Coming to VJ for support?

[yorubaqueen13 28]

VJ is such a great tool to get great info and support from others... Why is it so hard to be nice n less controlling? Who monitors this stuff? It can be depressing sometimes in an already trying time.. This probly is not the correct forum to post this topic im very sorry in advance but im a new member and i enjoy reading informational posts and conversations but i do not appreciate the few people that come across as if they are superior in this process. My question is.... If we cant come here to ask questions/ make comments about our journey without being plucked out of a group of participants and being attacked for having different views, where do we go? Im not expecting to make life long friends here but i never imagined being treated in such a mannor that i felt i needed to have my defense mode on high at all times! Giving advice is great, accepting veterans advice is smart, but i dont think the people giving advice should be allowed to be so belittling when advising others. Its sad people feel they dont need to be polite just becuz they know more. Thats why we initially come here to VJ, to get responses from others who have answers to our questions. Can it be given a little more tactfully? Most people are on here with kind helping hearts! Thank u to them!

[eliarreola2012 0]

Agree!

[Mk&Ang 2]

Agree

[yorubaqueen13 28]

Ohh nevermind the above... Apparently actions are taken. I was just banned from a topic for sticking for myself and others being attacked by a so called veteran. I thought i was being tactful but i guess my attempts to defend myself were more offensive then the person attacking me and others. Its odd that person was not banned however cuz wen i seen the reply to one of my quotes that person had been belittling others thru out the day and still posting.. Hmmm smh i guess its all about who u kno? I only opposed their position as being very rude in responding. I guess i defended myself to the wrong person? I was not rude. I actually only mocked the way they spoke to another person posting. Gosh. The warning labels on this site need to say.. " Enter at your own risk" there are people on here to hurt ur feelings with what they believe to b just the facts. Again, i think the facts can be stated tactfully. We are all here for support!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Your problem is misreading things and taking them badly. Each post i've read of yours today where you blew up at another member for being "mean" was taken completely wrong. There was no insult. There just was no "now you see love..." You got what you came for, advice, fact, and in some cases, opinion.

At no point of any of the responses I've read to you (or written) breached the VJ TOS. If you feel it does you hit the report button and a mod will be along when they get the chance to assess it.

There aren't thousands of members here who know what they're talking about. There are many people who know things about certain things, but I'd say there's around 10-20 "veterans" who know what they're talking about and whose advice I would take as gospel without further research (and when you do the ratio on that, it's extremely askew). Of the many hundreds/thousands of questions posted here, do you really expect those 10-20 people to take the time to pretty up their speech so that they don't offend anyone? You will ALWAYS offend someone. It is, a lot of the time, a type and send answer. No re-reading, no censorship. Just answer and move to the next topic.

The people on this site almost all have jobs. They have lives. They spend part of their time/lives on this site giving advice to people. They do not get paid and a lot of the time they end up having threads like this being written about them. What makes you think THAT is fair? Do you really think it makes us WANT to continue giving you advice? Do you think it's fair that others miss out on the advice of experienced members because someone got their back up about something, most likely for entirely the wrong reason and the experienced member just says "well ####### this, it's just not worth it" and stops answering? or for the answer to be muddied with pointless "you're being a poopy head" talk?

It's people like you that stop a lot of experienced members from coming back once they're done with the process (or between processes). You're new here, you expect us to cater to the myriad of personalities you come across here. To answer the same question HUNDREDS of times a week and still be all nice and sugary sweet. It's just not going to happen, sometimes we try, but sometimes we don't because the answer is more important.

There are some threads, specifically regional, or progress threads, where thing are a lot friendlier/prettier. In the upper forums (where you posted this initially in the k1 visa section) it is mostly answer and go.

I suggest you learn to let these things roll off your back, especially during this extremely long and stressful process. Take the time to realise no offence was meant but that most of us aren't your friends. Consider us as the stranger at the bus stop you ask for directions. We answer, we move on.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

We are all here for support!

No we're not. some of us are only here for help. Some of us are only here to help. Some are only here for political posts and to maintain friendships they built over the process.

I suggest you re-read the TOS. "Mocking" is against the TOS as it is belittling someone.

Make comments in a Post either direct or implied toward another member that are purposely designed to upset, antagonize, make fun of, belittle, harass, insult, or otherwise instigate an argument that takes away from the personal enjoyment of the Service by other users.

Edited May 16, 2013 by Vanessa&Tony

[yorubaqueen13 28]

Your problem is misreading things and taking them badly. Each post i've read of yours today where you blew up at another member for being "mean" was taken completely wrong. There was no insult. There just was no "now you see love..." You got what you came for, advice, fact, and in some cases, opinion.

At no point of any of the responses I've read to you (or written) breached the VJ TOS. If you feel it does you hit the report button and a mod will be along when they get the chance to assess it.

There aren't thousands of members here who know what they're talking about. There are many people who know things about certain things, but I'd say there's around 10-20 "veterans" who know what they're talking about and whose advice I would take as gospel without further research (and when you do the ratio on that, it's extremely askew). Of the many hundreds/thousands of questions posted here, do you really expect those 10-20 people to take the time to pretty up their speech so that they don't offend anyone? You will ALWAYS offend someone. It is, a lot of the time, a type and send answer. No re-reading, no censorship. Just answer and move to the next topic.

The people on this site almost all have jobs. They have lives. They spend part of their time/lives on this site giving advice to people. They do not get paid and a lot of the time they end up having threads like this being written about them. What makes you think THAT is fair? Do you really think it makes us WANT to continue giving you advice? Do you think it's fair that others miss out on the advice of experienced members because someone got their back up about something, most likely for entirely the wrong reason and the experienced member just says "well ####### this, it's just not worth it" and stops answering? or for the answer to be muddied with pointless "you're being a poopy head" talk?

It's people like you that stop a lot of experienced members from coming back once they're done with the process (or between processes). You're new here, you expect us to cater to the myriad of personalities you come across here. To answer the same question HUNDREDS of times a week and still be all nice and sugary sweet. It's just not going to happen, sometimes we try, but sometimes we don't because the answer is more important.

There are some threads, specifically regional, or progress threads, where thing are a lot friendlier/prettier. In the upper forums (where you posted this initially in the k1 visa section) it is mostly answer and go.

I suggest you learn to let these things roll off your back, especially during this extremely long and stressful process. Take the time to realise no offence was meant but that most of us aren't your friends. Consider us as the stranger at the bus stop you ask for directions. We answer, we move on.

I apologize for taking things wrong and i do understand your position. I see others giving advice (very good advice) and moving on with out offending anyone however. I just thought the attacks on that one specific member was uncalled for. And i am new here n have not posted much so im not sure how in the past i have been oppositional to any other. I just was shocked today at how rude people were being about the topic of what we refer to our loved one as. I agreed 100% with the advice being given however. Just not the way it was given, and i stand by that.

[yorubaqueen13 28]

No we're not. some of us are only here for help. Some of us are only here to help. Some are only here for political posts and to maintain friendships they built over the process.

I suggest you re-read the TOS. "Mocking" is against the TOS as it is belittling someone.

Ok so im a hypocrit then... My deepest apologies.. When i seen this occuring by other members i was trying to take the side of the person being belittled and attacked and was visible upset by how she was being treated

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

**** Moving from K1 to Site Discussion ****

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I apologize for taking things wrong and i do understand your position. I see others giving advice (very good advice) and moving on with out offending anyone however. I just thought the attacks on that one specific member was uncalled for. And i am new here n have not posted much so im not sure how in the past i have been oppositional to any other. I just was shocked today at how rude people were being about the topic of what we refer to our loved one as. I agreed 100% with the advice being given however. Just not the way it was given, and i stand by that.

You know, we're just people. People who have sh*tty days just like you. My husband had surgery last week, yesterday his truck broke down so I had to go and "rescue" him and his truck (in 93F heat), today I drove him to work, getting myself to work 2 hours early with the building locked so having to stand outside until someone came (and hour later) to let me in. Then today he had a follow-up for the surgery (which was thankfully positive). The part for his truck is not available until tomorrow so I will be up early again tomorrow. It's already been a VERY long week.

Please remember that some of us have shitty weeks/days/months and we shouldn't have to explain that (though I know you're not asking I'm trying to make a point ). I try VERY hard to remember that other people have crappy days just like I do, so I try not to take the occasional sharp comment to heart. I also try and remember that words can hurt which is why I try very hard not to insult/denigrate people. Should I be more careful sometimes? Sure. But you know what, this week has sucked so far and that's reflected in my no-nonsense posts.

Ok so im a hypocrit then... My deepest apologies.. When i seen this occuring by other members i was trying to take the side of the person being belittled and attacked and was visible upset by how she was being treated

Okay so hit the report button, tell a mod and wait for them to be punished for it. Otherwise you risk looking like the bad guy and assisting in the thread devolving. usually a mod will be along, clean up the bad stuff and we all pretend it didn't happen.

[Azsara 110]

VJ is such a great tool to get great info and support from others... Why is it so hard to be nice n less controlling? Who monitors this stuff? It can be depressing sometimes in an already trying time.. This probly is not the correct forum to post this topic im very sorry in advance but im a new member and i enjoy reading informational posts and conversations but i do not appreciate the few people that come across as if they are superior in this process. My question is.... If we cant come here to ask questions/ make comments about our journey without being plucked out of a group of participants and being attacked for having different views, where do we go? Im not expecting to make life long friends here but i never imagined being treated in such a mannor that i felt i needed to have my defense mode on high at all times! Giving advice is great, accepting veterans advice is smart, but i dont think the people giving advice should be allowed to be so belittling when advising others. Its sad people feel they dont need to be polite just becuz they know more. Thats why we initially come here to VJ, to get responses from others who have answers to our questions. Can it be given a little more tactfully? Most people are on here with kind helping hearts! Thank u to them!

Agreed

[Natsukiii 35]

VJ is such a great tool to get great info and support from others... Why is it so hard to be nice n less controlling? Who monitors this stuff? It can be depressing sometimes in an already trying time.. This probly is not the correct forum to post this topic im very sorry in advance but im a new member and i enjoy reading informational posts and conversations but i do not appreciate the few people that come across as if they are superior in this process. My question is.... If we cant come here to ask questions/ make comments about our journey without being plucked out of a group of participants and being attacked for having different views, where do we go? Im not expecting to make life long friends here but i never imagined being treated in such a mannor that i felt i needed to have my defense mode on high at all times! Giving advice is great, accepting veterans advice is smart, but i dont think the people giving advice should be allowed to be so belittling when advising others. Its sad people feel they dont need to be polite just becuz they know more. Thats why we initially come here to VJ, to get responses from others who have answers to our questions. Can it be given a little more tactfully? Most people are on here with kind helping hearts! Thank u to them!

Agreed. One of my pet-peeves is when people (most often veterans and people who are on this site all the time) get mad at those that post a question that's already been answered in the past. Some people don't know how to navigate forums. Some people just want a fresh answer. This is a forum where people make posts to get answers.

Justin

Edited May 16, 2013 by Ema ♥ Jin

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Agreed. One of my pet-peeves is when people (most often veterans and people who are on this site all the time) get mad at those that post a question that's already been answered in the past. Some people don't know how to navigate forums. Some people just want a fresh answer. This is a forum where people make posts to get answers.

Justin

Hang around for 4 years and tell me how you feel about it then. I understand where you're coming from but the "search" function is pretty obvious and I would hope people know how to use a search bar (especially one that says Google! )

**Edit - I will admit when I first arrived here i was confused (it's changed a bit since then) but if you just take the time to have a quick look around (unless its an urgent qn) a lot of people appreciate the effort at least

Edited May 16, 2013 by Vanessa&Tony

[yorubaqueen13 28]

You know, we're just people. People who have sh*tty days just like you. My husband had surgery last week, yesterday his truck broke down so I had to go and "rescue" him and his truck (in 93F heat), today I drove him to work, getting myself to work 2 hours early with the building locked so having to stand outside until someone came (and hour later) to let me in. Then today he had a follow-up for the surgery (which was thankfully positive). The part for his truck is not available until tomorrow so I will be up early again tomorrow. It's already been a VERY long week.

Please remember that some of us have shitty weeks/days/months and we shouldn't have to explain that (though I know you're not asking I'm trying to make a point ). I try VERY hard to remember that other people have crappy days just like I do, so I try not to take the occasional sharp comment to heart. I also try and remember that words can hurt which is why I try very hard not to insult/denigrate people. Should I be more careful sometimes? Sure. But you know what, this week has sucked so far and that's reflected in my no-nonsense posts.

Okay so hit the report button, tell a mod and wait for them to be punished for it. Otherwise you risk looking like the bad guy and assisting in the thread devolving. usually a mod will be along, clean up the bad stuff and we all pretend it didn't happen.

I wasnt having a bad day ... I think the person being rude and attacking that i defended myself against was tho... And thank u.. Next time i will just report n not get involved.. I prefer it that way.. Today was my anniversary of engagment n was a great day! I just felt sorry for the person being attacked

[AArsenalteam 4]

VJ is such a great tool to get great info and support from others... Why is it so hard to be nice n less controlling? Who monitors this stuff? It can be depressing sometimes in an already trying time.. This probly is not the correct forum to post this topic im very sorry in advance but im a new member and i enjoy reading informational posts and conversations but i do not appreciate the few people that come across as if they are superior in this process. My question is.... If we cant come here to ask questions/ make comments about our journey without being plucked out of a group of participants and being attacked for having different views, where do we go? Im not expecting to make life long friends here but i never imagined being treated in such a mannor that i felt i needed to have my defense mode on high at all times! Giving advice is great, accepting veterans advice is smart, but i dont think the people giving advice should be allowed to be so belittling when advising others. Its sad people feel they dont need to be polite just becuz they know more. Thats why we initially come here to VJ, to get responses from others who have answers to our questions. Can it be given a little more tactfully? Most people are on here with kind helping hearts! Thank u to them!

I completely agree with you and thank goodness for VJ and the great info provided here... there is some good info but, there is also some negativity. I guess we have to take the good and ignore the not so positive. I can appreciate your frustration but, just keep your eyes on the prize of completing this journey successfully. I pray that you have success. We are traveling a similar path and support is definately encouraged. Good luck to you and feel free to reach out. God Bless.