How to Pass the Time

[pachacuti 154]

Relax, that was a poor attempt on that guy's part at being facetious. But people who hop up and down and foam at the mouth about waiting for a year [tops] being away from their loved one makes me wonder how strong that love is. Seriously in the grand scheme of things it is NOT a big deal. Complaining isn't going to get a faster approval. All it does is up one's blood pressure.

Gary has great advice. Plan for your SO's arrival. It's not an easy transition for anyone and your support can make or break it.

Hahahahaha. Follow Bayarea and my history on these forums. I was well aware that he was kidding. So was I.

However, stop with this being some kind of test by fire of my relationship. It's not. This is arbitrary bureaucratic BS. I have said it on other threads, I have a bigger reason to want this wrapped up as my little infant son is growing up without me. Or is that just some other test I must pass.

If you want your relationship tested, then great. Otherwise, I really wish people with condescending comments like that would just keep them to themselves.

Finally, I HAVE planned for my family's arrival. I don't need a year to do that, thank you very much. Again, keep the condescension to yourself, please.

[soon2bemrs 7]

Hey Everyone!

I am fairly new to this forum. I recently submitted my I-129F with my Peruvian Fiancé and received my NOA1 in Feb 21, 2013 and from what I have read, will not be expecting anything else from the VSC for about 6 months. I was wondering if there are any veterans out there who might have suggestions or ideas on how they best passed their time while playing the waiting game

I have been trying to read up on the forums about all of the RFEs and stories from other applicants to stay informed, but in a way this also makes me nervous and I feel as though I may be stressing myself out over details that I cannot control.

I am a big planner and would love to just plan out everything that Wilmer and I will do when we get back to the States together, but I am almost afraid to be planing too much assuming that he will be back home with me for the holidays, as I already had a disappointment hoping we would be back in August for my family reunion. I don't want to build myself up for disappointment.

I guess basically, I think it would be nice to hear back from someone who has been through the process and what did they do to try not to drive themselves crazy.

Is there anything important that we should do with our case while we are waiting for a possible RFE/ NOA2?

What are other suggestions that you might have done to pass the time without building up the expectations for specific dates and events.

Thanks for your thoughts

Sabrina and Wilmer

[soon2bemrs 7]

I hope you are doing well.My self i submitted mine march first and got noa1 march 5th.I have read and seen other peoples timelines and its hard not to worry bt i came up with a plan to keep myself and him busy.i work 12hrs everyday and a mother and have school.my son is travelling back to ma fiance for summer thou he will be at ma parents home he will be able to see him thru summer and he will miss me less.i do online school so btw 12 hrs of work and school i will be a busy bee.we text everyday thru whatsup app and also skype everyday so that has kept us going since he works long days too and offcourse reading other peoples review and feed back we just got done laughing abt the husband who said he smoked weeed 4 years ago we thought hat was funny after this painful process the last thing i would take is him screwing up..anyway gud luck and i forgot to mention we planning a vacation we have to still continue with our lives as normal as we can and be positive;

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

Hahahahaha. Follow Bayarea and my history on these forums. I was well aware that he was kidding. So was I.

However, stop with this being some kind of test by fire of my relationship. It's not. This is arbitrary bureaucratic BS. I have said it on other threads, I have a bigger reason to want this wrapped up as my little infant son is growing up without me. Or is that just some other test I must pass.

If you want your relationship tested, then great. Otherwise, I really wish people with condescending comments like that would just keep them to themselves.

Finally, I HAVE planned for my family's arrival. I don't need a year to do that, thank you very much. Again, keep the condescension to yourself, please.

I meant that planning bit for the OP since that was the question asked, but should have specified.

Of course it's understandable to be stressed and depressed being away from one's children. I get that totally. But why should the government care about anyone's family planning? Or lack thereof? You and your significant other chose to be in an international relationship and chose to have a child, am I right? You are not going to change the arbitrary bureaucratic BS. Sitting around exasperated and complaining will only make time go by SLOWER. I often try to see things the way adjudicators at USCIS and DOS [Embassies] see things to make sense of all this. Nobody who is reviewing your case at USCIS cares that you are far away from your infant child. If they did then pregnancy or childbirth would be cause for petition expedite. That's the way it is.

Edited March 22, 2013 by Sarah and Adnan

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

Edit: Rather, USCIS doesn't care about anyone's individual circumstances unless it's cause for expedite. Whether any of you believe it or not they are overloaded with cases and not enough staff. Do you really think they are all just sitting around twiddling their thumbs?

[pachacuti 154]

I meant that planning bit for the OP since that was the question asked, but should have specified.

Of course it's understandable to be stressed and depressed being away from one's children. I get that totally. But why should the government care about anyone's family planning? Or lack thereof? You and your significant other chose to be in an international relationship and chose to have a child, am I right? You are not going to change the arbitrary bureaucratic BS. Sitting around exasperated and complaining will only make time go by SLOWER. I am not judging anyone on an individual level. But I often try to see things the way adjudicators at USCIS and DOH see things to make sense of all this. Nobody who is reviewing your case at USCIS cares that you are far away from your infant child. That's the way it is.

If that is the way they view the cases, then that is wrong. I worked for 20 years in the state agency that administers federal Title IV-A and Title IV-D programs. I know workers like the ones you describe. They are the ones who don't get their job done. Those who actually care and can see the lives behind the paperwork are the ones who are really effective. So, your point actually goes a long way to supporting my point of view.

I believe that rabble-rousing has a chance of actually changing the bureaucratic BS. It will need to achieve a critical mass before it can have an effect, but it can achieve that critical mass if enough of us complaining about it. It certainly won't change if we sit on our hands and do nothing.

Oh, and the problem isn't the person reviewing my case... The problem is that no one is reviewing my case... My case has been sitting on some batch table under a big stack of other cases that came in with mine. I would love for someone to review my case, even if they were to do so apathetically.

I do apologize for snapping at your comment to the OP... I took it personally, and it appears I should not have done so.

Finally, yes you are right that my fiancee and I chose to have a child and an international relationship, although I could do without your accusatory undertone (if I inferred this undertone, I apologize, but I don't think I am wrong in hearing you saying under your breath that it is our own fault). We are quite happy with our growing family and are quite looking forward to a long and happy life together. Now, if we could just get USCIS out of our way, then we can be about our business...

You know, the problem isn't the waiting really. When we started out, we were perfectly fine with waiting 6 months and then another 2 at the embassy (or thereabouts). I think we would even be okay with accepting a certain amount of slippage. What is galling is that there is no movement, for anyone. There does not seem to be any relief in sight. USCIS has no customer service whatsoever. There is no transparency. There is no accountability. It is these aspects that gets people foaming at the mouth. Patience is one thing, but the attitude we are given by USCIS is the real problem here.

Edit: Rather, USCIS doesn't care about anyone's individual circumstances unless it's cause for expedite. Whether any of you believe it or not they are overloaded with cases and not enough staff. Do you really think they are all just sitting around twiddling their thumbs?

No. I do not believe they are just sitting around. I believe they are overworked. However, I also believe that with all the filing fees they have the resources to address staffing issues. That they choose not to is the problem.

[AJG & ESD 6]

I push the check case status button about a hundred times every time I'm at my desk.

Only 100?

[topaztrekker 0]

I push the check case status button about a hundred times every time I'm at my desk.

Glad I'm not the only one.

[AJG & ESD 6]

I'm sorry, man. You're right. If I can't be patient and be separated from my family for a year or more, we were just not meant to be together. I'll pipe down now.

I guess 6-12 months isn't too bad. Being military I'm sure I'll be deployed a few times being gone anywhere from 90 days to a year can be a common thing. Guess I REALLY need to learn to live with it, as it will be something new for me, but really nice to have loving arms to come home to.

[pachacuti 154]

I guess 6-12 months isn't too bad. Being military I'm sure I'll be deployed a few times being gone anywhere from 90 days to a year can be a common thing. Guess I REALLY need to learn to live with it, as it will be something new for me, but really nice to have loving arms to come home to.

Have you (can you) request a military expedite? I would if I were you.

Knowing you will be apart for X amount of time is one thing. Being forced into this Schrodinger's separation is excruciating.

[moondream 36]

No. I do not believe they are just sitting around. I believe they are overworked. However, I also believe that with all the filing fees they have the resources to address staffing issues. That they choose not to is the problem.

At least they could publish some statement...

[AJG & ESD 6]

Have you (can you) request a military expedite? I would if I were you.

Knowing you will be apart for X amount of time is one thing. Being forced into this Schrodinger's separation is excruciating.

For the last 22 years, my whole life has been all about hurry up and wait. I've actually been through this process once before, but it was 10 years ago, and I don't remember how it went by so quickly last time. I've written a request for expedite, but have no REAL grounds for it, as I know I'm not deploying soon, and will not have to move for another 4 more years if I'm lucky. I'm planning on going over for my birthday, and we are going to Europe for hers, and then I'm not sure if I will go for the interview, or to go and pick her up, but I will go for one of those. Yes, it's a lot of money in airfare, but I'm also racking up all those air miles too!

As always wishing everyone luck in all their processes, so long as my packet goes first. hahaha

[pachacuti 154]

For the last 22 years, my whole life has been all about hurry up and wait. I've actually been through this process once before, but it was 10 years ago, and I don't remember how it went by so quickly last time. I've written a request for expedite, but have no REAL grounds for it, as I know I'm not deploying soon, and will not have to move for another 4 more years if I'm lucky. I'm planning on going over for my birthday, and we are going to Europe for hers, and then I'm not sure if I will go for the interview, or to go and pick her up, but I will go for one of those. Yes, it's a lot of money in airfare, but I'm also racking up all those air miles too!

As always wishing everyone luck in all their processes, so long as my packet goes first. hahaha

I wish you the best of luck. I fear we will be forum-mates for a while.

I hear you on the airfare. I am glad I can at least afford to do that. That and my job will let me remote for a week or two, letting me stay a little longer without having to decimate my accumulated leave. I was down for more than 3 weeks over Christmas and New Years and I am going back for a couple weeks mid-April. Depending on timing, I hope to be there for the interview... we will see.

And if you get your packet before I get mine, just know that my envy will seek you out to cause you some pain

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

If that is the way they view the cases, then that is wrong. I worked for 20 years in the state agency that administers federal Title IV-A and Title IV-D programs. I know workers like the ones you describe. They are the ones who don't get their job done. Those who actually care and can see the lives behind the paperwork are the ones who are really effective. So, your point actually goes a long way to supporting my point of view.

I believe that rabble-rousing has a chance of actually changing the bureaucratic BS. It will need to achieve a critical mass before it can have an effect, but it can achieve that critical mass if enough of us complaining about it. It certainly won't change if we sit on our hands and do nothing.

Oh, and the problem isn't the person reviewing my case... The problem is that no one is reviewing my case... My case has been sitting on some batch table under a big stack of other cases that came in with mine. I would love for someone to review my case, even if they were to do so apathetically.

I do apologize for snapping at your comment to the OP... I took it personally, and it appears I should not have done so.

Finally, yes you are right that my fiancee and I chose to have a child and an international relationship, although I could do without your accusatory undertone (if I inferred this undertone, I apologize, but I don't think I am wrong in hearing you saying under your breath that it is our own fault). We are quite happy with our growing family and are quite looking forward to a long and happy life together. Now, if we could just get USCIS out of our way, then we can be about our business...

You know, the problem isn't the waiting really. When we started out, we were perfectly fine with waiting 6 months and then another 2 at the embassy (or thereabouts). I think we would even be okay with accepting a certain amount of slippage. What is galling is that there is no movement, for anyone. There does not seem to be any relief in sight. USCIS has no customer service whatsoever. There is no transparency. There is no accountability. It is these aspects that gets people foaming at the mouth. Patience is one thing, but the attitude we are given by USCIS is the real problem here.

No. I do not believe they are just sitting around. I believe they are overworked. However, I also believe that with all the filing fees they have the resources to address staffing issues. That they choose not to is the problem.

Your points are valid and fair. Maybe I'm too cynical about changing the system. Or maybe there aren't enough of us to get sufficient attention/action. I've complained about how long I have to wait to plenty of people before I decided to just suck it up and you know what some of their responses were? "Oh well they shouldn't make it so easy for immigration. We have enough people in this country already." Mind you they were talking about legal immigrants, not just undocumented ones. As if my hard working, multilingual, masters degree holding fiance is going to somehow be a drain on society. Outside of people going through this journey I doubt we would have much public support.

Besides, if you ever see me complaining on here about how unfair the long wait is and how much suffering I go through being apart from my fiance people on here will attack me with "duh - he's from a 'terrorist' country. you chose to be with him so you deserve to wait." As if I'm totally oblivious. So I guess I'm not as sympathetic to others as I should be. I hope you can at least go visit. Also, on a personal level I am not saying you had any poor judgement. Sorry if you took it that way. I don't know if this helps, but my cousin was in the Marines and he didn't get to see his child more than once for a few days in his first year and a half of life. He was terrified his son wouldn't bond with him since he missed his infant months, but 4 years later they are inseparable and he is a great dad. You seem like you will be a wonderful parent and I hope your separation will be as short as possible.

I worked for DSS in my state where we get plenty of complaints. Some valid, the rest beside the point because we were critically under funded and under staffed. I myself got laid off courtesy of budget cuts. The fact of the matter is that all cases sit in big piles until they can be gotten to. Adjudication probably doesn't take longer than a few minutes, absent any missing evidence they RFE for. You and I filed at roughly the same time actually. Let's see how service center processing times fluctuate over the next few months. Every few months one becomes slower than the other. It's totally normal and the WHY is not always clear. When I check my receipt number on the USCIS site it still says case not found, even though I filed in November.

[pachacuti 154]

...

So, you have done IV-A stuff too then (assuming that is what DSS does). I was the ombudsman for my agency for two years, so I know what complaints are like. The difference was, when they called me, I actually investigated what was going on with the case. If it was being processed normally, that is what I would tell them. If there was something amiss, then I would contact the worker's supervisor and I had the power to tell them what to do But we made (make) every effort to be transparent. There are obviously lots of workers who don't take this attitude, and when you work there, you know who they are. I moved into IT about 12 years ago (but I left state service a few months back) and even in IT, I would sometimes get calls from the public that just ended up getting routed to me. My attitude with each of those calls was that I was the department as far as that person was concerned... I made sure they had my phone number and that I was responsible for them until I managed to get them to the right person. In 100% of those cases I left members of the public with a better attitude about my department and about government in general. This is the level of service I expect from every agency... every single one. USCIS is failing miserably and giving government a bad name. I was very proud to give public service and took great pride in my work. Why can't they do the same?

Thanks for the encouragement about my relationship with my son. I know that everything will be great once we are all together and can get on with our lives together. This limbo ####### is horrible...

I don't hold Yemen against you. And I strongly encourage complaining from everyone

Oh! And I don't get the "immigration should be hard" comments from people I associate with. Quite the contrary. Of course, I always preface my diatribes with my view that immigration reform should start with streamlining the process for family-based visas. I think no one wants to argue with me after that