muslim marriage tips

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

Issues pop up that you don't think about during the stage in the relationship where you're apart.

Maybe it won't be microwave vs. homecooked,

before i met nessa, i ate from the 5 food groups:

instant, take out, frozen, canned, and microwaved

share the popcorn, sister

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

only $8!

[Together4ever 1]

One thing I've learned in life... when you start tossing words out like "should" and "should not" you are cavorting through the world of your own expectations and they are not always shared/understood/embraced by the other. Being able to communicate helps A LOT A LOT A LOT, but I realize that's not always as easy as it "should be" (tongue in cheek... ha ha) especially with cultural/language differences. I will now and forever always believe one of the most important things in any relationship is the ability to communicate with each other. Discussing expectations all through out the duration of the relationship avoids a lot of misunderstandings (can lead to some doozy arguments too, but what is life without a little bit of passion).

[doodlebug 3]

wow have i learned my lesson!! (I hope!!)

Here I was trying to do a good thing by hopefully getting some advice on a good muslim marriage from the wives here who are muslim and whammo it has balooned into something I never imagined. Geesh. All I did was spot a few suggestions from an islamic forum that I belong to, thought gee I wonder what else is out there and now I'm a well educated woman trying to throw it all away for a man?

Yes I am well educated. What am I throwing away exactly though? I am in control of my kids and my workplace...two extremely big responsibilities. Is it any wonder that once I get home and with my husband I'd like him to take the reins? Nope. It's pretty darn normal if you ask me! Does it work for everyone? Apparently not. That's cool though.

Things I have learned out of this thread is that a "muslim marriage" is just like any other marriage and that the things I thought were true, such as the husband having to answer for how he led his "flock", are not 100% agreed upon by everyone. That's cool too. Learn something new every day.

I just don't think though that if something works for one person and not for another, the other should diss that person's formula.

Amal I totally see what you're saying. I used to be a total slob and eat tuna every night before my first marriage. He was a total neat freak and I changed so that we wouldn't argue about these things and so that his mother wouldn't constantly complain about how I kept the house. He left me for other reasons but here I am, divorced and alone for 9 years since then and my house is a mess again and I eat tuna when the kids aren't with me. I'm now in the process of trying to get a routine together so that the kids pitch in and things get cleaned more. I want Usama to walk into a nice clean home that says welcome, not a pit that says, ok here's the mop, get started. That's just my little way of saying I love you.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Whatever works for you Every relationship is different, that is what makes life so great. Now we have seen everyones thoughts on 'muslim marriage tips', when does the 'christian marriage tips' thread start?

Jackie

Ok, well WHATEVER to this. I don't see the need to bring religion into everything and we need 2 seperate threads?

Rose-colored glasses? excuse me while I pick my chin up off the floor.

I think I must live in a different glaxay which is why I am having so much trouble understanding things here. I can not even imagine fighting over cooked vs. microwaved meals or cleaning the house. Because I can only choose to marry a man who from the very start holds the same values and similar outlooks on what home and family lifestyles should be, conflicts that need to be resolved as we live together are minimum and are no different than what any other maried couple goes through. I could never enter a marriage where we are so culturally and individually so different that i have to change for him to keep the peace.

Very well said! A man doesn't fall in love with a woman based on how shiny her dishes are and how clean her house is. That is pretty shallow IMO.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

Very well said! A man doesn't fall in love with a woman based on how shiny her dishes are and how clean her house is. That is pretty shallow IMO.

yeah! it's how big her boobs are and how good a cook she is

[doodlebug 3]

actually not for nuttin' but my ex left me for the maid. lol. I just remembered that.

[Bosco 1]

Yes I am well educated. What am I throwing away exactly though? I am in control of my kids and my workplace...two extremely big responsibilities. Is it any wonder that once I get home and with my husband I'd like him to take the reins? Nope. It's pretty darn normal if you ask me! Does it work for everyone? Apparently not. That's cool though.

Take the reins of what? I mean it as a serious question. I follow you wanting a break/relief after work/kids, but does this mean taking the reins of cooking/cleaning or something else. Again, it is a sincere question and I am trying to understand what this means.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

actually not for nuttin' but my ex left me for the maid. lol. I just remembered that.

maybe she did a good job cleaning the doorknobs?

[ya falaha! 0]

Doodle...I meant no offense by my statements. I didn't mean you or anyone else here was throwing it all away for a man. I was referring to the movie, Mona Lisa Smile. I just meant that a lot of the expected behaviors in the Islamic marriage guidelines seem like a flashback to the '50s or earlier. I don't think that modern thinking Muslim men expect their wives to adhere to these strict guidelines. It's really a bit much to expect from a woman with a full time job and/or other responsibilities. Also...I realize you didn't author these guidelines. You were just bringing them up for discussion.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Now it becomes obvious why after 3 years here, I have only 2 hearts, I usually keep my fukin opinion to myself. But because this was about MUSLIM marriages, and I have been in one for 4 years, I THOUGHT I could post what works for US. I never said you HAVE to change your way of cooking and cleaning to keep your husband, only that you may WANT to. Enough shouting from me today, I have a pile of paperwork on my desk calling my name. Truce if anyone is interested.

I will go back now to my quite self and help those that need support during the waiting process. It's what I do best and I usually do it in private PM's.

Jackie

[doodlebug 3]

Yes I am well educated. What am I throwing away exactly though? I am in control of my kids and my workplace...two extremely big responsibilities. Is it any wonder that once I get home and with my husband I'd like him to take the reins? Nope. It's pretty darn normal if you ask me! Does it work for everyone? Apparently not. That's cool though.

Take the reins of what? I mean it as a serious question. I follow you wanting a break/relief after work/kids, but does this mean taking the reins of cooking/cleaning or something else. Again, it is a sincere question and I am trying to understand what this means.

I dont' want to think about money. Period. I'm a cpa and deal with it all day long. I want him to do all of that stuff. Granted it will take some time but eventually I want him to be the one in charge of paying the bills, etc. As far as the housework goes, I'm cool with all that and with the cooking. I prefer that everyone stay the heck outta my kitchen anyways since I'm kind of particular about where things go. We have agreed that he will do the manly man stuff like mow the lawn, shovel snow (he's never seen snow so that outta be a hoot n a holler), take out the trash and fix stuff that's broken. I want him to be our "julie macoy cruise director" and plan our nights. I'm also looking forward to learning about Islam from him. He was born a muslim and is strong in his faith and I know I can learn much from him. Basically I want him to be the leader of the house. I don't know if I'm explaining it that clearly.

[Jenn! 918]

Now it becomes obvious why after 3 years here, I have only 2 hearts, I usually keep my fukin opinion to myself. But because this was about MUSLIM marriages, and I have been in one for 4 years, I THOUGHT I could post what works for US. I never said you HAVE to change your way of cooking and cleaning to keep your husband, only that you may WANT to. Enough shouting from me today, I have a pile of paperwork on my desk calling my name. Truce if anyone is interested.

I will go back now to my quite self and help those that need support during the waiting process. It's what I do best and I usually do it in private PM's.

Jackie

Jackie, I think you knew what the reaction would be with your initial post. You even said, "At the risk of negative attention, I have a comment regarding marriage tips." I thought it was up for discussion.

No hard feelings here.

[doodlebug 3]

Doodle...I meant no offense by my statements. I didn't mean you or anyone else here was throwing it all away for a man. I was referring to the movie, Mona Lisa Smile. I just meant that a lot of the expected behaviors in the Islamic marriage guidelines seem like a flashback to the '50s or earlier. I don't think that modern thinking Muslim men expect their wives to adhere to these strict guidelines. It's really a bit much to expect from a woman with a full time job and/or other responsibilities. Also...I realize you didn't author these guidelines. You were just bringing them up for discussion.

[Bosco 1]

Yes I am well educated. What am I throwing away exactly though? I am in control of my kids and my workplace...two extremely big responsibilities. Is it any wonder that once I get home and with my husband I'd like him to take the reins? Nope. It's pretty darn normal if you ask me! Does it work for everyone? Apparently not. That's cool though.

Take the reins of what? I mean it as a serious question. I follow you wanting a break/relief after work/kids, but does this mean taking the reins of cooking/cleaning or something else. Again, it is a sincere question and I am trying to understand what this means.

I dont' want to think about money. Period. I'm a cpa and deal with it all day long. I want him to do all of that stuff. Granted it will take some time but eventually I want him to be the one in charge of paying the bills, etc. As far as the housework goes, I'm cool with all that and with the cooking. I prefer that everyone stay the heck outta my kitchen anyways since I'm kind of particular about where things go. We have agreed that he will do the manly man stuff like mow the lawn, shovel snow (he's never seen snow so that outta be a hoot n a holler), take out the trash and fix stuff that's broken. I want him to be our "julie macoy cruise director" and plan our nights. I'm also looking forward to learning about Islam from him. He was born a muslim and is strong in his faith and I know I can learn much from him. Basically I want him to be the leader of the house. I don't know if I'm explaining it that clearly.

Thanks for explaining. Sounds like a partner to me, but I guess it is semantics.