PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT

[VanessaTony 3,567]

A pernup is actually recommended in many guides( Foreign Bride 101, Love Afar, Doing It Again, etc...) in marrying a foreign bride. I am in the process of bringing my fiancé from Ukraine. We have discussed this at length. My house is paid for, I have worked hard to build up my 401K,I have an account set up for my infant daughters college. We agree that what was prior to marriage - she has no right to. After marriage, I give her life residence in the house, but at her death - the house goes to my daughter. If I die and she remarries, then she must leave the house. What goes into my 401K( start new 401K) after marriage is half hers (state law) as is half ownership in anything we buy , invest, or acquire. She has a small daughter and I am setting up an account for her college fund, that I will match what ever my future wife puts in. I fully plan to provide for her daughter, as I would my own. Marriage is a joint venture!

So you're giving her life residence even after divorce? Sounds like you've got some good plans going to provide for both of you.

[slowlyman 118]

Interesting topic. Something we have been working on recently ourselves. We set up a simple three tier plan. For the first two years she takes out what she put in. The terms adjust at 2 years, 5 years, and 10 years.

[tinman 33]

Nobody should be OFFENDED by the recommendation of a prenuptual. Anyone who has aquired some sort of wealth or possesion of any sort PRIOR to marrying someone else, should protect those investments in case of his or her divorce or death. That person's immediate family desrves this protection. Even though I love My new wife and would certainly want to care for her in the event of my death, I also owe it to my biological family and children to ensure that my selected assets ( which were aquired before my new marriage) should go to them as I wish.

It is true that both parties need to agree to every term of the prenup, and when done so, then sign it, and let it be as it is.

If You truly love your husband and not after his money or possesions, then what are you upset for?

Many state laws alrerady stipulate that anything aquired after the marriage is divided up evenly anyway, so if He or she dies, You will not lose anything. However, if you divorce in 2 years or 5 or whatever, what makes You think You are entitled to anything he had before he met you?

That being said, I would not want My Mother's jewlery or my family's inheritance of any sort going to anyone other than my immediate family who are entitled to keep it in the family.

How would You or Your family like it if Your family owned wealth and your husband wanted 1/2 of it if you and He divorced?.....would that be fair?

Don't be selfish. If it wasn't yours, it belongs to someone else!

[bigdog 376]

i considered it, but did not. My wife can and has made more than me. This is a presonal decision, expecially if one has substantially more assetts.

[Justine+David 218]

I wouldn't do it unless one person has significantly more assets to begin with (like over a million dollars) or has a unique circumstance like kids from a previous marriage.

When David and I got married, our assets were his 10,000 pounds, which was used to pay for our wedding. Since we've gotten married, we've been paying off student loan debt and our personal possessions are probably worth less than $5000. A prenup did not make any sense for us because there was nothing for the other to get when we got married and everything we've gotten since then has been earned jointly by us. David didn't work the first year of our marriage, but that doesn't mean he wasn't entitled to my income, it's our income, not mine.

I don't understand people who get prenups with situations like ours, nor do I with couples who don't consider income to be theirs, but individually mine and yours. OP, I hope you don't fall down that rabbit hole.

[ricky and elaine 8]

My dear to me this would be a "Red Flag" Some of us have money some don't. some of our families do...some don't. I believe that coming together in marriage is a sharing of everything. If you don't trust "out of the gate" what is happening in the background? Why does that person want you but not appreciate you. I have to expand on this saying if you are older you may have older children already who may feel entitiled., But again that is up to the parents,. I don't think you can go into a marriage with a disclaimer. I personally made provisions for my children (im 58) and my husband has for his kids (57) but we will build a life together. But you could win the lottery! There are always things that can happen, I think you are younger than I so I say...be careful. Marriage is suppose to be an equality, a meeting of the minds and hearts. Guess I am old school. Not like we have millions to break up as we were "movie stars". And clearly most of them have no "pre nup"

[BaBamSam 239]

My dear to me this would be a "Red Flag" Some of us have money some don't. some of our families do...some don't. I believe that coming together in marriage is a sharing of everything. If you don't trust "out of the gate" what is happening in the background? Why does that person want you but not appreciate you. I have to expand on this saying if you are older you may have older children already who may feel entitiled., But again that is up to the parents,. I don't think you can go into a marriage with a disclaimer. I personally made provisions for my children (im 58) and my husband has for his kids (57) but we will build a life together. But you could win the lottery! There are always things that can happen, I think you are younger than I so I say...be careful. Marriage is suppose to be an equality, a meeting of the minds and hearts. Guess I am old school. Not like we have millions to break up as we were "movie stars". And clearly most of them have no "pre nup"

I think the concern isn't about how much they trust each other right now. I mean, when you decide to get married you obviously trust each other and desire to spend the rest of your lives together. The issue arises when things change (if they change). People fall out of love. People cheat. People lose trust. People change. We can't see the future, so a pre-nup is a safety net if the worse happens. Yes, a healthy marriage will (in many cases) involve sharing all assets (income, property, debts, etc.), but if the marriage fails you don't want to b in a position where one person is trying to take everything from the other. Hence the ugly divorces.

And a lot of stars do have pre-nups, of sorts, but the strength of pre-nups is variable. There are so many caveats and loopholes to be found. And the tabloids love to blow up a divorce fight that may or may not actually exist.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Your Fiance is an astute person. Good job

[Artisan 138]

It is quite common here in the U.S.

Perhaps it is the general social status of the people I spend my time with (middle and working class) or the religions of my friends and family but I have never personally met anyone that has made use of a pre-nuptial agreement. Personally I find them to be anathema to a healthy relationship. If I was asked to sign one I would have ended the relationship immediately. It's a sign of distrust propagated by a society that sees divorce as as an inevitability.

[Jawaree 718]

Regular working folks living comfortable don't really need a prenup if either have kids prior make

an iron-clad will.....ppl with wealth need the prenup if the wealth belongs to one before the other came along

[Artisan 138]

Nobody should be OFFENDED by the recommendation of a prenuptual. Anyone who has aquired some sort of wealth or possesion of any sort PRIOR to marrying someone else, should protect those investments in case of his or her divorce or death.

I don't think there is anyway I could convey how much I disagree with this statement. In my mind the fundamental core of marriage is a complete bond including prior assets and debt. If you are so wrapped up in protecting assets or banking on a failure of the marriage you really should rethink your reasons for marriage in the first place. No other person, not even children of a prior marriage, should come between you and your spouse. If you cannot devote everything (heart, soul, and worldly goods) to the person you are making a vow to love and honor for the rest of your life perhaps marriage is not what you really want out of the relationship.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I don't think there is anyway I could convey how much I disagree with this statement. In my mind the fundamental core of marriage is a complete bond including prior assets and debt. If you are so wrapped up in protecting assets or banking on a failure of the marriage you really should rethink your reasons for marriage in the first place. No other person, not even children of a prior marriage, should come between you and your spouse. If you cannot devote everything (heart, soul, and worldly goods) to the person you are making a vow to love and honor for the rest of your life perhaps marriage is not what you really want out of the relationship.

And that is your way of looking at them. As another person said, we pay for health and car insurance yet we HOPE we won't need to use them, and it's just as prudent to protect yourself and your assets in the event of a divorce, even if it never happens.

i don't know of anyone who has had a truly amicable divorce. There are always little things. A pre-nup would help make what is already horrible thing, less painful.

I personally discussed a pre-nup with my husband but there is no necessity for it because neither of us have the assets for it. If I were to come into an inheritance from my family there would probably be fine-print within it (due to the family trust) or there are post-nup agreements if it came to that.

For many people a pre-nup is a sign of deep love and respect (wanting to protect each other), for others it's a sign of mistrust. To each their own.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

This topic comes up from time to time in VJ, always generates heated debate between members with various schools of thought.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/342899-prenuptial-agreement/

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/412741-prenup-agreement-discussion/

[Bugs 455]

Perhaps it is the general social status of the people I spend my time with (middle and working class) or the religions of my friends and family but I have never personally met anyone that has made use of a pre-nuptial agreement. Personally I find them to be anathema to a healthy relationship. If I was asked to sign one I would have ended the relationship immediately. It's a sign of distrust propagated by a society that sees divorce as as an inevitability.

It's more common among the wealthier, as they have more at stake. Either way, it's not something I'd ever be interested in formulating either.

[BaBamSam 239]

I don't think there is anyway I could convey how much I disagree with this statement. In my mind the fundamental core of marriage is a complete bond including prior assets and debt. If you are so wrapped up in protecting assets or banking on a failure of the marriage you really should rethink your reasons for marriage in the first place. No other person, not even children of a prior marriage, should come between you and your spouse. If you cannot devote everything (heart, soul, and worldly goods) to the person you are making a vow to love and honor for the rest of your life perhaps marriage is not what you really want out of the relationship.

I don't believe it is your intention, but this came off extremely judgmental. There is no way to predict the future. Divorce does happen. Not always, but it does often. Some people choose to be more prepared IF it come to that. Signing or not signing a prenup is not a sign that people are not ready for marriage. If anything, the discussion around it demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the LEGAL bond about to be entered. Marriage is just as much legal as it is symbolic or religious.

I know I've discussed it because I don't want to burden my fiance with MY debt. He was not there for it, had no say in its accumulation, and it's not his responsibility. Whether we do one or not is still undecided.