How to acclimate your spouse to the States

[Alyssa&Craig 0]

So I woke up with this thought in my head... How can I make it an easier transition for my Fiance when he gets to the States. He's from a small village in the countryside and I live in a well populated town in New York. He's been to the States on holiday and he's spent weeks here with me but we all know that visiting a place is different from actually living there. He says he feels at home when he's here but we both know that it will take time for him to get used to once everything is said and done and we are starting our life together. Any suggestions on how to make it a smooth transition??

[NikLR 13,227]

There are many posts on this. I personally think it differs from person to person. Some people are happy when they are working, feeling like they are providing and just spending time with their spouse. Other people need those little bits from home (food and a familiar voice) to feel more at home. Ask him what he needs? Try to find it for him. Does he drive in the UK? He'll have to get used to driving here since it is different. Find a place that sells foods and figure out what you guys would like to do together. Maybe when he's here join a club or start a new hobby together. Be open to the fact he may feel homesick and figure out things together to help him through those times.

[RightClicK 17]

Anyone would have some trouble adapting to the new way of living so the most important thing they are going to need is PATIENCE from you

[scotinmass 588]

So I woke up with this thought in my head... How can I make it an easier transition for my Fiance when he gets to the States. He's from a small village in the countryside and I live in a well populated town in New York. He's been to the States on holiday and he's spent weeks here with me but we all know that visiting a place is different from actually living there. He says he feels at home when he's here but we both know that it will take time for him to get used to once everything is said and done and we are starting our life together. Any suggestions on how to make it a smooth transition??

I moved from the UK to the Boston area and the way of life and the general outlook of the people here is so similar that I didn't have a problem transitioning. New York isn't that different from Mass so hopefully he'll have the same smooth transition that I did.

[Alyssa&Craig 0]

There are many posts on this. I personally think it differs from person to person. Some people are happy when they are working, feeling like they are providing and just spending time with their spouse. Other people need those little bits from home (food and a familiar voice) to feel more at home. Ask him what he needs? Try to find it for him. Does he drive in the UK? He'll have to get used to driving here since it is different. Find a place that sells foods and figure out what you guys would like to do together. Maybe when he's here join a club or start a new hobby together. Be open to the fact he may feel homesick and figure out things together to help him through those times.

He does drive but he is nervous about driving here since he says we "drive crazier" then they do lol and i've already found a nice British grocery store that sells all the makings for his favorite home foods..

[Alyssa&Craig 0]

Anyone would have some trouble adapting to the new way of living so the most important thing they are going to need is PATIENCE from you

I moved from the UK to the Boston area and the way of life and the general outlook of the people here is so similar that I didn't have a problem transitioning. New York isn't that different from Mass so hopefully he'll have the same smooth transition that I did.

Thank you both for your replies....Patience is definitely something I will have with him.

And I hope so scotinmass and I hope everything is well for you in Boston

[LeftCoastLady 441]

So I woke up with this thought in my head... How can I make it an easier transition for my Fiance when he gets to the States. He's from a small village in the countryside and I live in a well populated town in New York. He's been to the States on holiday and he's spent weeks here with me but we all know that visiting a place is different from actually living there. He says he feels at home when he's here but we both know that it will take time for him to get used to once everything is said and done and we are starting our life together. Any suggestions on how to make it a smooth transition??

Since he's coming on the K-1 and won't be able to work until the AOS/EAD/AP items are filed, here's a list of suggestions based on what my husband (also arrived on a K-1 from the UK) and I have done:

• Explore the area via public transportation (if it's available to you). Before my husband arrived, I purchased a transit pass so he could wander the city on his own, get lost and learn his way around town without me.
  
• Get a library card. Double check with your library system to see what they need to issue one. In my area, my husband filled out the application and showed up with a copy of our apartment lease, but was never asked for it.
  
• Get signed up for a job skills/job search course if your area library or community college offers it. That will help a great deal when he is able to work and can be prepared on what to expect in the U.S. job market.
  
• Make sure he has a space where he can unwind. We have a "man cave" where my husband retreats to play Xbox, watch movies on Netflix, etc.
  
• Per above, get signed up for Netflix, HuluPlus or one of the other video services. Maybe find a show you'll both enjoy and make time to watch it each week. (Or find a show on network or cable TV that you can both watch.)
  
• Take some time for a mini-getaways, even if it's just for a night or two. Or enjoy a night out at a restaurant (doesn't have to be fancy, but less dishes at home!) It would just be the two of you and you can use that time to relax, talk about any challenges/vents/rants he may have and figure out how to deal with them. Or maybe just take a long drive.
  
• As was mentioned above, be patient!
  

Good luck!

Edited April 22, 2013 by LeftCoastLady

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Shouldn't couples talk about this sort of thing before they even THINK about filing?

[Alyssa&Craig 0]

Shouldn't couples talk about this sort of thing before they even THINK about filing?

Of course couples should talk about such issues...which we have many times over the past year.

Since he's coming on the K-1 and won't be able to work until the AOS/EAD/AP items are filed, here's a list of suggestions based on what my husband (also arrived on a K-1 from the UK) and I have done:

• Explore the area via public transportation (if it's available to you). Before my husband arrived, I purchased a transit pass so he could wander the city on his own, get lost and learn his way around town without me.
• Get a library card. Double check with your library system to see what they need to issue one. In my area, my husband filled out the application and showed up with a copy of our apartment lease, but was never asked for it.
• Get signed up for a job skills/job search course if your area library or community college offers it. That will help a great deal when he is able to work and can be prepared on what to expect in the U.S. job market.
• Make sure he has a space where he can unwind. We have a "man cave" where my husband retreats to play Xbox, watch movies on Netflix, etc.
• Per above, get signed up for Netflix, HuluPlus or one of the other video services. Maybe find a show you'll both enjoy and make time to watch it each week. (Or find a show on network or cable TV that you can both watch.)
• Take some time for a mini-getaways, even if it's just for a night or two. Or enjoy a night out at a restaurant (doesn't have to be fancy, but less dishes at home!) It would just be the two of you and you can use that time to relax, talk about any challenges/vents/rants he may have and figure out how to deal with them. Or maybe just take a long drive.
• As was mentioned above, be patient!

Good luck!

THANK YOU SO MUCH I couldn't have asked for better advice..those are great ideas

[scotinmass 588]

Thank you both for your replies....Patience is definitely something I will have with him.

And I hope so scotinmass and I hope everything is well for you in Boston

Boston is one tough city. They won't break our spirit. We're looking forward to the 118th Boston marathon. It'll be the biggest one yet.

[Alyssa&Craig 0]

Boston is one tough city. They won't break our spirit. We're looking forward to the 118th Boston marathon. It'll be the biggest one yet.

I have no doubt that it will be

[TBoneTX 45,284]

Take some time for a mini-getaways, even if it's just for a night or two. [...] Or maybe just take a long drive.

Excellent ideas (as usual) from LCL. The long drives might be in pastoral or rural areas, where he can associate the scenery and pace of life with what he was used to. Or, find a nearby small town somewhat like his former place of residence.

[Alyssa&Craig 0]

Excellent ideas (as usual) from LCL. The long drives might be in pastoral or rural areas, where he can associate the scenery and pace of life with what he was used to. Or, find a nearby small town somewhat like his former place of residence.

Thats a great idea..i've already looked up some bed and breakfast's that are in a more rural area

[indiana_sweetie 120]

Shouldn't couples talk about this sort of thing before they even THINK about filing?

We talked a lot, but no matter how much you talk there will be a multitude of little things you missed because they are things we take for granted and don't think about. Be flexible, and patient.

[CaroSL 68]

Anyone would have some trouble adapting to the new way of living so the most important thing they are going to need is PATIENCE from you

I think it is the best advice you could get. Odds are, some days he is gonna be perfectly ok, some days he will get upset about something totally random

(My own top 3: I don't have a job- I don't have friends - It is very difficult to find good bread in here) I know that the first 2 will come in time... And I know it won't change suddenly from one day to another. So it is always very surprising to my husband when I get upset about it.

Bad things he said to handle it: "don't feel sorry for yourself"... a bit harsh... But at the same time it certainly helps me beat myself up a bit when I am tempted to feel sorry for myself...

Good things he said: You stubborn enough, be you're usual strong stubborn self, and things will come around.

He is very patient with me. That really helps. And he does everything he can to make me feel good and make me feel like I am really home. And yes, sometimes he screws up too, because he is not perfect, but neither am I, so...

Another tip: when you don't understand why he reacts in a very strange or unexpected way, try to put yourself in his shoes.

good luck!