Fiance betrays me

[mychelle 1]

My fiance's interview is supposedly scheduled Nov 28th, but last month I caught him cheating on me. Hell! I didn't send him the affidavit of support papers & I faxed a letter to the Manila Embassy that I've changed my mind & I'm withdrawing the petition. You might think that it's kind of harsh, but the last cheating has been the third time. He already cheated on me twice in the past and I have forgiven him for that because I love him. His friends & family are telling me that "he's a guy and he's only doing that because we're apart and he's lonely." #######! I was so depressed for 2 weeks, but now I'm okay. No way in hell that he'll come here in the US through me. And like you, I made 4 trips in the Philippines, 1 trip for me & him in Hongkong, and about $15,000 in cash & gifts for the last two & a half years for him and his family.

Lying about your previous marriage is bad, but that doesn't give the other party an excuse to cheat. And I'm not telling you not to forgive her, but believe me it's hard to put that incident at the back of your mind. I know because it happened to me.

Take care!!!

Karel

so sorry to hear about this. yeah, i heard about that excuse about "he's a guy...he gets lonely..." that's NO EXCUSE! i swear our culture has too much double standard and it's always leaned more towards men. if you did that to him...i'm sure they will be calling you something else.

glad that you did the right thing. good luck with the rest!

as for the OP. she's young and inexperienced...probably unsure of what she wants...in terms of a relationship. you might be doing her a favor too if you walk away.

Edited November 28, 2006 by mychelle

[one...two...tree 2,762]

You need to climb out of that swamp and come visit California sometime. Over here we have color television.

you have to, to watch all that cali porn

That's true. California put the 'o' in prn.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

Matt & Jane...don't you think kicking this man while he's down...by mocking his timeline...is a little beneath you?Granted, you apparantly don't understand him at all...but does that give you the right to seriously mock a grown man while he's going thru probbos.

Or maybe it isn't beneath either of you? I dunno, I don't who you are, but if this is an indicator....

Actually Lisa, I find your comment to me insensitve, rude, hypercritical, preachy, judgemental ... I could go on but I think you get the idea. Feel free to criticise me, but please...please....please... don't make assumptions about me, when you have no idea who i am.

I totally understand this guys pain (and that of the fiancee who is heart broken at the thought of breaking up). I think most people can relate.

I'm not going to go on an on about my motivations, my mood, why I added that cat thing to my timeline, cause I really don't want to waste too much time in the analysis of a forum post.

Let's just say, you don't get my sense of humour and you have no idea who I am or how sleep deprived and giddy I was when i added the "husband makes out with my cat" line to my timeline.

If Mike feels that I was "Kicking him while he was down", then to him i apologize.

Edited November 28, 2006 by jane2005

[mRx 16]

If Mike feels that I was "Kicking him while he was down", then to him i apologize.

ditto

[Stalar 0]

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

Mike thats awful and although I do agree with some people's comments that 30 years is a big age gap everyone is entitled to fall in Love with who they wish.

She did cheat on you even if she may say she never did anything with him it doesn't matter the fact that she did go with him would say to me not to trust her ever again becuase of that.

I hope your decision is a wise one and I hope that if you do break up with her that you find someone who not only tantalises you physically but mentally as well.

[Yodrak 7]

Mike,

I'd trust her to be faithful to you more than I'd trust you to be faithful to her.

Yodrak

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

[mrc 0]

Mike, good luck.

Edited November 28, 2006 by mrc

[Emo 0]

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

If the girlfriend runs away is not clear who is the lucky one

[almaty 19]

hmmm..sounds like you need to do allot of thinking with your head and not with your heart

[no name 1]

Mike,

I'd trust her to be faithful to you more than I'd trust you to be faithful to her.

Yodrak

Yesterday my fiance told me that she made out with another guy for 15 min. She says no intercourse, but the requisite amount of kissing and touching. There is only one American man in her college. She decides to make friends with him, then goes to his dorm alone. Then she says she was surprised at what happened. I do admire her honesty in telling me about this 1 hour after it occurred. But my feeling is that we are engaged to be married. How can she do this to me? I also think, if she seeks the one American man in her college and does this with him, how can I bring her to the USA and trust her with all the American horndogs around here? It seems no way. Even though she swears it will never happen again and begs for another chance, I know I will just get hurt again. 4 trips to China, $25,000 and countless hours now seem all to be wasted. All thrown away in 15 minutes. But I am not an angel either. I lied about a previous marriage until my 3rd trip to China. Being 30 years older than her doesn't help either. But I came clean and I have been true to her (except about my past) since we met. Maybe it's my come uppance. Now I need to think about whether I should give her up. But I know now that I can't bring her here. Comments and thoughts (even brutally honest ones) are welcome.

Mike

I agree Yodrak. Mike, you lied about a marriage, that's HUGE. And a 30 year age gap is a lifetime of divide.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

I agree Yodrak. Mike, you lied about a marriage, that's HUGE. And a 30 year age gap is a lifetime of divide.

a previous marriage. perhaps he's ashamed of it for some reason, who knows. my read on it was the marriage in question ended before he met her.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

It would still be a problem for a lot of women who might ask "what else is he hiding"

It seems his fiance extended understanding on that issue, however.

[PurrSuede 0]

Well, it just happened yesterday, he's upset. Though I know exactly what you mean. Not the typical timeline entry is it?

so just what -is- a typical time line?? Mine?? I think ~not~

-- Dan

[no name 1]

It would still be a problem for a lot of women who might ask "what else is he hiding"

That's how I took it. I knew the marriage was in the past, but to lie about it......?

[PurrSuede 0]

Lying about a previous marriage would be a deal breaker for me

My fiancee came here on a K-1... we married... stuff happened... major things beyond both our control...

and then there were the times I caught her lying to my face... about where she was, or where she'd been, or what she had been doing...

I even began to KNOW from her facial expressions when she was lying... and she would look me squarely in the eyes and lie to my face about things...

once a pattern was established, there was NO trust whatsoever...

if she could lie about something so simple, what BIG things could she lie about?

Was "I love you, honey" a lie as well?

Once trust is gone, there is no basis for an intimate loving relationship in my book.

Once trust was gone, the marriage was doomed.

And it cost me quite a bit to pay for the divorce and the support settlement (community property settlement) as well.

I wish I'd found out sooner... but hey.. as my lawyer pointed out, if we had had children, I'd be paying child support likely the rest of my natural life...

so it was a costly lesson in "trust" for me, big time...

but without trust, there is no relationship in my book.

-- Dan