Things fall apart

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I know many relationship do not make it and that not all of them are because person A was scamming person B. I thought it would be good to share some of the problematic moments in either our own relationships or those of others that might provide insight to others merging cross cultural habits.

Food can be one. I know of a non VJ couple where the wife couldn't stand the smell of her Nigerian husbands cooking and after having his newly cooked food thrown out a few times he packed up and left. Suggestion - if you don't like it go shopping and let him cook while you are gone. Some glade can save a marriage.

Pets My husband had never seen a dog as a pet. It took some changes for all 3 ( me , him and the dog )

[Highyella72 11]

Am sure my husband is going to find it hard adjusting to me having two cats....smiles.... We both know things are a lot different in Nigeria.... smiles... I can see him not understanding my relationship with my cats..... lol

And while I was over there, they cooked some kind of herbs that made me gag every time I smelled them..... so hoping he won't be expecting it to be cooked in my house...... lol

I know many relationship do not make it and that not all of them are because person A was scamming person B. I thought it would be good to share some of the problematic moments in either our own relationships or those of others that might provide insight to others merging cross cultural habits.

Food can be one. I know of a non VJ couple where the wife couldn't stand the smell of her Nigerian husbands cooking and after having his newly cooked food thrown out a few times he packed up and left. Suggestion - if you don't like it go shopping and let him cook while you are gone. Some glade can save a marriage.

Pets My husband had never seen a dog as a pet. It took some changes for all 3 ( me , him and the dog )

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Am sure my husband is going to find it hard adjusting to me having two cats....smiles.... We both know things are a lot different in Nigeria.... smiles... I can see him not understanding my relationship with my cats..... lol

And while I was over there, they cooked some kind of herbs that made me gag every time I smelled them..... so hoping he won't be expecting it to be cooked in my house...... lol

Am sure my husband is going to find it hard adjusting to us having two cats. We both know things are a lot different in Nigeria. I can see him not understanding my relationship with our cats.

And while I was over there, they cooked some kind of herbs that made me gag every time I smelled them. So hoping he won't be expecting it to be cooked in our house. Though I'll be open to discussing alternative to find a middle ground.

[Highyella72 11]

Still trying to understand why you took what i wrote. Honestly don't think he will mind the herb thing not being cooked here, since he doesn't cook anyway..... I am willing to compromise some things, but other I am not, and he knows me well enough to know how stubborn I actually am......

Am sure my husband is going to find it hard adjusting to us having two cats. We both know things are a lot different in Nigeria. I can see him not understanding my relationship with our cats.

And while I was over there, they cooked some kind of herbs that made me gag every time I smelled them. So hoping he won't be expecting it to be cooked in our house. Though I'll be open to discussing alternative to find a middle ground.

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

Food can be one. I know of a non VJ couple where the wife couldn't stand the smell of her Nigerian husbands cooking and after having his newly cooked food thrown out a few times he packed up and left. Suggestion - if you don't like it go shopping and let him cook while you are gone. Some glade can save a marriage.

Emmm, you know, I'm from other part of the world, but if my wife would few times throw away food I just cooked, I would pack my belongins and would leave too, telling her "good luck with finding US guy as a replenishment", because it's extremely rude and disrespectful to do anything like this. Nobody can be blamed except the person who did it. If my wife expects me to be ok with all American food on the table, she has to be ok with my national food on the table either, or we can't live at one address, because respect has to be mutual, or it will be no respect around.

- Victor from Russia

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

Emmm, you know, I'm from other part of the world, but if my wife would few times throw away food I just cooked, I would pack my belongins and would leave too, telling her "good luck with finding US guy as a replenishment", because it's extremely rude and disrespectful to do anything like this. Nobody can be blamed except the person who did it. If my wife expects me to be ok with all American food on the table, she has to be ok with my national food on the table either, or we can't live at one address, because respect has to be mutual, or it will be no respect around.

- Victor from Russia

It's a good thing that all Russian food is absolutely delicious! But even if not, I love you and respect you so much that I wouldn't do something so extreme as throwing your food away. That's just mean.

- Amy, U.S.C. wife.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I don't mind where you are from but it is suprising how things you don't think of will put stress on a relationship. The food thing suprised me. We have dealt with it and to think food would end a marriage is just strange. However my daugter ( USC) married a man ( USC) and her overly young american dressed caused some distress with his parents.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

I know many relationship do not make it and that not all of them are because person A was scamming person B. I thought it would be good to share some of the problematic moments in either our own relationships or those of others that might provide insight to others merging cross cultural habits.

Food can be one. I know of a non VJ couple where the wife couldn't stand the smell of her Nigerian husbands cooking and after having his newly cooked food thrown out a few times he packed up and left. Suggestion - if you don't like it go shopping and let him cook while you are gone. Some glade can save a marriage.

Pets My husband had never seen a dog as a pet. It took some changes for all 3 ( me , him and the dog )

Pets seem to be an issue with most of Nigerians. My husband freaked out that my cat sleeps with me in bed. The cat is an indoor cat which we have had for 9yrs. He told me when he is here the cat has to stay off the bed. A compromise I am willing to make but the cat stays in the house. Point made is two have to come to a compromise.

I don't like fish but do enjoy chicken and beef. So to make the Nigerian dishes we will substitute them with what we both can eat and enjoy together. I am a great cook therefore I don't anticipate him enjoying my dishes at all.

With some of my friends who are with their husbands/wives already, the main complaint is the cultural differences. Not to say that it is not doable. Everything takes time and patience. Most will say it is the husband's very set ways of doing things that seem to be an obstacle. Different folks, different strokes!

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

Pets seem to be an issue with most of Nigerians. My husband freaked out that my cat sleeps with me in bed. The cat is an indoor cat which we have had for 9yrs. He told me when he is here the cat has to stay off the bed. A compromise I am willing to make but the cat stays in the house. Point made is two have to come to a compromise.

I don't like fish but do enjoy chicken and beef. So to make the Nigerian dishes we will substitute them with what we both can eat and enjoy together. I am a great cook therefore I do anticipate him enjoying my dishes.

With some of my friends who are with their husbands/wives already, the main complaint is the cultural differences. Not to say that it is not doable. Everything takes time and patience. Most will say it is the husband's very set ways of doing things that seem to be an obstacle. Different folks, different strokes!

Edited March 11, 2013 by LoveNigarmostyle

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I find many couples seem clueless about the difference between their cultures, like the whole world behaves like Americans. It is things not understood that causes the cracks in the relationship

[Kehinde 45]

Still trying to understand why you took what i wrote. Honestly don't think he will mind the herb thing not being cooked here, since he doesn't cook anyway..... I am willing to compromise some things, but other I am not, and he knows me well enough to know how stubborn I actually am......

Edited March 11, 2013 by Olami

[Kehinde 45]

They understand things like animals in the house, cos in some areas of Nigeria, Dogs and cats are cooked and eaten. So Dogs and cats in the house is a shocker to them.

[Highyella72 11]

They understand things like animals in the house, cos in some areas of Nigeria, Dogs and cats are cooked and eaten. So Dogs and cats in the house is a shocker to them.

Well luckily for me, they don't eat cat and dog.....lol.... He actually wants to get a dog for a pet when he gets here..... Will see how that goes.....smiles

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

They understand things like animals in the house, cos in some areas of Nigeria, Dogs and cats are cooked and eaten. So Dogs and cats in the house is a shocker to them.

Historically, and I say this not knowing what has been happening over the recent years, but in Nigeria only certain sub tribes of the Ibo tribe as well as Yorubas from Ondo are typically accused of eating Dogs.

I grew up with many Dogs in our houses in Nigeria. Our Dogs were family animals, they go for rides with us in the car, travel with us between homes in different cities, etc. What they never do is set foot in the interior of the house or -- gasp -- sleep on our beds. They were there for protection. Cats are seen mostly as evil creatures and you won't find many households with Cats with them though there are some of course.