Child Custody Issues (Ex being a pain)

[bozer632 0]

I was curious if anyone else needed to go through a court battle with their ex-spouse to allow their children to move? We have finally told my fiancee's ex-husband that she and the children are planning to move and he is not willing to let the kids leave. She has joint custody per the divorce decree, and he only see's the children twice a year due to his job. We are willing to spend the money in court, but if it is a loosing battle then I may need to move instead. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[JenT 0]

I'm afraid that unless she goes to court to get the custody agreement changed, or can talk the ex into an amicable agreement, you're fighting a losing battle.

My advice: try to shelter the kids from the dispute as much as possible.

Jen

[Cristy 4]

With joint custody it sounds like a court battle. Is there anyway you can work with him? Like if you take care of transporting the kids to him twice a year?

[wally 0]

I've done that battle.

Get yourself a consultation with a family lawyer that has proven experience dealing with this issue and be prepared for the long haul if the children's father will not give permission.

My husband is the USC and I immigrated with my children. It was a year long battle and cost me $11,000 and I represented myself for about half the court appearances. Some of those costs include continual consultation with my lawyer. Near the end, I retained her again, when the protocol and linguistics became way too much for me to comprehend.

Some things that will be considered:

length of your relationship with the mother

length of your relationship/communication with the children

age of the children

the community the children will potentially be moving to vs. the community they are leaving behind

the household they will potentially be moving to vs. the household they presently reside in

amount and type of access visits with the father

etc. etc.

if there is a remote possibility the kid's father may grant permission, open up communication with some compromises... there's some advantage if the mother is the primary caregiver and the decision-maker for the children's welfare and the fact that the access visits are minimal.

my unsolicited advice?--get married to demonstrate the seriousness of your relationship and review the benefits of residing from both sides of the border.

[Danette 0]

I went through a court battle a year and a half ago and lost . It's a very long story of the ex and his family lying to get what they want, but more than that, my lawyer was not a family law lawyer and made some huge mistakes. The judge I had is also known for his irratic behavior and decisions (found that out much later). I did not have an option of hubby moving to Canada due to his career being regional, so I explained to the court that staying in Canada was not an option (to which I'm told later... a big mistake). So, after 3 years of me having primary care, my ex was awarded the honor and I was left with only block access in summer and alternating holidays. I am still in the process to get that decision varied, but I'm told it will take a couple of years due to the "Canadian" system. In the meantime, I have continued my immigration so that my kids will have a stable home to come to when they are able to. They seem to be doing ok, but it's tremendoulsy hard not to see them every day.

Wally has some very good advice. Seek a family law specialist for sure. I also agree on the getting married part, I wonder if I would have been taken more seriously if we had done that first. There is still a real hysteria about "internet relationships", if that is how you met. One big thing too that came up against me, make sure you have a plan for what would happen if your relationship broke down as far as financially. I was leaving a government job and did not have a job in place here, so I was going to be financially dependant on my fiancee. The judge used that against me and said that I could be left in dire straights, if my relationship broke down, that I would be relying totally on the "kindness" of my hubby. Know as much as you can about this immigration process, we unfortunatley did not know all that we should have (ie. affidavit of support and what the USC is responsible for, etc.) Hindsight is 20-20 and I think knowing more about this process at that time would have helped.

Getting her ex to agree would be the best for all parties involved if his motive is not a vindictive one.

Good luck, I hope it works out.

[bozer632 0]

Thanks for the advice! Yes, my fiancee is the primary care giver per the divorce decree so that will be an advantage. Further, she works in the legal system with many resources. As far as getting married, I was thinking the same, and if need be that is what will be done. As far as trying to talk to her ex-husband that is almost impossible, as he is a control freak. I would be way more understanding with his concerns if he was a father who wanted to participate in the childrens lives, but this is not the case. He calls them one every three weeks, only takes them twice a year and has disregard many stipulations within the divorce settlement. I feel we have a strong case against him. Guess we will just hope for the best.