muslim marriage tips

[morocco4ever 63]

Yes I am well educated. What am I throwing away exactly though? I am in control of my kids and my workplace...two extremely big responsibilities. Is it any wonder that once I get home and with my husband I'd like him to take the reins? Nope. It's pretty darn normal if you ask me! Does it work for everyone? Apparently not. That's cool though.

Take the reins of what? I mean it as a serious question. I follow you wanting a break/relief after work/kids, but does this mean taking the reins of cooking/cleaning or something else. Again, it is a sincere question and I am trying to understand what this means.

I dont' want to think about money. Period. I'm a cpa and deal with it all day long. I want him to do all of that stuff. Granted it will take some time but eventually I want him to be the one in charge of paying the bills, etc. As far as the housework goes, I'm cool with all that and with the cooking. I prefer that everyone stay the heck outta my kitchen anyways since I'm kind of particular about where things go. We have agreed that he will do the manly man stuff like mow the lawn, shovel snow (he's never seen snow so that outta be a hoot n a holler), take out the trash and fix stuff that's broken. I want him to be our "julie macoy cruise director" and plan our nights. I'm also looking forward to learning about Islam from him. He was born a muslim and is strong in his faith and I know I can learn much from him. Basically I want him to be the leader of the house. I don't know if I'm explaining it that clearly.

Okay, a little late, but I had to laugh about the snow shoveling. I have a huge driveway, and I tease my husband non stop about how one of his duties when he gets here is shoveling snow. In fact, he doesn't know this yet, but I plan on buying him a snow shovel for Christmas. Totally as a joke of course.

Now let me see if I understand what you are saying by stating how I feel. I am sick and tired of the one that does everything in the household. I have been in charge since I left my house at the age of 19 and I am tired of it. I want to live a life where the man takes control of all of the things I have done for the past several years and I can sit and I can bake a cake!

I already know this won't be the case in this marriage as well. He is a good man, but some things just aren't what he does best, so again I will be taking the reins in several things. For instance, organizing papers for his interview! I wish I had just done it for him and mailed it. He spent hours organizing and reorganizing, and it still wasn't organized. This I will take on in our marriage, and he has agreed to let me.

But as I read this I wonder how many people have taken the time to really discuss expectations in their marriage. I have taken the time to see the potential problems when he is here. Some things I can live with, some things I will change, some things he will change, and some things we have discussed and came to an agreement. Hopefully I have covered all ground. Hopefully we will see soon.

I have a question for the people posting in here.

If you found out that your husband's PRIMARY reason for marrying you was a greencard but he was nice to you and treated you well, would you end the marriage?

No ifs and or buts, he is out. Any man that has such low moral standards as intentionally using a woman, playing with her heart, and plans on leaving her in the end is not the kind of man I want to be married to, even if he found he loved me later. Furthermore, if I had any doubts now about my husbands intentions then I wouldn't be married. Nor would I change who I am for the purpose of keeping him here. If he want to leave I will show him the door. I am not saying it wouldn't hurt, it would. I am not saying I won't do things for him, I will. But NEVER for the purpose of keeping him with me. Like I stated, I don't want a man with the kind of character.

This has been an interesting thread, and I hope what I have said hasn't flaired anything, that isn't my intention. Just felt the need to voice my opinion. We are all entitled to choose how we run our marriages. What works for me doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Yes I am well educated. What am I throwing away exactly though? I am in control of my kids and my workplace...two extremely big responsibilities. Is it any wonder that once I get home and with my husband I'd like him to take the reins? Nope. It's pretty darn normal if you ask me! Does it work for everyone? Apparently not. That's cool though.

Take the reins of what? I mean it as a serious question. I follow you wanting a break/relief after work/kids, but does this mean taking the reins of cooking/cleaning or something else. Again, it is a sincere question and I am trying to understand what this means.

I dont' want to think about money. Period. I'm a cpa and deal with it all day long. I want him to do all of that stuff. Granted it will take some time but eventually I want him to be the one in charge of paying the bills, etc. As far as the housework goes, I'm cool with all that and with the cooking. I prefer that everyone stay the heck outta my kitchen anyways since I'm kind of particular about where things go. We have agreed that he will do the manly man stuff like mow the lawn, shovel snow (he's never seen snow so that outta be a hoot n a holler), take out the trash and fix stuff that's broken. I want him to be our "julie macoy cruise director" and plan our nights. I'm also looking forward to learning about Islam from him. He was born a muslim and is strong in his faith and I know I can learn much from him. Basically I want him to be the leader of the house. I don't know if I'm explaining it that clearly.

Okay, a little late, but I had to laugh about the snow shoveling. I have a huge driveway, and I tease my husband non stop about how one of his duties when he gets here is shoveling snow. In fact, he doesn't know this yet, but I plan on buying him a snow shovel for Christmas. Totally as a joke of course.

Now let me see if I understand what you are saying by stating how I feel. I am sick and tired of the one that does everything in the household. I have been in charge since I left my house at the age of 19 and I am tired of it. I want to live a life where the man takes control of all of the things I have done for the past several years and I can sit and I can bake a cake!

I already know this won't be the case in this marriage as well. He is a good man, but some things just aren't what he does best, so again I will be taking the reins in several things. For instance, organizing papers for his interview! I wish I had just done it for him and mailed it. He spent hours organizing and reorganizing, and it still wasn't organized. This I will take on in our marriage, and he has agreed to let me.

But as I read this I wonder how many people have taken the time to really discuss expectations in their marriage. I have taken the time to see the potential problems when he is here. Some things I can live with, some things I will change, some things he will change, and some things we have discussed and came to an agreement. Hopefully I have covered all ground. Hopefully we will see soon.

I have a question for the people posting in here.

If you found out that your husband's PRIMARY reason for marrying you was a greencard but he was nice to you and treated you well, would you end the marriage?

No ifs and or buts, he is out. Any man that has such low moral standards as intentionally using a woman, playing with her heart, and plans on leaving her in the end is not the kind of man I want to be married to, even if he found he loved me later. Furthermore, if I had any doubts now about my husbands intentions then I wouldn't be married. Nor would I change who I am for the purpose of keeping him here. If he want to leave I will show him the door. I am not saying it wouldn't hurt, it would. I am not saying I won't do things for him, I will. But NEVER for the purpose of keeping him with me. Like I stated, I don't want a man with the kind of character.

This has been an interesting thread, and I hope what I have said hasn't flaired anything, that isn't my intention. Just felt the need to voice my opinion. We are all entitled to choose how we run our marriages. What works for me doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

Oh my god you sooooo just re fueled this thread.... you're sooooo dead!

just kidding. I'm glad you did it now I won't get into trouble if I post here.

[morocco4ever 63]

Ah yes Sarah, let me stir the shnit just a little. It was losing its stink! (just kidding) Besides I have now washed off my makeup, bathed, and am indulging in a piece of pecan pie. I am feeling much better now.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Ah yes Sarah, let me stir the shnit just a little. It was losing its stink! (just kidding) Besides I have now washed off my makeup, bathed, and am indulging in a piece of pecan pie. I am feeling much better now.

[Together4ever 1]

Our expectations (and what we lived before in Egypt) of marriage:

"Don't expect me to be an American husband."

"Don't expect me to be an Egyptian wife."

"Let's just be Mohammed and Jean as always."

Good enough for me.

[sophyie 0]

Our expectations (and what we lived before in Egypt) of marriage:

"Don't expect me to be an American husband."

"Don't expect me to be an Egyptian wife."

"Let's just be Mohammed and Jean as always."

Good enough for me.

Sounds good to me.

[mybackpages 0]

But as I read this I wonder how many people have taken the time to really discuss expectations in their marriage. I have taken the time to see the potential problems when he is here. Some things I can live with, some things I will change, some things he will change, and some things we have discussed and came to an agreement. Hopefully I have covered all ground. Hopefully we will see soon.

That's the tricky part isn't it. How do we know?

[amal 4]

Our expectations (and what we lived before in Egypt) of marriage:

"Don't expect me to be an American husband."

"Don't expect me to be an Egyptian wife."

"Let's just be Mohammed and Jean as always."

Good enough for me.

But as I read this I wonder how many people have taken the time to really discuss expectations in their marriage. I have taken the time to see the potential problems when he is here. Some things I can live with, some things I will change, some things he will change, and some things we have discussed and came to an agreement. Hopefully I have covered all ground. Hopefully we will see soon.

That's the tricky part isn't it. How do we know?

Both of these quotes work together for me... Noor andI discussed everything we could think of that we would run in to but never in a million years would we have thought of some of the issues we have had. 1 instance being ....how long to rinse rice (not a big thing..but it was an issue for a couple days as he IS the rice master) . He isn't expecting an Arabian wife and I'm not expecting an American husband but there are some things we had to adjust about ourselves that we didn't expect. I had to learn to accept his help in EVERY PROJECT I BEGIN (I still hate that and he knows it ..but he can't help himself sometimes) and he had to learn that it is ok for his wife to cook rice without rinsing it for 5 minutes in cold water and then letting it soak it hot water for 15 minutes. Small things that completely drive each other nuts but we had to learn to accept that. We also had NO IDEA that these small things would need to be adjusted to... some things are far more in depth than these 2 examples. you should absolutely be yourselves but there will have to be a little bit of tweaking in the long run. (just a little)

Edited November 29, 2006 by amal

[morocco4ever 63]

Our expectations (and what we lived before in Egypt) of marriage:

"Don't expect me to be an American husband."

"Don't expect me to be an Egyptian wife."

"Let's just be Mohammed and Jean as always."

Good enough for me.

But as I read this I wonder how many people have taken the time to really discuss expectations in their marriage. I have taken the time to see the potential problems when he is here. Some things I can live with, some things I will change, some things he will change, and some things we have discussed and came to an agreement. Hopefully I have covered all ground. Hopefully we will see soon.

That's the tricky part isn't it. How do we know?

Both of these quotes work together for me... Noor andI discussed everything we could think of that we would run in to but never in a million years would we have thought of some of the issues we have had. 1 instance being ....how long to rinse rice (not a big thing..but it was an issue for a couple days as he IS the rice master) . He isn't expecting an Arabian wife and I'm not expecting an American husband but there are some things we had to adjust about ourselves that we didn't expect. I had to learn to accept his help in EVERY PROJECT I BEGIN (I still hate that and he knows it ..but he can't help himself sometimes) and he had to learn that it is ok for his wife to cook rice without rinsing it for 5 minutes in cold water and then letting it soak it hot water for 15 minutes. Small things that completely drive each other nuts but we had to learn to accept that. We also had NO IDEA that these small things would need to be adjusted to... some things are far more in depth than these 2 examples. you should absolutely be yourselves but there will have to be a little bit of tweaking in the long run. (just a little)

Okay, he tells you how long to rinse and soak the rice? lol That would drive me insane!

When I was in Morocco I was cooking potato salad for him, which he loves. Well he comes into the kitchen and starts telling me how to do it, like he knows! I calmly told him that since he knows how to do it I will gladly go watch tv and let him cook for me. He promised me to leave me alone and let me cook from then on (I will believe that when I see it).

[amal 4]

oh yeah, actually he won't let me touch the rice anymore. He also swears that instant rice doesn't taste the same. I guess to the rice expert it wouldn't tase the same..but to me..no difference rice is rice for petes sake. He has a baaaaaaaaad habit of telling me how to cook and I hate hate hate hate hate hate it. We usually get into an arugment over it and he will say.."well, what is wrong with being more careful" what can I say to that??? Ok, so I'll wash the chicken in lemon juice and rinse it in hot water 3 times and boil it with a carrot...Anything so he won't bicker about it. Yeah..he is the food nazi and he never cooked in Jordan. I once was making Tabouli and he said... that isn't tabouli. I said..well, the box says to add etc etc, katha katha. He said.. they don't know what tabouli is, Jordanians know what tabouli is..let me make it.... WHAT!! THE BOX IS WRONG?? yeah..big deal in our home..If my kitchen wasn't open to the living room, I would force him to stay out and it wouldnt be a problem. We have some major issues with cooking and food types. I think we have worked most of them out alhamdulillah!!! I still love him more than anything

[Bosco 1]

But as I read this I wonder how many people have taken the time to really discuss expectations in their marriage. I have taken the time to see the potential problems when he is here. Some things I can live with, some things I will change, some things he will change, and some things we have discussed and came to an agreement. Hopefully I have covered all ground. Hopefully we will see soon.

That's the tricky part isn't it. How do we know?

While you can't cover everything, I do think you can get a sense long before they come if they are a bit of a control freak in how they like things. I am extremely laid back, so my husband's quirks rarely bother me (and he has a few, lol). He is pretty laid back too, although not as much as me. This has helped greatly because neither one of us is overly particular about how things are done. I think the things that may not have been discussed beforehand can be problematic if you have two very particular people.

[Jenn! 918]

While you can't cover everything, I do think you can get a sense long before they come if they are a bit of a control freak in how they like things. I am extremely laid back, so my husband's quirks rarely bother me (and he has a few, lol). He is pretty laid back too, although not as much as me. This has helped greatly because neither one of us is overly particular about how things are done. I think the things that may not have been discussed beforehand can be problematic if you have two very particular people.

That's funny you say that! One of the things tht I found most attractive about Wadi is that he is even more laid back than me. If you ask him, he probably wouldn't describe me as laid back, but everyone else I know would. It's all relative!

[~Jackie~ 30]

I love your rice story! Mine had to show me how to properly cut cucumbers.

Jackie

[Together4ever 1]

We loved to cook together. He was infamous for sneaking in behind me and adding seasoning when I thought it was perfect, but that just ended in water fights and laughing.

[sarachid 0]

oh yeah, actually he won't let me touch the rice anymore. He also swears that instant rice doesn't taste the same. I guess to the rice expert it wouldn't tase the same..but to me..no difference rice is rice for petes sake. He has a baaaaaaaaad habit of telling me how to cook and I hate hate hate hate hate hate it. We usually get into an arugment over it and he will say.."well, what is wrong with being more careful" what can I say to that??? Ok, so I'll wash the chicken in lemon juice and rinse it in hot water 3 times and boil it with a carrot...Anything so he won't bicker about it. Yeah..he is the food nazi and he never cooked in Jordan. I once was making Tabouli and he said... that isn't tabouli. I said..well, the box says to add etc etc, katha katha. He said.. they don't know what tabouli is, Jordanians know what tabouli is..let me make it.... WHAT!! THE BOX IS WRONG?? yeah..big deal in our home..If my kitchen wasn't open to the living room, I would force him to stay out and it wouldnt be a problem. We have some major issues with cooking and food types. I think we have worked most of them out alhamdulillah!!! I still love him more than anything

it took me awhile to make rice perfect.... Rachid loves my rice and it is the easiest (now that I have it down) I cook what I love to eat and Rachid eats from that and likes it too... If I try something new I make sure I say "ok I have never made this so I don't know how it will turn out" like my fried chicken I can't make fried chicken to save my life ehehehe