How to acclimate your spouse to the States

[CaroSL 68]

Caro, there are websites that can give you an idea of what a salary would be for a given job. Try salary.com. And remember, you can negotiate!

Thank you harpa!!

[Rachie07 4]

Yeah, I am hoping to earn half of what my husband make... at best! So it won't solve totally the problem. But I am sure it will help

I kind of found my dream job... I am rather confident I am in a good position to get it.

But I have no clue what the salary will be... If it was just me, I wouldn't care, this is my dream job after all... But I don't want to feel too dependent for 2 long...

Deep down all I want to do is work on the last step of the recruiting for this job, but I push myself to look for something else (even though I don't really want something else)

sry

I am working part time over here and trust me, every little bit helps. Our husbands understand, its really hard to move over and find something else jobwise, straight away. I have to work part time so I can be at home with our baby. I am still looking for my dream job (law) and I am sure I will eventually find it.

I hope you find what you are looking for! My salary wasn't negotiable (I work for Starbucks) but you earn a little more after every review, knowing that makes you work that little bit harder!

[CaroSL 68]

I am working part time over here and trust me, every little bit helps. Our husbands understand, its really hard to move over and find something else jobwise, straight away. I have to work part time so I can be at home with our baby. I am still looking for my dream job (law) and I am sure I will eventually find it.

I hope you find what you are looking for! My salary wasn't negotiable (I work for Starbucks) but you earn a little more after every review, knowing that makes you work that little bit harder!

Thank you for sharing this! Deep down I know that all I want is to get to work asap. So if I can get it, I don't want to wait to have another offer to be able to negotiate this one better. So probably that whatever they pay me, I am gonna accept it. I fear that my husband won't see this as reasonable though... but well.

I am going to get cause I started a subject inside of someone else's subject.

[loladolly 51]

I find this tread pretty interesting. My experience is quite different though.

First of all I didn't come to the US for my fiance. In fact i met him a few months later. I first came in 2008 fall semester as an exchange student in arkansas state university. I was with a french person from my french university and i made a bunch of friends throughout the semester (including french girls from my university too who had come back for their degree after the exchange). I only met my fiance for a few minutes a couple days before leaving back for France through a acquaintance we had in common (actually we were never really meant to meet, but that's another story).

Only a few months later (like 5/6) we started to chat on facebook as i added him by checking the friend list of that person i talked about above. We only started to date when i came back a year after my exchange program for my MBA (the decision of coming back was also completely independent from him as i had already made it long time before).

Anyway i had already been in the US, i had made friends before him, i had adapted to pretty much everything (also some things were harder than others) in the US so i was never really dependent of him even though i pretty much stayed in his apartment at the time he lived about 3 hours away from my campus (in southern illinois) and since i had my classes on only 2 days a week i was driving back and forth. After less than a year he graduated and moved back to chicago for work so we saw each other a lot less and i was still very independent and had my social life outside of him as well. I was only going up to see him one weekend out of 2 for like 2 semesters. I only moved with him the last month before giving birth to our son (so i pretty much experienced my pregnancy by myself as well) in may 2011. I finished my last semester by taking classes online in fall 2011 (after i got an authorization from my advisor and our immigration person at the school since it is normally not allowed for international students, the classes name were changed from online to web assisted so i could keep my legal status).

So apart from the financial side after we got our baby i have always been independent (i was also getting some money myself from france) and have always been able to do things without him, my english was pretty much bilingual the whole time and i was familiar with most administrative things. When i am going to get back on my K1 visa there will be no adjustment needed, i mean maybe a little after being out for a year.

This is interesting for me to share some experience from people who will come for the first time in the US to marry their fiance or who are going to settle there for the first time. I will be glad to give advice!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I find this tread pretty interesting. My experience is quite different though.

First of all I didn't come to the US for my fiance. In fact i met him a few months later. I first came in 2008 fall semester as an exchange student in arkansas state university. I was with a french person from my french university and i made a bunch of friends throughout the semester (including french girls from my university too who had come back for their degree after the exchange). I only met my fiance for a few minutes a couple days before leaving back for France through a acquaintance we had in common (actually we were never really meant to meet, but that's another story).

Only a few months later (like 5/6) we started to chat on facebook as i added him by checking the friend list of that person i talked about above. We only started to date when i came back a year after my exchange program for my MBA (the decision of coming back was also completely independent from him as i had already made it long time before).

Anyway i had already been in the US, i had made friends before him, i had adapted to pretty much everything (also some things were harder than others) in the US so i was never really dependent of him even though i pretty much stayed in his apartment at the time he lived about 3 hours away from my campus (in southern illinois) and since i had my classes on only 2 days a week i was driving back and forth. After less than a year he graduated and moved back to chicago for work so we saw each other a lot less and i was still very independent and had my social life outside of him as well. I was only going up to see him one weekend out of 2 for like 2 semesters. I only moved with him the last month before giving birth to our son (so i pretty much experienced my pregnancy by myself as well) in may 2011. I finished my last semester by taking classes online in fall 2011 (after i got an authorization from my advisor and our immigration person at the school since it is normally not allowed for international students, the classes name were changed from online to web assisted so i could keep my legal status).

So apart from the financial side after we got our baby i have always been independent (i was also getting some money myself from france) and have always been able to do things without him, my english was pretty much bilingual the whole time and i was familiar with most administrative things. When i am going to get back on my K1 visa there will be no adjustment needed, i mean maybe a little after being out for a year.

This is interesting for me to share some experience from people who will come for the first time in the US to marry their fiance or who are going to settle there for the first time. I will be glad to give advice!

Your situation is 100% different. You were able to date like a normal couple. Visit each other regularly, be in the same time zone etc. You were already in school and while single I find its easier to make friends so you had that as well. Having the time/freedom to make friends/have time apart is a HUGE deal.

I'm happy to read that you're not worried about adjustment at all. remember on the K1 you're not able to work or leave the US until you have your EAD and AP. neither can you get a US drivers license and you are restricted on how long you can drive on your foreign license/IDP. Once you have your EAD/AP you're pretty much good to go until you get your GC.

[loladolly 51]

Your situation is 100% different. You were able to date like a normal couple. Visit each other regularly, be in the same time zone etc. You were already in school and while single I find its easier to make friends so you had that as well. Having the time/freedom to make friends/have time apart is a HUGE deal.

I'm happy to read that you're not worried about adjustment at all. remember on the K1 you're not able to work or leave the US until you have your EAD and AP. neither can you get a US drivers license and you are restricted on how long you can drive on your foreign license/IDP. Once you have your EAD/AP you're pretty much good to go until you get your GC.

Yeah i have pretty much lived in the US the whole time we were dating, i was just going back to france to visit on school breaks so i was never gone for long. Once i got done with school i came back once with the VWP before filling for the K1. He visited 3 times during the K1 but with a child together this wasn't satisfactory for us but i know it is pretty much better than most couples going through the same things.

I know about AP and EAD, it takes about 2/3 months, i'll have plenty of things to do and manage once i get back so the waiting won't be too long. Yep plenty of people to see after being gone for a year and a little bit of change to make at our place now that our son is older. I ll start working on my resume as well.

I already have a SSN since i have already worked as a graduate assistant while in college. Also i already have a US driver's license and it hasn't expired yet. It is just from a different state than where i am living (i got it in arkansas during my exchange semester and have never had any issues renewing it) and it has never been a problem in the past when i got pulled over.

I got my international driver's license just in case and it is valid for 3 years so i ll have my GC by then !

Edited June 16, 2013 by loladolly

[CaroSL 68]

Yeah i have pretty much lived in the US the whole time we were dating, i was just going back to france to visit on school breaks so i was never gone for long. Once i got done with school i came back once with the VWP before filling for the K1. He visited 3 times during the K1 but with a child together this wasn't satisfactory for us but i know it is pretty much better than most couples going through the same things.

I know about AP and EAD, it takes about 2/3 months, i'll have plenty of things to do and manage once i get back so the waiting won't be too long. Yep plenty of people to see after being gone for a year and a little bit of change to make at our place now that our son is older. I ll start working on my resume as well.

I already have a SSN since i have already worked as a graduate assistant while in college. Also i already have a US driver's license and it hasn't expired yet. It is just from a different state than where i am living (i got it in arkansas during my exchange semester and have never had any issues renewing it) and it has never been a problem in the past when i got pulled over.

I got my international driver's license just in case and it is valid for 3 years so i ll have my GC by then !

It is funny though how it does change something to be here for good.

I have been living with my fiancé before. The big difference I see now is that when we lived together before, we knew there was gonna be an end to it. So of course, our couple almost always came first. Now we are back to a bit more independent setting. Which is great, but for me it means I really have to make new friends (we met in school in Arizona, I had friends there, but none of them live in DC...).

The other thing is that I miss things that I had never missed before when living abroad. And I didn't expect to miss them so soon. It is not like I want to go back to France or anything, but this was surprising to me. And I also miss my family and friends more than I ever missed them when living abroad, even though it hasn't been so long yet... So there are surprising stuff. If it happen to you, don't beat yourself up, it is ok!

You are really lucky if you have already friends in the area, it will make your first months way easier. Because spending all your days at home for 3 months, your husband being the only person you socialize with is not that fun. I remember one day my husband told me he was gonna make plans for the evening with his best friend. I said ok and ran away so he wouldn't see me tear up. I felt totally ridiculous. I was just so frustrated I was gonna be alone all day and all evening. And I couldn't even go see my own friends because I didn't have any...

I don't feel like this anymore though. He is gone for the afternoon and I am perfectly happy. I have stuff to do and people to see... This is a little victory for me to be ok with this now!

[loladolly 51]

It is funny though how it does change something to be here for good.

I have been living with my fiancé before. The big difference I see now is that when we lived together before, we knew there was gonna be an end to it. So of course, our couple almost always came first. Now we are back to a bit more independent setting. Which is great, but for me it means I really have to make new friends (we met in school in Arizona, I had friends there, but none of them live in DC...).

The other thing is that I miss things that I had never missed before when living abroad. And I didn't expect to miss them so soon. It is not like I want to go back to France or anything, but this was surprising to me. And I also miss my family and friends more than I ever missed them when living abroad, even though it hasn't been so long yet... So there are surprising stuff. If it happen to you, don't beat yourself up, it is ok!

You are really lucky if you have already friends in the area, it will make your first months way easier. Because spending all your days at home for 3 months, your husband being the only person you socialize with is not that fun. I remember one day my husband told me he was gonna make plans for the evening with his best friend. I said ok and ran away so he wouldn't see me tear up. I felt totally ridiculous. I was just so frustrated I was gonna be alone all day and all evening. And I couldn't even go see my own friends because I didn't have any...

I don't feel like this anymore though. He is gone for the afternoon and I am perfectly happy. I have stuff to do and people to see... This is a little victory for me to be ok with this now!

It is not like i have hundreds of friends, i must say i have a hard time with american women/girls, i think they are fake in their attitude, doing too much. Most of my friends are from college. However i have my son who is a lot of work, i have my routine and my errands everyday. Also there's my sister in laws whom i get along pretty well with (it hasn't always been the case but another story, i had to tell her off a few times)

So this is why i feel like i am going to take my life back, no starting a new life, because my life was there before the whole process, i wasn't feeling home in france anymore as i had been in the US for over 3 years. For us there was no end of it planned, we knew the VWP and K1 would be more like breaks but since i was always there on visas before i was just settled.

My future husband doesn't have millions of friends either and we pretty much always hang out all together, we get our son babysat by his sister . We like doing things together like an old couple lol

The things i am missing the most from france is some type a food of course and my parents besides that my life in the US always fulfilled me. I feel like i was born in the wrong country sometimes lol

[CaroSL 68]

I didn't realize you lived here for so long! That must have been prtty terrible to be stuck in france...

[loladolly 51]

I didn't realize you lived here for so long! That must have been prtty terrible to be stuck in france...

Yes This is what i was trying to explain to some people here on VJ when saying that not everyone in this process in really on the same boat. I had a harder time with the wait, i felt like i was taken away from the place i called home (which i had started to do not that long before leaving as my fiance made me notice) but legally i wasn't home there and this whole process fixed it but it was long especially having a child involved in the story.

Now we'll see how it feels after a whole year back in france. I am not worrying about my RE adaptation, i am more concerned right now to find good food for my son, the same kind he got used to eating here since he was on baby food the whole time he's been in the US.

BTW any suggestion on where i should shop? I know trader joe's is good. I wasn't really worrying about that before so even if i am very used to the life overthere i still have to learn lol

Edited June 22, 2013 by loladolly