Fiance betrays me

[Mike and Lily 13]

Thanks for the semi-apology. I have not decided on what to do. This board is annonymous so I am not trying to humiliate or berate her. I have also noted my mistakes in the relationship as well. If I was cruel I would just enjoy myself with her and walk away. But I love her sincerely. That is why I started this process in the first place. And this is why I agonize over this decision. She will be severely hurt if I leave her. But I need to consider both of our futures. This will be one of the most difficult decisions I will make. I will not take it lightly.

Mike

We do need to know why she told you about it, that should be your first question to her if you don't already know what her reason was. Sorry if I came away a bit harsh above, but i became a bit P/Oed reading some of the comments, especially the ones putting her down for cheating and telling you to walk away.

[mRx 16]

Or he could go there and have a "talk" with the guy she was making out with. That'd be interesting.

Its definetely not the other guys fault. If anything he should thank him. Better that this happened now and not after your already married. Thats what i always say.

[me_4_musa 1]

So sorry to hear what has happened. You must let her go, I know it's alot easier said than done. If you decide to bring her here what will your family and friends think of her after knowing what she has done - will they respect her or will they always think of her as "thats the girl that cheated on him while he invested alot of time, money, feelings, etc.)". Although she told you it was only 15 minutes of "making out" how do you know for sure - you will never know and the images of her in your mind with this other person will slowly torture you. Will you trust her if you bring her here, what will happen when you go to work and she is at home all day, will she go see another "american man".

Good luck in whatever decision you decide to do.

Edited November 27, 2006 by me_4_musa

[matako 0]

Anna Nicole Smith loved Mr.Marshall,her 89 year old bride. This girl loves you too wink wink.

Thanks for the semi-apology. I have not decided on what to do. This board is annonymous so I am not trying to humiliate or berate her. I have also noted my mistakes in the relationship as well. If I was cruel I would just enjoy myself with her and walk away. But I love her sincerely. That is why I started this process in the first place. And this is why I agonize over this decision. She will be severely hurt if I leave her. But I need to consider both of our futures. This will be one of the most difficult decisions I will make. I will not take it lightly.

Mike

We do need to know why she told you about it, that should be your first question to her if you don't already know what her reason was. Sorry if I came away a bit harsh above, but i became a bit P/Oed reading some of the comments, especially the ones putting her down for cheating and telling you to walk away.

[Identity 0]

Jim Clark, the 62-year-old founder of Netscape, is in a relationship with Kristy Hinze (a 26-year-old). For you Americans, that's a 36 year difference.

and im positive she married him for his wonderful personality, dashing looks, and unmatchable sexual prowess.

Well, with a PhD in Physics and co-founder of a company that changed all our lives, he's definitely a lot smarter than you.

[mrc 0]

The honest reply is that none of us, but you, know the whole story. We're only making comments from what you are posting. I know it seems easy to post this kind of thing anonymously, hoping that you'd get the sure-fire answer, but you won't. The only one that will truly be able to weigh all the facts is you.

Honestly, I know you are looking for some kind of assurance or even some answers, but the decision is yours. We aren't the ones that have to walk in your shoes and none of us know either of you...it all boils down to whether you think it's worth risking/saving.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Well, with a PhD in Physics and co-founder of a company that changed all our lives, he's definitely a lot smarter than you.

Oh, so now the smart one's get the hot chicks? Until now, it always seemed that the rich and/or sexy were the ones that got "lucky". The geeks of this world will be glad to know that their luck is changing for the better - or shall I say changing for the hotter?

[Mike and Lily 13]

If I had found out on my own, yeah I would be suspicious that she had done more. But I really believe it's the truth. I still find it difficult to believe she told me over the phone. I am 7,000 miles away. I would never have found out. That's the way she is and that's why I believe her. But yeah, bringing her here with all the American men here would be risky IMO. I am much more concerned with the future than the past.

Mike

So sorry to hear what has happened. You must let her go, I know it's alot easier said than done. If you decide to bring her here what will your family and friends think of her after knowing what she has done - will they respect her or will they always think of her as "thats the girl that cheated on him while he invested alot of time, money, feelings, etc.)". Although she told you it was only 15 minutes of "making out" how do you know for sure - you will never know and the images of her in your mind with this other person will slowly torture you. Will you trust her if you bring her here, what will happen when you go to work and she is at home all day, will she go see another "american man".

Good luck in whatever decision you decide to do.

[mrc 0]

If I had found out on my own, yeah I would be suspicious that she had done more. But I really believe it's the truth. I still find it difficult to believe she told me over the phone. I am 7,000 miles away. I would never have found out. That's the way she is and that's why I believe her. But yeah, bringing her here with all the American men here would be risky IMO. I am much more concerned with the future than the past.

Mike

So sorry to hear what has happened. You must let her go, I know it's alot easier said than done. If you decide to bring her here what will your family and friends think of her after knowing what she has done - will they respect her or will they always think of her as "thats the girl that cheated on him while he invested alot of time, money, feelings, etc.)". Although she told you it was only 15 minutes of "making out" how do you know for sure - you will never know and the images of her in your mind with this other person will slowly torture you. Will you trust her if you bring her here, what will happen when you go to work and she is at home all day, will she go see another "american man".

Good luck in whatever decision you decide to do.

Just read what you are posting. You are worried if you brought her here, you'd be afraid of what she'd do if she met another "american man"...I think you've answered your own question. If you can't trust her or you're always going to be in a position where you have to worry, then it sounds like the right decision for you may be to break it off. You definitely can't go through a relationship always worrying about your SO meeting someone else.

[me_4_musa 1]

Good luck Mike.

Wish you the best.

If I had found out on my own, yeah I would be suspicious that she had done more. But I really believe it's the truth. I still find it difficult to believe she told me over the phone. I am 7,000 miles away. I would never have found out. That's the way she is and that's why I believe her. But yeah, bringing her here with all the American men here would be risky IMO. I am much more concerned with the future than the past.

Mike

So sorry to hear what has happened. You must let her go, I know it's alot easier said than done. If you decide to bring her here what will your family and friends think of her after knowing what she has done - will they respect her or will they always think of her as "thats the girl that cheated on him while he invested alot of time, money, feelings, etc.)". Although she told you it was only 15 minutes of "making out" how do you know for sure - you will never know and the images of her in your mind with this other person will slowly torture you. Will you trust her if you bring her here, what will happen when you go to work and she is at home all day, will she go see another "american man".

Good luck in whatever decision you decide to do.

[garya505 2]

Jim Clark, the 62-year-old founder of Netscape, is in a relationship with Kristy Hinze (a 26-year-old). For you Americans, that's a 36 year difference.

Hum, thank you for that lesson in counting.

One of my great-grandfathers was 37 years older than his wife. They had 8 children!

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

Ok, Mike, well it's a tricky situation. You make her sound like a wonderful person who loves you and who you love. You just found out about this yesterday. You two need some time to get through this issue.

Here's my new advice, give it some time before you give up on your K visa. I wouldn't go around telling all your family and friends about it, unless maybe it's with a close one who you trust to keep it to themselves. that'd make it uncomfortable for both of you if you do continue the relationship.

Maybe once she is in the US and with you, she will be totally faithful with you. It sounds as if you can at the very least trust her to be honest (maybe too honest) with you and that's more then you can get from many people.

Edited November 27, 2006 by jane2005

[Caladan 19]

Age gaps used to be more common, as it wasn't uncommon for women to die in childbirth and the man to remarry (someone had to take care of all those kids.) Less so these days.

But that's really neither here nor there. Mike, this sucks. My instinct is that your fiancée is a nice young woman, but inexperienced. You were her first boyfriend, and how many first relationships last? She might just not be ready to be married yet, and that's fine (how many college kids are?), but that might mean that it's not right for you and her now.

Give it some time, but I know I'd have a hard time recovering if C. cheated on me, and that's with four years of knowing each other, a common culture, and a three year age difference.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

My hubby is 13 years older than me

[garya505 2]

My fiancee has a 27-year-old cousin in California who is married to a 63-year-old guy, and they have a 6-month-old baby.