Spouse Returned gift

[mom2be 4]

Hello everyone,today I was wondering what would you guys think if your spouse returned your gift to the store??

Well for example in my case, my husband bought me a really nice Famous branded bag on my valentines,but it was huge on me,so I asked him if I can exchange .He said" of course"and gave me the receipt.i know it's bad,but I am now a mom, so I thought why keeping it if I can't use it? I went to the store to exchange the item.Unfortunately they don't have something I like. I love collecting all nice bags,but at that point I decided to get a store credit instead of getting something I don't like. Since I am now a mother I was thinking I can use the in-store credit towards the baby stuff. We have our Anniversary hubby bought me a flowers and a chocolate, I got him a nice wedding band that cost almost two grand. I don't want him to get anything for me,I told him prior to the celebration .

He got home and told me he felt bad because he don't get me anything,which I really don't care I wanted to spend the whole day with him though. But he said something that I felt bad quote" I don't get you anything because I am afraid you'd return it." Whoa I felt guilty now. What do you guys think if you were in my shoe.Share your thoughts.

Ps.i am not sure which category to post this,so please experts move this if I am wrong.thanks!!!

[Inky 1,110]

I don't think you should feel guilty, you love the gift he got but it was not practical and didn't fit what you need so you tried to get something that did.

I could understand he felt a bit bad about maybe picking the wrong item, but thinking you will return any gift he got you is a bit much, just because you return one item.

But I would save the credit for a purse another time when you find one you liked not for baby items since it is still technically a gift of yours.

- I bought my husband a really expensive bow rack for his birthday gift, he said he loved it but that he wanted a TWO bow rack not a single ( even tho he only has ONE bow lol? ) I felt a bit upset because I spent a long time to find a really nice one for him not a cheapy one. But we just exchanged it for a two bow rack instead of a single and everything is fine. Rather him have what he wants/likes than be unhappy and not use an item.

[AZRG <3 13]

Awww,

I guess it depends on the person. Maybe your husband thinks he fails at gift giving with his wife, or that you don't like anything he gives you. All I could say is that you should talk to him. Tell him what you feel, tell him your plans of using that money for the baby instead for you, that its not anything personal and maybe give him an idea of something you'd like, like going out to a nice dinner or a day at the amusement park instead of physical gifts.

I've always told my fiancé that I don't like him buying me stuff all the time, I rather have a nice dinner with with and he doesn't take it personal or the wrong way.

Just talk to him. He'll probably understand now.

I'm not a marriage expert, but I always think communicating is best.

[Calypso 464]

Right now what I can say is that your husband seemed to have finally learned "tampo" and he's employing that on you. What did he use to do back then when it was you who had a "tampo" phase?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I don't get my husband gifts unless he specifically requests something because while he doesn't return them himself, I once spent a lot of time finding a specific tool/knife that I *thought* he wanted. Turned out it wasn't the exact model he wanted and he told me that he'd prefer I return it than waste money on something he won't use. Since then, I quite honestly say basically what your husband said to you, that I don't buy him things unless he tells me what he wants. This Christmas he mentioned computer parts. I was ALL over that. I spent a lot of money buying him what he wanted and he is extremely happy.

His statement is perfectly rational. He bought you a gift, you returned it. So, now is where communication is key. Give him ideas for gifts. And saying "I don't want anything" will still make him feel bad (it makes me feel bad when tony says it) so instead tell him "I don't want anything but if you want to ...." and give him ideas. Pay for dinner, get a sitter and take you to a movie, get a nice hotel so you get some time away, look after the baby so you can have a girls night... give him SOMETHING so he doesn't feel like a "deadbeat husband", which is probably how he feels (especially when people ask you or him what he got you!).

You did the right thing returning it, but it would have been better if you brought back something else you liked. Instead he essentially got you nothing, and that made him feel bad. So next time pick something and tell him you'd love X for Christmas/birthday/gift sometime. Maybe you could talk about writing a list for him for special occasions. For example I keep thinking about getting a foot spa but I keep forgetting when i'm out and about. I'd add that to my list if I had one

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

We give each other personal gift certificates for birthdays and holidays. So, for example, my husband gave me a gift certificate for a Nook HD color, but they don't sell them here, so the money just wen towards an Ipad. I give him a gift certificate for a tool around what I want to spend that I think he'll like, then we'll go to the store and get what he actually wants. For the bigger gifts, it is always easier that way. With less expensive gifts, it is more of surprise.

[BatmanUSA 105]

maybe you just really deeply hurt his feelings by returning the gift... Sure, your reasons were honest and pure... but you may have hurt him more than you realize...

[mom2be 4]

I don't think you should feel guilty, you love the gift he got but it was not practical and didn't fit what you need so you tried to get something that did.

I could understand he felt a bit bad about maybe picking the wrong item, but thinking you will return any gift he got you is a bit much, just because you return one item.

But I would save the credit for a purse another time when you find one you liked not for baby items since it is still technically a gift of yours.

- I bought my husband a really expensive bow rack for his birthday gift, he said he loved it but that he wanted a TWO bow rack not a single ( even tho he only has ONE bow lol? ) I felt a bit upset because I spent a long time to find a really nice one for him not a cheapy one. But we just exchanged it for a two bow rack instead of a single and everything is fine. Rather him have what he wants/likes than be unhappy and not use an item.

I think it is never easy to find a gift for a man especially for your husband. But when I gave him something I always told him "honey if you don't like it feel free to take it back and get wat you like."he never returns anything though.My mother in-law if she don't like what you bought for her she will give it back to you right-there and tell you to get money back lol.First it hurts my feelings,one time I told my husband, your mom is very odd,I never seen someone like her. Lol.But I got used to her and I realized she has a point. On Christmas she bought me a Dooney and Burke leather bag,but I really don't like the style even though it was one of the latest,so I told her if I can exchanged it,she said yes you can she handed me her debit card and said to take it as I may found something i like and pay the price difference.I refused to take her card ,but s usual she will insist till you give in.I took it but ended up getting a cheaper bag the same brand.

[mom2be 4]

Awww,

I guess it depends on the person. Maybe your husband thinks he fails at gift giving with his wife, or that you don't like anything he gives you. All I could say is that you should talk to him. Tell him what you feel, tell him your plans of using that money for the baby instead for you, that its not anything personal and maybe give him an idea of something you'd like, like going out to a nice dinner or a day at the amusement park instead of physical gifts.

I've always told my fiancé that I don't like him buying me stuff all the time, I rather have a nice dinner with with and he doesn't take it personal or the wrong way.

Just talk to him. He'll probably understand now.

I'm not a marriage expert, but I always think communicating is best.

To be honest he never ask me what I want.I gave hint couple times when we had celebrations a year ago, he don't follow it, he thinks I won't be surprised anymore. But most of the time I just want to spend the whole day with him, this time it didn't happened though because he had to work. So I spent our anniversary alone till he got off work,and ended up arguing.hayyyy

[mom2be 4]

Right now what I can say is that your husband seemed to have finally learned "tampo" and he's employing that on you. What did he use to do back then when it was you who had a "tampo" phase?

Nah I barely had "tampo" but when I have one he will leave me alone.hahah which I like because if he'll kept bothering me I ended up crying!

[Apapaia 25]

Don't feel guilty! Your husband got you something but there's no law saying that you can't change it! Also, he is your husband, he put the thought but he won't get mad if you "improve it" even if it means you're going to get baby stuff!

For my birthday last year, my husband got me 3 new bras. A couple of days before he'd go buy them we went to Victoria's secrets to get my size. Well, the day of my birthday he came back with too small bras because he thought they were "cute" but alas waaaay too small for me. He realized his mistake and I returned them and got a completely different thing.

My husband being special aside, use the money as you think it's better. I think your husband would be happier to know you got something useful and that you can use and enjoy instead of having something pretty and unpractical hanging in the closet

[christeen 966]

It does depend on the person, but I figure, would he feel bad if You did no return it and never use it? But I agree with a previous poster that you should get "something" special you really like, for you, not the baby, so you can say, remember that bag I exchanged... Well look at this or these, I love them and am so happy, thank you!

And for Apapia... REALLY, he bought you a bra! Holy cow, I can't even find one myself that fits right let alone buying one for someone else... Its like a battle of me against my boobs to get the right one! My hubby knows comfy pajamas and a great bottle of wine are the way to my heart!

[Juliet and Steve 93]

Hello everyone,today I was wondering what would you guys think if your spouse returned your gift to the store??

Well for example in my case, my husband bought me a really nice Famous branded bag on my valentines,but it was huge on me,so I asked him if I can exchange .He said" of course"and gave me the receipt.i know it's bad,but I am now a mom, so I thought why keeping it if I can't use it? I went to the store to exchange the item.Unfortunately they don't have something I like. I love collecting all nice bags,but at that point I decided to get a store credit instead of getting something I don't like. Since I am now a mother I was thinking I can use the in-store credit towards the baby stuff. We have our Anniversary hubby bought me a flowers and a chocolate, I got him a nice wedding band that cost almost two grand. I don't want him to get anything for me,I told him prior to the celebration .

He got home and told me he felt bad because he don't get me anything,which I really don't care I wanted to spend the whole day with him though. But he said something that I felt bad quote" I don't get you anything because I am afraid you'd return it." Whoa I felt guilty now. What do you guys think if you were in my shoe.Share your thoughts.

Let's tally this up:

His gifting: A really nice famous branded handbag, flowers and chocolate. Oops, let's remove the handbag as you returned it and did not buy "a gift."

Your gifting: A nice wedding ring that cost almost two grand.

I'm assuming you are Pinay and he is American.

Income inequity can be a major cause of dissatisfaction and can actually break up relationships in America. Though it varies from man to man (I'd be happy if my spouse earned double what I do) many men run into significant problems when his spouse earns more than him. There's a lot written on this, see for example: http://www.moneycrashers.com/how-to-handle-income-inequality-in-marriage/

If you consider "the tally" well, there is really no comparison and you may have unintentionally stepped on his ego. Like it or not he may want at least some sort of "gifting" equality and you may have inadvertently foiled his attempt, leaving him feeling, well--inadequate.

American men often don't "get" tampo, they often don't "get" the concept of saving face, after all--RP's culture is often quite different than American culture. I'm not sure how "gifting equity/inequity" works in RP but I can sympathize with him for feeling inadequate, though please consider that this may be an inner feeling that he's not really even aware of (the concept of inequality).

I guess as I look at it, he wanted to give you a nice gift and he tried hard to do so. Had you returned it and gotten "a nice gift" of any sort I think he'd have been happy. But you in essence vaporized his gift and potentially negated his efforts.

I'd suggest that you take the store credit and find something that is not "an essential," rather find something that is "nice," that way he'll feel that he accomplished the task that he thought he had accomplished.

Edited March 17, 2013 by Juliet and Steve

[misha_ 8]

Tell him he should be happy that it was he that was kept.

[nunya business 20]

Hello everyone,today I was wondering what would you guys think if your spouse returned your gift to the store??

Well for example in my case, my husband bought me a really nice Famous branded bag on my valentines,but it was huge on me,so I asked him if I can exchange .He said" of course"and gave me the receipt.i know it's bad,but I am now a mom, so I thought why keeping it if I can't use it? I went to the store to exchange the item.Unfortunately they don't have something I like. I love collecting all nice bags,but at that point I decided to get a store credit instead of getting something I don't like. Since I am now a mother I was thinking I can use the in-store credit towards the baby stuff. We have our Anniversary hubby bought me a flowers and a chocolate, I got him a nice wedding band that cost almost two grand. I don't want him to get anything for me,I told him prior to the celebration .

He got home and told me he felt bad because he don't get me anything,which I really don't care I wanted to spend the whole day with him though. But he said something that I felt bad quote" I don't get you anything because I am afraid you'd return it." Whoa I felt guilty now. What do you guys think if you were in my shoe.Share your thoughts.

Ps.i am not sure which category to post this,so please experts move this if I am wrong.thanks!!!

I think you are a wonderful wife ad your husband is lucky to have you don't feel guilty at all just hold his love close to your heart and give your love to him unconditionally.