Can his parents force him to marry somebody else?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I don't understand why he's telling you that his dad is doing all this... that's a bit of a red flag to me.

My husband would NEVER have told me his family were pulling those kinds of stunts. He would have protected me from that, the hurt of that. It makes no sense because he doesn't need to tell you anything if he's not planning on doing anything. It's not like you'd have found out any other way. Is he trying to make you insecure? Is he trying to push you to do the immigration stuff?

Personally, it sounds like he's giving you more reasons NOT to move to India to be with him. Instead he's making India seem like the last place you both would want to live so that you do the US immigration stuff. I'm sorry but his behaviour isn't in line for someone in love who wants the best for their partner. The best would be not to tell you about that stuff and keep you happy in blissful ignorance.

I also find the mention of the "my dad said he won't get a dowry now" suspect. Like he's trying to guilt you (and thus your family), subconsciously, into giving a dowry so that the dad actually likes you.

Please examine this relationship a bit more closely. If you asked him to wait on the immigration stuff, that you don't have the money right now, what would his reaction be? I don't know how much longer I can deny my fathers wishes? Then it becomes YOUR fault the relationship breaks down and he's off scott free. I'm sorry but I believe, on what little you've posted, that you're being played.

[Mel&Lal 12]

I dont think I am being played, i got this out of him one night when he was drunk when we were talking on skype! He hardly ever drinks and I knew something was wrong with him.

[Mel&Lal 12]

Like I said, I have spent a lot of time in India recently (the food sucks-btw ), and the the underlined part sounds like the exact opposite of everybody that I met. Family is the most important thing in their lives. We closed an office in Mumbai and opened another one in a different city and we offered transfers to pretty much everybody, and out of the 75 had, the majority declined the transfer due to various resaons, but mostly family. And the ones who did accept to move were already looking at the best way to move their families to this new city since they are probably the only college educated members of their respective families, so they often support the whole bunch.

What I'm trying to say is his attitude towards banishment by his family would be a little bit of a red flag to me. I don't want to put doubts in your head but it's better that you examine these things now rather than after you spend a lot of time and money to bring him over to find out he has alterior motives. I'm sure you've read some of the horror stories on this site. All those people thought they were in love, and some even saw small red flags and decided to ignore them.

He does not want to be banished from his family, I met his mom she is a sweet lady, his dad is the problem.

[Boiler 46,107]

Like I said, I have spent a lot of time in India recently (the food sucks-btw ), .

Odd

The one thing I miss is a decent curry. Hard to find in the US.

[AnotherLostSoul 167]

I'm going to chime in and apologize in advance if I insult, or "accuse" it is not my intention. So first of all, those who are going back and forth about the "insults" that were made about American women...I think you guys need to move on. Some people take it as insult, others don't. I did not take it as an insult, every country has pretty weird man and women out there, I never took that as an offense. Anyway, the other thing, there are some good points OP here. I know you see everything in "pink" right now, but I somewhat agree with what people say when they think your boyfriend/fiance is playing you. He pushes you to file for immigration, yet says he might have to marry to keep the family sake. Seriously? And about people saying that Indian people are very very tied to their family is more than true. They would do everything to justify their family. And if you guys are already starting the way you guys do that simply the father does not want to recognize and accept you, do you really think your guy will be able to forever disconnect from his family? And if so, do you think that is good for your future kids? No grandparents? (ok, maybe one pair from your side) I would wait with immigration procedure and put things on hold until the water cools a bit. You guys are adults, and not Romeo and Juliet. You guys need to wait and test the waters, and let it cool. You cannot just be like "let's escape and get married". That, I feel, is just childish, irresponsible, and cruel by all means for ALL players. Also, here I'm going to be judgmental and sorry about that, but your finance/boyfriend (whatever he is right now) told you while being drunk? 1. How clear things are that he said while he was drunk? 2. Hard to believe that someone from India gets drunk. They tend to be way more upstanding than that, but who knows, I don't, and I certainly don't have the right to judge. But I do find that odd. And it makes me question how often will he get drunk throughout your marriage when he'll be trying to talk to his dad over the phone and his dad will give him the same lecture over and over that he is not part of the family, and he doesn't want to hear about his kids that he has with "that American woman" etc. In a long term, this is going to be more than vexatious....both for you, for him, for his family, for your family, for your children....up to you, but I would take into consideration what Vanessa said and think this through with a clear head.....But I do wish you all the best whatever you decide to do!