muslim marriage tips

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I agree with JP its not a religion thing... I think it should be the standard rules for any marriage...

True but I was looking for hadiths and such for the muslim marriage.

I agree though that most advice is the same, though some is a little different here and there. For one thing I know that in Islam that the husband has to answer for the wife which puts a big burden on him once they get to heaven (or whatever the part is where you answer for all that you do in life). I don't remember anything like that for a Christian husband, so there are some differences, albeit few.

May I please advise you that Islam is a faith of personal responsibility, and each of us answers for our own acts and beliefs. No Muslim bears the burden of another person on the Last Day unless they have intentionally mislead others. This is not limited to husband and wife, and no husband bears the burden of a wife simply on the basis of being married to her. Bearing burdens is an result of individual intent, not gender related at all, for both can mislead or be mislead. The notion that the husband answers for his wife is cultural, not Islamic.

[17:15] Who receiveth guidance, receiveth it for his own benefit: who goeth astray doth so to his own loss: No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another: nor would We visit with Our Wrath until We had sent an apostle (to give warning).

[16:25] Let them bear, on the Day of Judgment, their own burdens in full, and also (something) of the burdens of those without knowledge, whom they misled. Alas, how grievous the burdens they will bear!

Edited November 23, 2006 by szsz

[melly 0]

I was just about to post something similar szsz. I've read several times so far in the Quran where it says that a person is only accountable for their own actions, and never to blame or be held responsible for the actions of others.

[amal 4]

I agree with JP its not a religion thing... I think it should be the standard rules for any marriage...

True but I was looking for hadiths and such for the muslim marriage.

I agree though that most advice is the same, though some is a little different here and there. For one thing I know that in Islam that the husband has to answer for the wife which puts a big burden on him once they get to heaven (or whatever the part is where you answer for all that you do in life). I don't remember anything like that for a Christian husband, so there are some differences, albeit few.

May I please advise you that Islam is a faith of personal responsibility, and each of us answers for our own acts and beliefs. No Muslim bears the burden of another person on the Last Day unless they have intentionally mislead others. This is not limited to husband and wife, and no husband bears the burden of a wife simply on the basis of being married to her. Bearing burdens is an result of individual intent, not gender related at all, for both can mislead or be mislead. The notion that the husband answers for his wife is cultural, not Islamic.

[17:15] Who receiveth guidance, receiveth it for his own benefit: who goeth astray doth so to his own loss: No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another: nor would We visit with Our Wrath until We had sent an apostle (to give warning).

[16:25] Let them bear, on the Day of Judgment, their own burdens in full, and also (something) of the burdens of those without knowledge, whom they misled. Alas, how grievous the burdens they will bear!

I'm glad you posted that because, as I said in my earlier post, I don't know the hadiths very well. All I can do is try to respect what my husband tells me and try to do as much research as I can in the time I have to spare (which isn't much). He never said it was an Islamic rule..I figured it was more of a cultural thing and I just want to respect him as much as I can. We look at it more in depth though...such as...its not that he really "answers" for wrong doings by the family. We feel that if everyone is doing things in a good way and with pure intentions, then he is doing his part as a good husband and god looks good upon that..and I am doing my part as a good wife and god looks good upon that..etc etc... I know I'm not explaining it quite right.. but I hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to say....If not, I can try to word it in a better way..

.....I guess its like..if he does good..his wife will do good and vice versa..therefore they are both good to each other and god likes that.. therefore you are rewarded not only for your actions but for the actions of others to you as well since your actions play off of each other....

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I understand. May God bless your household for your intent to support and uplift each other! Demonstrating the beauty and grace of Islam in your social transations towards all is a form of devotion. It strengthens the bonds among those who strive to Him.

[4.69] All who obey God and the apostle are in the company of those on whom is the Grace of God,- of the prophets (who teach), the sincere (lovers of Truth), the witnesses (who testify), and the Righteous (who do good): Ah! what a beautiful fellowship!

Edited November 23, 2006 by szsz

[honeyblonde 0]

The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.

omigosh I'm sooo doing this one and I'm gonna bring this quote with me so I can say, hey...I'm just following what the Prophet, pbuh, said to do!!!

I don't think I could do this. I always let Abdel sleep as late as he possibly can when he has a day off, and we each get out of bed when we're supposed to on workdays, so there is no need to wake the other. For workdays we have this 4 snooze routine. I push the snooze (because the alarm clock is on my side of the bed) and announce which one it is. On the fourth, I always remind him it is the last one and don't push the button, so the music wakes us up. My kids dad was really hard to wake up though, so I do know how lucky I am to have a man like Abdel.

[amal 4]

good, i'm glad that came out right...I have such a hard time in typing sometimes...I just can't seem to always get things explained in the right way

[doodlebug 3]

I was just about to post something similar szsz. I've read several times so far in the Quran where it says that a person is only accountable for their own actions, and never to blame or be held responsible for the actions of others.

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ameer (ruler) who governs the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the members of his household and is responsible for them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them. A slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7138; Muslim, 1829

)

I agree that I am responsible for my own actions but I also believe that my husband, had he the opportunity to steer me away from whatever bad actions I may take, will be responsible as the shepherd of his flock.

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=13802&ln=eng

The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.

omigosh I'm sooo doing this one and I'm gonna bring this quote with me so I can say, hey...I'm just following what the Prophet, pbuh, said to do!!!

I don't think I could do this. I always let Abdel sleep as late as he possibly can when he has a day off, and we each get out of bed when we're supposed to on workdays, so there is no need to wake the other. For workdays we have this 4 snooze routine. I push the snooze (because the alarm clock is on my side of the bed) and announce which one it is. On the fourth, I always remind him it is the last one and don't push the button, so the music wakes us up. My kids dad was really hard to wake up though, so I do know how lucky I am to have a man like Abdel.

I was kind of kidding. I don't think I could actually splash cold water on his face in order to wake up for fajr.

[mybackpages 0]

I was just about to post something similar szsz. I've read several times so far in the Quran where it says that a person is only accountable for their own actions, and never to blame or be held responsible for the actions of others.

It was narrated from Ibn 'Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ameer (ruler) who governs the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the members of his household and is responsible for them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband's house and children and is responsible for them. A slave is the shepherd of his master's wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7138; Muslim, 1829

)

I agree that I am responsible for my own actions but I also believe that my husband, had he the opportunity to steer me away from whatever bad actions I may take, will be responsible as the shepherd of his flock.

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=13802&ln=eng

There is a hadith- one I can not recall at this moment. That talks about how those who have power over others will need to explain their actions on the day of judgement with their hands tied behind their backs. I always understood the meaning that if you find yourself in a position of power over someone in this life, then you have a special obligation to take care of your actions even more carefully than someone who is responsible only for themself. I think this goes along with the thoughts you are saying.

[amal 4]

I was just about to post something similar szsz. I've read several times so far in the Quran where it says that a person is only accountable for their own actions, and never to blame or be held responsible for the actions of others.

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ameer (ruler) who governs the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the members of his household and is responsible for them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them. A slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7138; Muslim, 1829

)

I agree that I am responsible for my own actions but I also believe that my husband, had he the opportunity to steer me away from whatever bad actions I may take, will be responsible as the shepherd of his flock.

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=13802&ln=eng

The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.

omigosh I'm sooo doing this one and I'm gonna bring this quote with me so I can say, hey...I'm just following what the Prophet, pbuh, said to do!!!

I don't think I could do this. I always let Abdel sleep as late as he possibly can when he has a day off, and we each get out of bed when we're supposed to on workdays, so there is no need to wake the other. For workdays we have this 4 snooze routine. I push the snooze (because the alarm clock is on my side of the bed) and announce which one it is. On the fourth, I always remind him it is the last one and don't push the button, so the music wakes us up. My kids dad was really hard to wake up though, so I do know how lucky I am to have a man like Abdel.

I was kind of kidding. I don't think I could actually splash cold water on his face in order to wake up for fajr.

my husband would kick me if i did that....although it may have some therapeutic aspects to it after a bad night or something

[doodlebug 3]

There is a hadith- one I can not recall at this moment. That talks about how those who have power over others will need to explain their actions on the day of judgement with their hands tied behind their backs. I always understood the meaning that if you find yourself in a position of power over someone in this life, then you have a special obligation to take care of your actions even more carefully than someone who is responsible only for themself. I think this goes along with the thoughts you are saying.

That's what I was looking for. Goes for the parents of children too I think.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I agree that I am responsible for my own actions but I also believe that my husband, had he the opportunity to steer me away from whatever bad actions I may take, will be responsible as the shepherd of his flock.

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=13802&ln=eng

Very well, but islam-qa is not a mainstream site. Not one I would recommend for moderate viewpoints, and we are advised by Allah to be moderate in all things.

There is a hadith- one I can not recall at this moment. That talks about how those who have power over others will need to explain their actions on the day of judgement with their hands tied behind their backs. I always understood the meaning that if you find yourself in a position of power over someone in this life, then you have a special obligation to take care of your actions even more carefully than someone who is responsible only for themself. I think this goes along with the thoughts you are saying.

Hadith are not to be taken at face value. Not all of them are Sunnah, commanding, and supported by the Quran or included in the sharia; nor are they superior to the Quran. One must know the quality of the hadith they are considering as guidance before accepting it as truth.

I don't think I could do this. I always let Abdel sleep as late as he possibly can when he has a day off, and we each get out of bed when we're supposed to on workdays, so there is no need to wake the other. For workdays we have this 4 snooze routine. I push the snooze (because the alarm clock is on my side of the bed) and announce which one it is. On the fourth, I always remind him it is the last one and don't push the button, so the music wakes us up. My kids dad was really hard to wake up though, so I do know how lucky I am to have a man like Abdel.

Edited November 23, 2006 by szsz

[amal 4]

[melly 0]

I was just about to post something similar szsz. I've read several times so far in the Quran where it says that a person is only accountable for their own actions, and never to blame or be held responsible for the actions of others.

It was narrated from Ibn 'Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ameer (ruler) who governs the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the members of his household and is responsible for them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband's house and children and is responsible for them. A slave is the shepherd of his master's wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7138; Muslim, 1829

)

I agree that I am responsible for my own actions but I also believe that my husband, had he the opportunity to steer me away from whatever bad actions I may take, will be responsible as the shepherd of his flock.

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=13802&ln=eng

There is a hadith- one I can not recall at this moment. That talks about how those who have power over others will need to explain their actions on the day of judgement with their hands tied behind their backs. I always understood the meaning that if you find yourself in a position of power over someone in this life, then you have a special obligation to take care of your actions even more carefully than someone who is responsible only for themself. I think this goes along with the thoughts you are saying.

It makes sense that those who have power over others will be judged for what they do and how they use that towards/over/with other people.

This goes right along with the fact that everyone is judged for their own actions.

But that includes the actions that you do under the influence of others.

While someone over you is responsible for thier actions towards you, you are responsible for your own actions, regardless of others.

If someone's husband told them, convinced them and made them think it was absolutely okay to kill someone (yes, extreme example) does that make it okay???

Everyone is responsible for his or her OWN actions.

[deeshla 0]

I can't help but be reminded of this reading this thread. Is it really that far off?

Amen to that. I got chills (and not the good kind) reading that first post. Crikes.

[mybackpages 0]

I was just about to post something similar szsz. I've read several times so far in the Quran where it says that a person is only accountable for their own actions, and never to blame or be held responsible for the actions of others.

It was narrated from Ibn 'Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ameer (ruler) who governs the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the members of his household and is responsible for them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband's house and children and is responsible for them. A slave is the shepherd of his master's wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7138; Muslim, 1829

)

I agree that I am responsible for my own actions but I also believe that my husband, had he the opportunity to steer me away from whatever bad actions I may take, will be responsible as the shepherd of his flock.

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=13802&ln=eng

There is a hadith- one I can not recall at this moment. That talks about how those who have power over others will need to explain their actions on the day of judgement with their hands tied behind their backs. I always understood the meaning that if you find yourself in a position of power over someone in this life, then you have a special obligation to take care of your actions even more carefully than someone who is responsible only for themself. I think this goes along with the thoughts you are saying.

It makes sense that those who have power over others will be judged for what they do and how they use that towards/over/with other people.

This goes right along with the fact that everyone is judged for their own actions.

But that includes the actions that you do under the influence of others.

While someone over you is responsible for thier actions towards you, you are responsible for your own actions, regardless of others.

If someone's husband told them, convinced them and made them think it was absolutely okay to kill someone (yes, extreme example) does that make it okay???

Everyone is responsible for his or her OWN actions.

I iagree but to me this saying also stresses the seriousness of the role of having power or leadership over someone else. That you wil be in a more difficult position to explain your actions in these particular circumstances. It's harder to explain yourself with your hands tied behind yoru back metaphorically.