Fiance betrays me

[munchkins 0]

Mike, you have come to a decision that you feel is the right one for you and I wish you well and hope that all things work out for you. A relationship has to be worked at and you do not give up at the first hurdle, I hope that time will prove you are right, good luck

[jamrok 0]

Mike, you have come to a decision that you feel is the right one for you and I wish you well and hope that all things work out for you. A relationship has to be worked at and you do not give up at the first hurdle, I hope that time will prove you are right, good luck

Good luck to you Mike.....

[DaveandFleur 0]

Honestly I'm surprised it took her so long to "cheat" on you, though I'm not sure a 15-minute make-out session constitutes cheating. I would think the 30-year age gap would ensure that you two have NOTHING in common upon which to build a life together. And even if you did, how good is it for her to marry you? She's looking at a good 35-40 years as a widow based upon the average life expectancies I would think.

Now, with all that set-aside, if you still love her, I would say give it another "go." Since you never would have discovered this 15-minute transgression without her telling you, I would say her veracity demonstrates a serious level of affection and dedication to the relationship.

If its not cheating what is it then ? Unless she closed her eyes and pretended it was her Fiance. Give me a break

[mRx 16]

Honestly I'm surprised it took her so long to "cheat" on you, though I'm not sure a 15-minute make-out session constitutes cheating. I would think the 30-year age gap would ensure that you two have NOTHING in common upon which to build a life together. And even if you did, how good is it for her to marry you? She's looking at a good 35-40 years as a widow based upon the average life expectancies I would think.

Now, with all that set-aside, if you still love her, I would say give it another "go." Since you never would have discovered this 15-minute transgression without her telling you, I would say her veracity demonstrates a serious level of affection and dedication to the relationship.

If its not cheating what is it then ? Unless she closed her eyes and pretended it was her Fiance. Give me a break

its done and over with, hes made up his mind.

[DaveandFleur 0]

Dude she did it once she will do it again. Dude what if she does it when you have kids? Hello to child support, spousal support if it applys in your state. You need someone that is trustworthy as yourself if you don't trust yourself then you can find someone of equality. I myself am one woman man and would never have a 15 minute make out session, some people here are saying that is not cheating. You tell me how many non cheating women on here would agree with it being ok to have a 15 minute make-out session with someone else.

Again, take a man and a woman that love each other and trust each other. Ask them if a 15 minute makeout session is ok and worth another try at the relationship. I would guarantee you that the answer is highly likely a "NO". I would bet. This topic is so obvious it really annoys me at the excuses mentioned here to make it work are talked about. This woman has done what she wanted to do. To a man like me that is dedicated to my relationship, would tell her to go have lots more 15 minute make out sessions, I am done. I would want no part of her. A lot of guys would say its ok, but I am not one of them.

A relationship to me is about trust. If you don't have that then hang it up. I had a great buddy that met a gal from the internet and got married to her. You know the first words out if there mouths before they got married, "We have to get rid of the internet so we don't chat with others of the opposite sex." I told my buddy ####### you don't trust each other with the internet. How stupid. If we get married we cant have the internet. TRUST EACH OTHER OR GET OUT!! You will be glad you did. If he or she does it once, her or she will do it again. Maybe it will maybe it won't. Do I want the rist "NO".

I had to vent a little here and I wish everyone here the best and happiest relationship. Have your families. Love your children and lead by example. Be dedicated to the one you love and don't have 15 minute make out sessions with anyone other than your spouse.

Take care

Dave

Edited November 30, 2006 by DaveandFleur

[garya505 2]

Dude she did it once she will do it again. Dude what if she does it when you have kids? Hello to child support, spousal support if it applys in your state. You need someone that is trustworthy as yourself if you don't trust yourself then you can find someone of equality. I myself am one woman man and would never have a 15 minute make out session, some people here are saying that is not cheating. You tell me how many non cheating women on here would agree with it being ok to have a 15 minute make-out session with someone else.

Again, take a man and a woman that love each other and trust each other. Ask them if a 15 minute makeout session is ok and worth another try at the relationship. I would guarantee you that the answer is highly likely a "NO". I would bet. This topic is so obvious it really annoys me at the excuses mentioned here to make it work are talked about. This woman has done what she wanted to do. To a man like me that is dedicated to my relationship, would tell her to go have lots more 15 minute make out sessions, I am done. I would want no part of her. A lot of guys would say its ok, but I am not one of them.

A relationship to me is about trust. If you don't have that then hang it up. I had a great buddy that met a gal from the internet and got married to her. You know the first words out if there mouths before they got married, "We have to get rid of the internet so we don't chat with others of the opposite sex." I told my buddy ####### you don't trust each other with the internet. How stupid. If we get married we cant have the internet. TRUST EACH OTHER OR GET OUT!! You will be glad you did. If he or she does it once, her or she will do it again. Maybe it will maybe it won't. Do I want the rist "NO".

I had to vent a little here and I wish everyone here the best and happiest relationship. Have your families. Love your children and lead by example. Be dedicated to the one you love and don't have 15 minute make out sessions with anyone other than your spouse.

Take care

Dave

I agree with you Dave. With me it's all or nothing. I guess I'm old fashioned, but to me a commitment is a commitment, and one's actions come from that.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Dude she did it once she will do it again. Dude what if she does it when you have kids? Hello to child support, spousal support if it applys in your state. You need someone that is trustworthy as yourself if you don't trust yourself then you can find someone of equality. I myself am one woman man and would never have a 15 minute make out session, some people here are saying that is not cheating. You tell me how many non cheating women on here would agree with it being ok to have a 15 minute make-out session with someone else.

Again, take a man and a woman that love each other and trust each other. Ask them if a 15 minute makeout session is ok and worth another try at the relationship. I would guarantee you that the answer is highly likely a "NO". I would bet. This topic is so obvious it really annoys me at the excuses mentioned here to make it work are talked about. This woman has done what she wanted to do. To a man like me that is dedicated to my relationship, would tell her to go have lots more 15 minute make out sessions, I am done. I would want no part of her. A lot of guys would say its ok, but I am not one of them.

A relationship to me is about trust. If you don't have that then hang it up. I had a great buddy that met a gal from the internet and got married to her. You know the first words out if there mouths before they got married, "We have to get rid of the internet so we don't chat with others of the opposite sex." I told my buddy ####### you don't trust each other with the internet. How stupid. If we get married we cant have the internet. TRUST EACH OTHER OR GET OUT!! You will be glad you did. If he or she does it once, her or she will do it again. Maybe it will maybe it won't. Do I want the rist "NO".

I had to vent a little here and I wish everyone here the best and happiest relationship. Have your families. Love your children and lead by example. Be dedicated to the one you love and don't have 15 minute make out sessions with anyone other than your spouse.

Take care

Dave

I agree with you Dave. With me it's all or nothing. I guess I'm old fashioned, but to me a commitment is a commitment, and one's actions come from that.

ditto. but to each their own.

[MPGGPM 0]

Dude she did it once she will do it again. Dude what if she does it when you have kids? Hello to child support, spousal support if it applys in your state. You need someone that is trustworthy as yourself if you don't trust yourself then you can find someone of equality. I myself am one woman man and would never have a 15 minute make out session, some people here are saying that is not cheating. You tell me how many non cheating women on here would agree with it being ok to have a 15 minute make-out session with someone else.

Again, take a man and a woman that love each other and trust each other. Ask them if a 15 minute makeout session is ok and worth another try at the relationship. I would guarantee you that the answer is highly likely a "NO". I would bet. This topic is so obvious it really annoys me at the excuses mentioned here to make it work are talked about. This woman has done what she wanted to do. To a man like me that is dedicated to my relationship, would tell her to go have lots more 15 minute make out sessions, I am done. I would want no part of her. A lot of guys would say its ok, but I am not one of them.

A relationship to me is about trust. If you don't have that then hang it up. I had a great buddy that met a gal from the internet and got married to her. You know the first words out if there mouths before they got married, "We have to get rid of the internet so we don't chat with others of the opposite sex." I told my buddy ####### you don't trust each other with the internet. How stupid. If we get married we cant have the internet. TRUST EACH OTHER OR GET OUT!! You will be glad you did. If he or she does it once, her or she will do it again. Maybe it will maybe it won't. Do I want the rist "NO".

I had to vent a little here and I wish everyone here the best and happiest relationship. Have your families. Love your children and lead by example. Be dedicated to the one you love and don't have 15 minute make out sessions with anyone other than your spouse.

Take care

Dave

Great post. Couldn't agree more.

Interesting to read some of the responses people have written. A lot of people on here are a heck of a lot more flexible/forgiving/permissive etc....than me. I guess there are all kinds out there.

But, definately lean toward your line of thinking than some others on here......."Dude"

Edited December 1, 2006 by MPGGPM

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

I think a point a lot of people have made, especially the women, is that she had been forgiving of him when he failed to disclose his previous marriage. Trust goes both ways.

[William33 110]

Not disclosing a previous marriage is an act of dishonesty, without a doubt. Clearly no good.

Comparing it to an act of infidelity is not even close.

Think about it, a previous, terminated relationship versus an active one, albeit less than the entire act?

What if the latter happened to you. Could you forgive and forget?

I think a point a lot of people have made, especially the women, is that she had been forgiving of him when he failed to disclose his previous marriage. Trust goes both ways.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

Not disclosing a previous marriage is an act of dishonesty, without a doubt. Clearly no good.

Comparing it to an act of infidelity is not even close.

Think about it, a previous, terminated relationship versus an active one, albeit less than the entire act?

What if the latter happened to you. Could you forgive and forget?

I think a point a lot of people have made, especially the women, is that she had been forgiving of him when he failed to disclose his previous marriage. Trust goes both ways.

If that marriage is over what is there to hide? Dishonesty like that would make me question a lot of things and would hurt as much as infidelity.

[mRx 16]

Dude she did it once she will do it again. Dude what if she does it when you have kids? Hello to child support, spousal support if it applys in your state. You need someone that is trustworthy as yourself if you don't trust yourself then you can find someone of equality. I myself am one woman man and would never have a 15 minute make out session, some people here are saying that is not cheating. You tell me how many non cheating women on here would agree with it being ok to have a 15 minute make-out session with someone else.

Again, take a man and a woman that love each other and trust each other. Ask them if a 15 minute makeout session is ok and worth another try at the relationship. I would guarantee you that the answer is highly likely a "NO". I would bet. This topic is so obvious it really annoys me at the excuses mentioned here to make it work are talked about. This woman has done what she wanted to do. To a man like me that is dedicated to my relationship, would tell her to go have lots more 15 minute make out sessions, I am done. I would want no part of her. A lot of guys would say its ok, but I am not one of them.

A relationship to me is about trust. If you don't have that then hang it up. I had a great buddy that met a gal from the internet and got married to her. You know the first words out if there mouths before they got married, "We have to get rid of the internet so we don't chat with others of the opposite sex." I told my buddy ####### you don't trust each other with the internet. How stupid. If we get married we cant have the internet. TRUST EACH OTHER OR GET OUT!! You will be glad you did. If he or she does it once, her or she will do it again. Maybe it will maybe it won't. Do I want the rist "NO".

I had to vent a little here and I wish everyone here the best and happiest relationship. Have your families. Love your children and lead by example. Be dedicated to the one you love and don't have 15 minute make out sessions with anyone other than your spouse.

Take care

Dave

dave, i am disputing nothing that you say. In fact, i agree with you. I am only saying, if you read his last post, he has decided for himself to continue on with the relationship.

[RosaMystica7 0]

I would like the thank everyone that gave constructive comments. I have decided to stay with her and continue our relationship. Time will tell if this relationship will survive. We are so early in the Visa process that we have much time to figure this out before the big decisions need to be made. At this point I can for the most part attribute this to an error in judjment by a naive young girl who came clean as soon as she realized her mistake and learned her lesson. I don't claim to corner the market on perfect behavior either, so we will just move on with our lives together at this point and let the future take it's course. But mostly, I love her dearly, and I believe she loves me too and it's a relationship worth saving. If I do bring her to the USA to get married, a prenup is absolutely necessary and she knows it. But if I really thought she would hurt me again ever, I would just end it now. I will have some faith here and forget the past. She forgot mine. Now we just move on.

Mike

I wish you both the best.

[substance 0]

I have a different questions actually

Why did she go to his dorm room at night? knowing he is alone there and she is an engaged woman. Thats too much trusting someone you just met a few months ago.

I dont think there is an explanation needed here. We all know what happens if a girl who we just met couple months ago comes to our dormroom at night and alone.

Best way to avoid the risks is not taking the risk. Going to a guys dormroom which is also his bedroom at night is the risk, she knew it , and she took it.

now you are going to ask me why she told you all that? I will tell you why?

from your writing i can easly see she is unexperienced in relationships. this was the first time she did such thing and she felt bad. We all do feel bad when we f##k up first time, dont we? but when we do it again and again , we get used to it and stop being ashamed.

i can tell you what my wife does......she is only 20 years old...I never told her not to go clubbing or bars or have male friends. But since we got married , she never was out after 10 o clock. She would never go to a male friends home alone. (only if bunch of ppl) no clubbing , no bars.

I asked why she wont go out and have fun with her friends, she said she doesnt want to. But i know she wont because she doesnt want to make me jealous and put questions marks in my mind. She is too consideret at that age. She always tell me American guys dont really give a damm about the ring, so they always come and pull on her. So she doesnt want to go such places where men hunt for women without her husband.

well the same with me. I intruduced all my friends to her. and i only hang out with them.

We are all human after all. Our minds are never strong enough i have been away from my wife for 4 months. that means no sex for 4 months. Im sure if i go out to a bar and a nice lady approaches me, i wil have bad thoughts in mind especially with the help of the alcohol. SO I dont feel like going out alone. i want to wait till i can go with my wife and have fun together.

[Fandango 1,439]

The bottom line is, being able to forgive something is a beautiful thing. Obviously none of us here (unless this is our first relationship) have been able to master this fact. With my ex, there was a definite list of 'dealbreakers'...with D...well you know what? We can work through almost everything. People are human, mistakes will happen....now I say this never having been placed in the situation that Mike's in, but I'd like to think that if there were circumstances that caused the situation, and my fiance was truly sorry.....well I'd like to think that we'd work through it. He will be my husband...good times and bad. Those are not words to be taken lightly, and I think it's a great thing that Mike didn't cut & run.

Will it work out? who knows? Is she really sorry? only time will tell. But forgiveness has to be part of love or else one will be sorely disappointed.