muslim marriage tips

[ya falaha! 0]

Your husband rocks, Amy!

You know, if a women WANTS her husband to be the leader, so be it, whatever makes her happy. To each their own. I'm just perfectly content with each person giving equally Both of us coming from previous bad marriages, We both went into our marriage knowing exactly what the other person was like and what we both expected out of a marriage. He knows I'm strong willed and am set in my ways on some things just as he is. I have been repeatedly told how he will "make me do this or that" or "he will change you." Nothing like that at all. I don't want him to change and he doesn't want me to change.

I agree, if both parties are happy with their arrangement, nothing is wrong.

The question was raised if it is possible for the man to be leader if he isn't the breadwinner, or primary breadwinner. If the woman *must* work in order for the bills to be paid, can he still be leader of the house?

I think this would depend on their relationship. My husband is talking behind me right now and he says it's not a matter of being a "leader" it's a matter of doing what needs to be done. For example, he isn't working now so he does a lot of the housework, cooking and walks to the the kids from school (I'm so lucky!) while I work. So he says we are both equal leaders in the home, in his words, meaning there is no leader since we work together as a unit to make the family work. He says even kids can be leaders at times. (I think we'll have to dicuss this later! LOL) He also said the Prophet Muhammed was helping with the housework along with his wives and Muhammed said the best man is the good helper for his family.

My sister in law gave me advice similar to this. She said, when dealing with "Eastern" men you must make them FEEL and THINK they are the boss but in reality you are the boss. She also told me...when an Eastern man is angry you should agree with him until he cools off then try to negotiate in a different way. She said, you will eventually get or do what you want anyways.

All this talk about men as the head of the household and shepard of the flock makes me wonder come most muslim households I know the women are in charge of all the money and the men get allowances. Who is really the head and what does that mean?

Now you have hit the nail on the head. The key is that the men THINK they are in charge, and we let them think that. But lets face it, the women hold all of the cards in a marriage. Now I have to go back and see those sheep videos.

[amal 4]

We try to avoid labelling our roles according to either of our cultural upbringing. Nothing bothers me more than the idea that a certain type of work is "women's work" while another type is "men's work". If Wadi asks me to do something citing the reason as "because you're a woman", that really upsets me, and I ask him to phrase it differently. I don't know, maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine. I don't mind doing most of the cooking and cleaning. But that's because I'm better at it than he is, not because I think it's my job. If I ask him to look at something wrong with my car, it's not because I think that's a man's job, but because it's something I don't know how to do.

I don't know if this makes any sense. Perhaps I'm just calling one thing another here.

I understand exactly what you mean. I hate cars and Idir loves them. I love to cook and idir doesn't. It happens to fall along traditional lines, but so what? If I have to go and change te oil in the car I can and if he needs to prepare dinner he can.

I agree with you most definitely. I can do stuff with the car if I absolutely have to..but I would much rather cook supper than get all nasty . He is all for doing that stuff... I also know plennnnnnnnty of women who would rather get dirty... To each their own

[Aymerlu 3]

Your husband rocks, Amy!

I'm kinda fond of him

[Together4ever 1]

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I saw this show on VH-1 today about sugar daddies and sugar mammas. It was soooo very hilarious.

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

[Bosco 1]

Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

I think if she "mothers" him and there is a significanct age difference, the feelings of being less in charge could be exacerbated.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

I think if she "mothers" him and there is a significanct age difference, the feelings of being less in charge could be exacerbated.

This is what I am wondering. Especially if the woman has kids around the same age as their fiance. Would she be inclined to mother them in that case? I would think it would be difficult.

[peezey 0]

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

I don't see these sorts of communication tug-o-wars having anything to do with gender roles. I can just as easily push my sister or my mother and exacerbate a situation. I can see something like this as one person feeling misunderstood by another, thereby causing feelings of being bullied or dominated or bossed around, but feelings are just feelings, they aren't necessarily reflective of the reality of a situation (meaning, you are pushing, but you only want to get to the bottom of something, but he feels like you think he can't get it done on his own.....the reality is somewhere in the middle).

But I still don't see this as anything to do with gender.

Edited December 1, 2006 by peezey

[sarah and hicham 3]

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

I don't see these sorts of communication tug-o-wars having anything to do with gender roles. I can just as easily push my sister or my mother and exacerbate a situation. I can see something like this as one person feeling misunderstood by another, thereby causing feelings of being bullied or dominated or bossed around, but feelings are just feelings, they aren't necessarily reflective of the reality of a situation (meaning, you are pushing, but you only want to get to the bottom of something, but he feels like you think he can't get it done on his own.....the reality is somewhere in the middle).

But I still don't see this as anything to do with gender.

so what do you think about male dominance in relationships with age differences? Is the woman going to baby the man? Does it matter if she has children around the age of her fiance?

[morocco4ever 63]

I saw this show on VH-1 today about sugar daddies and sugar mammas. It was soooo very hilarious.

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

I think if she "mothers" him and there is a significanct age difference, the feelings of being less in charge could be exacerbated.

This is what I am wondering. Especially if the woman has kids around the same age as their fiance. Would she be inclined to mother them in that case? I would think it would be difficult.

Sarah Sarah Sarah, again with the older woman thing? When I am with my husband neither of us feel there even is an age difference, So this goes back to our personalities not our ages.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I saw this show on VH-1 today about sugar daddies and sugar mammas. It was soooo very hilarious.

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

Do you think that male dominance is an issue in relationships with significant age differences? I wonder if the male feels less in charge if say for example the woman is older.

I think if she "mothers" him and there is a significanct age difference, the feelings of being less in charge could be exacerbated.

This is what I am wondering. Especially if the woman has kids around the same age as their fiance. Would she be inclined to mother them in that case? I would think it would be difficult.

Sarah Sarah Sarah, again with the older woman thing? When I am with my husband neither of us feel there even is an age difference, So this goes back to our personalities not our ages.

Thanks for your reply, I was curious to see what people think about this. I don't know what you mean back to it again... I think it's present everyday on VJ since there are many couples with age differences.

[morocco4ever 63]

I guess I see this forum more about immigration similarities and since it is a MENA forum, culture similarities. I don't see the significance of the age differences.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I guess I see this forum more about immigration similarities and since it is a MENA forum, culture similarities. I don't see the significance of the age differences.

I am not saying anyone has to see any significance, I am asking if anyone thinks it's an issue with male dominance in response to Jean and you already said no you don't see it that way. Thanks!

[morocco4ever 63]

I guess I see this forum more about immigration similarities and since it is a MENA forum, culture similarities. I don't see the significance of the age differences.

I am not saying anyone has to see any significance, I am asking if anyone thinks it's an issue with male dominance in response to Jean and you already said no you don't see it that way. Thanks!

Point taken.

[amal 4]

Interestingly, a misunderstanding between Mohammed and I brought this topic to light for us tonight and shed some light on it for me. I want to share some thoughts if those who peruse this thread don't mind.

What someone mentioned about the husband needing to feel he is in charge, I have a better grasp on. I don't think it has so much to with dominance as many have perceived it although misunderstanding it as such (and some men DO see it as such) is easy to do.

We all know there have been authors who have made millions writing books about how Men are From Mars, etc. It's not a mystery that men have always by nature been the hunter/gatherers. The providers. Women are the nurturers, the caregivers. This isn't about culture. This is a physical reality. Our own bodies substantiate that and our mental and emotional needs support it as well. We can do most jobs equally, but we are not the same creatures when it comes to what motivates us and how we move through our realities.

Mohammed doesn't like feeling pushed or pressured. That's his "provider-ness" being threatened. In some men its more "at the surface" then others, and I think moreso in most Eastern men, having been accentuated by their cultural structure maybe more then in the modern West. He told me quite frankly when he feels I am pushing him it makes him feel weak and less of a man.

Likewise, when I interpret his moods sometimes as something I have done or failed to do, my "nurturer" is threatened. And guess what happens then? I PUSH and it just goes down hill from there. A total hunter/nurturer nuclear holicaust.

He has never behaved in a dominant manner with me. He tells me time again "Just be Jean" and he means it. But at the same time, he wants to feel like a man, just like I like to feel like a woman. There are definitely very subtle ways these needs can be nurtured in a relationship without the Rambo attitude. Just takes patience and communication to find it.

very nicely put!