Fiance betrays me

[RosaMystica7 0]

My advice... calm down. Give it some time to pass. You can't make a decision with a hot head, or with the hurt raging that you feel right now. Not saying that the hurt will magically go away, just that I'm sure you feel very raw right now... and that's not the best condition to be in for a decision this big. So give it time. I do believe that a couple who both truly love each other can work through this. Does she truly love you? None of us can tell you that.

As for the age difference, to each their own. I personally could never be with a guy 30 years older than me, but I do know that there's a lot of sucessful couples with large age differences on here so... some of em work.

Edited November 26, 2006 by Angilla

[BJZags 17]

Since when is life guaranteed to follow statistical data? I'm not saying that it's not a logical assumption to say a younger person has a longer life expectancy than an older one, but saying so to someone in a situation of heartache is socially retarded imo. One could say 'what do you have in common, life goals, etc....not hey you're gonna die sooner so why bother?'

Sorry, this is just my over-analyzing everything. I am somewhat worried about the 10 year age-gap between me and my younger bride, so when I see 30 years . . .I love my gal so much, that I must think of such things because her life without me would be very difficult because I believe that she loves me with her whole heart. So in my opinion such thoughts are the OPPOSITE of socially retarded, but are based upon love and devotion.

You are correct, life isn't necessarily going to follow statistical data, but in my opinion, statistics are a pretty good way of judging things. They actually look at things in a relatively positive light in my opinion, throwing out the morbid thoughts such as being run-over by a Mack Truck on the day after your wedding etc.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Well that sucks Mike.

They always say "what goes around comes around"

I think 30 years is too big of an age difference in MO.

I dont see how you could have anything in common.

Best of luck what ever you decide. In my OP she is just to young for you. That is my brutal honest comment. She is probley just in a place where she is beginning her life as an adult and you have too many years on here to understand that. You have already done what she is just starting to explore.

I agree with pink roses, Mike. As much as she is regretful (and I believe she is sincere), it shows that she is unsure about a lot of things. You don't have to be bitter or blame yourself or her, just be solemn and rational and let her go. It doesn't mean you don't love her - just that you've accepted that this relationship would lead to unhappiness for both. You both deserve happiness.

[joedarcy 0]

This is what I would do: a kiss - forgive; 15mins of kisses time to scratch the head and walk away. I've spent time in China and this is my take: the guys who had girlfriends who spent time teaching them their lang/culture - strong relationships, the ones who just wanted to learn English and have fun - please refer to the 15mins of kissing. Mutual love-respect, it seems from your post that you know what you have to do but are just upset about the money you wasted. Your call - good luck

[Mike and Lily 13]

Actually, she would prefer it if I moved to China, believe it or not. I spent two months in China with her this summer and it was the greatest two months of my life. I am certain it was because he is an American man. There is one American in a student body of >10,000 students and she decides to make friends with him and then some. Although I do believe her naivete also contributed to the situation. Many Chinese girls are not accostumed to the tactics of American men. But that is not an excuse, she was not compelled or intimidated to do this. She could have easily said "no". Alcohol was not a factor.

The big question is can I put up with a long term relationship with a girl living in China or move there. The answer to both of those questions is probably "no". So I end up with the choice of leaving her or trusting her enough to bring her to the USA. (gulp)

Mike

1) do you think she'll still want to be with you if you don't plan to live in the U.S.? I don't mean to cast aspersions at all, but presumably she already has plans to come to the U.S. with you, and changing that would be a big shock.

2) Why are you so certain that the problem is just because he was an American man? I mean, if C. cheated on me, I wouldn't be thinking that the problem was Canadian women per se, but with fidelity in general.

3) Are you certain that she wasn't coerced? Had she been drinking? (Whether the latter is a problem is for you to decide, of course, but probably worth keeping in mind.)

[Cristy 4]

She was probably looking for a man her age.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

I hate to say this. Because it's preachy and after all she is an adult.

But.........I will.

I really feel that you don't have any business being involved with a young girl with little or no sexual experiences. First you are gonna immigrate her here and then you are not because she made out with some guy and you don't trust her?

You seem like a nice guy, but it seems pretty clear that it's all about your feelings and what you want and not much thought about her.

She may be quite confused and is looking at you as a father figure.

She "confessed" this to you and what do you do?

You post it in a public forum for all to see!!!

What a betrayal of her. She'd probably feel doubly ashamed, knowing all these people in here now know about what she did!!!!

I suggest you break off all contact with her and don't waste anymore of her time.

Edited November 26, 2006 by jane2005

[mRx 16]

Jim Clark, the 62-year-old founder of Netscape, is in a relationship with Kristy Hinze (a 26-year-old). For you Americans, that's a 36 year difference.

and im positive she married him for his wonderful personality, dashing looks, and unmatchable sexual prowess.

[KarenCee 3]

Jim Clark, the 62-year-old founder of Netscape, is in a relationship with Kristy Hinze (a 26-year-old). For you Americans, that's a 36 year difference.

and im positive she married him for his wonderful personality, dashing looks, and unmatchable sexual prowess.

Can you say cha-chiiiiiiiing???????????

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

We do need to know why she told you about it, that should be your first question to her if you don't already know what her reason was. Sorry if I came away a bit harsh above, but i became a bit P/Oed reading some of the comments, especially the ones putting her down for cheating and telling you to walk away.

[matako 0]

I think the best solution is to fly there and go have a 3 some with one of her friends that she will have to recruit and close this kiss and tell part of your rship. That is closure.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

Or he could go there and have a "talk" with the guy she was making out with. That'd be interesting.

I am just kidding though, now in retrospect, I feel even worse about how harsh I was.

Mike, I am sure it was painful for you to find out about the making out with this other guy.

Maybe the two of you need to talk more about what happened and why. If she does come to the US, it might be hard on your relationship, if you are always worried about her taking up with another guy.

It does sound though like she makes you really happy (or rather did until the making out thing).

Maybe the two of you can remain friends and at some point in the relationship, you might want to get re-engaged.

Edited November 26, 2006 by jane2005

[DaveandFleur 0]

This is sad, but at least you know now and not when you get her here to the states and then realize. My opinion is that trust is a major factor in a relationship. A relationship should never revolve around chances. That is crazy. I think its best to call it off. Do not let her talk you into another chance. It would take once for me to say see you later. I am so sorry that this happening to you. You deserve someone better than that. I dont care if she told you or not. Tell her to go ahead and be with that other man.

Sorry if this is harsh. I have gone through this before and I didnt tolerate it nor will I ever. I would never do that to my woman and I hope she never does that to me, otherwise its over.

Take care of yourself and please think about you in this situation not her. She may cry but oh well. In time you will feel better that you moved on.

Take care buddy

[matako 0]

2 American males on campus and all the girls would go wild-Girls Gone Wild Chinese edition.

Or he could go there and have a "talk" with the guy she was making out with. That'd be interesting.

[mrc 0]

We do need to know why she told you about it, that should be your first question to her if you don't already know what her reason was. Sorry if I came away a bit harsh above, but i became a bit P/Oed reading some of the comments, especially the ones putting her down for cheating and telling you to walk away.

Yes, don't put her down for cheating and don't walk away. Instead, host a party in her honor and raise her on a pedestal. After all, she deserves it!