The stress of the K1 process

[Mark1234 0]

With all the paperwork and time associated with the K1 process I feel that I and my fiance have been under a great deal of stress over the past year. She finally got approved and can move here as soon as she is ready. Although there are still more hurdles (Moving, SSN, get married, AOS, EAD, AP etc...we should both be extremely happy and excited RIGHT? Instead she is short with me on the phone and not very pleasant. She has "so much to do" to get ready to come to the US I feel she is just overwhelmed with the whole process. She is also obviously, the one making the move. To all of you who have been through this process, is her behavior "normal?" I don't think she feels I am making any sacrifices since she is the one moving away from her home. I am excited but don't think she is on the same page emotionally. Does that normally change once the whole process is over with and we are finally husband and wife?

Thanks in advance

Mark

[TBoneTX 46,117]

*** Thread moved from Off Topic to General Immigration Discussion -- subject is not off the topic of immigration. ***

[Cathi 5,784]

I don't know if it's normal, but it's understandable. She is leaving everyone and everything she has known for her entire life to move to you. Women are more emotional and show stress totally differently than men.

[HawaiianCecil 31]

With all the paperwork and time associated with the K1 process I feel that I and my fiance have been under a great deal of stress over the past year. She finally got approved and can move here as soon as she is ready. Although there are still more hurdles (Moving, SSN, get married, AOS, EAD, AP etc...we should both be extremely happy and excited RIGHT? Instead she is short with me on the phone and not very pleasant. She has "so much to do" to get ready to come to the US I feel she is just overwhelmed with the whole process. She is also obviously, the one making the move. To all of you who have been through this process, is her behavior "normal?" I don't think she feels I am making any sacrifices since she is the one moving away from her home. I am excited but don't think she is on the same page emotionally. Does that normally change once the whole process is over with and we are finally husband and wife?

Thanks in advance

Mark

Please fill in your timeline

[Joe2506 3]

I can understand how she feels and also think it is just the moving and her having to leave her life behind and start a new life with you. The K1 process is very frustrating and it does tend to become more intense towards the end. I am sure things will change once you are together again. It takes a lot out of a person and does tend to put strain on the relationship. All I can say is this is understandable. I am sure it differs from one person to another but we all deal with stress differently.

Good Luck with your journey ahead.

[katchoo12 8]

I was the one who made the big move and i acted the same towards the end. I felt totally overwhelmed, really sad, nervous and kinda angry at my husband to be because yes, he did not have to sacrifice anything... This is totally normal and understandable too. The only thing you can do is listen, be patient and do everything you can to address the sacrifice she is making. Communication and patience is the key.

[LA and CF 9]

Hi my name is Claudia and i have been found guilty of being short, cranky, bitting off coworkers heads off everytime they ask how the papers are going, going into depression fits and generally being grumpy and unaproachable at times during this whole process.

i have to say i am very happy and excited i will eventually be able to move to the us to be with my hubby to be, but man oh man, i have been known to be quite short on the phone sometimes, i do feel bad about, but this whole process does get to everyone differently. Still have tons of things to do, worried about lease renewals, work, kids for the summer and where to put them etc etc etc. At least i'm lucky enough to live in montreal, so finding hotel etc is one less thing i will have to worry about come interview and what not.

all i can say is dont worry too much, her behavior though unpleasant (myself guitly of that) is quite understandable as this whole things is very hard on everyone. in my case my fiancee and asking all kinds of questions about random things after a long day at work is what drives out the claws and my trigger point. Best thing to do is be helpfull when she needs it, supportive and dont be too happy giddy around her or she might think that ''you have absolutely no clue as to what i have to go through and the stress I'm under and all the stuff that still needs to be done and if you ask another question or make another yay comment i'll bite your head!'' kind of stuff.

chocolate (or in my case a giant bag of gummy worms) is also not a bad idea

best wishes for the two of you, may the stress be over soon ( ibelieve once she is there with you she will be herself again no problem tehre) and a long and happy life together

Edited April 12, 2013 by LA and CF

[GandD 5,966]

Its a suck situation really. On one hand you're happy to be together but of course she will miss her friends and family. My then fiance was very melancholy the day we left. It was heart breaking to see her say goodbye to her family. I felt (and still do sometimes) really bad for doing this to her. Just try to be understanding and supportive.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I think it would be better to put time and effort into this sort of real issue about moving and getting married (a nerve-wracking time!), instead of worrying about K-1 timelines and the like. Unfortunately the visa process becomes an easy obsession, and these other, more real life issues seem to get swept away until it is too late.

Ignore the visa process and focus in these emotions for a while. Make her feel loved and cherished, and remind her you can visit often, or move to Canada later. It's normal for people getting married (especially for the first time) to be nervous about changing their life so much. Imagine adding moving far away to that.

[Mark1234 0]

Thanks to everyone for your responses. I think you all just put me in her shoes for a bit and helped me understand her behavior so much better. It's good to have some reassurance that this is quite "normal" given the situation. I can't wait for us to share our lives without all the paperwork and processes!