Would a visa approval be more assured if a citizen went abroad and married first?

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

My first thought was this young, clever woman is using this old guy to bring her to the states, but you seem to be going into this "relationship" (sorry, it's hard to call it a relationship without ever having met) with your eyes wide open; that's good. But it seems like you are doing this out of pity for her, not love. And if she were to play somebody, she would probably choose somebody with some money.

If she comes over on a K-1, you will have to marry and support her if she is to remain in the US. If you are having trouble coming up with $1500 for a flight to Pakistan, how do you expect to support her?

Sometimes, things just aren't ment to be. With the age difference (is it more than 40?), not having met, issues with finances/support, no IO in his right mind would (or should) approve this petition.

[Jawaree 718]

Can you travel to the Bahamas? try to meet her there, not very way out

coming from Kentucky, you could get a 2 wks rental on the web which

would be cheaper than a hotel, pack a few food items & snacks,your meds

and spend 2 wks getting to know her.

Your tone somewhat sounds as if she needs a rescuer from her oppressive

custom. while you need a nurturer & companion...all those things can become

love but the US needs to be convinced & time plus money you will need, its

almost a certainty it will be denied for no face to face meeting, so if Paki is

too far & costly try Bahamas or Mexico...I think its hard for her to get a Canadian

visa just as the USA ....Good luck buddy

[NickD 203]

Made the comment quite frequently if reading the divorce laws during the marriage ceremony, nobody would get married. In our younger days, marrying that boy or girl next door and jumping into it too quickly leads to a life of misery. K1 visa, giving you just 90 days to make such an important decision is absurd. Several of our acquittance's went that route, ending up in a divorce.

With a distant relationship, one or the other has to leave their family and completely change their culture, this deserves a lot of consideration, then also an issue of economics, you have to be able to put food on the table. Who said two can live as cheaply as one? Fortunately, my girl had a tourist visa so we could see each other frequently, she could visit me, and I could visit her. She also had a 13 old daughter we had to learn if we could live together, call that more complications. This went on for two years until we were both positively sure we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

Families are also a strong consideration if either family hates your spouse, will have many future problems. Like to use the term, meant to be, my family loves my wife, her family loves me, I actually love my mother-in-law!

But this was only the beginning of a nightmare, immigration had be dealt with where you have to prove this relationship. Which country to get married in was not much of a decision, for me to get married in her home country, had to maintain residence and an unbelievable amount of red tape. Was far easier here and no translations required. Key is both wanting to live together, that issue of where to settle was already settled. And you cannot expect your spouse to never see their own family ever again. Answer to this is quite simple, just have lots of money.

Then to learn that very special person is really real, and not your imagination. Learning patience is the worse part and learning how to deal with the USCIS that treats you like you are some form of criminal. You are guilty automatically, until you prove you are innocent.

[GrayTech 0]

Very well said NickD. There are children involved with our situation too. Unfortunately, my fiance's tourist visa got denied because she went through an agency and they really took her for a ride. Because of this, I have been to visit her numerous times now. Trust me, the process of doing so has cost me dearly in my personal, financial, and work life. But it was also the best thing I ever did.

I will say that the her family (and mine) were not very supportive either until we finally met. My family was concerned that I was being taken advantage of and her's had heard horrible things about how some bad westerners treat foreign spouses. Their caution was understandable because they only want the best for us and don't want us to get stuck in a bad situation. Things changed significantly after they finally got to meet.

As NickD said, support of the family is important. It is important to note that in many cultures, family is at the center of everything. In addition, it is important to understand and accept your fiance's culture as well because it is part of who she is too. Even if she wants to run away from it, it is still a part of who she is and she will eventually come to miss it on some level.

As it turns out, my fiance has a truly awesome family and meeting face to face was probably the best thing we ever did. Both her, I and the kids have bonded deeply from these trips. Also, meeting her and her family allowed us to do things the right way (get permission form her parents, address some cultural requirements in her family, face to face proposal, engagement party, etc). Traveling there and spending a few months there also helped me to get a deeper understanding of the culture she and the kids will be coming from. The experience will help me assist in making their transition here go more smoothly.

We have had our interview and are currently waiting to find out if we have been approved. We should know in a few weeks. The whole process is very nerve racking.

I agree, none of this is easy. Honestly it is one of the most challenging and difficult processes either of us have ever taken on. But it is the struggles we have overcome that have brought ALL of us even closer together. We are all very proud of our new family because of it and we can't wait to get everyone under the same roof.

Good luck in your efforts!

[larru 0]

Actually, I don't have a clue as to what the travel time is, but I'm thinking that there will be layovers etc. 8000 miles is a lot of ground to cover.

However, I am soon to find out. I am going there to meet her face to face. I have no high expectations as to the end result. We have both conceded to the idea that this may never happen, so if nothing else, we can meet, spend some time together, then say good-bye forever, or whatever comes from it.

Several years ago, I mocked a friend of mine who fell in Love over the internet. I thought: "How pathetic!" Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could be victim of this. But at the time, I was sitting atop my kingdom, looking down at the poor schmucks who struggled in life. Now I am a poor schmuck. Poetic justice I say. None-the-less I will proceed as outlined and if something good comes from it, fine, if not, that's life, I gave it my best, what I had, and go back to my obscurity in the woods of Ky. and live my life out as is.

[larru 0]

To Gray and Eva,

After all you have done, I hope you are approved. I Love a success story, and you have had many successes to-date and the ultimate one is waiting. Good lick, and a prayer for you will follow.

I am in the process of doing the same, that is going to see her. But I don't have the resources to make it a sustained effort. I had hoped to keep something in reserve for a life we would face when she gets here. But now, it's all or nothing, throw caution to the wind, Damn the torpedoes... and so on.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Actually, I don't have a clue as to what the travel time is, but I'm thinking that there will be layovers etc. 8000 miles is a lot of ground to cover.

However, I am soon to find out. I am going there to meet her face to face. I have no high expectations as to the end result. We have both conceded to the idea that this may never happen, so if nothing else, we can meet, spend some time together, then say good-bye forever, or whatever comes from it.

Several years ago, I mocked a friend of mine who fell in Love over the internet. I thought: "How pathetic!" Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could be victim of this. But at the time, I was sitting atop my kingdom, looking down at the poor schmucks who struggled in life. Now I am a poor schmuck. Poetic justice I say. None-the-less I will proceed as outlined and if something good comes from it, fine, if not, that's life, I gave it my best, what I had, and go back to my obscurity in the woods of Ky. and live my life out as is.

If it is meant to be and you both give it your best shot and let positive energy catapult you forward on the path to your dreams, you will be amazed how doors will open and resources appear out of nowhere or you reach deep inside of yourself to make the resources somehow possible. At times you may have to bang your head against a wall here or there, but keep on trying. It is not easy as you know but the word impossible can be seen as I'm-possible. Sometimes life is not about do we want this but how bad do we want this.....

I had to smile at your writing style with 'damn the torpedos' and all and I think some day you may write your success story on your journey blog.

You have a good plan to go see her and believe you will gain clarity on how to proceed within yourself. Most of us here are the 'damn the torpedos' kind of personalities and don't always run with the herd and chose the path less traveled. Literally.

My best to you and your lady, may God guide you and may you succeed ~

[NickD 203]

http://www.farecompare.com/ is a good place to start, since we are reasonably close to four different international airports, try all four. Yet another variable is the day of the week you plan to leave and return for a huge difference what that plane ticket will cost. Talking about thousands of dollars difference in price. Expedia and Orbitz are other sites, without making a commitment can see what your flight looks like, watch out for those red eyed flights, can be a two day layover at some God forsaken airport you will be locked into.

Many sites show super cheap tickets but don't include the taxes, really have to read the fine print. Then huge extra expenses for luggage. Remember not to drink the water, LOL.

Many unknowns, developed quite a platonic relationship with my now wife, but holding her hand good be like holding the hand, say of your sister. We got to a daily dependence on each other for over six months until I brought up the subject, do you think its about time we met. That issue came up quite frequently, what if? Hey, we still can be friends. But didn't work out that way, that first touch of the hand and kiss was pure magic.

Yet another issue is the difference with political and religious views. With my family and friends was, she just wants to marry you to come here. With my in-law's to be, will molest my new stepdaughter?

Bringing those two girls here was a great expense, wife to be had to make many sacrifices to come here, and even quit her high paying job. Most important to us is the sacrifices we had to make for each other, and did we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Stepdaughter was very negative at first, for one thing, never really having a father for the first time. Always a battle between a teenage daughter and a mother, but was able with a great deal of tact to overcome that. Taught her English, how to drive, got her a car, and kept her out of trouble, then four years of college. She never really appreciated what she had until she turned 18 and was able to return home. Even thought she was going to stay there, so did her mom. But she came home an entirely different person and worked hard going through college. Now, a very successful young woman. And she is finally realizing what great step brothers and sisters she has.

Major stress in our marriage was dealing the USCIS, for marriages that did fail, they don't help that US citizen, more like trying to convict them of fraud and still sticking them with that I-864. Not only misplaced our applications once, but three times, and everything was done at their convenience.

Where I was badly mislead, though when my girls received their US passports, would finally be free of dealing with their crooked consulates, and crooks they are. But still have to go through that expense of maintaining their citizenship and passports so they can occasionally visit their families.

What I really find strange about this, we can really get along fine with the people's of their home countries, but our leaders cannot. Now I am wondering why we need leaders.

[NickD 203]

Oh, another real killer was that short I-693 form to be filled out by a USCIS approved doctor. Some of these crooks really try to take advantage of you, and not covered by your health insurance policy.

Took quite a search to find an honest one, but was 300 miles away. Worth the trip as saved us literally $8,000.00 from closer doctors. Then trying to set up a reasonable appointment date, because when dealing with the USCIS, you have deadlines you must meet.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

OK, I fully concede to the wisdom of the majority, likely, we will be denied. That being said, I now need to develop a strategy that will get her accepted.

Again, I'm in the blind, more or less. The majority of the feedback says to go meet.. Assuming I am successful in that, Would it be best to just stop the current proceedings or wait for the letter of denial and simply begin the process after having met?

Once being there, if it's not helpful that we be married, is it detrimental as far as USCIS is concerned?

I would also like to say, that my position, personally, as far as the extreme hardship is concerned, I wrote them a letter attached to my forms etc. and explained essentially what I have said here on this forum; That being, in the event of a do or die scenario, and there are no choices or options left, certainly I will go meet her. But that still does not negate the risks. I have done a great deal of travelling in my lifetime, though nothing of this magnitude. I don't know what the length of time I would actually be in the process of traveling, but Pakistan is 8000 miles from here, so I would expect the better part of 48 hrs. or more. The only 'certain' way to know how it will affect me, is to do it.

It would be nice to be supported by you folks in a constructive and informative manner. Right now, the mere concept of this undertaking already feels hopeless, and I, helpless. Please believe that I am not some old fool taken in by the guiles of a young huckster trying to find her way to the states so she can get shed of me and proceed with her 'real' plans. This lady is just that, a fine lady, a teacher, capable, in my opinion of having her choice of men in her country and living well for her lifetime. Unfortunately and apparently, the society in which she lives, majorically gives but few women any other way to succeed as we in this country know it. Their system is geared primarily for men, and most decent jobs are reserved for them, if there even are any. I have even offered to help her into this country without having to marry someone to get here. She has gracefully declined, stating that her only reason for even coming was for that purpose, and otherwise there is nothing here for her. She refuses to take a red cent from me, and there were times when she desparately could have used it. Instead, she finds ways to buy and send me gifts!

The internet is full of offers from beautiful young women who prey off of men as myself, and I have been approached for many years and many times from various countries.

When we met, I was not looking for anything beyond friendship and to fill my curiosity of other cultures, which she gladly guided me with. We formed a friendship, fell in Love and the rest is history.

Her family is not supportive of this and she suffers greatly under their insistence that she take any of the proposals they have brought to her, which is their culture. She has turned them down and now suffers the ire of her family.

Teachers there are not paid well, and though she owns a portion of the house and land in which she lives, but has no say in what is done to and with it and is expected to pay beyond her own share of expenses, due to this decision of hers. She has lived in this anger fild atmosphere since then. I have always felt the pangs of guilt because she is committed to me, but insists it is her choice.

I will be chatting with her in several hours, and because of this hopless situation, I am going to appeal to her, and beg her to make another decision and no longer consider this relationship as viable or fruitful. But if she refuses, I will not abandon her. It is my regretful hope that she will see the wisdom in it to bend to the will of her own culture. And I will not say that it will make me unhappy if she refuses, but there will be a sad concern for her welfare.

From there, I will be making plans to go to her country and fulfill this obligation that my country insists as mandatory for whatever the reasoning is, which in truth, matters not one hoot to me! .

You say it is going to take 48 hours to travel 8000 miles??? What are you planning on doing, flying out of Kitty Hawk with Wilber and Orville on the Wright Flyer? Sorry I couldn't help that. I fly to Philippines 5299 miles and it takes 9 1/2 hours....so I would say 48 is way off base. I think you are making this out to be way worse than it is. And if your health is so bad perhaps you should stop at a half way point and spend a night in a hotel near the airport just to rest up for the second leg of your journey. And I can't believe you are still pondering meeing her. That is about the only way you will ever get her to the US. You gotta meet her somewhere, It is almost guaranteed that you will be denied if you have not met... Good luck and GOD SPEED,

[David & Diana R 1,005]

I would suppose all of you are correct about us having to meet. Though it makes no sense to add in the instructions that if you can show extreme hardship it will be considered. Why do they even bother?

In this day & age, with technology being what it is, we speak with each other usually twice daily by 'chat', often over the phone, and even have audio/video which we have utilized greatly. I have taken my laptop around on the farm and shown it to her etc. We argue like any other couple over various issues on occasion and the whole gambit.

If you get technical, as to the requirements of meeting in person, that can be done in a one time trip, and we have been communicating as we are today, for three years.

I know there's no one here who can change anything, and from the feedback, it looks very bleak so seems like the only option is to prepare for the worse and decide what can be done in the way of a 'plan B'

Has anyone used any of these agencies that are advertised? Or just an attorney or other outside help? I have no plans of giving up and perhaps the worse case scenario is my fate and I'll die in the effort, but I won't stop here.

Thanks for everyone's feedback, good, bad, or indifferent, it is appreciated. It just sounds like no solutions are here, and maybe nowhere, but we are both committed and will just have to see what's next.

There are solutions here! Get off the pitty pot and read what others are telling you. We truly want to help. Don't be so close-minded, it only negatively affects your forward movement. And if you can't afford to buy an airplane ticket just to go and see her how will you pay for your hotel, meals, transportation, etc??? And YOU DO NOT NEED AN A TTORNEY...you certainly cannot afford one....ALL OF THE INFORMATION YOU NEED IS RIGHT HERE ON VISA JOURNEY if you are willing to read and listen. There are help lists and hundreds of members who are willing to help you. We all want what is best for you but you have to be willing to LISTEN. There is no point in arguing the USCIS and NVC procedures and requirementts becasue they aisn't gonna change for you. It's true that along the way you will find things that YOU CONSIDER ridiculous but you just gotta roll with that. For example you seem to think it is ridiculous that the two of you should have to meet, well to many if not most human beings not meeting sends up red flags all over the place. Not saying you are guilty of anything but just put yourself in anyone elses shoes and look in from the outside at your story and then ask yourself if you were the USCIS employee reading your petition woulf you feel that some thing might be wrong> GOD SPEED

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I do not think the OP is on any pitty pot, close minded or not listening. He is obviously listening and exploring his options. All that does not happen in a milli second
for most of us. It takes a bit of processing and carefully assessing the risks to explore the next step as it should. We do not know the OP's whole health history etc. to
be harsh and judgemental. Everyone has their own story and obstacles to contemplate.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

I do not think the OP is on any pitty pot, close minded or not listening. He is obviously listening and exploring his options. All that does not happen in a milli second

for most of us. It takes a bit of processing and carefully assessing the risks to explore the next step as it should. We do not know the OP's whole health history etc. to

be harsh and judgemental. Everyone has their own story and obstacles to contemplate.

Boy oh boy some of you people can be way to sensitive. RELAX! I mean come on. I am offering to help. This guys is ready to throw on the towel. We are here to help. He just needs to be willing to listen. None of us are going to change the way the system works. You just gotta follow instructions and keep moving forward. I have not been judgemental...what post were you reading anyway? Come on, give me a break.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Boy oh boy some of you people can be way to sensitive. RELAX! I mean come on. I am offering to help. This guys is ready to throw on the towel. We are here to help. He just needs to be willing to listen. None of us are going to change the way the system works. You just gotta follow instructions and keep moving forward. I have not been judgemental...what post were you reading anyway? Come on, give me a break.

I am perfectly relaxed and calm as a cucumber.

He is listening.

[fantonledzepp 159]

Boy oh boy some of you people can be way to sensitive. RELAX! I mean come on. I am offering to help. This guys is ready to throw on the towel. We are here to help. He just needs to be willing to listen. None of us are going to change the way the system works. You just gotta follow instructions and keep moving forward. I have not been judgemental...what post were you reading anyway? Come on, give me a break.

Actually, you haven't been that helpful. The OP has stated that he planned to go and meet his fiancée a few posts before you decided to chime in. So it does come off as judgmental.

And to tell people to "RELAX!", that is perhaps the most condescending thing you can say to people. It's up there with "whatever".