muslim marriage tips

[jordanianprincess 0]

It's nice to see that people are taking the arab civilization back to what it was 100 years ago.

You left out a zero.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Best marriage advice I've ever read?

Don't Get Angry - a little fiqh on anger and good character

It isn't loading at the moment, but check back later.

For us, making salat together always helps to strengthen our relationship. Reading Qur'an together, listening to Qur'an together, and reading and discussing a religious book together are other spiritually oriented things that are important in a relationship.

This link works.

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=...=769&CATE=3

[morocco4ever 63]

I can't help but be reminded of this reading this thread. Is it really that far off?

Amen to that. I got chills (and not the good kind) reading that first post. Crikes.

You know I remember my mom doing some of these things, not all, for my dad, and it worked for them. However we are of a different generation, and this just doesn't hold water any more. There are a few things here I think should be done by both the husband and wife, not just the wife. Some of these things just blow my mind! We should not question them if they stay out all night? I don't think so! He is the Master of the house? The night is his? Excuse me, what have I done all day? I don't deserve the evening as well? We are a team. Consideration and respect goes both ways. If we don't respect ourselves will they respect us?

[amal 4]

Amal I agree with you on so many points. Everything I do in our home, everything I buy, everything I prepare to eat, is with Mohammed in mind. He is the king of the castle and he knows it. In turn, this has created an atmosphere of respect and contentment in our house.

Jackie

Goodness, I hope I'm reading this wrong. I thought respect is earned, and not because you spend your time thinking about what your husband wants to eat, but because of your values. And not because you spend your time thinking about his food and what to buy for him, but because you are a valuable person. I hope you had each other's respect prior to marriage, not just after the fact has this atmosphere of respect come because you agree with his assertion he's king of the castle (say what!?). When you marry someone you are committed to respecting them, it isn't only given in exchange for them making you their every thought and that seems an awfully high price to get some respect.

This isn't anything to do with Islam. Thankfully, though, Islam very specifically outlines responsibilities of a husband and wife, none of which refer to the husband as the boss of anyone. Now, if this works for you, fine, but do not cloak it under the veil of Islam, because that's just false.

Yeah, I think you read it wrong. Its not Islam..it is just out of respect that we do these things. I don't do these things coz he expects them of me..I do them coz it makes me happy to do those things that I know will make him happy. It is my own decision and my own way to make a great relationship.... I'm just that kind of person. I have always found that if I do things with my "other half" in mind, they will do things with me in mind...I am treated far far better by my husband than any other person I've been with so for me, this way works fantastically We share the workload at home.. we both cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, etc etc etc... Everything in our home is 50/50... what's wrong with that... I also think it works the same for Jackie. As far as the king of the castle comment.. My husband is the king of the castle, sure, because he treats me like a queen. I think thats the basis of what it meant. (i hope i wasn't stepping on any toes there)

There was definitely respect before the marriage so I can vouch that in my case, getting married was not the beginning of the respect in our house

It's nice to see that people are taking the arab civilization back to what it was 100 years ago.

You know there are ways to respect your partner and still remain equal to them. Being a good wife has nothing to do with being muslim. Being a good husband has nothing to do with being muslim. If you are a good person and respect your partner, then thats all you need to do.

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, those things don't make anyone a good partner. Some of the things I am hearing in this thread are absoulutly shocking. It's as if your men have brainwashed you into believing that this is what arab women do. Maybe the arab women 100 years ago did, but in today's day and age most women work. When you are working and contributing half or more to the household then you are already helping alot.

It isn't about doing those things to be a good partner...it, for us is 50/50. We do everything with each other in mind. It isn't just me doing those things for him. I love the fact that he does such sweet things for me so therefore I like to do sweet things for him. That is all it is Not religiously, not brainwashed, not anything but respect and love driven. I don't think that is so bad

[doodlebug 3]

Best marriage advice I've ever read?

Don't Get Angry - a little fiqh on anger and good character

It isn't loading at the moment, but check back later.

For us, making salat together always helps to strengthen our relationship. Reading Qur'an together, listening to Qur'an together, and reading and discussing a religious book together are other spiritually oriented things that are important in a relationship.

This link works.

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=...=769&CATE=3

I like that. I think similar things apply to depression as well. I once heard someone say that depression is anger turned inside out.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Marriage is 100/100.

[amal 4]

Marriage is 100/100.

50/50 or 100/100 either way, what I was trying to say was that neither one of us does all of the work and that we share everything equally. I was afraid if I said 100/100 that someone would come back and say that we both couldn't do 100% of the work 100% of the time.. I figured saying 50/50 worked better to say that we both do the work together. Either way works though I was just trying to keep the explaining to a minimum hope that cleared it up

[Ban Hammer 13,111]

It's nice to see that people are taking the arab civilization back to what it was 100 years ago.

You know there are ways to respect your partner and still remain equal to them. Being a good wife has nothing to do with being muslim. Being a good husband has nothing to do with being muslim. If you are a good person and respect your partner, then thats all you need to do.

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, those things don't make anyone a good partner. Some of the things I am hearing in this thread are absoulutly shocking. It's as if your men have brainwashed you into believing that this is what arab women do. Maybe the arab women 100 years ago did, but in today's day and age most women work. When you are working and contributing half or more to the household then you are already helping alot.

you're supposed to be in the kitchen. that will preclude you from rabble rousing.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Who cloaked it under the veil of Islam? (I am off now to dust the king's crown and prepare the royal meal)

Jackie

[peezey 0]

Amal I agree with you on so many points. Everything I do in our home, everything I buy, everything I prepare to eat, is with Mohammed in mind. He is the king of the castle and he knows it. In turn, this has created an atmosphere of respect and contentment in our house.

Jackie

Goodness, I hope I'm reading this wrong. I thought respect is earned, and not because you spend your time thinking about what your husband wants to eat, but because of your values. And not because you spend your time thinking about his food and what to buy for him, but because you are a valuable person. I hope you had each other's respect prior to marriage, not just after the fact has this atmosphere of respect come because you agree with his assertion he's king of the castle (say what!?). When you marry someone you are committed to respecting them, it isn't only given in exchange for them making you their every thought and that seems an awfully high price to get some respect.

This isn't anything to do with Islam. Thankfully, though, Islam very specifically outlines responsibilities of a husband and wife, none of which refer to the husband as the boss of anyone. Now, if this works for you, fine, but do not cloak it under the veil of Islam, because that's just false.

Yeah, I think you read it wrong. Its not Islam..it is just out of respect that we do these things. I don't do these things coz he expects them of me..I do them coz it makes me happy to do those things that I know will make him happy. It is my own decision and my own way to make a great relationship.... I'm just that kind of person. I have always found that if I do things with my "other half" in mind, they will do things with me in mind...I am treated far far better by my husband than any other person I've been with so for me, this way works fantastically We share the workload at home.. we both cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, etc etc etc... Everything in our home is 50/50... what's wrong with that... I also think it works the same for Jackie. As far as the king of the castle comment.. My husband is the king of the castle, sure, because he treats me like a queen. I think thats the basis of what it meant. (i hope i wasn't stepping on any toes there)

There was definitely respect before the marriage so I can vouch that in my case, getting married was not the beginning of the respect in our house

I wasn't referring to your post.

Who cloaked it under the veil of Islam? (I am off now to dust the king's crown and prepare the royal meal)

Jackie

The title of this thread, or did we change topics?

[jordanianprincess 0]

The man may be the king of the castle but the woman is the queen. Both are equal.

Amal - I don't what you are describing in your relationship is remotly close to anything I have read so far. If you are both sharing the work then that is a modern day marriage.

[~Jackie~ 30]

duh sorry, i'm 1/2 asleep from waking at 5am.

I don't spoil Mohammed cuz we're Muslim. I do it because he is so damn good to me.

Jackie

[amal 4]

The man may be the king of the castle but the woman is the queen. Both are equal.

Amal - I don't what you are describing in your relationship is remotly close to anything I have read so far. If you are both sharing the work then that is a modern day marriage.

yep yep yep.. I'm glad you got what I was saying. I tend to TRY to get things said too quickly, or I end up rambling and saying the same things over again (in typing) I always wonder if what I type comes accross to others in the way it was intended

duh sorry, i'm 1/2 asleep from waking at 5am.

I don't spoil Mohammed cuz we're Muslim. I do it because he is so damn good to me.

Jackie

I just had to laugh at this one Jackie you know as well as I do that you and I are both spoiled lil' turnips!!! (and we wouldn't have it any other way)

[xjennyinstereox 0]

for us, it doesn't matter what anyone else says..respect is the first and foremost thing to make the relationship work. Muslim or non-Muslim... if you have total respect for each other the rest will follow naturally... at least it does for us..

I can understand that, but obeying him at all times?? Always making sure you smell good? He doesn't want to see "ugly in you"??? If I had to constantly worry about how I smelled or looked around my husband, I'd go nuts and would probably reconsider why I married him in the first place. I love the fact that I can lay around in my pjs with him in his and not care if my hair is messy and he doesn't care if his is messy.

Also, why does the woman have to do all the cooking and cleaning of the home and many other tasks?? What does the man do? Work and then come home to a servant wife? I just don't like the sound of that. I understand respect but a woman doesn't have to be a perfectly obedient, good looking, good smelling servant to be respectful.

My husband helps me cook 95% of the time (the other 5% I tell him to leave the kitchen cos I want to surprise him with a meal). When he doesn't help cook, he cleans up the kitchen and does the dishes if I have cooked. If he does the cooking by himself, I clean up the kitchen and do the dishes. Well, I say that, but to be honest, 99% of the time, we always do the dishes together and clean the kitchen together. He helps clean up the bedroom and tidy up the condo. I believe marriage is two people working together.. helping each other.. not expecting things from each other. When you start to expect, you set yourself up for disappointment. You should do the best you can together. Is that wrong?

I'm not trying to start an argument, I'm just uneducated in the ways of muslim marriages and don't understand why it seems that women are servants while husbands are masters.

If someone could perhaps explain it more clearly, I might be able to see why things are the way they are.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I'm not trying to start an argument, I'm just uneducated in the ways of muslim marriages and don't understand why it seems that women are servants while husbands are masters.

If you read the entire thread, it's clear that not all of us conduct our relationships in the same way or agree with all the suggestions. Of course, if you don't know who is Muslim and who's not, you can't tell that not all the Muslim women think the list is for them. So, I'll tell you; not all of the Muslim women agree with all the suggstions. Besides, they are just suggestions, opinions, not requirements of Islam anyway.

Look at the posting from the 1955 Good Housekeeping "Good Wife's Guide" expressing much the same. It has nothing to do with Islam, but that's what a lot of our mothers went by to please their husbands in a predominantly Christian country. Goes to show that there are all types in each group.