After citizenship husband leaves me and 2 kids behind.

[BarbSami 32]

I agree, get a lawyer, you should get half of 401k and other retirement plans and investments, half of all assets and half on the overseas account money. And he should be paying you both spousal support and child support. Get a lawyer, don't let him fool you, his support should be based on income not on what he thinks children need. Also being married for 10 years weighs heavily when it comes to spousal support.

Make sure you don't sign anything and don't use his lawyer....

He is a coward for leaving you without telling you anything, you are better off without him.

Thanks. I wont use his lawyer as I told him. He told me that 1500. on paper but i will be getting lot more than that, but why would i trust someone that could not even tell me he is leaving me and the kids for whatever reason. Someone posted he didnt leave the kids, well they are with me so he left them, too. Im sure after some of the hurt die down I will be ok. Asking for half is no gravy train. if i am not stable there is no stability for my children.

[BarbSami 32]

Every state is different to an extent, although the guidelines do tend to be similar for child support. Spousal support is a whole other animal. I have legal custody of my kids but shared physical. At 50/50 parenting time I will pay about 800 per month. If my ex had sole custody I would be paying about 1500 per month, and I don't make anywhere near 200,000 per year, although I am pretty comfortable. At 200,000 per year, if my ex had sole custody I would be paying about 2,500 per month. Plus spousal support, if required.

Given the number, 1,500 per month does seem low. However, until the full monetary story is known, it's impossible to say what the result might be.

The issue isn't what the minimum cost is to raise children, it's ensuring the kids have a roughly equal standard of living to what they had before and roughly equal between the homes of the two parents. If the kids had a very high standard of living predivorce, you can't say that 1,500 per month would be enough to maintain that high standard. There is an expectation that each parent provide some of the cost of support, however, so it's not entirely the husband's job to provide it.

Spousal support will vary, but it could add up to several thousand dollars per month, or more depending on the situation

Thanks for the advice. We are buying a home the mortage is 950. alone plus there is a yearly fee of 180. to maintain common area that all homeowners have to pay yearly. They have a good life.

[BarbSami 32]

You are right he could have did it better than that and out of ten years or more of marriage you and the kids are use to a certain life style. 1500 a month may not be enough kids are expensive. You still have to provide a roof over their head, clothes food education. Praying for you. Let him roll with that chick from the other country but you need to make sure that take care of you and the babies. Life is a boomerang he will see later in his life time.

Thanks, with a 950. mortgage 1500. is nothing. Im hurt i will admit but this is not about hurting. This is about securing stability for me and my children. If i am not stable how can I give stability to them. I am a very kindhearted fair person. I just want to be treated fairly that is all.I work so there is childcare ,also. There is 12 years between us. I do not expect most to understand this unless they have to go through this. It not about anything except getting what rightfully fair period. People fall out of love or maybe some never love but whatever the case. Life must go on unfortunately it cost to live. Keep praying for me. God Bless You.

[BarbSami 32]

Also his mommy might have been an influence in his wanting to marry a woman back home but he is supposed to be a man and in my opinion he wanted to do this all the long. He's full of it.

Yes of course you are right. I feel the same way.

[Darnell 8,478]

IMO, the manner in which he made his shift,

speaks volumes to his attention that he's giving his mother.

I say do the American Thing, instead, and take him to the cleaners in a divorce settlement.

But that's just me.

His mom has been very busy, and found a girl for him that SHE likes. Is best to punch all with a decent attorney.

Edited May 5, 2013 by Darnell

[BarbSami 32]

Sorry i read your article then was asking my self what reason makes you post this on here to scare other us citzen to marry because the title make things clear (

After citizenship husband leaves me and 2 kids behind.) What happened is happen after 10years your marriage did not work for many reasons it can happen even with us citizen men .If did not work for you it works for other .i dont believe his mom who ask him divorce if that is true she wil already ask him dont have children with you sorry

This has nothing to do with anyone except me. I married someone from another country no one forced me to do it. No two people are the same and what does my life has to do with anyone else. I didnt ask you to believe anything but it still wont make it not true . I read story like mines before I married my husband it didnt scare me bc it was not about me. People fall out of love here, there, everywhere, but that was not the case here. There was nothing. This not about you but me.

Yes i do feel he left me after he got citizenship with two kids. This is about me.him and our children.

Look you would have to had live my life to know why I said what i said but you didnt and this applys to no one but me. Nothing i said is false. Who has bank accounts set up overseas? Lets not be naive. Maybe its just him it doesnt mean its everyone. Good and bad are everywhere.

[BarbSami 32]

This is my life, my story this is what happen to me. I am not angry nor bitter. I am hurt for myself and my children. It is not intended to scare or discourage anyone. Just because he did what he did does not make other people the same as he. I married him becuase I loved him. We didnt not have any problem except what normal couple have. There were no issues with money. He never was late or away from home unless he had coffee with friends. He didnt drink, abuse ,or ever was mean to me.

I could not tell you what happen and he will not discuss it. He knew I loved him too much that is why he sent a friend to see about me. None of this make sense except he wants a divorce and the friend stated to me about the other woman. I really dont care I have to try to keep it together for my children and do whats best for them. I posted here for support because I have not discussed any of it with my family. I joined VJ in 2004. Sometimes its good to get other prespective on things or maybe someone else have had a situation that has happen to them

That could give me advice on how they cope with and handled the situation.

For a month I have not eaten and hardly sleep. For my well being I posted for support . That is the only reason. I didnt not want to involve my family because I didnt want to hear what they would have to say.

Barbara

[Lilly Jathol 7]

which country him mom live now?

[BarbSami 32]

IMO, the manner in which he made his shift,

speaks volumes to his attention that he's giving his mother.

I say do the American Thing, instead, and take him to the cleaners in a divorce settlement.

But that's just me.

His mom has been very busy, and found a girl for him that SHE likes. Is best to punch all with a decent attorney.

I would settle for half . I am not an unfair person. I have to think mainly about my children, it is thier future I have to secure. If he was so fair he would make sure if nothing else that everything remained the same for the kids. I didnt nothing to him to deserve what he did. I am the one that sponsored him did all his paperwork, worked , took care of him and the kids.

This is something that happen that has no explanation and he will not talk about it.

which country him mom live now?

Tunisia

[Darnell 8,478]

Half is a start, for dissolution of a marriage.

But then there is spousal support, if your state does that

and then there's child support, which shouldn't be figured into the dissolution of marriage amount, at all.

You mention 200,000 yearly in assets - I would put a rider on that for at least 20 years, if it is generating that amount of income, yearly,

as

I THINK it's something the two of you have built together. For now, rider at 65 percent , as it was all of your money that built this thing.

Edited May 5, 2013 by Darnell

[Ning 619]

I am sorry you're going through this.

I suggest you hire an attorney. You've been married long enough you should get a decent amount of support depending on how good your attorney is.

He got his citizenship in Sept 2011. Over a year ago. I doesn't appear this is an immigration issue.

I hope you will take this advice. Do not agree to do anything without the input from an attorney and a ruling from a court or you will be sorry. Let the court help decide how to protect the kids now and in the future.

[BarbSami 32]

Half is a start, for dissolution of a marriage.

But then there is spousal support, if your state does that

and then there's child support, which shouldn't be figured into the dissolution of marriage amount, at all.

You mention 200,000 yearly in assets - I would put a rider on that for at least 20 years, if it is generating that amount of income, yearly,

as

I THINK it's something the two of you have built together. For now, rider at 65 percent , as it was all of your money that built this thing.

it generate that amount i have copies of tax doc. We did buid it together but I look at everything we had as our whether it was mines before the marriage I gave him permission to use it as our. I consulted with an attorney which advised me not to meet or sign anything with an attorney that was representing him.

[Nigerian Queen 16]

Sorry that you are going through this. I will hit him up style on the finance part. Where I am confused is to why in 10 years you haven't notice a change in his behavior. You said that everything was fine no problems. Well that maybe the problem a relationship isn't supposed to always be peaches and cream. Him seeing someone else was already in the making. He has been with this woman and also making plans to be with her. How could a person love you show no qualms and then all of a sudden jump up and decide to leave you. It makes no sense

[Bugs 455]

No doubt he's been cheating on you emotionally, and now wants to take the next step. He sounds very selfish. He couldn't even "man up" and initially tell you in person he wanted out. Yes, get a lawyer, as the lawyer can help determine what is fair for the kids. In the meantime, I am sorry for the hurt you are going through. But be thankful you won't have to be with this self centered person anymore.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Definitley contact an attorney to make an informed decision on what you are entitled to according to your personal situation. It doesn't matter who thinks

$1500 is enough or not enough. There are guidelines and you and the children have a right to get what you can get. Period.

He send someone to ask you for the divorce and that is a low blow, cowardly and childish. It leaves you in a "what the heck happened state of mind without closure"

and a face to face conversation would have been the mature thing to do.

He may shift blame to his mother because he wants some kind of sick justification to feel entitlment for his choices.

How has the relationship been with you and his mother ? Did you have the feeling you never really fit or were accepted into the family ? Not that it matters now,

but it may point to his agenda transfering blame to her instead of it being his own idea. He is a grown $%^#@ man and to say his mother wants this is sick.

Unless he came clear from the village and has not evolevd in his cultural excuses one bit, I doubt it. People adapt, especially living in the USA for years and being married

with 2 kids for 10 years. He chose to have an affair is my guess. All on his own without Mommy.

A 10 year marriage and 2 kids it sounds like the marriage was entered in good faith, beneficiaries don't have to wait 10 years until citizenship to bail out.

I am sure he would have ran sooner if it was about citizenship.
He just found what appears to him greener pastures and like many men or women ......just leaves to the next one.

I agree the way he did it is painful and ignorant. What a self centered coward !

So sorry for your pain and I wish you the best !