husband is a marijuana user.cant deal with it anymore

[Darnell 8,479]

well, if they are in Texas and he goes to jail, she is allowed to remain in the house after the police release it. so at least there's the housing issue, solved quickly.

[Brian1967## 119]

I agree with James and Olya up there.

[Caryh 5,206]

well, if they are in Texas and he goes to jail, she is allowed to remain in the house after the police release it. so at least there's the housing issue, solved quickly.

Here they'd probably confiscate the home because it was being used as a drug house. Even landlords renting to people dealing drugs have had to go to great lengths to keep properties the government took away because a tenant was involved in drugs.

Since you've decided not to work on the marriage and his drug issues, ask for a divorce. If you file you can't get the divorce recognised in your country. After the divorce you will need to remove conditions based on divorce. You'll still need to prove you had a valid marriage, which sounds like it will be tough after such a short marriage and what I'm assuming is no time to mix finances. You're required to remove conditions when the divorce is final, or 90 days before the green card expires, whichever comes first. Although you can probably get away with staying here on the green card until its expiration date and then returning to the Philippines.

I have a filipina friend who's bf is a pot smoker. She keeps asking me how to make him quit, I've told her many times she can't make him to quit, either call it quits or get used to it. But your husband has taken this way too far, producing marijuana in the home for purpose of selling it, is putting you at great risk. I'm glad you've gotten out of the house, regardless of how it will affect your immigration status. Even if you need to return home and start over from scratch, at least you're not at risk of jail time by his actions, you've made the right choice. He sounds rather childish to, but we only have one side of the story. Sorry things have turned out so bad for you, good luck. And I hope other Filipina learn from your mistake, don't get involved with a man that does things that are outside your morals and illegal. America is not the promised land if you land inside a jail cell.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Hi vj friends, IM a filipina, came here in America with Cr1 visa.been here for almost 2months now. To make my story short.i thought i knew my husband so well but i don't.he start changing when i arrived here and we live together. i couldnt deal his illegal thing like marijuana coz first of all i don't smoke and i don't do illegal things. Finished my BS in Nursing in Philippines but IM not yet a license.since i arrived here,i was never been taking care off by husband coz he is busy growing some pot inside the house and i cannot stand the smell..i never experienced in doing that ####### and never seen those things ever since in my life.just right now when i arrived here in america. I don't really care about green card.i even want to go back home instead but i thought to myself i have a son to support.my husband let me stop working in Singapore coz he wants me here.and now this is all what i got and i believe i don't deserve treated like this..so i planned to stay for awhile till my green card expires coz i need to work so i can support myself and my son who is now in Philippines. Now, i wanted to know.what is my rights here in America? My husband keep telling me everytime we fight "GET OuT OF MY HOUSE!" And he even start packing my things and sometimes he throw my stuff outside the cabinet.i am even now staying in his friends house coz he called them (a couple) to come pick me up.he use to do this everytime we fight and call his parents to inform that IM going to leave him(his the youngest,mamas boy). i know there are times that he was trying his best to please me but no matter what i will never be so happy knowing that i will live my life here in America with full of fears coz my husband is growing a pot inside the house..IM scared if he gets busted IM sure i will be deported. I know he is a pot user before i marry him but he said he will stop as soon as i arrive here but it gets worst coz he dont have a job now.he stopped his previous offshore job coz i am already here and he don't want me living alone in the house. Please help me guys.what should i do? How can i let my husband to support me while IM still staying here in America and start my life(we dont have any kids yet,my son is my child when i was single)? And also we got married in Philippine we don't have a divorse but we do have annualment.he told me he will never help me financially if i do annualment. I cannot stand him anymore..i love him to death but keep treating me this way is painful and IM newHere in America with nobody.place help me guys.

There was a lot of replies but I dont know that any of them really answered anything that was specifically asked.

You dont care about the greencard. You want to stay until the card expires (2years) and want to know what are your 'rights?' You are "scared if he gets arrested you will be deported and you want to know "how can I let my husband support me while Im staying here in America and start my life?"

Well, you have conflicting questions there.

1-If you are only staying until the card expires- then removing conditions (ROC) does not apply to you. (As when ROC comes you would be surrendering the card) You could either remain married to your spouse for the next 2 years, you could live separately or together, however living in a residence where there are drugs is dangerous as you could face charges. OR you could divorce your spouse now and file ROC with limited evidence of your short marriage, If its approved youd receive your 10 yr card. Or you could divorce your spouse and not file for ROC, your card would still be vaild until it expires, but thats it. The choice would be yours.

2. You have the same rights as a GC holder as anyone else in the US. Do not think you dont.

3. Your status is not dependent on him. If he is arrested and charged with something- thats his problem. You will not be deported. His *ss can be hauled off to jail and your status is not effected AT ALL, your GC is your GC. IF YOU ARE CHARGED WITH DRUG CHARGES that is different, thats on you.

4. How do you let your husband support you? Support you how? It seems he threw you out. Are you looking for money from him? Thats why you are getting answers about the 864 aff of support. Thats not going to be an option for you. Spousal support for a short 2-3 month marriage probably wont pan out either. But you can try. You can not force somebody to support you. You can let him. If he wants to voluntarily give you money he will.

But your husband saying things like I will never help you financially if you get an annulment and not a divorce- knowing full well an divorce and not an annulment will prevent you from being able to remarry again- well that makes him an controlling *sshole. Hes not seeking to help you but to hurt you.

It does not seem like he is someone you can trust or count on to keep his word. If you truly do not want to keep your greencard, in my opinion your best option is to stay away from the house where the drugs are- seek the annulment because that is important to your long term future (sure money is good right now for the short term, but in the long term being free to marry again is much better-and I dont even trust he would give you money, hes a drug user) and spend the remaining 2 years on your GC in the US working.

Your only choice will be- after the annulment if you want to send in the ROC papers or not. If you send them in based on the short marriage and it is denied because of the short marriage, you will have to leave the US. If approved, you will have the 10yr GC.

So what kind of proof of ROC do you have? (if you are open to listing it-people can give you an idea of whether or not it would be sufficient to be approved- if you dont know what ROC proof is, check the ROC forums)

[Marrich 4]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubling situation. You have both gone through a very difficult process to get you to the US which causes plenty of stress and anxiety in itself. Now that you are here you are confronted with a disappointing situation that may seem overwhelming to you yet may not be an impossible one to resolve. Patience and understanding is most important right now. This is not the time to make any drastic moves that you may regret the rest of your life. You felt strongly enough to marry your husband and commit to devote yourself to a marriage for the rest of your life for better or for worse. Sometimes things in a marriage can be the "worse" part but that does not mean they can't get "better". You said you love him, that is not something you can just walk away from easily. You said he quit his overseas job to be with you when you arrived, that is quite a sacrifice for him and a good one because it is important for you both to be together especially during your adjustment to this new life of yours. He may feel depressed, and inadequate now that he is not providing for you, his pride and self worth can be suffering because he has no job. Finding a job can take some time, often more than a couple of months. Since he worked before it's certain he will find another job in time. The marijuana is an issue but not one so serious that a solution can't be worked out. This period of adjustment, his unemployment and the resulting arguing you both have gone through can increase his need to find comfort in the pot. As illegal and controversial as pot is, it is typically far less harmful than alcohol over use can be. My advise is:

1. If he is not threatening you physically do not call the police. The last thing you want is the police and court system in your life. No matter how bad the situation is now, getting the police involved will make it far worse. This is your husband don't forget, right or wrong you are each bound to each other. You certainly wouldn't want or expect him to call the police on you for any reason.

2. You are correct to move out of the house. You both need time apart to cool off and think things through. You should not be in the house so long as the pot is there which may put you in legal jeopardy.

3. Consulting an attorney may be helpful to understand your legal rights and explain the legalities of pot use and possession in your area but considering divorce at this point is way too premature. You felt this man had good qualities that were attractive enough to you to marry him, is he not still that same man? Sure his behavior is a problem right now but behaviors can change, his pot use is a habit and likely a crutch that he feels he needs right now but that does not mean it will be a problem for the rest of his and your life. Your marriage is a bond you each swore to uphold for the rest of your lives.

4. Many nasty things and threats can be spoken in the heat of argument but that does not mean he really wants to do any of the things he says when angry. You may have said some things in anger that you did not mean also.

5. Seek counseling. This is very important. Find a counselor that believes in your religious views, if you are Catholic then find a good marriage counselor that is either Catholic or Christian that you are comfortable with and go by yourself. Your husband, as many men do, may be opposed to counseling which can make a man feel that he should not need someone else to tell him how to manage his own life. He will have to swallow his pride to admit he needs help to manage this situation, that can be difficult and take some time for a man to accept that. If you go to counseling and feel like it is helping, you can then gracefully ask him to participate. You have to convince him that you are getting counseled because you want more than anything to help your marriage to him succeed. He needs to feel that the counselor is unbiased and is not just your partner to criticize him even more. It may be best to pick a male counselor so your husband does not feel he now has two women ganging up on him. It may be good if the counselor contacts him directly and explains to him your sincere devotion to help your marriage. You may need to "interview" more than one counselor before you find one that you like.

6. This is not "his" problem or "your" problem, this is, as all problems within a marriage, a joint problem that you both as a loving, bound couple have to work through together. Perhaps you believe you were brought together by God and united in his name which is a blessing so great it should only happen once in a lifetime. God hates divorce and there is good reason for that, if you have never gone through a divorce you are fortunate because it is a terrible thing to experience and it will be a wound that you will carry the rest of your life. Sometimes divorce is necessary but before considering such a drastic act there are many more steps to take to resolve differences in good faith.

7. Consider this man agreed to support you and your child from another man. It is a very difficult commitment for a man to accept another mans child as his own and support and raise that child for life. You must consider that your husband loves you very much to commit to such a big responsibility.

8. Take time to let the situation calm down, try your best to talk with your husband calmly, focus on the positive aspects of your love for each other, seek solutions, avoid threatening words, avoid taking any action that will cause more harm to an already delicate circumstance and pray.