Violent 2 Year GC holder mother & Divorce

[Morningmist 76]

"I don't think the people calling this postpartum depression have read the OP carefully. He's saying she has been like this ever since arriving in the U.S."

She could be suffering from depression. Or thyroid problems. One of my USC colleagues faced the same issue with his USC wife right after his son was born. She even called the cops on him and he spent the night in jail. After she went to the doctor and realized she had hyperthyroidism, they removed her thyroid and she and they together have been doing much better.

Frankly they both sound like drama queens. He calling the cops because of vases thrown, her to get a flight ticket back. Now he wants to send her back instead of getting help. Hey OP, your wife isn't some concubine slave that you can just discard at your whim. Have some respect. Poor kid. I hope he doesn't suffer too much.

[lunaboriken 2]

It's very sad to read this but it happens.

Getting the GC is one step but then you have the big trunk: Your marriage. Sometimes you can think that the hardest part of your relationship can be to get the paperwork done but in fact in can be actually the "easiest" because marriage is so much more than an approval. It takes so much more.

Thinking about the paperwork as a solution might not be the solution. Have you thought about what internal problems in your marriage may be causing this tension?

Thinking about affecting her might come back at you. There is no benefit out of "affecting her" with the paperwork because you have a kid that need you both: mom and dad. This has nothing to do with a paperwork that allows her to be in the country.

How if she just gives you the kids, returns to her country and just forgets about you and the baby, what then? Would that solve the problem. No.

Look at the real root of the problem instead of the sudden solutions. You need two people to have an argument therefore, look to marriage counseling or individual counseling (you can start to help you have a better view to help yourself think better).

We are people of emotions and we women can be very emotional, we can overreact in an unhealthy way but it's up to you how you will handle it.

I've had some issues and instead of using or manipulating the paperwork part of the relationship I actually seek help for myself regarding certain aspects I thought they were not "normal" and at the end it was just WAY TOO MUCH STRESS.

Again, I don't know your background and your relationship story to judge but one step you can do: seek help for yourself to help you support yourself better, your marriage and your son.

Edited May 13, 2013 by lunaboriken

[Jon and Krissy 452]

Post partum depression can present many ways. Symptoms can be worse for persons with pre-existing mental disorder. If things turn violent - get baby out of house and call police. She can only be helped if she will accept the help!! You can NOT force a person to seek or accept treatment. Courts will not commit a person unless they are a danger to them selves or another person. Even then it takes 2 psychological reports from Psychiatrists recommending commital before courts can act! If you have custody of child, she gets nothing!

This varies state by state, there is no federal law that controls. In some states it is mearly impossible to have someone committed, in some it is considerably easier.

[Binx and Pauly 2]

I shall add my two cents.

Try and place yourself in her shoes. In a foreign country, probably the only person from her country in the immediate area? Adjusting is often harder for some than for others. Does she have friends in the area? Take into consideration, a woman values interacting with others way more than men do, and especially from a country like Egypt, where community plays a big role. Going from a place where you knew everyone to where you sit at home alone all day is very very difficult. Trust me, i know.

If she has post partum, then get her some help. Think of it this way, she has no support system, no family, no friends to help her out, and only you to rely on, it is difficult.

I am not justifying her violence.

And do not abandon your child. He/she is an innocent little being in all this.

In every situation, the truth of the matter is, nothing is cut and dry. No one on this forum can tell you this is what is wrong with her, nor what to do, because none of us are in your situation, and even if one of us had the same situation, we are all different individuals, and do not react to things in the exact same manner.

All I can say is look at when this started, when it got worse, sometimes these are defining moments that are overlooked. eg, when her mom left etc.

Seek a psychologist, and marriage counselor, and after you have done all this, and nothing works, then part ways, but I'd advise you to remain in the child's life.

Talk to your wife, you might discover concerns, worries and fears you never knew she had.

[Gosia & Tito 199]

Hi VisaJourney, i always used to come here and seek the good advice, sadly this time its sad news

I brought my wife over on a K1 visa and she got her 2 year GC, it expires in 2014.

we have a 2 months old baby boy

Since she came to the US she has been moody, violent, different, she called the cops 2 times because she wanted them to force me get her a plane ticket back, but because i love her i always tried to make things better. i always said to my self she must be like this because she is a new bride, new country, she is bored at home......etc. I even brought her mother over twice in 1.5 years we been marred so she can feel better. but now with the baby her she is more violent and disrespectful.

twice i had to call the police because she throws and break things around the house. tables, vases, plates, ....etc ...There is 2 police reports. last time the police brought over a lady from CPS Child protective services to talk to her and give her phone numbers for mental counseling.

Now what i want is for her to go back to her country and for the Baby to stay with me, my mom and my sister (who lives in California) offered to help me take care of the baby.

But she said she wont leave the US without the baby.

i live in Texas and the divorce can take a minimum of 60 days.

here are my questions:

1- How can i get her placed on removal proceedings?

2- How can i get to keep my son? do i contact CPS and file a claim of custody?

Thanks

Has she ever been neglectful or abused child in any way? If yes, make a referral to CPS. Depending on the seriousness, she would be removed from household, eventually she could have her parental right terminated (although this is up for the courts to decide, in TX it depends on the recommendation that would be give to judge from CPS and others, inclusive to a child advocate that might be part of the case -for disclosure, I am a child advocate myself); it is still possibly a long shot, but I'd start with the referral. You must protect child if he/she is in potential risk. In case of CPS intervention, the case itself might be long, usually 1-1 1/2 years.

Then see about a divorce and custody if that is what you desire.

[RFQ 110]

I really hate double standards. If this was a female reporting a male for this kind of behavior, many people's reactions would be so much different.

An angry, controlling, manipulative person is not just made from a little stress or a bad situation ... You hear the story all the time from the more common female victim.... "but he was so sweet! he promised me the world!!" ...and then he gave me a black eye.

Sure we're in a public forum and God only knows the truth behind the stories, but abuse does happen to men too.

[Teddy B 17,252]

I don't know what's worse ... actually advising someone to send their child off with someone who obviously has mental issues and abandon the child ... or the amount of people who +1'd it. Yikes.

And I wonder what affect on moral decay that would have?

[Ramsis 1]

Hi Everyone, the OP here.

i appreciate all the replies, some of it is great and very helpfull, friendly and infortmative. (except for SurrenderNess, sorry but you are taking this too personal. you need to read what others think. and u will see that you are wrong)

ok back to Subject....

Ofcourse aside from VisaJourney i spoke to friends, workmates and my family members in order to get more opinion and advice. here is what i decided to do, there is 2 scenarios:

1- I booked her and the baby a ticket to go to Egypt for 3 months. im going to give her the american passport. (im doing this as a chance for her to and for us)

2- Her GC is lost so she will be traveling with her Egyptian Passport.

3- im going to get copies of the police reports and get the Emergency protective order from the court, however i wont use it now.

Scenario 1:

4- i will monitor her and her behavior the first 2 months, if she became better thats good. when she return i will take her to family counseling or a shrink. end of story

5- If she continue being violent at home then i will use the protective order or get another one if the first one is expired. and File for divorce and sole custody. end of story

Scenario 2:

4- if she got worse or decided to not return or any crazinees, i will file for a divorce and cancel her return ticket. If she wants to come back to the US she wont have the money or GC to do so. it will take a lot of effort from her to try to come to the US.

5- i will travel to Egypt and file a law suit against her and will show them the translated evidence and reports and pictures.

6- A friend suggessted to try to take the kid somehow and his american passport and bring him back to the US.

---------------

P.S. for the people that are questioning why i want to do this, i know some people answered them already. but i just want to protect my son and raise him in a normal home. do you want me to wait until she throws something and he gets hurt???

[Teddy B 17,252]

Hi Everyone, the OP here.

i appreciate all the replies, some of it is great and very helpfull, friendly and infortmative. (except for SurrenderNess, sorry but you are taking this too personal. you need to read what others think. and u will see that you are wrong)

ok back to Subject....

Ofcourse aside from VisaJourney i spoke to friends, workmates and my family members in order to get more opinion and advice. here is what i decided to do, there is 2 scenarios:

1- I booked her and the baby a ticket to go to Egypt for 3 months. im going to give her the american passport. (im doing this as a chance for her to and for us)

2- Her GC is lost so she will be traveling with her Egyptian Passport.

3- im going to get copies of the police reports and get the Emergency protective order from the court, however i wont use it now.

Scenario 1:

4- i will monitor her and her behavior the first 2 months, if she became better thats good. when she return i will take her to family counseling or a shrink. end of story

5- If she continue being violent at home then i will use the protective order or get another one if the first one is expired. and File for divorce and sole custody. end of story

Scenario 2:

4- if she got worse or decided to not return or any crazinees, i will file for a divorce and cancel her return ticket. If she wants to come back to the US she wont have the money or GC to do so. it will take a lot of effort from her to try to come to the US.

5- i will travel to Egypt and file a law suit against her and will show them the translated evidence and reports and pictures.

6- A friend suggessted to try to take the kid somehow and his american passport and bring him back to the US.

---------------

P.S. for the people that are questioning why i want to do this, i know some people answered them already. but i just want to protect my son and raise him in a normal home. do you want me to wait until she throws something and he gets hurt???

Have you run any of this by a lawyer? If so, what did he/she say?

You do realize that if your son leaves the country, there's a good chance you may never see him again on American soil? Or worse case, she may disappear with your son, and you may never see him again.

[Ramsis 1]

Have you run any of this by a lawyer? If so, what did he/she say?

You do realize that if your son leaves the country, there's a good chance you may never see him again on American soil? Or worse case, she may disappear with your son, and you may never see him again.

Dont worry..1) she cant hide from me in Egypt 2) i got people and connections there that i can unleash and make all her family come begging for mercy

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Hi Everyone, the OP here.

i appreciate all the replies, some of it is great and very helpfull, friendly and infortmative. (except for SurrenderNess, sorry but you are taking this too personal. you need to read what others think. and u will see that you are wrong)

ok back to Subject....

Ofcourse aside from VisaJourney i spoke to friends, workmates and my family members in order to get more opinion and advice. here is what i decided to do, there is 2 scenarios:

1- I booked her and the baby a ticket to go to Egypt for 3 months. im going to give her the american passport. (im doing this as a chance for her to and for us)

2- Her GC is lost so she will be traveling with her Egyptian Passport.

3- im going to get copies of the police reports and get the Emergency protective order from the court, however i wont use it now.

Scenario 1:

4- i will monitor her and her behavior the first 2 months, if she became better thats good. when she return i will take her to family counseling or a shrink. end of story

5- If she continue being violent at home then i will use the protective order or get another one if the first one is expired. and File for divorce and sole custody. end of story

Scenario 2:

4- if she got worse or decided to not return or any crazinees, i will file for a divorce and cancel her return ticket. If she wants to come back to the US she wont have the money or GC to do so. it will take a lot of effort from her to try to come to the US.

5- i will travel to Egypt and file a law suit against her and will show them the translated evidence and reports and pictures.

6- A friend suggessted to try to take the kid somehow and his american passport and bring him back to the US.

---------------

P.S. for the people that are questioning why i want to do this, i know some people answered them already. but i just want to protect my son and raise him in a normal home. do you want me to wait until she throws something and he gets hurt???

You'll have to do what you think is best. Many on here will never understadn your frame of mind.

WIth my Ex I did some mind boggling manuevers that shocked my Attorney too and he saluted me with my cunning ploys.

With you and your Wife from the same country or region (assumingly) she cannot hide from you or hid the kid from you.

Personally I think you shoudl let her go back and take the kid adn you of course support them.

Good luck.

PS: Care about your kid, protect your kid to a reasonabel level but don't let it become an achor on your well being.

[Teddy B 17,252]

Dont worry..1) she cant hide from me in Egypt 2) i got people and connections there that i can unleash and make all her family come begging for mercy

Ok then, good luck.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Well, you are going to do what you think is best- and I really wish you a favorable outcome for everyone involved.

I think you maybe a little confused though about how protective orders work though. An order of protection (OP) can only be issued if the person can be served. So for you to get one on your wife- she must be served while she is in the US. Otherwise you wont get it. You follow me here? Basically you go down to the court- tell them why you are in danger- they say ok we hear ya- we agree- you are in danger- they will grant you one- but you must provide an address where they can serve the person the notice to stay away from you. With out the person receiving the notice to stay away from- the person doesnt know they cant come near you so the order isnt valid. The court isnt going to give you an OP with out your wife being in the US to receive it.

So if you think you can get a temp OP and your wife wont object to it before she leaves- OK. If you think you can get a perm OP and then drop it after she comes back and is 'better' OK. But in the OP hearing it will come up- who will reside where and who will have custody of the child that lives in the home with the two of you. Do not think it wont. What are you going to say?? Are you going to be relinquishing custody then?

That would be a BIG mistake. If the OP order states you gave up custody to a violent woman...?? I just dont know. If it says you retained custody and then allowed her to take the child to another country... well. You are saying you forsee no problems in getting your child back, so I hope you are right.

I understand you are seeking consul from your friends and family for this and I have to agree with the above poster who said seek out a lawyer. While your family and friends are well intentioned- they have NO IDEA the legal finites of this.

Do not back yourself into a corner here. The OP will be a huge part of the divorce if it goes that route. The OP hearing will include custody.

And you cant 'get an OP' and not use it. I mean I guess you could- but thats the worst manipulation of the system that I ever heard.

[Ramsis 1]

Well, you are going to do what you think is best- and I really wish you a favorable outcome for everyone involved.

I think you maybe a little confused though about how protective orders work though. An order of protection (OP) can only be issued if the person can be served. So for you to get one on your wife- she must be served while she is in the US. Otherwise you wont get it. You follow me here? Basically you go down to the court- tell them why you are in danger- they say ok we hear ya- we agree- you are in danger- they will grant you one- but you must provide an address where they can serve the person the notice to stay away from you. With out the person receiving the notice to stay away from- the person doesnt know they cant come near you so the order isnt valid. The court isnt going to give you an OP with out your wife being in the US to receive it.

So if you think you can get a temp OP and your wife wont object to it before she leaves- OK. If you think you can get a perm OP and then drop it after she comes back and is 'better' OK. But in the OP hearing it will come up- who will reside where and who will have custody of the child that lives in the home with the two of you. Do not think it wont. What are you going to say?? Are you going to be relinquishing custody then?

That would be a BIG mistake. If the OP order states you gave up custody to a violent woman...?? I just dont know. If it says you retained custody and then allowed her to take the child to another country... well. You are saying you forsee no problems in getting your child back, so I hope you are right.

I understand you are seeking consul from your friends and family for this and I have to agree with the above poster who said seek out a lawyer. While your family and friends are well intentioned- they have NO IDEA the legal finites of this.

Do not back yourself into a corner here. The OP will be a huge part of the divorce if it goes that route. The OP hearing will include custody.

And you cant 'get an OP' and not use it. I mean I guess you could- but thats the worst manipulation of the system that I ever heard.

im just trying to have enough evidence with me to take to Egypt in case i need it there to support my case. Im really trying here to give her the benefit of the doubt and trying to be hopefull. and my family said they are going to try to "take her in" and teach her indirectly. i wont lie to you i have fears from the future because i know she is stubborn and does not like to be to feel as she was wrong. but im also thinking about my son, at this young age i dont want to bounce him between day cares and the possibility of an unknown future mother in law. ....u wont beleive the amount of stress and pressure this has had on me. i cant sleep, eat or smile.....

[Gosia & Tito 199]

Dont worry..1) she cant hide from me in Egypt 2) i got people and connections there that i can unleash and make all her family come begging for mercy

That's well and fine, but Are you accounting that no one can be monitoring her 24x7 and a very bad scenario could be that a child ends up dead??