American Girl Jamaican Guy

[PortlandAngel 0]

I haven't posted in years but came across your story while looking for some info for my SD. I agree with the other ladies, slow down take your time and always trust your intuition.

[Domineke 5]

I haven't posted in years but came across your story while looking for some info for my SD. I agree with the other ladies, slow down take your time and always trust your intuition.

My gut isnt sending me any red flags, I just want to be careful. Sincerely appreciate your input, thank you.

[slowlyman 118]

There is really no answer to your concerns. There are so many variables. I will offer a few thoughts and experiences from my own relationship.

First of all it's important to realize marriages fail all the time. People who come from the same religious, ethical, economic, social, moral background. People who speak the same language, went to school miles form each other. With all those things going for them, they still find reasons to quite the marriage. There is no guaranty. Ever. It all comes down to the two people and their commitment to making it work.

Certainly a cross cultural marriage presents many additional challenges. Are you up for it? Personally I'm enjoying every minute of it. But, my previous relationships have been MUCH easier.

My girlfriend is Thai. She has the opinion that Thai men are lazy, lying, cheating, un-loyal, unfaithful, bastards. She thinks American men are loving, loyal, caring, and faithful. Which is 100% correct in my case. Lol. But I'm sure you could find quite a few American woman who have a very poor opinion of American men. It all depends on perspective.

It's important to remember you are not dating all Jamaican men, just one. You need to judge him on his own merits. Not on stereo types portrayed online.

Lets face it. We all love to see a train wreck. The forums are full of horror stories because we aren't really interested in reading about white picket fences. We want to read about the poor sucker who got played for a green card. That is why these stories get legs and stick around online.

The truth is people with healthy happy relationships have better things to do then share all the good things that happen to them with an online audience. You need look no further then this forum. Most of us visit often while we are waiting for a Visa. But after the Visa is complete and the congratulatory posts are made, how many continue posting relationship updates?

The "prenup". Nobody likes drafting them, but if everything goes pear shaped after he gets a green card you will be glad you took the time to set one up. If you are serious about getting married, you should at least consider protecting yourself with an agreement.

Reality check. It's great fun to be in love. Exploring a new relationship and a new person, but we live in the real world with real issues. You should consider a few things. How much education does he have? What kind of skills does he have? Will he be able to find good work near your home? If not, do you have the resources to support him? Can you get health insurance through your employer? If so what is the monthly cost? Remember, he will not be eligible for state aid. If he can not find work he will be completely your responsibility.

If you think he is "the" one, by all means, go for it. But, listen to your gut. If you start to feel something is not right most likely it is not. Protect yourself at all times, and don't be afraid to walk away. Other then that there really isn't much more you can do. Other then living in a bubble and it gets pretty lonely in there.

[Domineke 5]

There is really no answer to your concerns. There are so many variables. I will offer a few thoughts and experiences from my own relationship.

First of all it's important to realize marriages fail all the time. People who come from the same religious, ethical, economic, social, moral background. People who speak the same language, went to school miles form each other. With all those things going for them, they still find reasons to quite the marriage. There is no guaranty. Ever. It all comes down to the two people and their commitment to making it work.

Certainly a cross cultural marriage presents many additional challenges. Are you up for it? Personally I'm enjoying every minute of it. But, my previous relationships have been MUCH easier.

My girlfriend is Thai. She has the opinion that Thai men are lazy, lying, cheating, un-loyal, unfaithful, bastards. She thinks American men are loving, loyal, caring, and faithful. Which is 100% correct in my case. Lol. But I'm sure you could find quite a few American woman who have a very poor opinion of American men. It all depends on perspective.

It's important to remember you are not dating all Jamaican men, just one. You need to judge him on his own merits. Not on stereo types portrayed online.

Lets face it. We all love to see a train wreck. The forums are full of horror stories because we aren't really interested in reading about white picket fences. We want to read about the poor sucker who got played for a green card. That is why these stories get legs and stick around online.

The truth is people with healthy happy relationships have better things to do then share all the good things that happen to them with an online audience. You need look no further then this forum. Most of us visit often while we are waiting for a Visa. But after the Visa is complete and the congratulatory posts are made, how many continue posting relationship updates?

The "prenup". Nobody likes drafting them, but if everything goes pear shaped after he gets a green card you will be glad you took the time to set one up. If you are serious about getting married, you should at least consider protecting yourself with an agreement.

Reality check. It's great fun to be in love. Exploring a new relationship and a new person, but we live in the real world with real issues. You should consider a few things. How much education does he have? What kind of skills does he have? Will he be able to find good work near your home? If not, do you have the resources to support him? Can you get health insurance through your employer? If so what is the monthly cost? Remember, he will not be eligible for state aid. If he can not find work he will be completely your responsibility.

If you think he is "the" one, by all means, go for it. But, listen to your gut. If you start to feel something is not right most likely it is not. Protect yourself at all times, and don't be afraid to walk away. Other then that there really isn't much more you can do. Other then living in a bubble and it gets pretty lonely in there.

I dooooooo think he's the one, he's amazing. But I know were still in the honeymoon stage. we haven't spent alot of time actually being together. The time we do spend is like wonderfulllllll tho. I look at not only the way he treats me but the way he treats other ppl. I have nothing but good vibes from him. I'm not going to rush into things, just go with the flowwwwww. Thank you for your contribution very much appreciated. I need all the support and well wishes I can get its so hard at times but I feel like hes worth the trouble.

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

If you know what's good.. hold yer peace and relax.. and don't rush.

-Rick

[rohandlulu 22]

I dooooooo think he's the one, he's amazing. But I know were still in the honeymoon stage. we haven't spent alot of time actually being together. The time we do spend is like wonderfulllllll tho. I look at not only the way he treats me but the way he treats other ppl. I have nothing but good vibes from him. I'm not going to rush into things, just go with the flowwwwww. Thank you for your contribution very much appreciated. I need all the support and well wishes I can get its so hard at times but I feel like hes worth the trouble.

You have a lot of support here and especially listen to the advice of those who been here before us, our veterans who have their husbands here with them, there's a wealth of experience and advice there .

Only time will tell if this is right. Spend as much time as u can with your man...at his home so u can see the real him. My fiance also works at a resort. Doesn't make a bit of difference. If anything hes become more Americanized, helped bridge a few cultural differences etc..

Good luck!

Hi,

Could you tell us a bit more about him? What does he do for living? Would you like to go and live in Jamaica? Are you coloured or white? I am asking these questions because I have Jamaican friends may be I could help you decide if he is the right person/ cheater or not.

Its 2013, u really just used the word "coloured "? O_0

[Domineke 5]

You have a lot of support here and especially listen to the advice of those who been here before us, our veterans who have their husbands here with them, there's a wealth of experience and advice there .

Only time will tell if this is right. Spend as much time as u can with your man...at his home so u can see the real him. My fiance also works at a resort. Doesn't make a bit of difference. If anything hes become more Americanized, helped bridge a few cultural differences etc..

Good luck!

Its 2013, u really just used the word "coloured "? O_0

lol for some reason it really didnt bother me

[Sandra G. 5,043]

You mentioned he has a daughter.He is just 24 years old, how old is his daughter? was he married before?. Little details says a lot about someone.Good luck.

[Domineke 5]

You mentioned he has a daughter.He is just 24 years old, how old is his daughter? was he married before?. Little details says a lot about someone.Good luck.

She just turned 4, he was never married to her mom. They were together and she cheated on him with one of his cousins so they broke up.

[Jamaica10 13]

I'm engaged to a Jamaican guy. I was born in Jamaica but have been living in the states for the past 22 years. I never intended to get involved in a long distance relationship, but you can't help who you fall in love with. My boyfriend is the best boyfriend I've ever had. I travel to Jamaica two to four times a year to visit him and every time I go I have the time of my life. You will hear a lot about Jamaican men but you have to block out those negative thoughts because your life and your relationship is different from someone else's. just because a few people had bad experiences does not mean you will experience the same. No two relationships are the same, not even your past relationships. I won't say I don't have abad thought or two in the back of my head, but I tune them out because I don't want them to cause unnecessary problems on my relationship. I have dated American men and they are no different than my fiancé. Keep in mind that if things don't work out, you may have the same end results as if you were dating someone in the U.S. I don't think of my relationship with my fiancé any less than my past relationships. To make a long story short, in life you have to take risks to learn the outcome. Don't let what may be the man for you pass you by because of your fears or what others say. It's good to learn from the mistakes of others, but sometimes it's best to learn from your own. I'm here if you ever need me. I was just on Ocho Rios for my birthday in February and had a ball.

[Domineke 5]

I'm engaged to a Jamaican guy. I was born in Jamaica but have been living in the states for the past 22 years. I never intended to get involved in a long distance relationship, but you can't help who you fall in love with. My boyfriend is the best boyfriend I've ever had. I travel to Jamaica two to four times a year to visit him and every time I go I have the time of my life. You will hear a lot about Jamaican men but you have to block out those negative thoughts because your life and your relationship is different from someone else's. just because a few people had bad experiences does not mean you will experience the same. No two relationships are the same, not even your past relationships. I won't say I don't have abad thought or two in the back of my head, but I tune them out because I don't want them to cause unnecessary problems on my relationship. I have dated American men and they are no different than my fiancé. Keep in mind that if things don't work out, you may have the same end results as if you were dating someone in the U.S. I don't think of my relationship with my fiancé any less than my past relationships. To make a long story short, in life you have to take risks to learn the outcome. Don't let what may be the man for you pass you by because of your fears or what others say. It's good to learn from the mistakes of others, but sometimes it's best to learn from your own. I'm here if you ever need me. I was just on Ocho Rios for my birthday in February and had a ball.

My intentions def werent to get involved in yet ANOTHER LDR, been there done that got the t-shirt and it said epic fail lol I just really couldnt fight the feelings that were growing for him anymore. Once I got back here I would ignore his phonecalls/texts all day and avoid him, make up stuff so I could hang up cuz I was like Im not doin this lol But then I really started to miss him and the more we talked the more I liked him. Initially I thought I'll keep in touch with him so that when I go back I know I'll have someone to hang out with and protect me from the piranhas cuz u know sometimes the men are really aggressive. Now he's the only man I want like popcaan lol

I just hope he doesnt ruin my love for dancehall music and brown stew chicken with rice and peas dammit

[StephAnn2012 50]

Long distance relationships are HARD - Period! The way it is supposed to work is this. You meet someone, you feel that spark between you and I don't mean just physical attraction. You take your time and get to know them. You find out what they are really like over a long period of time and if you decide you should be together, you ignore what else is going on out there, let the world's opinions be damned. If there is a concern on either side, you agree immediately to share passwords and go exploring. If either party is hiding anything, this would be a good time to admit it. If neither party is hiding anything, then the passwords should be traded and get the doubts out of each other's system.

My fiance and I use the same passwords for all our accounts and it is very refreshing knowing that there are no secret rooms in our lives. If you don't trust him after this, even if you find nothing, then the problem isn't him.

If you are unwilling to give him your passwords, then don't worry about what he is up to. If he is unwilling to give you his passwords on the spot, then don't move forward with the relationship.

[Domineke 5]

Long distance relationships are HARD - Period! The way it is supposed to work is this. You meet someone, you feel that spark between you and I don't mean just physical attraction. You take your time and get to know them. You find out what they are really like over a long period of time and if you decide you should be together, you ignore what else is going on out there, let the world's opinions be damned. If there is a concern on either side, you agree immediately to share passwords and go exploring. If either party is hiding anything, this would be a good time to admit it. If neither party is hiding anything, then the passwords should be traded and get the doubts out of each other's system.

My fiance and I use the same passwords for all our accounts and it is very refreshing knowing that there are no secret rooms in our lives. If you don't trust him after this, even if you find nothing, then the problem isn't him.

If you are unwilling to give him your passwords, then don't worry about what he is up to. If he is unwilling to give you his passwords on the spot, then don't move forward with the relationship.

passwords for what? he is so not into social media lol. he has a fb but doesnt use it, theres never any activity on there and the email address that he so very rarely uses, I created for him. The last time I saw him his cell didnt have a passcode so I was free to use it when I wanted to call home and pry into his pics/msgs as much I wanted to

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

Domineke, don't Get to happy now. That's apart of learning the Culture. Almost all Jamaicans (men & women alike) have 2-3 phones.

[Cathi 5,740]

Why would he want to move away from his daughter? Does he intend to pay child support after he moves here, does he pay it now? Either way it tells you a lot about his character, good or bad.

Hi,

Could you tell us a bit more about him? What does he do for living? Would you like to go and live in Jamaica? Are you coloured or white? I am asking these questions because I have Jamaican friends may be I could help you decide if he is the right person/ cheater or not.

coloured? Did you just say that? I just cringed when I read that O_o