you are not welcomed in my home where i alone pay my bills

[bigdog 376]

I did not like waiting for my wife but it is what it is, patience is the key however you get it.

[Sandra G. 5,064]

wow I am in shock how many people here justified her actions.Man if your wife does not respect,care and be there for you since the beginning believe me she won't be there ever for you.Actions speak louder than words and she clearly showed you what you can expect from her...NOTHING. To start a marital life with threats is despicable.I can see you in the visa journey after 3/5months telling us that you couldn't find a job and she kicked you out.Do you see red flags? It's your choice to ignore tho, at the end we are our choices.

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

You are right brother i am from a MENA country .. she a reverted wearing hijab though you cann't imagine how stubborn she is and how much she like fight and quarrel.. she even drive to irving islamic center just to inquire about "khulaa" when i said "no way to divorce her". The problem comes from her childhood when her mom mistreated her and i always have been telling to consult a psy but sh keeps refusing.

What should i do when i am there lawfully speaking as my green card should be forwarded at her home adress in i think 45 days after my admittance to the US.

I'm a sister not a brother . I'm just good with names I guess. Sounds then like your marriage has more problems than your pending immigration to the US. Important to note that your visa has been given to you because of your marriage to her. Yes you will get your 10 year greencard after your arrival but if she files for divorce before you receive it then I'm not sure what happens exactly, but it can't be good. You both need to reconcile before you depart for the U.S. if your marriage is salvageable. I agree with sandranj though. If your wife doesn't respect you and doesn't treat you as a partner [rather than an ATM machine] you really ought to rethink being with her.

I don't know what you mean about her being a convert yet is still stubborn. People are who they are and a religious conversion doesn't change someone's personality. You should keep this in mind when considering your next options. It's too bad she won't seek treatment for past abuse, but you can only help people who want it. At least if she got a khula you'd get your dowry back, if you gave one to her in the first place.

[Teddy B 17,252]

It appears there is "stubborness" and lack of respect on both parts here. Not a good recipe for a long term relationship.

[Caryh 5,206]

I'm a sister not a brother . I'm just good with names I guess. Sounds then like your marriage has more problems than your pending immigration to the US. Important to note that your visa has been given to you because of your marriage to her. Yes you will get your 10 year greencard after your arrival but if she files for divorce before you receive it then I'm not sure what happens exactly, but it can't be good. You both need to reconcile before you depart for the U.S. if your marriage is salvageable. I agree with sandranj though. If your wife doesn't respect you and doesn't treat you as a partner [rather than an ATM machine] you really ought to rethink being with her.

I don't know what you mean about her being a convert yet is still stubborn. People are who they are and a religious conversion doesn't change someone's personality. You should keep this in mind when considering your next options. It's too bad she won't seek treatment for past abuse, but you can only help people who want it. At least if she got a khula you'd get your dowry back, if you gave one to her in the first place.

Just searched what khula is, wow thats the equivalent to going to see the divorce lawyer in the USA. Its one thing to say "I want a divorce" in the heat of the moment in anger, its quite another thing to go reasearch getting a divorce. My ex-wife used to like to use the divorce threat to get her way all the time. After years of this and other abuse from her, I finally got smart and gave her exactly what she constantly threatened me with, the divorce. You need to really seriously consider what you're getting into here. Many people can get angry and say things they don't really mean. But other's will use threats to get their way and control you. Marriage is a partnership, its working on compromise and working out differences, its not about threats and demands. A person who will use threats to get their way are not creating a marriage, they are destroying the marriage and the doing nothing but hurting the person they're doing it to. Only you can judge, but you may have just dodged a bullet of a life of abuse by letting her have her way and divorcing.

[Possiblymaybe 371]

A Moroccan in the US .. How are you brother?

Not quite. I'm the American. Hopefully the Moroccan brother will be here in a few months.

[Browneyes86 4]

Salams Brother,this is really a bad sotuation you are in,but i wish as other people say you just have a talk with her gentily and try to remind her of the good days together

when both of you get angry it is easy to decide things quickly like divorce,but when you calm down while she is angry,things may work....give her sometimes to focus on what she want and i

think if she really love you she will not let you go....about the green card getting to her house i have no idea how you can get it from her in case she really wants separation.but i wish you the

best bro.

[Penguin_ie 5,996]

If she really wants a separation, and is initiating divorce, then your visa is void. It is for you to go an dbe with her as husband and wife, so if there is no reconciliation, you should not be travelling to the USA and thus which house the greencard goes to is a mute point.

[merc0230 28]

What should i do when i am there lawfully speaking as my green card should be forwarded at her home adress in i think 45 days after my admittance to the US.

We experienced this. We moved thanks to an unexpected job change right after my wife got to the US. The post office does NOT forward GC's.

We had to file an I-90 (replacement GC application). Since we never received the orginal GC there were no fees involved. Just a 3.5 month wait (estimated as we are still waiting)

GL

Rafa

[bsd058 296]

wow I am in shock how many people here justified her actions.Man if your wife does not respect,care and be there for you since the beginning believe me she won't be there ever for you.Actions speak louder than words and she clearly showed you what you can expect from her...NOTHING. To start a marital life with threats is despicable.I can see you in the visa journey after 3/5months telling us that you couldn't find a job and she kicked you out.Do you see red flags? It's your choice to ignore tho, at the end we are our choices.

No one justified her actions from what I saw, we just don't want to play the OP's emotions against his wife and give him a good reason to entertain the idea that there is only one person who is wrong. It's a good way to get stuck into a mindset that everyone else is wrong and you're right (which is really a proud way to view yourself--I don't mean you, I mean a hypothetical person).

I just chalk it up to immaturity on both of their behalfs. You can't take what one side says as gospel truth. You know the other side has their side of the story, too.

On top of this, we don't want to judge either the OP or his wife. We are just trying to help the OP be understanding. Emotions are not all illogical. They are there for a reason. We just don't want to turn this into a pity party for the OP.

It sucks to fight, but in my opinion, the best way to go forward is for the OP to lead by example and to show love. If he keeps calm and is sensitive to her needs, she might calm down a little and rethink what she said. Obviously, if she wants to leave the marriage and he can't get her to rethink that, then there is nothing he can do, but no one can say he didn't try. I'm not saying his spouse wasn't wrong by what she said to him, I'm just saying it will do no good to blame her. The OP needs to take a look in the mirror to make sure nothing he did helped her come to her conclusion.

Because quite frankly, there's got to be more to the story than what the OP posted. I'm not deluded to think that there is an innocent party in these types of newly wedded fights. And unless she is literally mentally unstable (in need of pyschiatric help), the OP probably only put what he wanted us to know down. I know better because that's how I want to naturally think about things, myself. I want to blame others, even when I know that I did not play a role that would foster respect and love in a relationship.

My wife and I have had lots of fights, but if you really love someone, you'll show that love even when you feel like they don't deserve it; even when you don't feel their love at the moment.

For a mature person, it's not all about how your spouse reacts, it's how you react to how your spouse reacts. Be an example, because that's all you can be. Be the best husband you can be, because you made a commitment to her that you would love her in good times and in bad times. And that means loving her even when you don't quite feel up to it. That's real unconditional love. That's how men really are to treat their wives. Time to be a man.

Edited May 15, 2013 by bsd058

[sara..... 371]

mmm i dont know maybe im just cold hearted but personally if someone was telling me that i would never leave my home my job to live with them

just my opinion

sara

[Cathi 5,784]

mmm i dont know maybe im just cold hearted but personally if someone was telling me that i would never leave my home my job to live with them

just my opinion

sara

he never said he wasn't going to leave for the US, he merely stated he was going to wait util his job contract was over on June 30

[anajnic 87]

mmm i dont know maybe im just cold hearted but personally if someone was telling me that i would never leave my home my job to live with them

just my opinion

sara

Me too, America is a hard place and COOOOLLLLLDDDDDD!!!. If she threatens you like that because she thinks she has the handle!!! Then ur in hell when you get here.. Choose happiness, it win all that serios living here when you can have a good life in your country and most importantly PEACE

[sara..... 371]

he never said he wasn't going to leave for the US, he merely stated he was going to wait util his job contract was over on June 30

i was talking about what she is doing not what he is

[joevegas 67]

Seriously dude,this is a red flag,if my wife said that to me before I moved here I would seriously consider not going through with this.