muslim marriage tips

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I've never seen myself in the typical gender roles and explanations of male/female dicotomies such as those stated here. I'm not prone to want to cook and clean for fun, nor am I particularly maternal; I refused to spoil or coddle my kids, so I don't see myself doing that with a husband. The women in my family tend to be Amazon-like and fiercely independent.

As such, I'm not sure what a woman's role is or a man's role is as generalizations. I only know what my strengths and limitations are as an individual. The patterns within my relationships tend to be rooted in the chemistry between myself and each person I encounter. My relationship with my husband, while a gender dynamic, is far more complex than "you woman, me man".

I also don't get generalizations about ME men. I don't like being generalized as an ME woman. And, it's hard for me, being Arab, to see them as exotic or more masculine or macho or whatever the generalization of the day is. While there are traditions and customs to be considered, ME men are as varied and fluid in their personalities, ambitions, likes and dislikes as we are. They are also defined a great deal by their generational influences. The environment of my father-in-law, who grew up in a village and rarely went to school, is not anywhere close to that of my husband who is an urban cyber guy with a global view of the world and its possibilities.

While there are uncommon denominators, the world is becoming much more of a village than not. People have been interacting, marrying, and adapting across cultures and countries for centuries. This is nothing new. Thanks to the Internet, quick transports, and intergovernmental cross-overs, we can now do so more directly. That's the only big difference between then and now.

Edited December 1, 2006 by szsz

[sarah and hicham 3]

yawn... slow night

[Aymerlu 3]

I saw this show on VH-1 today about sugar daddies and sugar mammas. It was soooo very hilarious.

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

Are you a sugar momma Jean? You know I'm just joking with you

[Together4ever 1]

I saw this show on VH-1 today about sugar daddies and sugar mammas. It was soooo very hilarious.

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

Are you a sugar momma Jean? You know I'm just joking with you

SUGAR MOMMA? Hahahahaha! Extravagence for me is a frozen burrito on a Friday night.

[morocco4ever 63]

When I was younger I used to want a sugar daddy until I realized I would have to be nice to them. Kinda sours it a bit. Now I am stuck with a man out of love. Such a tragedy.....

[Together4ever 1]

I'm still chuckling to myself as I much my big celebratory, go all out, $.75 bag of Cheez Its. I'm such a diva.

[peezey 0]

I've never seen myself in the typical gender roles and explanations of male/female dicotomies such as those stated here. I'm not prone to want to cook and clean for fun, nor am I particularly maternal; I refused to spoil or coddle my kids, so I don't see myself doing that with a husband. The women in my family tend to be Amazon-like and fiercely independent.

As such, I'm not sure what a woman's role is or a man's role is as generalizations. I only know what my strengths and limitations are as an individual. The patterns within my relationships tend to be rooted in the chemistry between myself and each person I encounter. My relationship with my husband, while a gender dynamic, is far more complex than "you woman, me man".

I also don't get generalizations about ME men. I don't like being generalized as an ME woman. And, it's hard for me, being Arab, to see them as exotic or more masculine or macho or whatever the generalization of the day is. While there are traditions and customs to be considered, ME men are as varied and fluid in their personalities, ambitions, likes and dislikes as we are. They are also defined a great deal by their generational influences. The environment of my father-in-law, who grew up in a village and rarely went to school, is not anywhere close to that of my husband who is an urban cyber guy with a global view of the world and its possibilities.

While there are uncommon denominators, the world is becoming much more of a village than not. People have been interacting, marrying, and adapting across cultures and countries for centuries. This is nothing new. Thanks to the Internet, quick transports, and intergovernmental cross-overs, we can now do so more directly. That's the only big difference between then and now.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Yea, peezy. I find myself agreeing with you a lot more lately. Maybe it's the Agadir connection

[Aymerlu 3]

I saw this show on VH-1 today about sugar daddies and sugar mammas. It was soooo very hilarious.

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

Are you a sugar momma Jean? You know I'm just joking with you

SUGAR MOMMA? Hahahahaha! Extravagence for me is a frozen burrito on a Friday night.

Sorry honey....I couldn't resist

[Together4ever 1]

Oh squeal! And its Friday too!!!

[peezey 0]

Yea, peezy. I find myself agreeing with you a lot more lately. Maybe it's the Agadir connection

It's a connection rooted in sand, surf, and sun...the same reason I live in CA! Well, not really, but I am a fan of moderate climates and seascapes.

[morocco4ever 63]

I don't think you could say ANYTHING to Jean right now that would ruffle her feathers. That girls is flyin high today!

[amal 4]

[sarah and hicham 3]

I don't think you could say ANYTHING to Jean right now that would ruffle her feathers. That girls is flyin high today!

I don't understand. Where is someone trying to ruffle Jean's feathers?

[amal 4]

I don't think you could say ANYTHING to Jean right now that would ruffle her feathers. That girls is flyin high today!

I don't understand. Where is someone trying to ruffle Jean's feathers?

I think it was just added humor about the burrito picture ...not real ruffling of any feathers