i just get home from interveiw

[jordanianprincess 0]

It surprises me how quickly women will come to the defense of men who post things that obviously raise questions about their sincerity.

I see people say obviously alarming things on this forum from time to time, and the "acceptable" form of support is tightening the blinders, patting them on the back and cheering them on.

Congratulations Hicham

Not defending here. I am amazed though at the lack of empathy that is expressed here on VJ. I know that I've said and done things that I wish I hadn't. Was this the right place to talk about their relationship? Probably not. And I know for me, this is one of the most stressful times that I've gone through (and I've had more than my fair share of stressful situations). We are all going through the same thing but all in our own way. There are ways to express your opinion about concerns for another, without degrading or humiliating them.

I think he did that to her. Sorry but I can't empathize with this situation on VJ or real life.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

I probably didn't come across as the sweet, stable person I portray now

having been on the wrong end of that sweetness and stability

[AichaKandisha 0]

I agree moody. I'm sure that there are a lot of people with a lot of great things to share and that could add to the variety of opinions that all could benefit from, but they choose to keep it to themselves because they are afraid of the horrendous bashing that may take place by one little word or phrase that might set off a series of degrading and humiliating comments by those few people that choose to do such things. When I post something, sometimes I think, oh boy, I wonder what I said that could set one of these people off. I've been truly impressed by a lot of other members from just the few words that they've posted. I wish they would post more. I want to hear their opinions. Are they thinking the same thing I'm thinking and choosing not to post more because of the risk of being shred to pieces? What a shame if that is true.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

I agree moody. I'm sure that there are a lot of people with a lot of great things to share and that could add to the variety of opinions that all could benefit from, but they choose to keep it to themselves because they are afraid of the horrendous bashing that may take place by one little word or phrase that might set off a series of degrading and humiliating comments by those few people that choose to do such things. When I post something, sometimes I think, oh boy, I wonder what I said that could set one of these people off. I've been truly impressed by a lot of other members from just the few words that they've posted. I wish they would post more. I want to hear their opinions. Are they thinking the same thing I'm thinking and choosing not to post more because of the risk of being shred to pieces? What a shame if that is true.

they can always bash me, i'll keep them busy

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I went back to try to find the thread you referenced, JP. I found an October post from Judy, his wife, saying that she still loves him and supports him and that this has been a difficult journey for them. Has anything changed since then? I don't advise posting requests for divorce here either, but if she has forgiven him, then I can too. Whether she is being deceived by him is something we can't prevent nor remedy. It seems that the warnings were given before and now, so you have done what you needed to do. Time will tell what will become of them.

[AichaKandisha 0]

I agree moody. I'm sure that there are a lot of people with a lot of great things to share and that could add to the variety of opinions that all could benefit from, but they choose to keep it to themselves because they are afraid of the horrendous bashing that may take place by one little word or phrase that might set off a series of degrading and humiliating comments by those few people that choose to do such things. When I post something, sometimes I think, oh boy, I wonder what I said that could set one of these people off. I've been truly impressed by a lot of other members from just the few words that they've posted. I wish they would post more. I want to hear their opinions. Are they thinking the same thing I'm thinking and choosing not to post more because of the risk of being shred to pieces? What a shame if that is true.

they can always bash me, i'll keep them busy

If only they would single just one person out! I guess you don't give them enough bashing pleasure Charles!

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I probably didn't come across as the sweet, stable person I portray now

having been on the wrong end of that sweetness and stability

I'm sure my husband can comiserate. He's gotten it much worse than you ever have.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

If only they would single just one person out! I guess you don't give them enough bashing pleasure Charles!

awwwww i better try harder

I probably didn't come across as the sweet, stable person I portray now

having been on the wrong end of that sweetness and stability

I'm sure my husband can comiserate. He's gotten it much worse than you ever have.

two words for him........ear plugs!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I agree moody. I'm sure that there are a lot of people with a lot of great things to share and that could add to the variety of opinions that all could benefit from, but they choose to keep it to themselves because they are afraid of the horrendous bashing that may take place by one little word or phrase that might set off a series of degrading and humiliating comments by those few people that choose to do such things. When I post something, sometimes I think, oh boy, I wonder what I said that could set one of these people off. I've been truly impressed by a lot of other members from just the few words that they've posted. I wish they would post more. I want to hear their opinions. Are they thinking the same thing I'm thinking and choosing not to post more because of the risk of being shred to pieces? What a shame if that is true.

Just today, I was considering posting here about something that is bothering me and is probably bothering others too, or some have been thru it. It would be nice to find objective input to discuss the problems and strains that are brought on by this process; family and friends are rarely objective. But, when you ask for support, you don't want to be judged and have doubt added to your malaise. That may be putting on blinders, but sometimes that's just what you need. The blinders, if they exist, will come off when you're ready for them to come off, and not a moment before.

[honeyblonde 0]

That's exactly why I don't post my most intimate stuff online. I save that for PMs and emails.

Even there caution is needed. More than once people have told me things that have been told to them in confidence, and I know that things I have told people in confidence have been shared. Even one-on-one, the internet is still not terribly private.

[AichaKandisha 0]

If only they would single just one person out! I guess you don't give them enough bashing pleasure Charles!

awwwww i better try harder

I have confidence in you that you will do your best. Now, don't let me down.

[Jenn! 918]

That's exactly why I don't post my most intimate stuff online. I save that for PMs and emails.

Even there caution is needed. More than once people have told me things that have been told to them in confidence, and I know that things I have told people in confidence have been shared. Even one-on-one, the internet is still not terribly private.

I think that's true everywhere, not only the internet!

[AichaKandisha 0]

I agree moody. I'm sure that there are a lot of people with a lot of great things to share and that could add to the variety of opinions that all could benefit from, but they choose to keep it to themselves because they are afraid of the horrendous bashing that may take place by one little word or phrase that might set off a series of degrading and humiliating comments by those few people that choose to do such things. When I post something, sometimes I think, oh boy, I wonder what I said that could set one of these people off. I've been truly impressed by a lot of other members from just the few words that they've posted. I wish they would post more. I want to hear their opinions. Are they thinking the same thing I'm thinking and choosing not to post more because of the risk of being shred to pieces? What a shame if that is true.

Just today, I was considering posting here about something that is bothering me and is probably bothering others too, or some have been thru it. It would be nice to find objective input to discuss the problems and strains that are brought on by this process; family and friends are rarely objective. But, when you ask for support, you don't want to be judged and have doubt added to your malaise. That may be putting on blinders, but sometimes that's just what you need. The blinders, if they exist, will come off when you're ready for them to come off, and not a moment before.

Exactly.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Maybe you think I'm being harsh, but I'm just being real There are a ton of support groups in yahoo and this is not the only place people post. I think most people have learned by now that VJ is not the place of rainbows and lollypops and its NOT gonna change. I have offered support to many people now and in the past but thats not the only thing that this place is for.

It seems everyone here knows that posting personal details (I mean really personal) will always come back and bite you in the a$$. Maybe she has forgiven him and thats her choice. However that doesn't mean I need to empathize with that situation.

My ex cheated on my ALOT, I always forgave him, my friends/family didn't. Thankfully they helped me see the light one day. I'm really glad that I had real friends that didn't put blinders on to protect me from the truth. The truth hurts sometimes, thats a reality.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

what i find most troubling is the "feeding frenzy" mentality that occurs in mena. all of you are essentially in the same boat in one way or another. yet when someone shows weakness..........it's piranha time .