muslim marriage tips

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

Charles I wasn't around yesterday so I am just seeing this for the first time and I ran into Jackie's post. Don't you have my absence documented with screenshots?

you were absent?

[sarah and hicham 3]

Charles I wasn't around yesterday so I am just seeing this for the first time and I ran into Jackie's post. Don't you have my absence documented with screenshots?

you were absent?

yep... work work work and play play play.

[Jenn! 918]

I think the point has totally gotten lost here. I don't think anyone said that women should not cook and clean. The objection was to framing your marriage around the immigration timeline. IMO, this assumes that the marriage was entered into for the sole purpose of a green card. By doing things that fit your husband's image of a perfect wife, you can prevent him from leaving when the 10-year green card arrives.

what LB says is what Jackie meant (i think, jackie correct me if I'm wrong) only Jackie put it VERY bluntly...short and to the point (possibly even a bad choice of wording) and that is why she was so misunderstood and things went so out of control. I want to elaborate more but I think short is better this time.

Well, I guess I misunderstood then. Maybe people have been arguing over different things. Can't say that would be the first time...

[amal 4]

I think the point has totally gotten lost here. I don't think anyone said that women should not cook and clean. The objection was to framing your marriage around the immigration timeline. IMO, this assumes that the marriage was entered into for the sole purpose of a green card. By doing things that fit your husband's image of a perfect wife, you can prevent him from leaving when the 10-year green card arrives.

what LB says is what Jackie meant (i think, jackie correct me if I'm wrong) only Jackie put it VERY bluntly...short and to the point (possibly even a bad choice of wording) and that is why she was so misunderstood and things went so out of control. I want to elaborate more but I think short is better this time.

Well, I guess I misunderstood then. Maybe people have been arguing over different things. Can't say that would be the first time...

that is why i kept trying to explain..coz I knew it was being taken out of context *sigh of relief* *collapses to the floor*

Edited November 28, 2006 by amal

[Bosco 1]

I think the point has totally gotten lost here. I don't think anyone said that women should not cook and clean. The objection was to framing your marriage around the immigration timeline. IMO, this assumes that the marriage was entered into for the sole purpose of a green card. By doing things that fit your husband's image of a perfect wife, you can prevent him from leaving when the 10-year green card arrives.

Exactly! Not sure why the point keeps being lost because the difference is obvious.

what LB says is what Jackie meant (i think, jackie correct me if I'm wrong) only Jackie put it VERY bluntly...short and to the point (possibly even a bad choice of wording) and that is why she was so misunderstood and things went so out of control. I want to elaborate more but I think short is better this time.

I see no connection between what Jackie said and LB said. Again, this goes back to the whole timeline thing Jenn referred to above. The transformation of the wife he wants at the 10-year card mark.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I think the point has totally gotten lost here. I don't think anyone said that women should not cook and clean. The objection was to framing your marriage around the immigration timeline. IMO, this assumes that the marriage was entered into for the sole purpose of a green card. By doing things that fit your husband's image of a perfect wife, you can prevent him from leaving when the 10-year green card arrives.

what LB says is what Jackie meant (i think, jackie correct me if I'm wrong) only Jackie put it VERY bluntly...short and to the point (possibly even a bad choice of wording) and that is why she was so misunderstood and things went so out of control. I want to elaborate more but I think short is better this time.

Well, I guess I misunderstood then. Maybe people have been arguing over different things. Can't say that would be the first time...

I'm sorry but what else could Jackie have meant? She basically stated that around the time a man might leave that one should do extra things to get him to stick around. DOesn't that mean that the wife obviously doubts the marriage and thinks he might be here for the greencard? Why else would she make extra efforts right aroung the time he might leave?

[peezey 0]

I think the point has totally gotten lost here. I don't think anyone said that women should not cook and clean. The objection was to framing your marriage around the immigration timeline. IMO, this assumes that the marriage was entered into for the sole purpose of a green card. By doing things that fit your husband's image of a perfect wife, you can prevent him from leaving when the 10-year green card arrives.

what LB says is what Jackie meant (i think, jackie correct me if I'm wrong) only Jackie put it VERY bluntly...short and to the point (possibly even a bad choice of wording) and that is why she was so misunderstood and things went so out of control. I want to elaborate more but I think short is better this time.

Well, I guess I misunderstood then. Maybe people have been arguing over different things. Can't say that would be the first time...

I don't think you're wrong, that was what we were discussing. I don't remember anyone saying a woman can't cook and clean. We were specifically talking about the basis of a relationship, a point was made that we should be more careful close to a 2-year & 10-year GC, and then counter points were made that this was not the basis of others' relationships here. The cooking/cleaning were used as examples on both sides, as things both sides of the argument do in fact do.

[mybackpages 0]

Some people are debating on here and are not even married yet.

...

You guys are living in a dream.

This is a thread for people already married ... not engaged people cuz you guys hardly know what it's like to be married (unless of course you have already been married).

Wow oh wow - these three lines just amaze me. Where do I pick up my forum board police badge?

Note: BOLD was in original posts not my doing

[sarah and hicham 3]

This is the reason so many of the wonderful people who used to share here have stopped posting much, if at all.

All of these wonderful people that you speak of can post whenever they want. We can respond however we want. That's VJ- a public forum.

boohoo.

[Bosco 1]

Some people are debating on here and are not even married yet.

...

You guys are living in a dream.

This is a thread for people already married ... not engaged people cuz you guys hardly know what it's like to be married (unless of course you have already been married).

Wow oh wow - these three lines just amaze me. Where do I pick up my forum board police badge?

Note: BOLD was in original posts not my doing

Shocked me too.

My marriage is how I anticipated, better in fact. My husband did not misrepresent his expectations of me or our marriage, nor did I have false expectations. I wasn't living in a dream world. LB, you may have been living in a dream, but that certainly isn't the case for everyone else. Projecting your experience onto everyone else???

[LebaneseMama 1]

Some people are debating on here and are not even married yet.

...

You guys are living in a dream.

This is a thread for people already married ... not engaged people cuz you guys hardly know what it's like to be married (unless of course you have already been married).

Wow oh wow - these three lines just amaze me. Where do I pick up my forum board police badge?

Note: BOLD was in original posts not my doing

I'm just saying there is a huge difference between being engaged and being married. When people want to argue and go on and on and on. There point is valid if they are married (in this thread). If they are not married then to me they are just going on and on for no reason. I don't get involved in the Christianity threads cuz I am not Chrisitan. I don't get involved in engagement threads cuz I'm not engaged. You don't have to understand what I am saying ... I don't care. I know my friends on here do get what I am saying and see my point.

Note : Noone said it was your doing ... I stand by my statements.

[maggieNomar 0]

Why is it when people disagree on here, everything turns personal? Strong personalities, strong opinions are just words. I thought it was just a passionate discussion. I didn't see a train wreck until everyone started to call it that. Sad really that people are taking all this way too seriously. it continues to amaze me what people want to see in these threads instead of what is there. Are we in HS all over again? jeeze I know I am going regret this post, but I'll just deny any responsibility for my reaction this morning and blame it on the major 6 car accident that I was in yesterday. That's real life and worth losing sleep over. Not this thread.

I see it the same as you MBP. It was a heated discussion, nothing more, until the trainwreck accusations entered. I think there are lots of sensitive skins here that think strongly expressing and defending your opinion is a fight, or when their opinion gets knocked down it is an attack on them rather than their opinion.

And I offer no excuses for this post. Hope you are not feeling too sore today You better be home resting or we are coming after you and dragging you home.

Yep and I have your address now so I'll help them!!

[Jenn! 918]

Everyone or almost everyone who has posted in this thread is either married or has been perviously.

[peezey 0]

Some people are debating on here and are not even married yet.

...

You guys are living in a dream.

This is a thread for people already married ... not engaged people cuz you guys hardly know what it's like to be married (unless of course you have already been married).

Wow oh wow - these three lines just amaze me. Where do I pick up my forum board police badge?

Note: BOLD was in original posts not my doing

Pretty shocking to me, too, especially since most women here have been married before, and all those engaged in the conversation yesterday referred many times to their previous marriages.

If expectations are not addressed ahead of time, I can imagine you would be in a dream world. However, if they are addressed, things will probably go fairly smoothly. If they are addressed ahead of time and they don't go smoothly, well that certainly isn't a dream world, that's someone coming to the relationship having misrepresented themselves in the first place.

[amal 4]

Some people are debating on here and are not even married yet.

I don't think there is a difference between Muslim and Christian marriages but what I do think there is a difference between engaged (and apart) and married (and together).

When I was engaged I could so say things like "He loves me and that's all that matters. He won't care if I cook or clean or whatever" and spend all night fighting with you guys over it. I seriously believed it.

Well now that we are married if I don't do my part : cook, clean, bills, homework, my part time job, and etc. If he doesn't do his part : work full time, english school, clean outside, deal with trash, deal with our two cars, fix anyting in the house, clean the tile once a week, and etc. The other party gets a little irritated.

When Ali goes to work all day and comes home and does not find dinner he is supposed to say "It's okay honey I love you and that's all that matters" Ugggggh no. You guys are living in a dream.

He says "How come there's nothing to eat ? " So I say "Oh I was busy blah blah blah" and he says "Well let's come up with something I'm hungry". He doesn't get mad ... but if I didn't cook everyday yes there would be problems in our marriage.

This is a thread for people already married ... not engaged people cuz you guys hardly know what it's like to be married (unless of course you have already been married).

There is nothing ancient about cooking and cleaning for your family. I go to school full time, work part time, and am still able to cook and clean my house. I am PG and my husband helps out .. but he does not let it slide for me to not do anything and say I am "modern".

I'm sorry to quote you again LB but the "irritated" paragraph (3rd paragraph) and the 5th paragraph are what I think Jackie was talkin about. and yeah before the 10 year card. Maybe this is when she realized the truths to these paragraphs but it is what she was talking about just the same. She was saying...it is when the realization came to her that some things needed to change. She wasn't saying that all ppl would or should feel the same way but she was only talking about how she felt at the 10 year card mark. She just put it too bluntly and even I had to think about it and talk with her about it to get the correct understanding of what she meant.

We are leaving the house for a while today (we are both off together!! yayyyyyy!!!) so I appoint the next poster to keep the peace while I'm away and they should appoint the next poster to sign the peace keeping treaty

(yes i'm kidding)

amal