The child I left behind

[mwfaith1971 0]

My heart goes out to all the Mothers (and Fathers) who have had to leave kids behind in order to be with the love of their lives!!!!!!

thanks for that...i was wondering if anyone would acknowledge that there are fathers going through the same situation.

matt

ps: best of luck to everyone going through this.

[Fetaria 0]

My heart goes out to all the Mothers (and Fathers) who have had to leave kids behind in order to be with the love of their lives!!!!!!

thanks for that...i was wondering if anyone would acknowledge that there are fathers going through the same situation.

matt

ps: best of luck to everyone going through this.

Absolutely this pertains to fathers!!!! I hope I did not come off as sounding that I was talking out for only the mothers out there. I totally meant parents. I just booked my daughters flight back to Canada to see her dad at the end of the month. The flip side to my story and how much I miss my son is that I also took our daughter away from her dad and I know this has been hard on him as well. Both he and I try hard to keep each other informed and in the loop of what is going on with them. When talking to my husband about some of your stories it made me realise how lucky I am that my son only lives in Canada and a flight between him and I is easy enough. Knowing that we will be together in the summer and alternating holidays keeps me going. I cannot imagine the pain of not knowing when I would see him again. Just keep the faith that you will see your children again and how wondeful that moment will be.

[mwfaith1971 0]

Absolutely this pertains to fathers!!!! I hope I did not come off as sounding that I was talking out for only the mothers out there. I totally meant parents. I just booked my daughters flight back to Canada to see her dad at the end of the month. The flip side to my story and how much I miss my son is that I also took our daughter away from her dad and I know this has been hard on him as well. Both he and I try hard to keep each other informed and in the loop of what is going on with them. When talking to my husband about some of your stories it made me realise how lucky I am that my son only lives in Canada and a flight between him and I is easy enough. Knowing that we will be together in the summer and alternating holidays keeps me going. I cannot imagine the pain of not knowing when I would see him again. Just keep the faith that you will see your children again and how wondeful that moment will be.

no you didn't. just from reading the posts here, it looks to me that it is all mothers relating their experiences and no fathers.

i would give anything to have my 2 girls here with my wife and i. but unfortunately i know that is not possible. i talk to them every week and plan on going back to australia every year to see them but at this stage due what i will be doing for work i won't be able to go for at least 2 years. i also gave my ex-wife a webcam so we could use that talk to the girls but at this stage she hasn't set it up. claims that she doesn't know how are #######, as her uncle builds pc's and could do that in about 30 seconds flat...funny, she's had that thing for close to a year now.

matt

[Fetaria 0]

How frustrating about the webcam. Most are just plug and play so how could she not know how? Would take a few minutes of her time and if she realised how important your relationship with your daughters is she would do just that. Girls need that bond with their fathers. Is she good about sending pictures or helping them write letters or anything like that?

[raphael7546 0]

Absolutely this pertains to fathers!!!! I hope I did not come off as sounding that I was talking out for only the mothers out there. I totally meant parents. I just booked my daughters flight back to Canada to see her dad at the end of the month. The flip side to my story and how much I miss my son is that I also took our daughter away from her dad and I know this has been hard on him as well. Both he and I try hard to keep each other informed and in the loop of what is going on with them. When talking to my husband about some of your stories it made me realise how lucky I am that my son only lives in Canada and a flight between him and I is easy enough. Knowing that we will be together in the summer and alternating holidays keeps me going. I cannot imagine the pain of not knowing when I would see him again. Just keep the faith that you will see your children again and how wondeful that moment will be.

no you didn't. just from reading the posts here, it looks to me that it is all mothers relating their experiences and no fathers.

i would give anything to have my 2 girls here with my wife and i. but unfortunately i know that is not possible. i talk to them every week and plan on going back to australia every year to see them but at this stage due what i will be doing for work i won't be able to go for at least 2 years. i also gave my ex-wife a webcam so we could use that talk to the girls but at this stage she hasn't set it up. claims that she doesn't know how are #######, as her uncle builds pc's and could do that in about 30 seconds flat...funny, she's had that thing for close to a year now.

matt

My ex was the same way at first with the Webcam thing. until I told him maybe he needed a reminder from my lawyers what was agreed to in court! Funny how quickly he got that WebCam sorted out!

My daughters been here visiting for the past week , one more week to go tho. I wish she could just stay. But I know that in 2 yrs. she will be moving here permamently. I'll also have her here for the summer.

[mwfaith1971 0]

fataria,

she sends me pictures and i get cards and presents from them for the usual days. i also talk to them every week, but as you know, that doesn't really compensate for actually having them with you.

raphael,

my ex-wife has custody of the girls and that's it. there were no visitation orders or anything of that nature. plus they are in australia, nearly 20 hours travel from me...there's no way that she would let them get on a plane and fly to LA and meet me there. maybe when they're older but certainly not now. i guess i will have to wait till i can travel back there in a couple of years or so.

matt

[crew1980 1]

Hi All,

I read your posts with tears in my eyes. I'm the USC with no children. My Cuban fiance has 2 children living in Cuba. We're waiting for our interview date. My fiance spent 9 years in Buenos Aires, Argentina and been back in Havana just 11 months. His wife was pregnant the month he left Cuba for Argentina and he has a son also who is about 16 now. Needless to say that his wife filed for divorce while he was away.

When he returned to Havana May 2005, he met his daughter for the first time and reunited with his son. Of course his daughter is totally in love with her father. I know many of us can remember being like that with our fathers. His relationship with his son is rocky at best. I don't blame his son at all for not totally embrassing his father. He probably feels abandoned. It's also possible that his mother hasn't spoken very highly of his father in his presence. In any event, the children will not travel with my fiance to America at this time.

Can I tell you all the incredible pressure I feel to have a baby?? I've spoken with my fiance's family and they all want me to have a baby almost immediately upon his arrival. I'm 44 now and am very afraid of getting pregnant. I'd too like to have a baby very soon. Still I'm hoping that my fiance doesn't leave because I can't do this right away. We've talked about this and he says he'd like to have a son. I say well we could have a daughter or maybe we may have to adopt and he says it's okay with him. Just wanted to share. Good luck to all of you!!

Toria and Salvador

[Tracey-LUVS-Rudy 0]

I just want to say my heart goes out to all the parents who have had to leave children behind

i will soon be in the process of being one of them , have 2 children a boy 14 and a girl 11 ..who i love very much ... and all your stories wrenched at my heart .

my kids have decided to stay in New Zealand with their dad , this was the hardest decision i have ever had to make ..as i know it was for all of you .

even though i am a newbie here ..just know you are all in my thoughts

[Derbys12 0]

Anyone out there have a child still living in the country they moved from? My children's father and I, through mediation, decided to let the young ones have a say in where they lived.. along with what we thought best for the moment. Our 9 yr daughter moved here with me, our 11yr old son stayed with his dad. We have had to deal with a great deal of scrutiny already over the decision to separate them, so I do not need any more of that. What I am looking for however is if anyone else has or is dealing with this type of separation. Some days I do ok, some days I do not so ok. My son and I are very close and we talk often. I try to keep things positive and bring up the next time we will be together and how wonderful it will be. The other night he tells me how much he misses me and wishes I could be there to tuck him in like I use to, how nothing comforts him like I can. When I hear these things is breaks my heart into pieces. The decision to move and make this life change was not an easy one, I stayed in an unhappy marriage for many years "for the kids sake". I think at times I could easily sway him into saying out loud that he would like to move here with us but I don't want to go there. I am trying to keep things positive for him. What happens then however is that my husband gets the messy breakdown when I cannot stay positive any longer. He has huge amounts of stress through work and school and the last thing he needs is to be worrying about me and my mental state. So then atop the guilt over not being with my child on a daily basis I have guilt over being unhappy at times with a most beautiful life I have been given by my husband. Something I am leary of as well is when my son comes to visit this summer, I want to be careful not to overcompensate and make the children here (my daughter and two step children) feel as if they have been shoved aside yet at the same time I need my son to feel as if he is just as much a part of the family as they are and I want to make up for lost time with him. Not sure what I am looking for here, it is not judgement as I say, or sympathy for that matter. Just similar stories if they are out there and what others may of been through in regards to such a situation.

Hi i could be experiencing this very thing!, i am near the end of my divorce, then i will start my fiance visa off to be with my love Sue in Michigan. I have 3 boys 7,2,2, i have been there main primary carer since they were all Born. My wife goes to work.

My solicitor said she doesn't have much of a chance as she went off to find her old bf from 11 years ago and they want a child of their own!. I'm just busy worrying about being able to take them with me to lived!....gotta go through the high court and stuff. I've already been out to states with eldest boy for nearly 3 weeks,he cried he had to come back to his own mum!.. So i need lots of prayers people and best wishes!..

Watch this space i will keep you all posted,....... Also any advice would be good too!...

[MichelleandCraig 1]

awwwwww....you all...you are SO strong. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, and your posts made my eyes well up with tears as well. The very biggest virtual hugs ever, to each and every one of you; I hope you all get to see your children SO soon, and that, even if it never goes away, the pain lessens a bit for each of you. M.

[Euro 3]

My son (10) came to visit last week, he LOVED it which is a great thing, i am soooooooo hoping he wants to move here 1 day, but right now at the age he is at, he wants to be with his dad ...........he caught his first fish too .......but now he has gone home back to England, i miss him sooooooooo much , but he is coming back soon i hope

[Movin on New Life 3]

Hello to all of you

I don't post here very often but I came across this post and had to reply. I also left my older daughter who was 21 when I left UK in 2003 and I have shared each and every emotion you have all written about. I too am crying because I miss my lovely girl and friend so much, not ever realising just how long we would have to be apart. The pain hurts so very much some days that I feel lost but nowhere near as lost as she does some days. I have a wonderful life here with my husband. I even have my now 21 year old son here and 3 step children but I still don't have my beautiful daughter and it hurts so much. I know that one day she will join me here in the US but I also know that it will take many years for that day to arrive. I feel for those of you that have younger children as I can't even imagine how you must feeling but I send you warmest wishes and speedy reunions with your child.

Maggie

name='Fetaria' date='Mar 2 2006, 11:13 AM' post='54758']

Anyone out there have a child still living in the country they moved from?

I am in total tears reading these psoting... My heart goes out to all of you... I will not try to say I know what you are going thru as I can not imagine not being with my daughter (now 22). She moved to Myrtle Beach SC for 6 months to live with her dad at 21, only time we were ever separated. It tore me apart but she did move back.. She is now in her own apartment but right next door.. Having the next stage of an adult relationship with her is so wonderful...words could not express.. I will keep all of you in my prayers for your continued strength and for a speedy reuion. Bless you all

[mullensgirl 0]

Can anyone give me an insight realistically, how often you get to see your Children, for those of you who have had to leave them behind. In particular those of you with young Children.

I am still at a quandry of what to do, i have days when i say yes i will fight this and go to court, and others when i feel like, this is my decision, I am the one who wants to live with my husband ( he cant come here because he is in the US miilitary) i cannot take him away from his other family, his father, and grandma, and maybe i should go and wait until my son (4) is old enough to say for himself what he wants. I dont want to drag him through the stress of a court case. But again i dont want him to feel that i have abandoned him.

I am so torn, i know that you can not tell me what to do, but it would be nice to hear others experiences.

[Euro 3]

Can anyone give me an insight realistically, how often you get to see your Children, for those of you who have had to leave them behind. In particular those of you with young Children.

I am still at a quandry of what to do, i have days when i say yes i will fight this and go to court, and others when i feel like, this is my decision, I am the one who wants to live with my husband ( he cant come here because he is in the US miilitary) i cannot take him away from his other family, his father, and grandma, and maybe i should go and wait until my son (4) is old enough to say for himself what he wants. I dont want to drag him through the stress of a court case. But again i dont want him to feel that i have abandoned him.

I am so torn, i know that you can not tell me what to do, but it would be nice to hear others experiences.

I have sent you a PM

[Fetaria 0]

My children's father and I have them every second school break and half the summer. It amounts to a few times a year with months in between. They are both with him now until July 27th. I have not seen my son since Christmas and let me tell you.. it has been too long. He called me yesterday morning asking me how to rid of the pimples on his nose, I was so happy he thought to ask me this stuff yet so sad that he had to call me about it. I am missing so much that cannot be shared unless in person and it is taking its toll on me. Making that decision to let him live near his friends and family rather than fight for him to move with me was the hardest one yet. For those of you still in the deciding part of things you just have to weigh out all the alternatives. Put your head before your heart and decide what is best for the kids. No matter how far you live from them they will not feel one ounce of abandonment if you work to ensure they don't. It is not easy, I did not know just how not easy it would be. 52 sleeps until they come home to me! My thoughts are prayers are with you and really do know you have a great support here. You are not alone in this.