Con man trying to marry my daughter

[NickD 203]

Not nice to know as a US citizen, USCIS is far more interested in convicting you of fraud then protecting you if you are a victim of fraud. Read the post on this board where victims are still stuck with that I-864.

In my case, sure it is with others, when I petitioned for my wife, USCIS demanded a full financial statement, no longer interested in bringing your poor here. then that I-864 commitment. If you stepdaughter does not have the cash, would require you or somebody else to co-sign for her. But all this is after the fact, as long as she is over 18 free to marry anyone she so desires.

Another issue is health insurance, a huge issue today. If my stepdaughter did get married, would be kicked off our policy. In college, didn't even have an extra couple of bucks to put gas in her car. Wait, that was my car, and with a child under 25, auto insurance was also a small fortune. If she did get married, that would also be history. These little details have to be subtly pointed out.

She was dating a nice young man in her last year of college, just kept my cool, had a brand new SUV, but working at Target with no ambitions to go any further, living with his parents, and not even an extra couple of bucks to buy her a hamburger at Macs. She broke it off. But did find another guy four years older, well established and earning a good living.

Guess as a parent, all you can say, is that you are free to do whatever you want to, but have to do it alone.

[Darnell 8,478]

I have a sinking suspicion he's in country on a J-1 visa.

[Dakine10 5,452]

invite him over, tell him to bring his papers.

once he's there, make a copy of his papers.

after he's gone, verify his papers with USCIS and the Department of State.

Report back when done.

On a cautionary note - keep in mind making copies without his knowledge and consent would be illegal.

So for this to work, the guy has to be stupid enough to hand over all of his of his important documents to someone he just met and then give consent to make copies.

[NickD 203]

Ha, I sure got my share from friends and relatives about "she" just wants to marry me to come here. But when we first met, the major topic of our conversations as to wihy our first marriages failed. We also learned with had many things in common and developed a very plantonic relationship, and after two years of this, we both decided we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

Divorce is a very terrible thing, and yes, we both met people that wanted to get married at the drop of the hat.

If this guy is in a rush to get married with all kinds of false promises, a dead give away what his goals really are. If you insert time into this equation, he will leave and find some other sucker. Only factor in learning if that is really the true person in your life is time. Both my wife and I rushed into marriages in our early years and that "Holy Spirit": thing does not necessarily work.

In analysing my own marriage, even though I may have a very high IQ in my professional, faced reality that my marriage IQ was less than two. And also came to the conclusion, if they read all of the divorce laws as part of the marriage ceremony, very few people would get married.

[Darnell 8,478]

RonnieLee67- what news of the daughter and work-visa holder?

[Darnell 8,478]

On a cautionary note - keep in mind making copies without his knowledge and consent would be illegal.

So for this to work, the guy has to be stupid enough to hand over all of his of his important documents to someone he just met and then give consent to make copies.

Bah - if it's 'the real deal' , ie - true love and not just a J-1 visa holder looking to stay in the USA,

then bringing his papers is a non-issue and he'll gladly give over the papers - making a copy won't be any issue.

However, if'n he's a scammer - this WILL be an issue.

My exercise, as stated, was to determinie if or if not the fella was a scammer, seeking a USCitizen to marry and stay in the USA.

I left the remainder of 'the logic' as an exercise to the reader. Apologies for having to 'write it out' , today.

[JohnR! 5,495]

Any thoughts , questions, or ideas?

Talk to your daughter. She is 21 and old enough to make her own decisions.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Ha, I sure got my share from friends and relatives about "she" just wants to marry me to come here.

My relatives never had any doubts that Phuong and I were the "real deal". In fact, my sister and her husband even went to Vietnam to represent my family for the traditional engagement ceremony. My mom, who lives with me, discretely encouraged me to pursue the relationship for more than a year, and she's gotten along famously with Phuong and her kids since the day they arrived more than 3 years ago. When Phuong comes home from work she usually goes to my mom's room to visit and say hi before coming to say hi to me.

My two best friends were a different story. Both warned me, loudly and repeatedly, to be careful because I was "probably being used for a green card". Interestingly, those friends are both immigrants - one from eastern Europe and the other from South America.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

My step daughter has a 10 year green card. She is away at college. Not far , an hour drive. She's 21. She somehow met a Russian Boy (26) who is here alone and I think has a work visa. He is trying to get her to marry him. It is obvious that he doesn't so much care about her as he does about trying to stay in the country. He has nothing and barely makes enough to support himself. I am very concerned that he will try to get her pregnant . She's a very smart girl with a bright future but naïve. If he cared so much for her, he would better himself and not drag her into his desperate situation. I have no doubt that he is trying to use her. Any thoughts , questions, or ideas?

I think you meant to type "My ADULT step Daughter".

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Your legal responsibility and liability to a child in this country only last until that child is 18 years of age. After that you hope they have enough common sense not to do something stupid. And no longer a parent, but a friend to your child. Over that time while growing up, you have to develop a trustful and honest relationship.

Sounds like my stepdaughter received a far better deal than yours, she told me she was offered $20,000.00 if she married an immigrant. Of course she was aware of the consequences of taking up such an offer. What she shares in common is coming from a broken home like yours did and already knows the devastating effects on a bad marriage.

From here on, its her decision, we already did our jobs. Best you can do is to discuss the consequences of such an act, in a peaceful quiet type discussion. Rest is up to her.

21 in some states.

[Jawaree 718]

Cant save some kids with a hard head ...just have to let them learn

and be there for them when the filth hits the fan.

[Dakine10 5,452]

Bah - if it's 'the real deal' , ie - true love and not just a J-1 visa holder looking to stay in the USA,

then bringing his papers is a non-issue and he'll gladly give over the papers - making a copy won't be any issue.

However, if'n he's a scammer - this WILL be an issue.

My exercise, as stated, was to determinie if or if not the fella was a scammer, seeking a USCitizen to marry and stay in the USA.

I left the remainder of 'the logic' as an exercise to the reader. Apologies for having to 'write it out' , today.

Your logic would make a good movie plot, but in reality it may cause problems. if he's legitimate - and I say this speaking as someone who first came to the US on a work visa - why on earth would he show the father his "papers". I would never in a million years let anyone have a copy of my immigration documents.

And even if he is a scammer, he could just as easily have legitimate documents. Or really neat looking fake ones. The old saying is don't try to con a con-man.

I agree with Nick, time is the best solution. A real con-man is not going to play the game forever. There are too many other easy targets. I would voice my concerns, and advise her(the step-daughter) to approach the relationship slowly and with caution. Which is probably the same advice I will be giving my own daughter.one not too far off day. Beyond that may be seen as meddling and that often ends up backfiring.

[Darnell 8,478]

21 in some states.

26 in others, as well, check out FERPA

[The Mean Lady 604]

I don't think you are legally responsible for the child after 18.

Meaning, at 18, you can kick that kid out and not get in trouble.

I thought the whole extension until 25 thing was more of a convenience in insurance and #######.

Does not mean I HAVE to keep you around if you're 23 and annoying.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

26 in others, as well, check out FERPA

I don't find that to be true. Perhaps a direct link.