you go to work and she is at home all day, will she go see another "american man".

Good luck in whatever decision you decide to do.

Mike, I think your instincts are right. Maybe it's her age or she just has poor judgement, but in either case she obviously is not committed to you or she never would have even thought of doing that!

There are plenty of honest and sincere women out there looking for a good husband. If you PM me I can introduce you to some of my fiancee's cousins or friends who won't do you like that.

ha ha...gary, you reminded me of this little old Filipina lady I met the other day. I was talking to her about Filipino grocery stores in the area and about Susie and she asked if any of my friends would be interested in meeting her niece. I had only met her ten minutes earlier.

Yup, that's how it's done. My fiancee's friends keep meeting these real LOSERS and I keep having to tell them not to settle for a jerk.

[kaydee457 13]

Well that sucks Mike.

They always say "what goes around comes around"

I think 30 years is too big of an age difference in MO.

I dont see how you could have anything in common.

Best of luck what ever you decide. In my OP she is just to young for you. That is my brutal honest comment. She is probley just in a place where she is beginning her life as an adult and you have too many years on here to understand that. You have already done what she is just starting to explore.

Yep, that's a biy yoo much. Now if you were in the ballpark of say 25~26 as my wife and I you'd probably have a chance to a genuine relationship.

[mRx 16]

So she kissed a guy. Big deal. The girl has needs and you're not there for her, are you?

thats pretty harsh. So when you were separated from your fiance(e), it was ok for him/her to satisfy their needs right?

[Sinergy 3]

So she kissed a guy. Big deal. The girl has needs and you're not there for her, are you?

Well thats not real mature. i mean at one time you and your fiance were apart, and im sure you wouldnt have wanted your fiance running around making out with other people and then you being blamed for not being there for your fiance.

during this process we cant be with our fiances holding their hands hoping they wont cheat.

if my hubby had cheated on me, it wouldve been his stupidity, it deffinatly wouldnt have been my fault for not being there for him. same goes for this guy in this situation. hes over here, doing what hes gotta do to get her here, the least she can do is be faithful! there are ways to take care of your needs without involving another person

Edited November 27, 2006 by Ionescu

[Kez/JWolf 6]

May be she need the chance to continue to grow up and is not really ready to settle down into a marriage... I know there is no way I would have got myself into any sort of situation with another man.... she is not thinking like a woman about to be married and start a new life with her husband.... it is like others have said you were her first experience with thing of a sexual nature and she would appear to be doing what other young woman do.... her initial fears about sex have gone and she is willing to experiment with others to see what it is like....

Can you forgive her and restore some level of confidence in this young woman.... only you know the answer to that one....

[mawilson 2,133]

Well thats not real mature. i mean at one time you and your fiance were apart, and im sure you wouldnt have wanted your fiance running around making out with other people and then you being blamed for not being there for your fiance.

I'm not the jealous type. I don't know what she did when I wasn't here, but I know that people

can get lonely and seek the comfort of another human being. I certainly wouldn't break up

with her over kissing a guy. If anything, practice makes perfect - LOL

[Sinergy 3]

Well thats not real mature. i mean at one time you and your fiance were apart, and im sure you wouldnt have wanted your fiance running around making out with other people and then you being blamed for not being there for your fiance.

I'm not the jealous type. I don't know what she did when I wasn't here, but I know that people

can get lonely and seek the comfort of another human being. I certainly wouldn't break up

with her over kissing a guy. If anything, practice makes perfect - LOL

been thru this process as everyone else here, i know for a fact, jealousy has nothing to do with it. its not the other persons fault for not being there with their fiance to "fit" to their needs. and if you really love someone, you dont go searching for another persons comfort. if thats the case, what do you really need your fiance for? if you can easy search for comfort in another person while seperated then you will easily do it when your together as well. and anyone ok with their fiance or wife/husband cheating, is just not in a mature relationship to start with IMO.

[mawilson 2,133]

been thru this process as everyone else here, i know for a fact, jealousy has nothing to do with it. its not the other persons fault for not being there with their fiance to "fit" to their needs. and if you really love someone, you dont go searching for another persons comfort. if thats the case, what do you really need your fiance for? if you can easy search for comfort in another person while seperated then you will easily do it when your together as well. and anyone ok with their fiance or wife/husband cheating, is just not in a mature relationship to start with IMO.

Well you see I could just hop on a plane any time I wanted -- but many people can't.

Regardless of how much you think "you love" someone, the time apart can put a serious

strain on any relationship. Let's face it, a "fiancé(e)" is nothing but a glorified boyfriend

or girlfriend. None of that means anything until you sign those marriage papers.

[Karel 0]

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

My fiance's interview is supposedly scheduled Nov 28th, but last month I caught him cheating on me. Hell! I didn't send him the affidavit of support papers & I faxed a letter to the Manila Embassy that I've changed my mind & I'm withdrawing the petition. You might think that it's kind of harsh, but the last cheating has been the third time. He already cheated on me twice in the past and I have forgiven him for that because I love him. His friends & family are telling me that "he's a guy and he's only doing that because we're apart and he's lonely." #######! I was so depressed for 2 weeks, but now I'm okay. No way in hell that he'll come here in the US through me. And like you, I made 4 trips in the Philippines, 1 trip for me & him in Hongkong, and about $15,000 in cash & gifts for the last two & a half years for him and his family.

Lying about your previous marriage is bad, but that doesn't give the other party an excuse to cheat. And I'm not telling you not to forgive her, but believe me it's hard to put that incident at the back of your mind. I know because it happened to me.

Take care!!!

Karel