K1-unhappily married-no residence yet

[bonnieclight 0]

Hi everybody,

I've been reading your posts and thanks to them I've got some very useful information but still need some answers to my particular case, hope you guys can help me with this. I came to the U.S. 4 months ago under a K1 visa, got married with an american citizen within the 3 months time the visa requires, I don't have yet a conditional residence since I'm waiting for the fingerprints and interview appointments. Things are really going the wrong direction with my husband and my stepdaughter and I don't have any hope things will get any better. If I were in my country I'd have already gave up to this relationship. The only reason I keep hanging there it's not to lose my benefits in terms of getting a residence in the U.S.. Is there any chance for me to get a U.S. residence without continuing this marriage? There's no physical abuse from him or his daughter towards me. There are 2 threats from his daughter to kill or hurt me & there's my feeling of unsafetiness at home because of her threats, her anger and constant verbal attacks & swearing + the tension because all our failures as a couple. What are my options if I have any, other than tolerating these or leaving the country? Any advice will be very appreciated, thank you guys.

Sandra

[KarenCee 3]

Sandra, I would imagine most everyone here is going to advise you to retain an attorney. There are organizations that will help you, if you haven't the means to pay for one. I am so sorry things have come to the situation you are in. *hugs*

[Girona40 0]

Hi everybody,

I've been reading your posts and thanks to them I've got some very useful information but still need some answers to my particular case, hope you guys can help me with this. I came to the U.S. 4 months ago under a K1 visa, got married with an american citizen within the 3 months time the visa requires, I don't have yet a conditional residence since I'm waiting for the fingerprints and interview appointments. Things are really going the wrong direction with my husband and my stepdaughter and I don't have any hope things will get any better. If I were in my country I'd have already gave up to this relationship. The only reason I keep hanging there it's not to lose my benefits in terms of getting a residence in the U.S.. Is there any chance for me to get a U.S. residence without continuing this marriage? There's no physical abuse from him or his daughter towards me. There are 2 threats from his daughter to kill or hurt me & there's my feeling of unsafetiness at home because of her threats, her anger and constant verbal attacks & swearing + the tension because all our failures as a couple. What are my options if I have any, other than tolerating these or leaving the country? Any advice will be very appreciated, thank you guys.

Sandra

I am so sorry Sandra to hear that you are so unhappy. I think the culture shock and difficulties dealing with USCIS put a lot of strain on most relationships, in the beginning.

You don't say how old your step-daughter is, or whether she actually lives with you. Have you spoken to your husband about the threats she has made? How does he feel about his daughter being so disrespectful and threatening you like that? Is it something you can even talk to him about?

I love my husband dearly and there have been days when I have just wanted to pack a bag and leave, and I am sure there are many others here that have felt that way too. As time passes things get better, in most cases, but I think communication is the key. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Ask him to talk to his daughter and find out why she is threatning you in such a way.

There are organisations out there that will help you, if you really feel the marriage is not going to work. But, before you make any rash decisions, talk to your husband. If he is a man and wants this marriage to work then he needs to stand up for you and sort out whatever the problem is with his daughter. I am sure, when you both decided to go into this, you were aware that there were going to be hurdles to get over. Children have a lot of adjusting to do too, but threatening you is not acceptable and that needs to be "nipped in the bud".

Good Luck!

[bonnieclight 0]

Thank you Karen & husband, I'm glad your story is much happier than mine, not everyone must go through these. What are the organisations you're talking about? A great part of my stress comes from the feeling of economical and physical dependency to my husband as I'm new in the States and know nothing about how things work here, even my rights. I wish I could stay in the U.S., I know that starting my life here from literally zero would be the biggest challenge in my life but going back to my country would be very negative because of the serious problem of unemployment plus the emotional consequences of the embarrasment of having failed. Thank you for the help.

[bonnieclight 0]

Gyrona40,

My stepdaughter is 16, was abandomed by her mom 10 years ago and had never kept in touch with her; she uses marijuana, has been kicked out of school and hangs around with the wrong kids. This gives you an idea of the magnitude of the problem she is adding to our own issues. My husband had even be present at the time she had threaten me, he had done nothing but saying to her "stop, if you don't have anything good to say at all, don't say anything", he had never punished her because of this. He punished her for swearing at me, because I push him a lot to do so. He does nothing about the other issues she has, even if I help by finding drug programms, counseling options. We're taking together a parent project course for parents of strong willed teenagers (I finally persuade him to take that class after a fight) he has found ways to sabotage the new information learnt in class, he's is very soft and permissive and is afraid of setting boundaries to his daughter. I'm sorry he's so weak and passive to face the situation, that's one of the big reasons I have to say he's not the kind of husband I want for me or the father for my future kids. He'll rather confront me than to confront her. I honestly feel the biggest obstacle I have in my new family is him more than her. So, I don't see chances the situation improves. I wish I would because I love him and I've came this far for him.

Please tell me what can I do to stay in the U.S without depending on him for a residence? what organisations might help me?

[KarenCee 3]

I've seen many on here recommend Catholic charities. I found this on Google. Hope it helps somewhat. Other that this, there is Legal Aid. You might try one of these, if they interest you. Bless you dear, and good luck.

http://www.catholic.org/newsearch/index.ph...p;sid=723880747

[Karel 0]

Gyrona40,

My stepdaughter is 16, was abandomed by her mom 10 years ago and had never kept in touch with her; she uses marijuana, has been kicked out of school and hangs around with the wrong kids. This gives you an idea of the magnitude of the problem she is adding to our own issues. My husband had even be present at the time she had threaten me, he had done nothing but saying to her "stop, if you don't have anything good to say at all, don't say anything", he had never punished her because of this. He punished her for swearing at me, because I push him a lot to do so. He does nothing about the other issues she has, even if I help by finding drug programms, counseling options. We're taking together a parent project course for parents of strong willed teenagers (I finally persuade him to take that class after a fight) he has found ways to sabotage the new information learnt in class, he's is very soft and permissive and is afraid of setting boundaries to his daughter. I'm sorry he's so weak and passive to face the situation, that's one of the big reasons I have to say he's not the kind of husband I want for me or the father for my future kids. He'll rather confront me than to confront her. I honestly feel the biggest obstacle I have in my new family is him more than her. So, I don't see chances the situation improves. I wish I would because I love him and I've came this far for him.

Please tell me what can I do to stay in the U.S without depending on him for a residence? what organisations might help me?

If you'll tell the State where you are right now, maybe there'll be more specific agencies that we can add to help you. I was a counselor for foster teens for about 2 years and the conflict you have with your stepdaughter is very common. Usually, stepmoms has the desire to help, care, and embrace the stepkids as their own and would behave in a manner that is perceive to be Mom like. However, stepkids esp teenagers doesn't see it that way.

You said you love your husband and you wish your situation improves. In my opinion, four months is not enough gauge to give up on the relationship. You're new in the country, just newly married, & though you didn't say it, Im assuming you don't have a job at this time (correct me if im wrong). There'll be less strain in the future if you'll find a job that will give you time to be out of the house for few hours everyday. That would also give you opportunities to meet new friends and earn some money of your own. Im not saying you stay for the heck of your GC, but stay if you really want to give your relationship a time to improve. As regards your stepdaughter's threats, just be careful & back off a little bit. Just let your husband deal with her for the meantime whether you agree or disagree with his parenting styles.

If you leave around the Inland Empire in California, pm me if you like & I will try to see if the agencies that I know can help you. Take care!

Karel

[bonnieclight 0]

Thanks Karel for the support.

You're right about all the things you have said. I have put some thought to it even before comming here, I understand perfectly her pain and sense of exclusion that's why I don't take her words personally but the threats I don't underestimate them, she uses drugs and it's mad at me, I'm not blood connected to her and that increases probabilities for damage to happen. Any way since last week I don't talk to her as a way to set up distances and control the threats and increase my safetiness. Now that we don't talk she has found out ways to still pushesd me when she passes by my side and to pull things from my hand in a hostile way. Maybe next week I hope she'll start counseling which slowly might give her a wider vision of the whole thing. Concerned to me, I have very few activities for my own and this dependance adds to much to my bead feelings. I'm already working on that too. I very often find myself puzzled by my husband's decisions because I disagree with so many of his parent approaches and his personal life standards that I have lost trust in him. That's the part that really scares me, He's my only connection to this place and so often I feel he turns his back on me to reinforce her bad behaviors. Since I don't know what will happen with all these I want to start getting information about what to do in the future if things don't work out. I live in the Bay- Bay area in California.

Thanks for your help

Sandra