For those who have been separated for long periods

[ya falaha! 0]

For myself everytime I visit Mohamed it takes a couple days to "get used" to him again. How did you guys adjust (and how long did it take) when he/she first got here?

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I think we're still adjusting, 13.5 months later

In addition to the normal living together adjusting, there's the adjusting to a new country adjusting. I'm sure every person is different. Some things he may adjust to quickly, other things may seem adjusted to, but then months later, something will pop up and everything goes kaflooy.

Ask him what he would like once he first gets here. My husband wanted a day to relax and unwind (ie sleep) before we started on the epic journey of getting married, opening bank accounts and what not. I went to work the day after he arrived, and let him have some time to himself.

All in all, the patience practiced during the visa process is used 10 fold during the adjustment period here in the united states.

[sarachid 0]

For myself everytime I visit Mohamed it takes a couple days to "get used" to him again. How did you guys adjust (and how long did it take) when he/she first got here?

for us there was not any kind of getting used to because for both of us we feel like we grew up together or something... he is my best friend... I feel so comfortable with him and him with me...

[Together4ever 1]

We've reunited once in Egypt and HOPEFULLY here in the States soon. I was just so damn glad to be with him again in Egypt that there wasn't any "getting used to" just lots of happiness. I will say we spend a lot of time now talking about the pros and cons of his first weeks here, what he expects it to be like, what he wants to do, me telling him things to help prepare him, organizing our agenda for the things we want to take care of right away, etc. Oh and for his first meal, he has requested a TURKEY.

[doodlebug 3]

We've reunited once in Egypt and HOPEFULLY here in the States soon. I was just so damn glad to be with him again in Egypt that there wasn't any "getting used to" just lots of happiness. I will say we spend a lot of time now talking about the pros and cons of his first weeks here, what he expects it to be like, what he wants to do, me telling him things to help prepare him, organizing our agenda for the things we want to take care of right away, etc. Oh and for his first meal, he has requested a TURKEY.

hahaha That's funny about the turkey!!! I tried describing thanksgiving dinner but he had to cut me off 'cause he had no clue of half the foods I was talking about.

How about enrolling him in a ESL class right off the bat? That way he'll make some friends who are in the same boat and he'll get a head start before starting a new job?

The one we offer at the University I work at even takes them on field trips to places like the mall so that they can learn about tax and stuff. I think it's neat.

[Jasman0717 9]

Claudeth and I seem to be made for each other so there hasn't been much of an adjustment. Every day just seems to get better and better, I am certainly blessed

[Together4ever 1]

We've reunited once in Egypt and HOPEFULLY here in the States soon. I was just so damn glad to be with him again in Egypt that there wasn't any "getting used to" just lots of happiness. I will say we spend a lot of time now talking about the pros and cons of his first weeks here, what he expects it to be like, what he wants to do, me telling him things to help prepare him, organizing our agenda for the things we want to take care of right away, etc. Oh and for his first meal, he has requested a TURKEY.

hahaha That's funny about the turkey!!! I tried describing thanksgiving dinner but he had to cut me off 'cause he had no clue of half the foods I was talking about.

How about enrolling him in a ESL class right off the bat? That way he'll make some friends who are in the same boat and he'll get a head start before starting a new job?

The one we offer at the University I work at even takes them on field trips to places like the mall so that they can learn about tax and stuff. I think it's neat.

That's something we talked about too. He wants to sharpen up on his English skills so we'll get him into something like that.

[amal 4]

I think we're still adjusting, 13.5 months later

In addition to the normal living together adjusting, there's the adjusting to a new country adjusting. I'm sure every person is different. Some things he may adjust to quickly, other things may seem adjusted to, but then months later, something will pop up and everything goes kaflooy.

Ask him what he would like once he first gets here. My husband wanted a day to relax and unwind (ie sleep) before we started on the epic journey of getting married, opening bank accounts and what not. I went to work the day after he arrived, and let him have some time to himself.

All in all, the patience practiced during the visa process is used 10 fold during the adjustment period here in the united states.

I couldn't agree more with you rahma. I took off 1 week of work when he got here but I made sure to give him his space and allow him to ease into things. The long wait does sort of prepare you for adjusting coz you sure do need a lot of patience. Even though we get along now like peaches and cream...we had to have so much patience with each other in the beginning...especially with the whole clean thing..He's a neat freak and I'm sooooo NOT.....

[morocco4ever 63]

Of course mine isn't here, but I can say that each of the 4 times I have been to visit there has been no time adjusting to being together.

The adjustments after I came home alone each time is a different story though. We fight like cats and dogs for the first few weeks from the stress of being separated again.

I have no doubts however that their are going to be some major adjustments when he comes. I have run my house alone for quite some time, and I am very set in my ways. He is in no way as clean as I am, so I am sure I am going to have to lighten up some.

I also believe the adjustment to the US will be somewhat similar to how I feel there. Although I love it there I feel useless. I don't know the system, language, money, nothing....totally useless. That is the one thing there that drives me insane. Although I don't think it will be as bad in some ways since he understands the language and the money. The fact is that it will be permenant, which I am sure will be overwhelming.

[honeyblonde 0]

Abdel has been here a little over a year and there are still little adjustments we have to make. I think the hardest one for me is that he has started smoking again. He quit when he met me, but where he works the only place to go for breaks is the smoking area, and everybody he works with goes there and smokes. I just hate the smell on him.

It is a huge adjustment for some when they come here, especially if they are adjusting to things they never did there in addition to adjusting to the US. Abdel's sister was extremely overprotective, so he didn't got to go much of anywhere out of his city alone. I think the only reason he got to go away to the university in Fes was to watch over his little sister when she went. He had never worked an official job either and so had never had a bank account or more than pocket money, and no bills. He had all of those things to adjust to as well as living away from an extended family.

The culture is very different there too, in how grown children are treated. My sons are lazy slobs but Abdel doesn't see it that way. Today he was in their room fussing at me to come sort their laundry so he could wash it while I was trying to get the pie in the oven. If I let him he would treat them like they were both still 10 years old.

Our personal relationship has had it's ups and downs, but that is mostly due to my lack of trust because of my past, and not his fault at all. I end up doing a lot of apologizing and being extremely thankful for such a wonderful understanding husband.

We did get him in the ESL classes here within a couple of months of his arrival, and that was great. He was able to make friends and start to improve his English. I also made sure he had pocket money, knew how to ride the bus, and knew where to go and where not to go in town. Those things help make a person feel a lot less helpless and reduce the stress in their life, which makes the relationship easier.