Two teens found guilty in Steubenville rape case

[palmsgirl 5]

Sometimes you pop off with the best stuff.

If this is the definition of rape..... *coaxing a girlfriend to do something*... I suspect you are right in assuming most men are rapist.

I don't post much on VJ, but I do lurk a lot and read to learn, and I just discovered this sub-forum. I have to say something here.

I am a rape survivor. I was in college, and my very possessive boyfriend showed up at a party I happened to be at with friends. My boyfriend was supposed to be out of town with his lacrosse team but he came back to campus because he was "worried" about me. He found out where I was and in front of my friends told me that he didn't like me when I was drinking. I had had two beers! I was not drunk at all. He physically removed me from the party and took me back to his room and locked the door. He told me I couldn't do things like that, that it was embarrassing to him. He called me a #######. And then he made me have sex with him. It wasn't like what people think of when they think of rape. He didn't tie me down or hit me. But he told me that I had to prove myself to him, that I was still his girlfriend by having sex with him. I was so scared of him (he was a lot taller than me) that I did what he told me to. I was so scared of losing him that I did what he told me to. Everyone said he was such a smart and funny guy that I was lucky to have him, so I convinced myself that letting him have his way was necessary.

We dated for over a year, and he broke me down over that year. It was only when I found out another woman had got a restraining order against him for stalking her while he was still seeing me that I left him. And that was only because my roommate talked me into it! I thought my relationship was normal and that his sexual bullying was normal. It wasn't. And now I recognize that forcing someone to have sex to prove their affection is rape. It messed up my mind for years and I was unable to have a functional relationship with any man until recently.

Pestering your girlfriend for sex, and she gives in with a sigh, like "OK, whatever you want" with an eyeroll isn't rape. But asking her to put your relationship on the line and emotionally and physically intimidating her into having sex IS. What happened to me was rape. My rapist wasn't wearing a mask and jumping out from the bushes. I thought I liked and trusted him. He was (and still is -- Facebook recommended that I friend him recently) a handsome, successful man. He's also a bully. He went on to do this to other women, I found out.

I'll go back to lurking now. I just had to say something.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

I don't post much on VJ, but I do lurk a lot and read to learn, and I just discovered this sub-forum. I have to say something here.

I am a rape survivor. I was in college, and my very possessive boyfriend showed up at a party I happened to be at with friends. My boyfriend was supposed to be out of town with his lacrosse team but he came back to campus because he was "worried" about me. He found out where I was and in front of my friends told me that he didn't like me when I was drinking. I had had two beers! I was not drunk at all. He physically removed me from the party and took me back to his room and locked the door. He told me I couldn't do things like that, that it was embarrassing to him. He called me a #######. And then he made me have sex with him. It wasn't like what people think of when they think of rape. He didn't tie me down or hit me. But he told me that I had to prove myself to him, that I was still his girlfriend by having sex with him. I was so scared of him (he was a lot taller than me) that I did what he told me to. I was so scared of losing him that I did what he told me to. Everyone said he was such a smart and funny guy that I was lucky to have him, so I convinced myself that letting him have his way was necessary.

We dated for over a year, and he broke me down over that year. It was only when I found out another woman had got a restraining order against him for stalking her while he was still seeing me that I left him. And that was only because my roommate talked me into it! I thought my relationship was normal and that his sexual bullying was normal. It wasn't. And now I recognize that forcing someone to have sex to prove their affection is rape. It messed up my mind for years and I was unable to have a functional relationship with any man until recently.

Pestering your girlfriend for sex, and she gives in with a sigh, like "OK, whatever you want" with an eyeroll isn't rape. But asking her to put your relationship on the line and emotionally and physically intimidating her into having sex IS. What happened to me was rape. My rapist wasn't wearing a mask and jumping out from the bushes. I thought I liked and trusted him. He was (and still is -- Facebook recommended that I friend him recently) a handsome, successful man. He's also a bully. He went on to do this to other women, I found out.

I'll go back to lurking now. I just had to say something.

Glad you are speaking out, it takes a lot of courage to post this. I am happy that you finally got out of that realtionship. And thank you for giving your perspective on this matter. You should stop lurking, we need more people like you to participate.

[Danno 1,228]

I don't post much on VJ, but I do lurk a lot and read to learn, and I just discovered this sub-forum. I have to say something here.

I am a rape survivor. I was in college, and my very possessive boyfriend showed up at a party I happened to be at with friends. My boyfriend was supposed to be out of town with his lacrosse team but he came back to campus because he was "worried" about me. He found out where I was and in front of my friends told me that he didn't like me when I was drinking. I had had two beers! I was not drunk at all. He physically removed me from the party and took me back to his room and locked the door. He told me I couldn't do things like that, that it was embarrassing to him. He called me a #######. And then he made me have sex with him. It wasn't like what people think of when they think of rape. He didn't tie me down or hit me. But he told me that I had to prove myself to him, that I was still his girlfriend by having sex with him. I was so scared of him (he was a lot taller than me) that I did what he told me to. I was so scared of losing him that I did what he told me to. Everyone said he was such a smart and funny guy that I was lucky to have him, so I convinced myself that letting him have his way was necessary.

We dated for over a year, and he broke me down over that year. It was only when I found out another woman had got a restraining order against him for stalking her while he was still seeing me that I left him. And that was only because my roommate talked me into it! I thought my relationship was normal and that his sexual bullying was normal. It wasn't. And now I recognize that forcing someone to have sex to prove their affection is rape. It messed up my mind for years and I was unable to have a functional relationship with any man until recently.

Pestering your girlfriend for sex, and she gives in with a sigh, like "OK, whatever you want" with an eyeroll isn't rape. But asking her to put your relationship on the line and emotionally and physically intimidating her into having sex IS. What happened to me was rape. My rapist wasn't wearing a mask and jumping out from the bushes. I thought I liked and trusted him. He was (and still is -- Facebook recommended that I friend him recently) a handsome, successful man. He's also a bully. He went on to do this to other women, I found out.

I'll go back to lurking now. I just had to say something.

Thanks for sharing that dark time, post more often.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

So logically, you believe men and women should not be getting drunk around each other because rape is the natural outcome when that happens, correct?

I've been both drunk and sober around drunk gals. Haven't ever raped one. I must be unnatural.

[Danno 1,228]

I've been both drunk and sober around drunk gals. Haven't ever raped one. I must be unnatural.

Could you say the same thing about every guy on your H.S. football team?

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Could you say the same thing about every guy on your H.S. football team?

Yes. In fact, I can say that about every guy in my HS.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

Could you say the same thing about every guy on your H.S. football team?

I'm confused, Danno. Do you think rapists are the norm?

[Danno 1,228]

I'm confused, Danno. Do you think rapists are the norm?

I'm not sure what the definition of "norm" is but we do know given certain circumstances a larger percentage of men will flat-out rape.

For example, during war, we often see rape can almost become common place depending on the restraint placed on soldiers.

In places of upheaval or when law and order breaks down, rape is much more common.

Read up on the number of German women raped during WW2. most especially when the Red Army invaded but many American G.I.s also were charged and some even executed for the crime.

And we saw rapes spiked during the L.A. riots and anytime such an environment presents the opportunity.

Culture is another huge factor and you have made this point too, where if men are in a culture where rape is a joke or no big deal, it happens more.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

And we saw rapes spiked during the L.A. riots and anytime such an environment presents the opportunity.

Sorry, as far as I know this was not the case. The rate of rape was actually lower in 1992 than in 1991 (and 1990 and 1989).

http://www.laalmanac.com/crime/cr02.htm

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Sorry, as far as I know this was not the case. The rate of rape was actually lower in 1992 than in 1991 (and 1990 and 1989).

http://www.laalmanac.com/crime/cr02.htm

[Danno 1,228]

So your definition is the only one that matters, even if it's incorrect?

If you do not take no for an answer, even if it's with a significant other, it is still rape. Do you believe all rape is violent?

Look I am no "expert" on the topic, my thoughts or opinions are no better than yours even if I "think" I am using sound judgment and a pretty good understanding of human nature.

I looked up the word rape and the definition I find there matches the concept of what I know a rape to be. In my mind there takes an element of force, fear or some means where the victim can not resist, such as drugged or perhaps mentally not cognizant of the event such as a child or person in a vegetive state.

I'm in no position to know the verbiage on the legal definition common to most states, maybe someone can look it up and clarify the meaning for the different degrees of rape.

rape 1 |rāp|

noun

the crime, committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with him without their consent and against their will, esp. by the threat or use of violence against them : he denied two charges of attempted rape | he had committed at least two rapes.

[Danno 1,228]

Sorry, as far as I know this was not the case. The rate of rape was actually lower in 1992 than in 1991 (and 1990 and 1989).

http://www.laalmanac.com/crime/cr02.htm

Come on now, I mention a spike over a few day event and you pull up year long stats.

Anyway I am just going off of media reports, it is not something specific I have researched.

Edited March 23, 2013 by Danno

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Come on now, I mention a spike over a few day event and you pull up year long stats.

Anyway I am just going off of media reports, it is not something specific I have researched.

1) Post contemporaneous (or near-contemporaneous) links from reputable media sources.

2) If there was a spike over a few days (and it was more than a few days), this would certainly affect the overall yearly total. Instead there is a decline that is in line with the steady decline that was going on at the time.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

1) Post contemporaneous (or near-contemporaneous) links from reputable media sources.

2) If there was a spike over a few days (and it was more than a few days), this would certainly affect the overall yearly total. Instead there is a decline that is in line with the steady decline that was going on at the time.

The content of Danno's posts will not be dictated by facts. Get that into yer skull, will ya?

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

The content of Danno's posts will not be dictated by facts. Get that into yer skull, will ya?

Sorry. I'm prone to breaking out into fits of logicmagic.

Magic? Burn the witch!!!