Waiting - how do you manage your fiancee's expectations?

[jft 12]

I'm just wondering how everyone who's been waiting a long time has been managing their fiancee's/fiance's expectations? We'll be coming up on 5 months in a couple if weeks and so far I haven't said anything about the delay because I was off VJ for a few months and didn't realize there was a problem until recently. Today my fiancée asked me directly about when we'll get to the next step so I felt I had to mention the delay. I did soften it by mentioning the December approvals but I also let her know it could be 2-3 more months. This was by email so I don't yet know her reaction but I hope it doesn't disappoint her too much. Thankfully I'll be seeing her in a week so we can discuss this in person. Any suggestions for keeping her spirits up?

[ppihtr123 68]

Just the truth!

[Lynkali 163]

I'm just wondering how everyone who's been waiting a long time has been managing their fiancee's/fiance's expectations? We'll be coming up on 5 months in a couple if weeks and so far I haven't said anything about the delay because I was off VJ for a few months and didn't realize there was a problem until recently. Today my fiancée asked me directly about when we'll get to the next step so I felt I had to mention the delay. I did soften it by mentioning the December approvals but I also let her know it could be 2-3 more months. This was by email so I don't yet know her reaction but I hope it doesn't disappoint her too much. Thankfully I'll be seeing her in a week so we can discuss this in person. Any suggestions for keeping her spirits up?

I can't imagine leaving my fiance out of the loop on this, it's far too important for both of us to know exactly what's going on. I share every single day any news that I find out, so he's completely up to date on the horrendous problems at CSC, the developing black hole of July-Nov, everything. I've linked Igor's List and various posts here far more times than I can count.

What amazes me is the calm he has -- I'm the one going out of my mind, and yet he's the one who is facing the most tremendous upheaval: shipping and/or selling all of his belongings, leaving his work and family, going through scary interviews and medical approvals, tracking down his vaccinations, police clearances, everything -- and yet he's calm as can be and simply says "we'll see what happens next!" Of course, that's one of the reasons I fell in love with him, he's always been my rock and helps keep me grounded, so ... no complaints from him or me other than we both wish this separation will end soon!

[Zipline 23]

My fiancee is the calmer, more patient one.

The Philippines has or has had their fair share of political corruption, so she understood most of what I was saying in my letter to the senator.

[jft 12]

I was totally off VJ from mid-January till a couple of weeks ago so I was blissfully ignorant of this problem. Once I came back on I was confronted by many different points of view and multiple sources claiming that they knew the real story (like the supposed flood, no one still knows definitely what occurred if anything) so I didn't want to be Chicken Little. Not to mention that some late December cases were processed so an early January one like ours could be around the corner. Now however it appears that some sort of additional wait of at least two months is going to happen for sure so I felt that it was time to share. So now my main goal is to comfort her and make sure she knows that wait or no wait I will be there for her.

[rjm_cmyk 75]

I am the fiance, it's the petitioner who's being kept informed by me :-)

I'm of the view that it will be like most systems and return to it's norms over the time of this process. I suspect anyone reading VJ over the longterm will have seen the tooing and froing of VSC and CSC many times before. So whilst I get excited by the sudden spate of very recent filers getting approved I'm of the view that I might be lucky as a January filer but it's probably more likely that they will soon get stuck into the backlog and I may miss the boat so to speak.

If I got an NOA2 tomorrow it would throw my planning into some er, confusion as I'd always planned on a total process time of 6-9 months. I have a house to get ready and sell and all the other stuff. So as the fiance I don't need "managing" thanks.

Will I "hand back my NOA2" if it comes in tomorrow ? Of course not. But I wish all the best to those that have been so badly let down by CSC. It would be nice to think that the consulate part of the process could be speeded up for them but we all know it won't and that really is not fair...

Edited April 17, 2013 by rjm_cmyk

[paws057 9]

I'm just wondering how everyone who's been waiting a long time has been managing their fiancee's/fiance's expectations? We'll be coming up on 5 months in a couple if weeks and so far I haven't said anything about the delay because I was off VJ for a few months and didn't realize there was a problem until recently. Today my fiancée asked me directly about when we'll get to the next step so I felt I had to mention the delay. I did soften it by mentioning the December approvals but I also let her know it could be 2-3 more months. This was by email so I don't yet know her reaction but I hope it doesn't disappoint her too much. Thankfully I'll be seeing her in a week so we can discuss this in person. Any suggestions for keeping her spirits up?

To be honest I told her right away when I found out. Before I went to visit her at New Years the CSC still said 5 months which meant in early Feb. we should be hearing something. Wrong! When the USCIS did their web site update in early January it said July 18th just like it does now. I was the one that was pissed. That threw my schedule all out of whack. It took me a while to explain this to her but she is doing fine with it. We just have to wait longer is all. Since she is Russian she knows how to wait but that doesn't mean she likes it. So in a couple of weeks I will go for another visit but I had really hoped this would be for her interview but that will have to wait. Hopefully they will get back up to speed very soon and I can still get her here this summer.

Edited April 17, 2013 by paws057

[arcticrobot 11]

We always talk. We always there for each other. We set milestones and work towards our goals. In the meantime we are trying to get tourist visa so she can come and be with me until our i-129f is approved.

[moondream 36]

We share everything. Too much of a burden to carry alone.

[jft 12]

We just have to wait longer is all. Since she is Russian she knows how to wait but that doesn't mean she likes it. So in a couple of weeks I will go for another visit but I had really hoped this would be for her interview but that will have to wait. Hopefully they will get back up to speed very soon and I can still get her here this summer.

My fiancee is Russian too and of course waiting is quite familiar to her as well. But is a little difficult to explain to her how it took only a week to get her Schengen visa for our upcoming holiday but the American visa will likely take 8-10 months. Makes us look worse than Russia in the bureaucracy department which is quite a trick! Overall I think the waiting itself is ok with her but she's stressing out understandably about her son and school. As long as they are here by August I have no worries but if it pushes into September or October then there will be some issues (which we will deal with when the time comes of course).

[paws057 9]

My fiancee is Russian too and of course waiting is quite familiar to her as well. But is a little difficult to explain to her how it took only a week to get her Schengen visa for our upcoming holiday but the American visa will likely take 8-10 months. Makes us look worse than Russia in the bureaucracy department which is quite a trick! Overall I think the waiting itself is ok with her but she's stressing out understandably about her son and school. As long as they are here by August I have no worries but if it pushes into September or October then there will be some issues (which we will deal with when the time comes of course).

Yes they are used to the 'red' tape so to speak. (no pun intended) Well we are at the 6 month mark now and was really hoping to have her interview in April-early May. Not going to happen. Now I'm hoping for July since I have a vacation then and can go to Moscow to be with her during her interview. It is a little hard to explain to them but they will understand. It is hard to believe we are worse in the bureaucracy department though. We are dealing with the government and they don't do anything fast on either side of the ocean. It would be a lot different if there was a child involved, with school and all that, so I wish you good luck! We will get there eventually.

[arcticrobot 11]

My fiancee is Russian too and of course waiting is quite familiar to her as well. But is a little difficult to explain to her how it took only a week to get her Schengen visa for our upcoming holiday but the American visa will likely take 8-10 months. Makes us look worse than Russia in the bureaucracy department which is quite a trick! Overall I think the waiting itself is ok with her but she's stressing out understandably about her son and school. As long as they are here by August I have no worries but if it pushes into September or October then there will be some issues (which we will deal with when the time comes of course).

Shengen is non-immigrant visa and K1 is almost immigrant(with intent to immigrate). It is quite easy to get American tourist visa as long as you have strong ties with mothership, I mean Mother Russia.

[jft 12]

Well it's easy to get an American tourist visa if you're a Russian with an American-level income but for an average Russian who's an attractive woman with a service job it's not very likely. I get very irritated that Russian criminals can get visas easily while harmless regular Russians can't come to visit.