muslim marriage tips

[amal 4]

Friendship: This aspect of marriage has three components.

First is to develop a friendship with our spouses.The relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures.

We honor, trust, respect, accept and care for our friends, in spite of our differences. These are the aspects of friendship we should bring to our marriages.

Unfortunately the only aspect that people think of bringing to their marriage which is highly inappropriate is the buddy scenario. Shariah (Islamic law) has placed the husband in a leadership role within a family. This requires a certain decorum, which cannot be maintained if the spouses consider each other as pals.

This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator but a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Further more the children need to see their parents as friends but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.

Finance: It should be remembered that the wife's money in Islam is hers to do with as she pleases and therefore should not be considered family income unless she chooses to contribute it to the family.

Freedom: Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not bondage or slavery. To consider the wife one's property is alien to Islamic concept of husband and wife role. The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when members of the team are free to be themselves. Freedom in the common western since is to be free to do as one pleases or to be selfish. On the contrary, to allow freedom to one's spouse is to be considerate of their needs and to recognize their limitations.

OK, first let me say I am not trying to do anything more but get some understanding of things that I see are in conflict.

First, I don't understand the difference between friends and buddy/pal that is made to seem different in this article. And I don't know why it's so dangerous for a spouses to cross this line. Can someone explain?

Second, can someone explain to me how there is equality in a marriage when the husband is considered the shepherd of the family? The guide for each 'F' seems relatively straight forward and decent. But I don't understand how in one sentence, there is equality in child rearing, decision making, budget making, etc, but then in another, the husband is the shepherd and "most" responsible for his "flock". I do not see how these two things reconcile.

Third, which tags on to #2, how can the husband be the head of the family if his wife must (meaning, she can't choose not to, because the rent has to get paid) contribute her earnings in order for the household to survive? If he's not working or if he doesn't make enough to support the family, doesn't it seem some of these tenets are, for lack of a better term, voided?

There is a thread in OT right now about working moms and sick time and flex time, etc. People have suggested several things, but one of the thoughts is, if a wife must contribute to a household financially, plus take care of the home, any idea of one of the spouses being "head of household" over the other goes out the window.

Ok, that's it. These have been questions for me for years, but never seem to get an answer that makes sense to me. Have at it, I truly am curious how this is all reconciled.

ETA: the statement about pals & the husband in the leadership role really irks me. To me it says you can't get too close to each other because then you certainly cannot have a husband who leads and a wife who follows. Help!!!

I think that back in the day the man was the head of household even tho both ppl were supposed to be equal. In the home they shared the responsibility but if there was ever an emergency, the man was the one to talk to. Kind of reminds me of my family growing up... My mom was the main person in the house..anything we needed or wanted, we asked her. She payed the bills, bought groceries, clothed us, etc etc all the mom jobs. My father worked outside the home and brought home the bigger of the 2 paychecks. He took care of all the maintenance of the home.. If something broke, he fixed it....If the sewer was clogged in negative degree weather, he was outside digging to fix it...If anything went wrong, he fixed it. If there was ever a big decision to be made..Mom didn't make it on her own..she ALWAYS had to get Dads input on it. They both made the decision together (showing the equality of both man and woman) but he "took care" of anything that went wrong and brought home most of the money (showing that he was the head of the family. Without him, the family wouldn't have been in sync.

That leads me to say.. They were heads of different aspects of the home... 1 was in charge of making sure the basic things for survival were always there (money, mechanics, Big decisions) and the other was in charge of putting the basic things for survival into use.

hehe...my last paragraph .... it totally reminds me of how work is set up.. u have the "big boss" .. he owns the store and comes in to make all the decisions but doesn't understand squat of where the things he buys goes... and then there are the ppl he pays... we take care of everything in his business but he is still considered the head of the store (even though WE are the ones that keep the business running) ...

This is just the way I understand it and everybody is allowed their own opinion on it. I hope it shed a little light on your dilema and wonder..... If not, well..It brought back some good good memories

amal

[Sofiyya 1,687]

This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator but a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Further more the children need to see their parents as friends but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.

I always love when metaphors are used referring to the man in human terms and the women and children as animals.

Shepards and sheep belong outdoors. There will be none in our house.

Edited November 30, 2006 by szsz

[Bosco 1]

This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator but a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Further more the children need to see their parents as friends but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.

I always love when metaphors are used referring to the man in human terms and the women and children as animals.

Shepards and sheep belong outdoors. There will be none in our house.

(except the sheep did enter for Eid in Morocco )

[Jenn! 918]

This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator but a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Further more the children need to see their parents as friends but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.

I always love when metaphors are used referring to the man in human terms and the women and children as animals.

Shepards and sheep belong outdoors. There will be none in our house.

(except the sheep did enter for Eid in Morocco )

But I bet he never left.

[Bosco 1]

This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator but a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Further more the children need to see their parents as friends but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.

I always love when metaphors are used referring to the man in human terms and the women and children as animals.

Shepards and sheep belong outdoors. There will be none in our house.

(except the sheep did enter for Eid in Morocco )

But I bet he never left.

One-third of it did.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator but a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Further more the children need to see their parents as friends but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.

I always love when metaphors are used referring to the man in human terms and the women and children as animals.

Shepards and sheep belong outdoors. There will be none in our house.

(except the sheep did enter for Eid in Morocco )

Ours was dead, skinned and hung upside down to drain. Just a hint for hubby.

[peezey 0]

who's hubby? I'm confused.

Edited November 30, 2006 by peezey

[sarah and hicham 3]

Bosco it looks like your avatar is very trendy.

[Jenn! 918]

[sarah and hicham 3]

poop

[Bosco 1]

Sheep videos

Sheep Video #2

Makes you wonder who is smarter

[sarah and hicham 3]

Sheep videos

Sheep Video #2

Makes you wonder who is smarter

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

IM IN UR THREAD

DERAILIN THE TOPIC

[sarah and hicham 3]

IM IN UR THREAD

DERAILIN THE TOPIC

I hope you weren't referring to trains in any way.

[mybackpages 0]

All this talk about men as the head of the household and shepard of the flock makes me wonder come most muslim households I know the women are in charge of all the money and the men get allowances. Who is really the head and what does that mean?