The child I left behind

[Fetaria 0]

I see my 10 yr old daughter for Spring Breaks, All Summer breaks, All ThanksGivings, and All Christmas Breaks.She will however be legally allowed to move here in 2 yrs. without her Bio Dads consent.

In fact.... Were going to pick her up July3rd and we can't wait !

In regards to the comment made about Dr. Laura... Well , Dr. Laura isn't in my position and until she is, I don't give a flying Rats ### what the pompous chick thinks.

My daughter has a much better relationship with my new Hubby then she ever had, or ever will have with her Bio Dad.

Children aren't stupid, they know whats going on. My daughter is well aware that the only reason she is still in Canada and not with me is becuase her Bio Dad recinded his permission, 2 weeks before our Immigration Interview Date.

He may have won the battle but her sure as hell hasn't won the War!

2 weeks before! How awful is that. Must of been hard for her to think she was moving and then not. You are right about children not being stupid, I think they have a better understanding about things than we do at times. They dont worry about the details or complicate it like us adults tend to do. July 3rd is just around the corner.

[Euro 3]

It's Dr. Laura, she always get me riled up

Then why bring what she says to THIS thread??

That's not necessarily my opinion but I just wanted to throw that out there.

Come n get it.

Where is your TACT??.......some time things are better left UNSAID^^^^that being one of them!!!

ready....... set ...... BACKPEDDLE!!!!!

we all have our own reasons, none are selfish, infact all the total opposite,

Edited June 7, 2006 by euro

[Fetaria 0]

If we were selfish we would of done whatever it took to bring our children with us, with no care of how it would affect them. Some of us decided to not drag our children through dirty custody battles, some believe that their children are better off where they are for the time being for whatever reason. Some are here dong what they can to create a situation so they can bring their children eventually. Too many ways to show how these were the most unselfish acts.

[TracyTN 237]

I used to spend hours listening to Dr. Laura. I was forced to because the radio station I worked at carried her. I had to do the local news breaks between her hot air sessions.

The thing that always struck me with her was that she comes from this position of high moral authority, vast oversimplifications and wasn't very good at taking extenuating (sp?) circumstances into consideration.

Essentially, she is full of shite. I don't see how she has anything to do with the parents here and the choices they've made.

Just my .02.

[dmartmar 1]

You wouldn't be posting here, if you hadn't left your child behind.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

dmartmar: who exactly are you referring to? M.

[luvaLimey 0]

I used to spend hours listening to Dr. Laura. I was forced to because the radio station I worked at carried her. I had to do the local news breaks between her hot air sessions.

The thing that always struck me with her was that she comes from this position of high moral authority, vast oversimplifications and wasn't very good at taking extenuating (sp?) circumstances into consideration.

Essentially, she is full of shite. I don't see how she has anything to do with the parents here and the choices they've made.

Just my .02.

I used to listen to her, too. Becuase my EX would want to listen to her in the car when we were driving around. First time I heard hr program I was soooo angry with her! There was a woman in tears over some situation, and Dr Laura was completely insensitive and unhelpful. She called the woman stupid, and turned everything she said around on her.

She equates a loving adult relationship to "an orgasm". So if someone was calling in who wanted to know what to do about wanting to go be with their husband/fiance but couldn't bring their kids with them, she would most likely say "Is an orgasm really worth leaving your kids for?" And then suggest that either the other party move THERE, or if that was impossible, find someone else.

Thing is, my Fiance is so much more than just "an orgasm" to me. If that's all Dr Laura's husband means to her, then he's got my pity. Everyone should have the opportunity to be loved unconditionally.

Now: BACK ON TOPIC:

As for me, I've been considering the possibility of temporarily moving to the UK to be with my fiance (only about a year or so). This thread has been so helpful to me because I had been worried about leaving my kids here with their Dad and Step-mom. It's taken me some time to get to know her, and to get to the point where I'd be comfortable letting her do the day-to-day raising of my kids while I wasn't there. Reading everyone's stories and how they have managed to keep in touch and keep that parental bond strong even accross the miles has helped me see that it would be possible for me to still be "mama" even if I was on the other side of the ocean.

All those parents who are still "Mom" or "Dad" from far away have my respect, and my thanks (for having the courage to post here about it).

[TracyTN 237]

You wouldn't be posting here, if you hadn't left your child behind.

Funny as I am the USC and have no children.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

USC here too, which is why I asked...I seem to...ummm..I THINK I posted...????

[Satisfaction 1]

May I not agree?

I think it is selfish to leave children behind to start a new romance. Too many children are neglected after their parents break-up. All of sudden, they are "in the way". I wouldn’t leave my children behind or perhaps only if I was forced to by extreme circumstances that hopefully are only temporarily (medical, professional). I would rather not start a relationship than having to leave my children to be raised by someone else. It may hurt to break up with someone you care about very dearly, but missing a child can only hurt my heart and my conscience indefinitely. Children are my responsibility, not anyone else. I brought them to this world and it is my responsibility and obligation to take care of them.

[Sister Fracas 5]

You wouldn't be posting here, if you hadn't left your child behind.

huh?

[Derbys12 0]

Hi i could be experiencing this very thing!, i am near the end of my divorce, then i will start my fiance visa off to be with my love Sue in Michigan. I have 3 boys 7,2,2, i have been there main primary carer since they were all Born. My wife goes to work.

My solicitor said she doesn't have much of a chance as she went off to find her old bf from 11 years ago and they want a child of their own!. I'm just busy worrying about being able to take them with me to lived!....gotta go through the high court and stuff. I've already been out to states with eldest boy for nearly 3 weeks,he cried he had to come back to his own mum!.. So i need lots of prayers people and best wishes!..

Watch this space i will keep you all posted,....... Also any advice would be good too!...

Derbys12

Have you talked with your ex-wife about the possiblity of the children moving with you? Does she still live near by or has she moved away already? Please do keep us informed. I don't have much in the way of advice or wisdom as I do not know how the court system works in your country. Hopefully someone from your area reads your post and has some ideas they can share about your situation. My ex husband and I went to a family mediator before the divorce. It was very helpful to talk to a lawyer who was on neither side but full of information as to what the divorce judge would be looking for in regards to the children's well being. We were able to take that information and draw up an agreement that suited us as well as satisfied the court.

Hi there,just to let you know we had our last meeting at mediation today (the so called neutral lawyer)

Well its turned bad where my wife wants joint custody of the kids which i am refusing as i said i've done nothing wrong she did.She also made out she didn't know about me moving to America!

So she made a right song and dance about me taking the kids to America, so i said i would see her in court.

We are both in the same house as her name is on the tenancy, even though i have lived there 4 years i'm expected to move out. So basically people its a case of wathc this space!, IF i have to go to America without the kids i will ,BUT theres no reeason why i can't take them.I have looked after all 3 kids since they were born, she sees them an hour a day!.

So please keep prayers and best wishes coming folks! Until i see whats happening here

LOve You Sue!!

[MichelleandCraig 1]

May I not agree?

I think it is selfish to leave children behind to start a new romance. Too many children are neglected after their parents break-up. All of sudden, they are "in the way". I wouldn’t leave my children behind or perhaps only if I was forced to by extreme circumstances that hopefully are only temporarily (medical, professional). I would rather not start a relationship than having to leave my children to be raised by someone else. It may hurt to break up with someone you care about very dearly, but missing a child can only hurt my heart and my conscience indefinitely. Children are my responsibility, not anyone else. I brought them to this world and it is my responsibility and obligation to take care of them.

Of course anyone can agree or disagree with whatever we want. And Fetaria started this thread, so I should probably stop stepping in BUT I feel very strongly in defense of these women(and men!) who are having a difficult time already. Can we just try to keep this a non-debate thread about what is right or wrong(in each individual's eyes) and instead just let it be about support and encouragement? M. (sorry someone just posted in between..didn't see that before I put this one here...)

Edited June 8, 2006 by MichelleandCraig

[Euro 3]

May I not agree?

I think it is selfish to leave children behind to start a new romance. Too many children are neglected after their parents break-up. All of sudden, they are "in the way". I wouldn’t leave my children behind or perhaps only if I was forced to by extreme circumstances that hopefully are only temporarily (medical, professional). I would rather not start a relationship than having to leave my children to be raised by someone else. It may hurt to break up with someone you care about very dearly, but missing a child can only hurt my heart and my conscience indefinitely. Children are my responsibility, not anyone else. I brought them to this world and it is my responsibility and obligation to take care of them.

Of course anyone can agree or disagree with whatever we want. And Fetaria started this thread, so I should probably stop stepping in BUT I feel very strongly in defense of these women(and men!) who are having a difficult time already. Can we just try to keep this a non-debate thread about what is right or wrong(in each individual's eyes) and instead just let it be about support and encouragement? M. (sorry someone just posted in between..didn't see that before I put this one here...)

Step in a much as you want to Michelle, you have a better way with words than i do, I just tend to feel anger when i read certain things, life isnt always as cut & dry as some people think it is, , so thanks Michelle

Children are my responsibility, not anyone else. I brought them to this world and it is my responsibility and obligation to take care of them.

It has always been my thought that unless you use the services of a sperm donor, doesnt the child have 2 parents, who's responsibilities are the same??

[Welshcookie 17]

May I not agree?

I think it is selfish to leave children behind to start a new romance. Too many children are neglected after their parents break-up. All of sudden, they are "in the way". I wouldn’t leave my children behind or perhaps only if I was forced to by extreme circumstances that hopefully are only temporarily (medical, professional). I would rather not start a relationship than having to leave my children to be raised by someone else. It may hurt to break up with someone you care about very dearly, but missing a child can only hurt my heart and my conscience indefinitely. Children are my responsibility, not anyone else. I brought them to this world and it is my responsibility and obligation to take care of them.

Of course anyone can agree or disagree with whatever we want. And Fetaria started this thread, so I should probably stop stepping in BUT I feel very strongly in defense of these women(and men!) who are having a difficult time already. Can we just try to keep this a non-debate thread about what is right or wrong(in each individual's eyes) and instead just let it be about support and encouragement? M. (sorry someone just posted in between..didn't see that before I put this one here...)

I agree with you Michelle.......I don't see any reason why anyone on here should judge about the care of others children....as far as I can tell each and everyone of the kids talked about on here have been assured of loving care, mostly by the other PARENT (who is to say dads are less responsible or obligated to their children?). It is my experience than these kind of separations are way harder on the absent parent than the absent child as long as the child is secure and loved in it's home enviroment all will be good. Only families together can decide what is best for their own children....and sometimes heart breaking choices have to made.

I have a 10 yr old....I feel extremely guilty for taking him away from his natural father, sisters and brother, his beloved grand~parents.....and he doesn't want to leave them, he has told me he wants to stay in England ....we have all discussed what would be best for him and his own wishes but for us the decision was to take him cos his dad is not a young man (21 yrs my senior, and I am no spring chicken ) and my parents are getting older........but one thing is certain, I AM going to be with my future husband. Life is hard at times.

It would be nice for this thread to remain a support for those who need it...but it is my experience that these types of threads more than often will turn ugly........