muslim marriage tips

[jordanianprincess 0]

There are obviously lots of changes that can be made in a marriage and compromises as well, there is no disputing that. However if I was doing something for 2 years and my spouse didn't like it then why would he/she wait until right before to tell me to change? Why not ask right away? If he/she did ask right away, then what would be the reason for not doing that?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

It's actually been quite fascinating, and a little sad. There's one that was active 3 years ago, then went dormant and suddenly sprung to life again a few months back with many of the old regulars announcing their divorces.

Thankfully, there are a few old hats around who have been married to Egyptian men for 20+ years, so there is a glimmer of hope for us yet! inshaAllah my husband and I will be one of those couples in 17 years!

Fascinating is a good word for it. I remember a lot of divorces, too. My cousin got kicked out of one for saying what a lot of the women wanted to say about a situation, but were afraid to, and then alot of people left in disgust after that, including me. There was usually a lot of fighting and taking sides.

I hope your marriage lasts too!

[jordanianprincess 0]

I am going to try to make this my last post on this thread. I feel I owe an explanation to the group and a thank you to those that have messaged me in private.

I have communication with many woman that have Jordanian husbands. Some are wives of Mohammed's friends. Some are women I have met online from around the country from other sites. Since some of these friendships are now more than 4 years old, I have seen the outcome of what happens after the SO comes over. More often than not, the wife that steadfastdly swears that nothing will change, finds out in sometimes a bittersweet way that life isn't what she thought it was. I was speaking from the experience of seeing these marriages either fail or succeed. I now know that I could have worded it differently. No one usually takes heed to what I type anyway, this really caught me be suprise.

I apoligize for the mess here and will go back to my 'behind the scenes' support that I offer to the ones that are having a painful wait.

Jackie

so so literal,,i meant that my only point of reference was from that point of view. I adore the people of Jordan, don't try to make it sound like I don't.

Jackie

I am not making it sound like you don't like the people of Jordan, but what you are describing and your reference to only Jordanian couples is not true. If you saw marriages crumble because a woman didn't cook and clean then it wasn't because of that even if they tried to use that as the reason. In general, there are plenty of things a Jordanian man will insist on with his wife but cooking and cleaning is not even on that list and marriage is also taken very seriously there more so than other arab countries. A man with good intentions would not leave for that reason.

If it is only Jordanian men/couples that she can reference to having knowledge of, what else would you have her reference jmagayreh' never once said all jordanian men, only the ones she had knowledge of via the contacts she has made.

You can clearly see that from her post she is tying the outcome of the marriage to the background of it. Sorry but this isn't about Jordanian, arabic, muslim or anything else. This is about people. I realize she didn't see ALL Jordanian men, and I never implied that she said that. I only said that to apply this way of thinking to couples because of their background is not right. Even if they are all Jordanian that doesn't mean anything at all.

[peezey 0]

It's a bit more complex than that. Not everything comes across clearly in a message board posting, and it's obvious to me that there are a lot of underlying issues in these relationships and it can't be boiled down to whatever it's been made out to be in these last 20 pages of thread.

But then again, I'm just a kid in my first apartment, so what do I know?

I'm truly not being obtuse here, but I don't understand what is complex about changing yourself in order to keep your husband from leaving at either GC mark. I can relate to complex marriages and divorces. But if a partner enters the marriage with the goal of a GC and the plan to leave once it is obtained, it seems cut and dried to me.

[ya falaha! 0]

Here's my two cents about "Muslim" husbands and the wives who don't do their "wifely" duties...

My ex nephew in law was married to his ex wife for about 4 yrs. She was an absolute slob and horrible cook (we once were invited for dinner and my ex and I had to fight over the bathroom). He didn't leave her for these reasons. Actually she kicked him out for reasons I'm not quite sure about...she was rather immature. She begged for him to come back to her but he didn't. During their separation he saw he was better off without her. It was her immaturity and conniving (sp) nature that pushed him away. Also...her lack of knowing how to deal with cultural issues.

[Ban Hammer 13,347]

I think I'm confused about what's happened here, but I'm not sure.

Oh, well.

whatever it is, i'm sure i'm to blame for it

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I think I'm confused about what's happened here, but I'm not sure.

Oh, well.

whatever it is, i'm sure i'm to blame for it

I tried to get you to just sit and eat popcorn with me, Charles. Next time, do it!

[Ban Hammer 13,347]

I think I'm confused about what's happened here, but I'm not sure.

Oh, well.

whatever it is, i'm sure i'm to blame for it

I tried to get you to just sit and eat popcorn with me, Charles. Next time, do it!

probably much safer to do so

[amal 4]

ok, i re-read the post (with the bolded part) and please kick me for missing it the first time (we all aren't perfect as i so nicely just proved) lol

I agree that I shouldn't have tried to explain anybodies actions and some people may have definitely thought that what I was saying was not the same as her. Even so, I was bent on getting everybody to see what I saw that I couldn't stop. I just KNEW that everybody would see my point. Jackie is a good friend to me and that is also another reason I felt I could speak on her behalf. I know that she is not as weak as everybody made her out to be and it just ruffled me to think that ppl saw her in a bad way. I did want to defend her coz she is one of the strongest ppl I know and I felt she deserved to have someone stand up for her. I always try to help my friends. I tried to help her and I would try to help any one of you if I felt I fully understood what you were saying...YES ANY ONE OF YOU... My biggest problem is that I get on an tangent and ramble till my fingers turn blue...I have got to learn to stop rambling like I do ...but as I have said before, it is just how I am..

I understand that the tone being used can not be conveyed accurately here so I do not take anything you say to be snotty as I hope you take my words in an easy tone as well.

amal

Oh Amal you know we love you...now stop rambling and apologizing and have some of these...

but rambling is what I doooooo I dunno how to shut up

*looks around the room* ooooooooooo cookies

[jordanianprincess 0]

ok, i re-read the post (with the bolded part) and please kick me for missing it the first time (we all aren't perfect as i so nicely just proved) lol

I agree that I shouldn't have tried to explain anybodies actions and some people may have definitely thought that what I was saying was not the same as her. Even so, I was bent on getting everybody to see what I saw that I couldn't stop. I just KNEW that everybody would see my point. Jackie is a good friend to me and that is also another reason I felt I could speak on her behalf. I know that she is not as weak as everybody made her out to be and it just ruffled me to think that ppl saw her in a bad way. I did want to defend her coz she is one of the strongest ppl I know and I felt she deserved to have someone stand up for her. I always try to help my friends. I tried to help her and I would try to help any one of you if I felt I fully understood what you were saying...YES ANY ONE OF YOU... My biggest problem is that I get on an tangent and ramble till my fingers turn blue...I have got to learn to stop rambling like I do ...but as I have said before, it is just how I am..

I understand that the tone being used can not be conveyed accurately here so I do not take anything you say to be snotty as I hope you take my words in an easy tone as well.

amal

Oh Amal you know we love you...now stop rambling and apologizing and have some of these...

but rambling is what I doooooo I dunno how to shut up

*looks around the room* ooooooooooo cookies

DON'T lick them, I want one. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't tell Dr. Atkins.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Don't worry JP they are carb free.

Jackie

[Caladan 19]

this really all sounds like backpedaling to me

You've used this same phrase on me before and here is my response:

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood

From Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

This isn't really directed at you, as much as it hit a pet peeve of Emerson.

'Great minds are often misunderstood' does not mean 'if I am misunderstood, I am a great mind', and maybe if Emerson had studied Socrates, and understood him, he would have picked up on that. To be great is to be misunderstood, but you can be an idiot and be misunderstood, too.

That goes double for Nietzsche.

[sarah and hicham 3]

this really all sounds like backpedaling to me

You've used this same phrase on me before and here is my response:

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood

From Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

are we supposed to pat you on the back for typing this up?

[peezey 0]

this really all sounds like backpedaling to me

You've used this same phrase on me before and here is my response:

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood

From Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

This isn't really directed at you, as much as it hit a pet peeve of Emerson.

'Great minds are often misunderstood' does not mean 'if I am misunderstood, I am a great mind', and maybe if Emerson had studied Socrates, and understood him, he would have picked up on that. To be great is to be misunderstood, but you can be an idiot and be misunderstood, too.

That goes double for Nietzsche.

I was thinking something similar.

I am also reminded of the recent movie Little Miss Sunshine....the uncle (Steve Carrell) continuously says "did you know I'm the world's leading Proust scholar" every time he's running behind the VW bus to start it up. Totally nothing to do with anything, but that movie was funny.

[sarah and hicham 3]

this really all sounds like backpedaling to me

You've used this same phrase on me before and here is my response:

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood

From Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

This isn't really directed at you, as much as it hit a pet peeve of Emerson.

'Great minds are often misunderstood' does not mean 'if I am misunderstood, I am a great mind', and maybe if Emerson had studied Socrates, and understood him, he would have picked up on that. To be great is to be misunderstood, but you can be an idiot and be misunderstood, too.

That goes double for Nietzsche.

I was thinking something similar.

I am also reminded of the recent movie Little Miss Sunshine....the uncle (Steve Carrell) continuously says "did you know I'm the world's leading Proust scholar" every time he's running behind the VW bus to start it up. Totally nothing to do with anything, but that movie was funny.

I love that movie! So funny.

I agree it seems like some people can talk and talk and talk but in the end I am left with a lower IQ for reading their posts.