Time to let go?

[rascalcat 28]

Coming from another American woman married to an Ecu-man, I can tell you one thing - he will not change. Ecuadorian men are extremely stubborn and very proud. At the beginning, it's about getting to know each other and getting comfortable living together, finding what works together and what doesn't. When I first start living with my husband, it was like you said - arguments over stupid little things that he just couldn't seem to get over, most of which were cultural. But, as time went by, we began to understand more about each other and our respective countries, and he began to understand that being with an American was completely different from dating an Ecuadorian. Ecuador is much more conservative than the States (obviously), and machismo is still alive and well here. The cut and dry of reality is that you've either got a machista or you don't, and unfortunately it sounds like you do - childish reactions, threats, cheating, etc. Just because he doesn't confine you to the kitchen doesn't mean he's not a machista.

If he's already 35 years old and can't be mature about the problems in your relationship, he won't get better. It's not a matter of him understanding your culture anymore, it's a matter of him being selfish and childish, and not wanting to take responsibility. Unfortunately, most mothers here spoil their sons stupid, and ill prepare them for the real world and their future relationships. Missing his home country is normal and understandable - especially since families are so close here - but leaving or threatening to return to Ecuador after every argument is NOT normal, or healthy. Not to mention that he's cheated on you. After all the emotional stress of constant arguments, I would think that would be the absolute FINAL straw. Being the person to initiate the breakup is difficult and scary, but you have to do it for your well being. You can find someone so much better for you, who doesn't have you walking on eggshells. If he wants to be with other women or come back to Ecuador where mommy will do his laundry and cook for him, let him. You need a MAN, not a 35 year old child to worry after.

[Karee 4,190]

Accept his offer and buy him a plane ticket. He is using the divorce card as a weapon in arguments. Time to either go through with the threat or take that "weapon" off the table. He will not stop pulling that out and using it in every argument. I've seen that too often. Good luck! Keep your own happiness at the forefront. As someone else pointed out here, a married couple should never bring up the issue of divorce or separation during arguments, or they will make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Great post! Agree 100%.